Times you “Grew up”

Aug 18, 2017
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#1
What are some times you know for certain that you became an adult or wised up.

For me it was definitely age 21-23, before after and during that period of time in my life I had sex, tickets, drugs etc. and pretty much “got it out of my system.” Apart of me misses that lifestyle.

What are some times you have grown up?
 
Likes: AvenueWinning
Aug 20, 2008
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#3
A few turning points I can think of:

-Moving out for college at 18 (never lived at home again other than a couple months between graduation and moving to grad school in another state).

-Breaking up with my first longterm girlfriend early in grad school (had dated for around 8 years since high school).

-Deciding to get (and completing) my Ph D. My career really started then as I had a good $30kish research job those 4 years and mostly did the same type of teaching and research work I've done over the 9+ years since as a professor.

-Very "adult" milestones this year--getting married, buying a house for the first time, turning 40.


To be fair, I've always been pretty boring and got comments about being "so mature" for my age pretty much from middle school through grad school. So none of those were huge "grow up" moments like people who were immature for their age, made major mistakes or slacked off for long periods probably have. I had a lot of privilege, good luck and pretty much have always had my shit together.
 
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Dec 1, 2017
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#6
A few

- Getting overly drunk and doing some dumb shit at a club. Got thrown out and was violently sick the next day. Stopped clubbing after that.

- Mass layoffs of a 100K salary job, not finding work for a year. Realized that I used to throw money away, when it started coming down to eating rice all day and literally counting pennies. +1 this happened twice afterwards.

- Eviction notices (related to above) and making decisions to what belongings you are throwing away and where (you can only take a bag). Learned I don't need all this stuff. This is a serious wake up.

-Insulting someone, they overhear it and become emotional and hurt. Self reflection and learned to be better. I am more compassionate after that, at least out loud.

-Just seeing horrible stuff out there, like random stabbings, shootings. The only place I really need to be is at work and straight home. Cut out the useless extracurricular bullshit, and drop the immature friends who are adults and still like to hang.
 
Mar 26, 2011
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#8
Not sure if I ever grew up.

There was a point in life where you realized, yes I have to work, life isn’t all that adventurous and “interesting”. You start caring and thinking about politics and all those ‘mature’ topics. Rent, wages. Planning for the future. Shit like that.

It’s like a part of the kid, that I was before died.. I realized a lot of shit but I still try to be as childish and naive as possible. In general i have a pretty good feeling with what i can get away with and how to interact and communicate with people and I have a good feeling who they are. That’s why I’m lucking out almost always.
 
Likes: lil puff

Melancholy

Neo Member
Mar 21, 2018
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#9
For me the 'Holy shit I'm an adult now' moments have consisted of (but not limited to):

- The first time I had to make my own doctor's appointments
- Paying rent, electricity, internet, and other copious amount of bills
- Getting blackout drunk and waking up to a shitload of embarrassing messages sent by yours truly
- Moving 1,000 miles away from my home-state

I'm sure there's a few others, but those are the ones that stick out to me.
 
Aug 20, 2007
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#12
My parents divorced when I was 10. We were dragged into the middle of it by my dad. It was super messy. He tried to (and succeeded for a time) convince us that our mom was a lieing whore that should die.
 
Jun 5, 2009
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#13
Not growing up to be an adult really, but the jump from 8th grade to high school probably. Went from being a punk-ass skater kid to joining the football team. Really was a little shit head when I was young. Kinda straightened me out.
 
Jan 5, 2010
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I think for me it's when I got my first job post College. It was a slap in the face when you were working with people who had been doing the job for 30 years and they won't trust you with anything more than string for at least the first 6 months.

Then it was when I bought my first home and moved out of apartments. In high school you (hopefully) lived at home and there was always heat and air conditioning. Then you lived in dorms or apartments and the heat and air conditioning was always there. Then after buying your first home, that day will come when you come home and the place is freezing or the candles you've decorated so well around your place have melted onto the counter top. Then you try and figure out why the thermometer buttons aren't working. Then you call in some HVAC person to check something out and they understand what's going on to fix the problem and they want to charge you $500 to fix it. After paying them for showing up you do some research and figure out that the furnace igniter has gone out and it costs $20 to buy a replacement and there's hundreds of thousands of youtube videos showing you step by step how to replace it.

