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Tinder woes. Someone please hear me out.

Blade2.0

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Dec 3, 2018
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My problem with tinder is that I get women even fatter than me😂😆. But all my gfs/women from other countries were so much hotter than the action I get here. Lol
 

Stiflers Mom

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Apr 27, 2012
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Well, to be honest making this thread it dawned on me that it is pretty unlikely the girl I've been talking to isn't talking to someone else, but I mean what's the point in thinking like that if I want to have something special, ya know?

I mean, I'd like it so that she knows I'm serious and I'm willing to show her that in any way.
There is no one "special".
You have to get away from this weird "disney princess will wait for me " thinking.

add/edit: Basically what Arcadia wrote.... Listen to this man.
 
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ROMhack

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Jul 14, 2018
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You can see in this thread but people get passively negative about online dating, and for good reasons because it is a game (including a numbers one).

I don't think there's any issue sticking to this girl if you think you like her and then learning something through the experience... let's be fatalistic about it here, it'll either work or it won't. You can't control that.

Action + time = experience. You'll learn something at the end of all of this and whether it's good or bad is something you'll find out along the way (like the friends we all made) :D
 
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Dthomp

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fair enough, have you tried eharmony?
I'm a little behind this thread, but wouldn't this be the site to use if OP is seeking an actual relationship? Like, I'm old and luckily met my wife at a job we both had so I never had to bother with this mess that is online dating, I had to actually talk to somebody else in person...

Isn't tinder basically just a booty call app? Like people don't use tinder to try to find "the one" do they?
 

TheSadRanger

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Sep 5, 2013
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You can see in this thread but people get passively negative about online dating, and for good reasons because it is a game (including a numbers one).

I don't think there's any issue sticking to this girl if you think you like her and then learning through it... let's be fatalistic about it here, it'll either work or it won't.

Action + time = experience. You'll learn something at the end of all of this and whether it's good or bad, it'll definitely be fun :D
Just started messing around with OKC today and it definitely pushes politics right into the fore front. It didn't used to be this way back in the 00's when I tried Eharmony and match.

I put myself as a "centrist" since I'm liberal on some views and conservative on others. What's ironic is that when it matches me with women based on politics it's mostly with women that are black or latina. This is in Dallas too which is a fairly big market.
 

Stiflers Mom

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Apr 27, 2012
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Isn't tinder basically just a booty call app? Like people don't use tinder to try to find "the one" do they?
I'd say it depends on your age.
I know some people who met their current fiances on Tinder.

The weirdest case I know, a good friend of mine, installed Tinder, and the second match he he had and chatted with is his wife now, they even have a child since three months.
And they are very happy.
And she is hot and a clever girl.
 
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Kagey K

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Dec 18, 2013
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The sad truth is girls treat Tinder like they treat Spotify. They listen to half a song and if they get bored they hit skip. There are too many songs to play and not enough time to listen to them all.

Literally this is what online dating has become.

Boomer talk time: When I was dating, nobody admitted to meeting online. There was always a cover story or something to get you both there. Now if you meet online you can break up online, which was a big no no also.

You guys left you balls at home and if you have no balls the girls have nothing to play with. Go outside and say hi to someone and you will have a more real connection to a person then you will on a dating site.

Ok Boomer.
 
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sahlberg

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Oct 27, 2017
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Hey guys.

So I have a little issue... right now, I am trying to find the one. I haven't had a girlfriend since high school (about 5 years ago), I'm 23 and I think it's time I at least start looking for someone to call mine.

I finally hop on Tinder after complete reluctance throughout my university years, since where I am currently living the only potential girls out there are at my workplace. That's it. There's no hustle bustle like the city I went to school in so the choices are vastly lower. I was turned off by online dating for two reasons, one because back in college when I didn't have money to improve my image, I was not getting any matches and only through bots. I'm not embarrassed, I can admit that. The second, I much strongly prefer in-person approaches and dating than online because I'm old-school like that. [my_nigga.gif]

These days, though, admittedly I look better since I can take better care of my physical self and afford premium clothing, and I believe it's starting to show as I'm getting attention online from really good looking women, something I'm not really used to honestly.

