Transgender people who want their original gender back.

Nov 20, 2018
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#1
Another week, another trans thread. This week we look at the Dutch documentary (Eng sub) about transpeople who regret doing the surgery. Really depressing stuff, so be warned.
 
Jun 22, 2018
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I can't imagine the anguish that must come over someone who was born in a body they don't feel comfortable in, then realize they've made a mistake and want to change back. It's just such a tough decision either way.
I can't say I fully understand what a transgender individual would be going through, so I'm not talking on behalf of any of them, but I do feel for their plight.
 
Aug 30, 2014
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#4
I read this a few days ago and didnt post about it:
https://www.dailysignal.com/2019/03/10/i-was-americas-first-non-binary-person-it-was-all-a-sham/

It's written by the first legally non binary person in the US. He now believes his journey was abuse by a series of doctors, psychologists, and judges that pushed a single narrative because it either benefited them, fit their ideological views, or they were scared to say something and that they all ultimately harmed him. He freely admits to various personality disorders that he now believes were misdiagnosed.

Certainly worth a read.
 
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Nov 13, 2016
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#5
That's a really interesting episode. Hadn't caught it when it aired here.

I think a lot of people who want gender reassignment, diagnose themselves at home. When they go to the doctor or the hospital they're not really interested in the doctor's opinion on their condition. They're simply fishing for surgery, and they want it asap. Online communities and TV shows only encourage this behavior. The hospitals that perform these surgeries genuinely want to help these people, I think. It's not just for financial gain or satus. They know transgenders are rejected wherever they go, and they want to be accepting and kind to them, and that means giving them what they want. They should be more prudent though. As professionals they have the responsibility for the patient's well being, and sometimes that means not giving people what they want. The surgery itself seems to be imperfect too, putting great strain on the body. That's not something you can pull the trigger on within a month IMO. I agree with the proposal of a second opinion for these kinds of cases, even if it delays treatment.

A lot of transgender folks won't agree with this, but we need strict regulation on this subject and more research without interference from communities and activists. I know they're questioned all the time and it feels bad, but in order to find the truth we need to question transgenderism.
 
Feb 22, 2018
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#6
Very sad, especially for the tens of thousands of kids being convinced by adults to transition in the pre-puberty years. Most of them will come to regret it.

On a somewhat unrelated note, the Dutch accent and language, it is hideous. It offends the ears.
 

matt404au

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Apr 25, 2009
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#7
At some point in the next 5-10 years, I fully expect that we will have a huge wave of David Reimers coming out and condemning the adults who forced the ideology and physical changes on them. Gender dysphoria is a legitimate medical condition but the ideological non-binary lunatics are making it worse for everyone and harming innocents in the process.
 

wzy

Member
Dec 29, 2018
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#8
Instead, the novel theories of Judith Butler and Anne Fausto-Sterling have been used to cover up the truths written about by Blanchard, J. Michael Bailey, and Alice Dreger.
:messenger_confused:

I know she's tended to disown this element of her own work, but according to her she's as dead as every other author. The whole fucking reason we have feminist TERF wars is precisely because Butler's characterization of gender renders the whole basic predicament of transgender people philosophically ludicrous.
 
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sahlberg

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Oct 27, 2017
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#10
I know one guy that deeply regrets it but since the junk is gone he can not turn back.

This guy always had different things he would latch on to. It was like "if I become a devout Catholic, then all the problems in my life and depressions will go away" and he suddenly becomes the most extreme Catholic you have ever met for about a year or so. We are talking Opus Dei kind of devotion.
And at the drop of a hat, he ventually drops Catholicism. It didn't ssolve his problems. He is still depressed and all his other personal (and mental) issues still remain.

Skip forward half a year or a year and he has a new cause. He is now a vegan and day one he goes in at 110%. He is like a caricature of the most crazy vegan you see when they mock them.
He is pretty unbearable because, again, this is what will solve all his problems and there is NOTHING else he can talk about or think about. His life is dedicated to veganism 110%.
For about a year, and just as suddenly as he became a vegan he now, just like flipping a switch, he is no longer a vegan.
It didn't solve his problems, he still is depressed and he still have all his personal and mental problems.

He had another episode when he were Green-Party. There were many episodes. Nothing worked.