In the case of the AC, you discover that while you were away that there was a lightning strike and it fried your furnace circuit board. Then you discover that it's $400 to buy the circuit board and replace it yourself instead of the $1500 that (again) the HVAC people want to charge you.
 
Feb 16, 2018
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#16
After being with my gf for 11 years, being married for a month and then getting a second woman in my and her life we both love... That was six months ago now... I am 29 now, and I suddenly have to take care of two women I love more than I could ever think of. I have a purpose suddenly, something to really go for.

I know they can take care of themselves. But realising how lucky I am, and how great it all is, I realise that in order to have a future I have to stop being a child and become a man who provides. At least, that's how it feels, you know. I want them to be happy, I want myself to be happy. And therefore, I find myself responsible to build a life for them in which we can all be happy.

I am right now in Fort Lauderdale (we come from Holland) visiting her with my wife, having agreed we all want to have a true future together. So this is happening RIGHT NOW! I am extremely excited and scared at the same time.
 
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Feb 22, 2018
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#17
When I killed the first time, using my own two hands. I was 16. Still recall the copious torrent of hot blood on my hands and the pathetic gargling squeals.

After gutting, shaving in warm water and 4 hours on the spit, that piggy tasted so good.

Nah but seriously, I think it was when I was about 6, volley of rocket artillery landed just across a wooden fence, detonation toppled me to my stomach saving me but my little friend was clinging onto the fence and managed to stay upright. Shrapnel removed his leg in front of me.
 
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Oct 17, 2018
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#19
It happened three times.

The first i can't pinpoint exactly my age, it was around 18 yo but not quite. At that time i was an egoistical little prick that did care for his loved ones but was too self-centered to do anything for them. One day it just clicked on me that i was being too stupid and some day i would just lose them, so i started to change.

The second was the day my first serious relationship definitely ended. She was a working adult and i was still going on about my dreams and half-heartedly trying to fulfill them. She never threw that to my face but i knew it was part of the problem. Still friends with her, though.

The third was the day of my 30th birthday and i realized that i had something i was specialized on, and good with, but never bothered to get the title. It also made me think on finally fulfilling at least one of my dreams once and for all.
 
Jul 30, 2010
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#21
-Finding out around 10 years old that my little brother has significant level of autism. His condition was driven home when for a brief time my school had to share the same space with other individuals who had mental disabilities. It's because of this I began to question things like religion and God.

-Around 11 getting the call from the hospital that my aunt (my mom considered her the closest sibling) had passed away due to breast cancer and having to tell my mom the news. First time I ever saw her truly break down and sob. Didn't know what to do or say except hug her.

-Around 12 watching my grandmother (on dads side) develop Alzheimer's and eventually pass away due to it. Then watching my dad's family somewhat fall apart and blame each other, to the point that my aunt legit threatened to get her gun and shoot my dad while I was with him.

-Around 10 years old noticing my family had issues with money. Some days we had no electricity or gas, some days we didn't have much to eat. I went from wanting the latest video games on Xmas and birthdays and toys to not giving shit about those days anymore and wanting find some way to make money for the family.

-Around 15 finding out the reason we had money troubles. At first I thought it was because my dad was seeing other women since he would be gone sometimes and I found strip club cards in his coat pocket. Found out from my mom that he is actually a drug addict. Suddenly things made a lot more sense.

-finding out my track teammate in high school died in her sleep

-getting a job and paying the bills.

-this is a lot more recent but seeing my dad get a brain injury and constantly kept in hospital all the while seeing him hallucinate and inadvertently harm himself while my mom is damn near physically breaking down trying to be there for him

There are other instances but these are ones that stick out the most to me.
 
Likes: lil puff
Jul 29, 2011
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#22
When I compare to others in stages if life. It is selfish and maybe im not an adult yet. But I choose events in life compared to people in my family to feel myself better.

I moved out of my parents house at 18. Mostly because college. Some of my cousins didnt.

I got a full time job with benefits at 23....most of my cousins didnt.

Little things like that.