Anyways. So I match with this one girl on there who I instantly think, "she's the one." I have had only a few before her but they weren't really people I wished to respond to so I let them be. Anyway we super quickly click and I am gonna go on a super extravagant date with her this weekend. I'm so excited and I tell myself this is it.

Now I should mention that I'm a very exclusive person in that if I put all my effort into one girl, that's the girl I'm gonna stay with no matter what. I'm not about thinking about other women or wondering 'what if' or anything similar.

Lo and behold, a fucking ATTRACTIVE (equally or higher) girl matches me tonight and instantly catches my attention with a pretty good first message. Now the girl I matched with before and I have been talking for the last WEEK, and we have kinda gone a little deep with it. Now I feel like complete shit because I don't wanna message this second girl. I feel like a man-whore, or, gigolo, or whatever. I have formed such a [mutual] connection with the first that I feel like she'd be super heartbroken if she ever knew I was talking to someone else at the same time. This feels so shitty AUGH.

Does anyone else know how I feel? Am I being innocent? I really hate online dating holy crap haha

That "girl" is actually a 45 year old, overweight and bald truck driver called Bob from Montana.
Go to the local pub and meet women the normal way.
 
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ROMhack

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Jul 14, 2018
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Just started messing around with OKC today and it definitely pushes politics right into the fore front. It didn't used to be this way back in the 00's when I tried Eharmony and match.

I put myself as a "centrist" since I'm liberal on some views and conservative on others. What's ironic is that when it matches me with women based on politics it's mostly with women that are black or latina. This is in Dallas too which is a fairly big market.
I've never used OKC but I don't like the sound of that political approach. I don't think my views have ever perfectly aligned with my waifus and I'm not sure it's necessary unless people consider politics = personality (*shudders*).

But this is why I don't use online dating much. It's become too concerned with the perfect fit but nobody is ever a perfect fit. hariseldon hariseldon has some interesting views on this IIRC.
 
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ROMhack

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The sad truth is girls treat Tinder like they treat Spotify. They listen to half a song and if they get bored they hit skip. There are too many songs to play and not enough time to listen to them all.

Literally this is what online dating has become.

Boomer talk time: When I was dating, nobody admitted to meeting online. There was always a cover story or something to get you both there. Now if you meet online you can break up online, which was a big no no also.

You guys left you balls at home and if you have no balls the girls have nothing to play with. Go outside and say hi to someone and you will have a more real connection to a person then you will on a dating site.

Ok Boomer.
Definitely, it's basically the paradox of choice. It's dumb but it's also why it can be good to try and connect in real life instead (hard but worth it as you stand out more).

I noticed this years ago when this girl I liked talked to me about problems with this guy she was kinda seeing. I asked her how they talked and she said mostly through text, which I knew was a problem for him because it was an admission that he couldn't properly own up to his feelings (poor communication). Anyway, I saw my chance and told her I liked her out one night, and we ended up in a two-year relationship (we don't speak now but it was a good experience).

Next girl I dated used Tinder but I met her by talking to her in the restaurant she worked at. Spoke to her later on about her experience using dating apps and she said it's useless for meeting nice guys. It's become a common theme with everybody I talk to about online dating, man or woman. Most people find it all kinds of frustrating because people tend to be really flaky. Like they're using it to pass the time.

I've diverged because this isn't Wings problem but something worth considering, I think.
 
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Kagey K

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Dec 18, 2013
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Definitely, it's basically the paradox of choice. It's dumb but it's also why it can be good to try and connect in real life instead (hard but worth it as you stand out more).