Then one day he decided he was trans and needed surgery and all the rest to transition.
He leaves his wife and two teenage children to live with some other folks that are also transitioning.
It came out of nowhere, one day he just didn't come back home to the family.
Big fucking surprise, after a year he finds out that he is still depressed and he still have all the issues he always had.

This was not the solution, so again, flipping a switch, he is no longer trans.
Unfortunately, you can not transition back so he can not become a man again. In his particular case, he can not get his family back either. Too many bridges that were burnt down.

This time he is a LOT worse off than all the previous times he switched back since the magical solution did not work.


Had any doctor or psychiatrist talked to me or anyone else of his friends there would have never been any surgery at all.
We would have told them right away "there is no fucking way he is trans. he just gets these manic ideas every couple of years. this time it is trans that is the magic solution that will solve all his problems."


Very sad story. Sadder still is that none of us really keep in touch with him anymore, he is just so unpleasant to be around now. His life is a lot worse off than before and I see no reason why it would ever improve.
 
Dec 3, 2018
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#13
Gender reassignment surgery always seemed to me to be a permanent answer to a temporary problem. I’m curious if anyone has followed people after sex changes 10-20 years later. Everything I’ve read about the benefits of surgery seem to be immediate results rather than long term ones. I know Dani Bunten (M.U.L.E.’s crestor) has this on their wikipedia page:
After a third failed marriage, Bunten, who had until then been living as male, transitioned to living as a woman. Bunten underwent sex reassignment surgery in November 1992 and afterwards kept a lower profile in the games industry. Bunten later regretted having surgery, finding that for her, the drawbacks of surgical transition outweighed the benefits, and wishing she had considered alternative approaches.[6] She joked that the surgery was to improve the video game industry's male/female ratio and aesthetics,[7] but advised others considering a sex change not to proceed unless there was no alternative, and warned them of the cost, saying "Being my 'real self' could have included having a penis and including more femininity in whatever forms made sense. I didn't know that until too late and now I have to make the best of the life I've stumbled into. I just wish I would have tried more options before I jumped off the precipice."
 

llien

Gold Member
Feb 1, 2017
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#14
i think society enabling certain people without actually knowing what the issue is was a dangerous step and its like now you cant go back.
You suggest not letting grown ups decide for their own, whether they want surgery or not, because some of those who did regret it?
Then we should forbid cosmetic surgery as well.
 
May 15, 2018
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#15
You suggest not letting grown ups decide for their own, whether they want surgery or not, because some of those who did regret it?
Then we should forbid cosmetic surgery as well.
what im saying is that people socially and scientifically dont really have a grasp on this trans issue that really seemed to sprout up out of nowhere. and when anything comes from this issue its labelled bad. but more on what youre talking about. you can say anyone can do what theyd like. chances are the people who are getting massive plastic surgery and getting their dicks removed are in fact damaged human beings. there is this thought in western society that we are all of sound mind and can make our own choices freely without incident. real life isnt like that. people make bad choices. lots of bad choices and lots of people arent of sound mind.
 

sahlberg

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Oct 27, 2017
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#16
what im saying is that people socially and scientifically dont really have a grasp on this trans issue that really seemed to sprout up out of nowhere. and when anything comes from this issue its labelled bad. but more on what youre talking about. you can say anyone can do what theyd like. chances are the people who are getting massive plastic surgery and getting their dicks removed are in fact damaged human beings. there is this thought in western society that we are all of sound mind and can make our own choices freely without incident. real life isnt like that. people make bad choices. lots of bad choices and lots of people arent of sound mind.
Yes and no.
Certain types of cosmetic enlargement surgery is fully acceptable and should be celebrated. #CelebrateWomen
 
Apr 15, 2018
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#17
I know one guy that deeply regrets it but since the junk is gone he can not turn back.

This guy always had different things he would latch on to. It was like "if I become a devout Catholic, then all the problems in my life and depressions will go away" and he suddenly becomes the most extreme Catholic you have ever met for about a year or so. We are talking Opus Dei kind of devotion.
And at the drop of a hat, he ventually drops Catholicism. It didn't ssolve his problems. He is still depressed and all his other personal (and mental) issues still remain.