I cant believe I know peolple in their mid 20's that are already convicts, live with mom, are drug addicts, cant keep a job for shit AND STILL ask mom for money. Like wtf mate?
 
Likes: Laz-E-Boy
Dec 1, 2017
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#23
For me the 'Holy shit I'm an adult now' moments have consisted of (but not limited to):

- The first time I had to make my own doctor's appointments
- Paying rent, electricity, internet, and other copious amount of bills
- Getting blackout drunk and waking up to a shitload of embarrassing messages sent by yours truly
- Moving 1,000 miles away from my home-state

I'm sure there's a few others, but those are the ones that stick out to me.
This reminds me of getting dropped off to college and being alone to do what I will. I will never forget that feeling.It does not go away.
 
Dec 1, 2017
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#24
-Finding out around 10 years old that my little brother has significant level of autism. His condition was driven home when for a brief time my school had to share the same space with other individuals who had mental disabilities. It's because of this I began to question things like religion and God.

-Around 11 getting the call from the hospital that my aunt (my mom considered her the closest sibling) had passed away due to breast cancer and having to tell my mom the news. First time I ever saw her truly break down and sob. Didn't know what to do or say except hug her.

-Around 12 watching my grandmother (on dads side) develop Alzheimer's and eventually pass away due to it. Then watching my dad's family somewhat fall apart and blame each other, to the point that my aunt legit threatened to get her gun and shoot my dad while I was with him.

-Around 10 years old noticing my family had issues with money. Some days we had no electricity or gas, some days we didn't have much to eat. I went from wanting the latest video games on Xmas and birthdays and toys to not giving shit about those days anymore and wanting find some way to make money for the family.

-Around 15 finding out the reason we had money troubles. At first I thought it was because my dad was seeing other women since he would be gone sometimes and I found strip club cards in his coat pocket. Found out from my mom that he is actually a drug addict. Suddenly things made a lot more sense.

-finding out my track teammate in high school died in her sleep

-getting a job and paying the bills.

-this is a lot more recent but seeing my dad get a brain injury and constantly kept in hospital all the while seeing him hallucinate and inadvertently harm himself while my mom is damn near physically breaking down trying to be there for him

There are other instances but these are ones that stick out the most to me.
I appreciate it. Yep. This is an amazing place to let
those things out.
 
Likes: Laz-E-Boy
Jul 30, 2010
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#25
When I compare to others in stages if life. It is selfish and maybe im not an adult yet. But I choose events in life compared to people in my family to feel myself better.
Nothing wrong with that, you should definitely feel proud of your accomplishments. I feel like even questioning your methods proves you have a solid level of maturity.

I appreciate it. Yep. This is an amazing place to let
those things out.
That post went a lil longer that I thought, lol. But you're right. Feels good to let it out. I tend keep a lot of stuff to myself.
 
Mar 10, 2015
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#27
After being with my gf for 11 years, being married for a month and then getting a second woman in my and her life we both love... That was six months ago now... I am 29 now, and I suddenly have to take care of two women I love more than I could ever think of. I have a purpose suddenly, something to really go for.

I know they can take care of themselves. But realising how lucky I am, and how great it all is, I realise that in order to have a future I have to stop being a child and become a man who provides. At least, that's how it feels, you know. I want them to be happy, I want myself to be happy. And therefore, I find myself responsible to build a life for them in which we can all be happy.

I am right now in Fort Lauderdale (we come from Holland) visiting her with my wife, having agreed we all want to have a true future together. So this is happening RIGHT NOW! I am extremely excited and scared at the same time.
I predict this is very unlikely to end well, but good luck.

For me it was after I had decided to drop out of college because I played too many video games and eventually ran out of my meager savings and spent 3 months sleeping on apartment floors eating ramen. Then I joined the military and became an adult.
 
Apr 21, 2012
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#29
Not going to brag, but I always felt more "mature" for my age when I was around 10 ~ 12 years old.

The shift from seeing how kids behaved in Elementary School to Middle/High School was drastic. In Elementary School, it at least felt like everyone got along with each other and no really wanted to backstab each other.