I noticed this years ago when this girl I liked talked to me about problems with this guy she was kinda seeing. I asked her how they talked and she said mostly through text, which I knew was a problem for him because it was an admission that he couldn't properly own up to his feelings (poor communication). Anyway, I saw my chance and told her I liked her out one night, and we ended up in a two-year relationship (we don't speak now but it was a good experience).

Next girl I dated used Tinder but I met her by talking to her in the restaurant she worked at. Spoke to her later on about her experience using dating apps and she said it's useless for meeting nice guys. It's become a common theme with everybody I talk to about online dating, man or woman. Most people find it all kinds of frustrating because people tend to be really flaky. Like they're using it to pass the time.

I've diverged because this isn't Wings problem but something worth considering, I think.
Real life connections are always going to be worth more then Tinder dates.

But that’s just boomer talk.
 

TindalosPup

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Nov 1, 2019
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I've been in love with someone I met online (not on tinder) for 5 years now and I believe I found "the one". Just take things slow, get to know them, it takes time, usually over a year, initial infatuation has to subside to know if you've found the one

Don't expect instant results, you'll be disappointed or worse, my older brother married a questionable woman he met on tinder after only knowing her 5 months and she destroyed his life in less than a year.
 

Kagey K

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Dec 18, 2013
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The thing about Tinder is that it’s easy. Dating should never be easy and it should be awkward.

You need to work to make a relationship. It can’t be as easy as swiping right if you like them and swiping left when you are done.

This is not the way people interact and find intimacy. How are you going to ever get a connection if you are busy checking you app while in a date?
 

DunDunDunpachi

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Apr 18, 2018
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I would recommend investing your time into hobbies/activities you truly enjoy and chancing upon women in those environments who appear to share the same interests. If clubbing is your scene, you're bound to find a woman who loves clubbing. If outdoors activities are your scene, you're bound to find a woman who loves outdoor activities.

The means by which you meet your spouse will help you weed out a lot of women who you shouldn't take a chance on.
 
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심포니

so it's not nice
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UPDATE, I found out the girl -- like me -- has only recently made a Tinder because her co-worker convinced her (she just moved to the city from my home state, a coincidence); she had apparently been starkly against OLD beforehand. Doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't talked to other guys, but at least I know she's not like the average Tinder girl, I suppose. Based on how she carries herself it makes a ton of sense, actually. We've agreed to be friends no matter what happens between us at this point and I think that's a great place to be.

I got super lucky here, I think?

I would recommend investing your time into hobbies/activities you truly enjoy and chancing upon women in those environments who appear to share the same interests. If clubbing is your scene, you're bound to find a woman who loves clubbing. If outdoors activities are your scene, you're bound to find a woman who loves outdoor activities.

The means by which you meet your spouse will help you weed out a lot of women who you shouldn't take a chance on.
Thanks for the input. I certainly will keep working to find some quality gals in my hobby life.
 
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ROMhack

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Jul 14, 2018
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UPDATE, I found out the girl -- like me -- has only recently made a Tinder because her co-worker convinced her (she just moved to the city from my home state, a coincidence); she had apparently been starkly against OLD beforehand. Doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't talked to other guys, but at least I know she's not like the average Tinder girl, I suppose. Based on how she carries herself it makes a ton of sense, actually. We've agreed to be friends no matter what happens between us at this point and I think that's a great place to be.

I got super lucky here, I think?
Awesome man, absolutely go for it.

Then tell me your secrets.
 
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Shifty

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Sep 25, 2015
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there are like a millions "the one's" out there

you finally find "the one"

months or years later you meet someone like "fuckkkk how amazing is she, imagine i met her instead fuuuuuuck"

that's just another "one"

they're all over the world

it's like locusts

arcadia give me a like
Wisdom.

It's just the chemicals in your head telling you she's the one.