Skip forward half a year or a year and he has a new cause. He is now a vegan and day one he goes in at 110%. He is like a caricature of the most crazy vegan you see when they mock them.
He is pretty unbearable because, again, this is what will solve all his problems and there is NOTHING else he can talk about or think about. His life is dedicated to veganism 110%.
For about a year, and just as suddenly as he became a vegan he now, just like flipping a switch, he is no longer a vegan.
It didn't solve his problems, he still is depressed and he still have all his personal and mental problems.

He had another episode when he were Green-Party. There were many episodes. Nothing worked.

Then one day he decided he was trans and needed surgery and all the rest to transition.
He leaves his wife and two teenage children to live with some other folks that are also transitioning.
It came out of nowhere, one day he just didn't come back home to the family.
Big fucking surprise, after a year he finds out that he is still depressed and he still have all the issues he always had.

This was not the solution, so again, flipping a switch, he is no longer trans.
Unfortunately, you can not transition back so he can not become a man again. In his particular case, he can not get his family back either. Too many bridges that were burnt down.

This time he is a LOT worse off than all the previous times he switched back since the magical solution did not work.


Had any doctor or psychiatrist talked to me or anyone else of his friends there would have never been any surgery at all.
We would have told them right away "there is no fucking way he is trans. he just gets these manic ideas every couple of years. this time it is trans that is the magic solution that will solve all his problems."


Very sad story. Sadder still is that none of us really keep in touch with him anymore, he is just so unpleasant to be around now. His life is a lot worse off than before and I see no reason why it would ever improve.
Damn dude.

Did the doctors at least try talking to his wife?
 

matt404au

Gold Member
Apr 25, 2009
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#19
what im saying is that people socially and scientifically dont really have a grasp on this trans issue that really seemed to sprout up out of nowhere. and when anything comes from this issue its labelled bad. but more on what youre talking about. you can say anyone can do what theyd like. chances are the people who are getting massive plastic surgery and getting their dicks removed are in fact damaged human beings. there is this thought in western society that we are all of sound mind and can make our own choices freely without incident. real life isnt like that. people make bad choices. lots of bad choices and lots of people arent of sound mind.
When you put effort in, it’s clear that you’re not as dumb as you look.
 

sahlberg

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Oct 27, 2017
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#22
Damn dude.

Did the doctors at least try talking to his wife?
No.
I don't think today is a climate where it is advisable to ask questions in that situation. Unless you want to risk an angry mob firebombing your house and threaten to kill your family.

I don't blame anyone. If I were the surgeon I would most definitely be "if you have the money then the knife work will happen. no questions asked."
That is the only way to know that no one will threaten to kill your kids.
 

llien

Gold Member
Feb 1, 2017
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#24
real life isnt like that. people make bad choices. lots of bad choices and lots of people arent of sound mind
Well, but so what?
I mean, one's bad choice is one's bad choice. As opposed to government choosing it for you.
So are you opposing such surgeries because some people regret it afterwards?
 
May 15, 2018
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#25
Well, but so what?
I mean, one's bad choice is one's bad choice. As opposed to government choosing it for you.
So are you opposing such surgeries because some people regret it afterwards?
if its someone i dont know then i dont give a fuck. if its someone i care about sure
but then thats where some people draw the line. ive known people who have zero self control but there are ways to help them. if life is all about your own choices fuck everyone else then these options shouldnt exist. but they do. people like to say everyone has control over what they do but then they dont like the incarcerations. if everyone is in control then there shouldnt be any chance at a second choice. then there shouldnt be regret. they made their choices
 
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Aug 22, 2018
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#26
Damn dude.

Did the doctors at least try talking to his wife?
Doctor-patient confidentiality I suspect. That said, I imagine a doctor would be able to say "no surgery til we've spoken to the significant people in your life". The problem of course is that most doctors simply don't have that amount of time.
 
Aug 22, 2018
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#27
Well, but so what?
I mean, one's bad choice is one's bad choice. As opposed to government choosing it for you.
So are you opposing such surgeries because some people regret it afterwards?
In most cases doctors are expected to make an ethical choice, which sometimes goes against the wishes of the patient or their guardians. This includes things like blood transfusions to save someone's life despite religious objections, or choosing not to prolong the agony of a baby who will never breathe independently and who is effectively braindead. On a less controversial example, a doctor may choose different treatments or surgeries to fix a given condition, based on how well s/he thinks your body will cope with it (for instance, my wife's MS is not progressing particularly quickly so the doctor recommended the less aggressive treatment with lower risk). These are difficult choices, but the key thing here is that the doctor has the information to make an informed decision where the patient may not.