But in Middle School, holy shit. This is when kids would begin to steal, beat up, and lie to each other with no remorse. High School was a shit ton more horrific. The adults I see walking around outside display the exact same attitudes they had back in Grade 6.
 
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Dec 16, 2011
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#30
There are many moments of transformation and growth that happen for all of us in life, but my most recent one was, upon the ending of my almost 20 year marriage, the full realization (or reinforcement / reminder of what was already known) that - despite its obvious truth - there is nothing to hold onto. That all is fleeting.

This doesn't necessarily need to be interpreted as a negative - if any are so inclined. The lack of permanence is also positive, like the yin and yang quality of all things, and, with a certain mindset, quite liberating.
 
Sep 4, 2018
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#31
was dating a girl once and she told me she was late. spent the next day or two thinking about what would happen if i was a father, and it was a huge mindfuck. it turned out to be a false alarm but yes nothing like a baby scare to get you thinking TIME TO GROW UP.

i spent a lot of time comparing my situation to my parent's and it kind of put me in their spot. i realized they didn't entirely know what they were doing either, they didn't have a manual to tell them what to do next, etc. they got into the situation and they just made it work. it's all about facing your responsibilities head-on. this is what it means to be a man, not a child.
 
Oct 26, 2018
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#34
1. Graduated with undergrad and grad degrees

2. Buying my first car... went to dealerships myself and scope out bank loans on my own

3. Buying my first place. Got referred to a real estate agent, and from there all properties I've bought (personal or investment) has been myself and my agent. No help needed from fam

4. Getting shot down from females I liked. Oh well, it happens

5. Getting my first real job

6. Getting around to putting together a "state of the union"..... tracking all my assets and earnings and estimating what I'd be worth when I retire. Everyone should do some kind of financial tracker so you don't end up being 65 and broke as fuck. Do you really want to be one of those broke seniors who can't make ends meet unless you get that government check the first week of every month? Or do you want to be financially free and consider those government payments as pure gravy like hitting the lottery? At my current pace, I should retire with about $3,000,000+ in assets
 
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catfish

I have a foreskin yet I do not have AIDS
Jun 9, 2004
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#36
Each time a parent died.
Getting out of student loans.
Dumping my first girlfriend who loved me.
Being dumped by my first girlfriend who i loved.
Deciding to propose
Proposing
Wedding
Birth of my daughter
Everything After having a kid is one fast track grow up thing.
Financial advancement based on good job performance the first time.

There must be others.
 
Aug 22, 2018
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#38
I was 30 and had lived in Thailand for a few years, and it seemed like civil war was about to break out. I decided to head home, and it was only then, having got out of that environment, that I realised what a complete asshole I had become. I grew up, and within a couple of months met my wife.
 
Jun 17, 2006
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#39
Two big life changers for me:

- My brother dying and me doing 6 months military service during my early 20s calmed me down big time
- Starting to live on my own with 29 (3 years ago) basically transformed my personality

In retrospect I regret living with my mom for so fucking long as it might have tainted my ability to get into a serious relationship. Though it was not entirely by choice since me and my mom paid for the flat together and there was no way I could just move out like that. She could not have paid for that flat on her own. Anyway, I got mad lucky that we both applied and got a new flat 3 years ago so I was finally able to break free. My own self has basically been transformed ever since. There is just soooo much stuff I used to get madly upset about that I just don't care about anymore, it's crazy.

Looking back I actually hate, hate, hate my younger self. And the funny thing is that I actually notice it shine through when I talk again to my mother and the rest of my family, which is why I keep the contact to them to a minimum. Human psychology is fascinating.
 
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Sep 7, 2015
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#41
What does growing up mean to you exactly?

I mean, i live by myself, i have a full time job and pay for my own shit, got my own car, barely have time to play video games atm, i'm in a serious relationship. All that would point to being an adult...

however... I'm still going out every weekend and around friends i'm one of the most immature people, i laugh about terrible jokes, my eating habits are shit since i'm too lazy to cook decent stuff after work, said laziness leads to me being unable to properly organize my paperwork and life in general, i'm terrible with money...

On the surface it looks like i grew up a few years back...but really i didn't. There's way too much i still have to learn and especially get my shit together about