UPDATE, I found out the girl -- like me -- has only recently made a Tinder because her co-worker convinced her (she just moved to the city from my home state, a coincidence); she had apparently been starkly against OLD beforehand. Doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't talked to other guys, but at least I know she's not like the average Tinder girl, I suppose. Based on how she carries herself it makes a ton of sense, actually. We've agreed to be friends no matter what happens between us at this point and I think that's a great place to be.

I got super lucky here, I think?
Congratulations dude, best of luck with her.
 
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DisplayingSuperman

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Aug 22, 2019
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My co-worker is a big Tinder freak. He talks to 6-10 different match's DAILY. I agree with the first replier. When real situational relationship moments come up where the going gets serious and when you get boring, she'll be onto the next. It's what that site is set up to do. By all means go for it but I feel there are better dating sites to find "the one". Tinder isn't that.
 

DESTROYA

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The way I look at it is like it’s a job interview being on a first online date, you feel each other out ( not up but that’s OK too ) to see if your a good match for each other.
Everything might seem great at the start but things can change once your there.
You seem a little too eager to find the one, slow down and take your time, I’d even go out with the 2nd girl too, it’s only a date and I get your a loyal person but that’s how people get to now each other in the beginning.
The more horses you have in a race the better the chance you have winning.
 

Roufianos

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May 14, 2015
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You can't have the mentality that some girl you've never met is "the one". You're setting yourself up for heart brake.

Just speak passively to the other one, respond to her once or twice a day which if anything, will probably make you seem more desirable.

When I met my now long-term gf off tinder, I was speaking to someone else before and had already planned to meet her. Then I matched with my gf and just kept the other one in the background until around the 5th or 6th date when it became pretty clear it was going somewhere.
 
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DisplayingSuperman

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Aug 22, 2019
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You sound a little naive op, but I’m sure you’ll figure out how heavily skewed online dating is for women. Complete waste of time imo. But it’s not women’s fault, the thirst a lot of dudes have kinda kills realness.
Tinder chicks are worse. My co-worker keeps me in his loop (he's obsessed) and some of the things these chicks go along with are kinky as all hell. I would say every single one of them have a severe mental and lack of confidence disorder. He tells me their text conversations and all age ranges sound like they have a teenager mentality. He has about 3 of them that will refuse to send pics without being obviously snap-chat filtered. You don't know what you're getting. The insecurity reeks of desperation.
 
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glarb_dungus

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Oct 31, 2019
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Do not get attached to anyone from Tinder just because you matched and she replies to your messages. Rookie mistake. Heck, getting her number and a first date is basically meaningless as well.

Not until AFTER the second date can you get a gauge if she is into you. Even still, don't get attached, and definitely don't let yourself feel like you found "the one."
 

glarb_dungus

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Oct 31, 2019
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Well, to be honest making this thread it dawned on me that it is pretty unlikely the girl I've been talking to isn't talking to someone else, but I mean what's the point in thinking like that if I want to have something special, ya know?

I mean, I'd like it so that she knows I'm serious and I'm willing to show her that in any way.
I just read this...

You are going to get crushed A LOT if you get attached this easily. You can't try to show someone you are "serious" about them before you've ever met them. That comes off as desperate and clingy, and will scare away women--including the ones who are looking for commitment.

Have fun and relax on your date. She's talking to other dudes, and you SHOULD talk to other women. You are not in a committed relationship right now. I cannot stress this enough-- you're both strangers who just starting talking on Tinder. Say that out loud to put things in perspective.
 

Fictive

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That’s just the first step. It won’t mean anything until you’ve met, and you’d better hope all that texting translates well in gestures, body language, and speech.

More to that, prepare yourself for catfishes and ghosting. The # of matches will get old so fast.
 

SereneDeoxys

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Nov 2, 2019
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Well, to be honest making this thread it dawned on me that it is pretty unlikely the girl I've been talking to isn't talking to someone else, but I mean what's the point in thinking like that if I want to have something special, ya know?

I mean, I'd like it so that she knows I'm serious and I'm willing to show her that in any way.
You're looking for "something special" on Tinder?
 