In this case, doctors cannot do so for fear of being mobbed. We have thus lost a safeguard against bad surgical choices. That sounds like a retrograde step to me.
 
May 20, 2007
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#28
Well, but so what?
I mean, one's bad choice is one's bad choice. As opposed to government choosing it for you.
So are you opposing such surgeries because some people regret it afterwards?
Prolly should discourage families getting destroyed if you want your country to not suck.
 
Likes: hariseldon

OSC

Banned
Jun 16, 2018
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#29
The problem is the tech isn't there yet. A day will come when it is easy to change back and forth gender race appearance etc. But that may be a century from now, at the current pace. Barring a miracle of people finally understanding the nature of what is intelligence.

It is a tragedy, a tragedy we don't have more resources, a tragedy we don't have more time, a tragedy we don't have more energy. If there's a way around the fundamental issues eluding the best minds it will take a new generation of mind, a new kind of intelligence.

Civilization is in the precipice of collapse, energy, nature, the resources are being burnt through and we need constant growth, essentially either expansion into space or a new energy source. That is why a war even a cold like war would ensue in an arms race, the best minds would work even faster to crack intelligence under pressure of total defeat by the enemy.
 
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Feb 6, 2012
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#30
That's a really interesting episode. Hadn't caught it when it aired here.

I think a lot of people who want gender reassignment, diagnose themselves at home. When they go to the doctor or the hospital they're not really interested in the doctor's opinion on their condition.
There is also the fact that health professionals are too scared to object in any way shape or form.
 
Likes: Acerac
Aug 3, 2010
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#32
It's definitely interesting to hear the untold side of this story. This is the kind of thing no doctor or patient is allowed to say without it blowing up in their faces.

Imagine that, getting the surgery and regretting it but not being allowed to ever share that detail because the group you thought you were a part of will exile and ridicule you. If you thought you felt alone before, you had no idea what alone was until that.
 

Redneckerz

Those long posts don't cover that red neck boy
Jun 25, 2018
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#33
On a somewhat unrelated note, the Dutch accent and language, it is hideous. It offends the ears.
This heavily depends on which dialect you have heard. Simply saying ''The Dutch accent'' is in this case meaningless because we have a lot of accents.
  • Frysk's for example is unlistenable to most Dutch folk, same with Volendams.
  • Hague's and Amsterdam's is more dropey and direct.
  • Then you also have Brabant's and what not.
As for the language in general: What is hideous about it?

Say that to @Redneckerz and prepare for his wrath!
Heh, nah. Even accent-less Dutch exists.
 
Nov 12, 2016
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#34
It's a very sad state of affairs. No matter how much we want to glorify it, gender dysphoria is a mental illness. There are lots of mental illnesses out there, and no one is any less of a person for having one. They deserve our understanding. Unfortunately, some of these things have been weaponized for political gain. We want you to transition asap and get into to polls to vote for us. Remember, the other guys support everyone "being mean" to you. Vote for us, we will ensure rainbows and sunshine.

Not all trans people are disturbed, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that they are far more likely to have serious mental issues than non-trans. I don't know a ton of them, so maybe that skews my views. Far too many of them have lives of crime, drugs, prostitution, etc.
 
Aug 30, 2014
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#35
I know one guy that deeply regrets it but since the junk is gone he can not turn back.

This guy always had different things he would latch on to. It was like "if I become a devout Catholic, then all the problems in my life and depressions will go away" and he suddenly becomes the most extreme Catholic you have ever met for about a year or so. We are talking Opus Dei kind of devotion.
And at the drop of a hat, he ventually drops Catholicism. It didn't ssolve his problems. He is still depressed and all his other personal (and mental) issues still remain.

Skip forward half a year or a year and he has a new cause. He is now a vegan and day one he goes in at 110%. He is like a caricature of the most crazy vegan you see when they mock them.
He is pretty unbearable because, again, this is what will solve all his problems and there is NOTHING else he can talk about or think about. His life is dedicated to veganism 110%.
For about a year, and just as suddenly as he became a vegan he now, just like flipping a switch, he is no longer a vegan.
It didn't solve his problems, he still is depressed and he still have all his personal and mental problems.

He had another episode when he were Green-Party. There were many episodes. Nothing worked.