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mekes

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There is nothing wrong with entering in to something with pure intentions. But the flip side is that you get NO say in how the other person conducts themselves. I think because of that, you always need to reign yourself in a bit until you have something real and tangible in front of you. Reply to other messages for now. If a first date turns out great, with plans for more, then just don’t sign back in to whatever app you were using.
 

Kagey K

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Dec 18, 2013
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I’m kind of glad, but kind of regretful that I got into my relationship before this became a mainstream thing.
I was already getting lots and on the best roll of my life when I met my current g/f. I can’t imagine what I could have done if I could have supplemented it with a side roll of Tinder.
 

hariseldon

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Aug 22, 2018
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심포니 I see a few problems:
1. 23 and looking for the one? Nope. Too soon. You have wild oats to sew and your body is telling you to do that.
2. "I match with this one girl on there who I instantly think, "she's the one."" - your boner is telling you that. She's not.
3. "super extravagant date" - nope - this isn't how you pull. A good date can be cheap, it's your company, your charm, that does the job, not your wallet. If you want your wallet to do the work, hire a hooker.
4. When you find someone you want to be with, you disable your dating accounts. It's the right thing to do. Simple. These dating sites are built not for you to find the one but for them to keep you as a paying customer. It's to keep women riding the cock carousel and for you to remain thirsty. With that said, until the first date is done, you have no idea if she's the one. Likely your cock is doing your thinking for you.
5. Lots of people on there are just after free food. I work with a girl who did that. She's now married with 3 kids but at the time it was an ongoing thing where the rest of us would despair at the state of her love life, sometimes going on more than one date per day.

I've never used OKC but I don't like the sound of that political approach. I don't think my views have ever perfectly aligned with my waifus and I'm not sure it's necessary unless people consider politics = personality (*shudders*).

But this is why I don't use online dating much. It's become too concerned with the perfect fit but nobody is ever a perfect fit. hariseldon hariseldon has some interesting views on this IIRC.
I met my wife on OkCupid - it honestly wasn't as bad back then as it is now and I was further left politically than I am now. It can be done, but it requires enormous discipline. I was a prolific online dater before it was fashionable, basically shagging every female on Faceparty, with a few bonuses on MySpace and later on Twitter of all places. It turned me into an asshole. I humped a lot, but met a lot of crazies (the cancer faker was particularly fun) and honestly it wasn't fulfilling, but now it's so much easier (if you have the right look). It's also even more skewed in favour of women than it was in my day, with so many thirsty guys and that makes women just keep riding the cock carousel until their looks fade.

I honestly think modern internet dating will contribute significantly to a huge increase in loneliness as the Tinder generation hits their 40s and beyond.
 

ROMhack

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Jul 14, 2018
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심포니 I see a few problems:
I honestly think modern internet dating will contribute significantly to a huge increase in loneliness as the Tinder generation hits their 40s and beyond.
God help anybody using Tinder in their 40s. I feel like it already veers heavily towards people in their early 20s and I'm not even 30 yet...

There's probably better dating apps for older people tbh. Hinge is very popular with people my age these days and is better than Tinder IMHO.
 
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심포니

so it's not nice
Apr 2, 2013
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심포니 I see a few problems:
1. 23 and looking for the one? Nope. Too soon. You have wild oats to sew and your body is telling you to do that.
3. "super extravagant date" - nope - this isn't how you pull. A good date can be cheap, it's your company, your charm, that does the job, not your wallet. If you want your wallet to do the work, hire a hooker.
Thanks for the insight, hari. Always good seeing you around.

In response to Number 1, you're suggesting that I'm too young to settle down for one woman? I thought the average marriage age was in the late twenties for men (29). That I think puts me near prime settling down age no?

For number three, I suppose you're right. I should have said "unique" instead. We are going to the aquarium and a nice restaurant of her favorite cuisine, nothing too crazy I think. She said she's always wanted to go to the former!