Then one day he decided he was trans and needed surgery and all the rest to transition.
He leaves his wife and two teenage children to live with some other folks that are also transitioning.
It came out of nowhere, one day he just didn't come back home to the family.
Big fucking surprise, after a year he finds out that he is still depressed and he still have all the issues he always had.

This was not the solution, so again, flipping a switch, he is no longer trans.
Unfortunately, you can not transition back so he can not become a man again. In his particular case, he can not get his family back either. Too many bridges that were burnt down.

This time he is a LOT worse off than all the previous times he switched back since the magical solution did not work.


Had any doctor or psychiatrist talked to me or anyone else of his friends there would have never been any surgery at all.
We would have told them right away "there is no fucking way he is trans. he just gets these manic ideas every couple of years. this time it is trans that is the magic solution that will solve all his problems."


Very sad story. Sadder still is that none of us really keep in touch with him anymore, he is just so unpleasant to be around now. His life is a lot worse off than before and I see no reason why it would ever improve.
Doctors are not allowed to try to talk anyone put of it because its considered 'conversion' therapy and is thus transphobic. The article I linked to very early in this thread, written by the first legally non binary US citizen, touched on this as he discusses why nobody would ever even stop to talk about his past.

Even worse, intervening with your own child [ie, not letting them take puberty blockers] will be considered child abuse soon enough, if it isn't already [if I recall correctly, this is already an aspect of a case in texas]. Schools enforcing medication [adhd, etc] against the will of parents is a rather disturbing rabbit hole.
 
May 20, 2007
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#36
It's definitely interesting to hear the untold side of this story. This is the kind of thing no doctor or patient is allowed to say without it blowing up in their faces.

Imagine that, getting the surgery and regretting it but not being allowed to ever share that detail because the group you thought you were a part of will exile and ridicule you. If you thought you felt alone before, you had no idea what alone was until that.
If anyone wonders why suicide rates don't drop post transition they have not looked deeply enough in to the subject.
 
Mar 12, 2014
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#37
I read this a few days ago and didnt post about it:
https://www.dailysignal.com/2019/03/10/i-was-americas-first-non-binary-person-it-was-all-a-sham/

It's written by the first legally non binary person in the US. He now believes his journey was abuse by a series of doctors, psychologists, and judges that pushed a single narrative because it either benefited them, fit their ideological views, or they were scared to say something and that they all ultimately harmed him. He freely admits to various personality disorders that he now believes were misdiagnosed.

Certainly worth a read.
I think history will apply the bolded part to quite a few narratives one day.
 
Likes: autoduelist
Oct 9, 2007
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#42
I know several people who are transgender. I would not want to presume or pass judgement on their reasons, but I have sometimes wondered if all of them transitioned to conform to their true inner identity, or if perhaps in some cases transitioning might have been a desperate attempt to solve other problems.

The trans person who I knew the best was a well respected co-worker with whom I'd worked for a solid decade. He was, on the surface at least, a fun, cheerful, fellow computer geek.

In the last few years I could tell he wasn't quite the happy person I'd once known, and that there was some internal struggle going on. His job performance was suffering, there were lots of missed days, problems on projects, and even reports of alcohol abuse.

Then one day I came to the office to see my co-worker present her new identity to the rest of the company, wearing a black dress, women's jewelry, and a purse. It is one thing to read about transgender people as an abstract concept in the news, but when it is someone you've known for a decade it's a bit of a surprise. Nevertheless, we all tried to be very supportive. According to her, the inner struggle with gender identity was the source of these problems, and that this was the solution.

We were assigned to the same project at that time and continued to collaborate. When we were nose down working technical problems she seemed in her element: Two smart professionals fixing bugs and solving configuration issues. But she was still frustrated. Whether it was just the complexities of transitioning and being recognized as her chosen gender, or perhaps larger, unresolved issues was unclear.. I just tried to be supportive.

It was a very sad day when we heard she had died. It was a car accident, but the circumstances suggested it may have been self-inflicted. I've often wondered if she was fighting a much larger darkness in her life, and even transitioning could not dispel whatever demons she faced.

RIP my friend.
 

LMJ

Member
Feb 7, 2019
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#43
@Ailynn I can understand your frustration with certain users, and I think you are one of the most open minded and in general kind users on this board.

I could never really sympathize with you as I have no clue what struggles you've been through (outside of what you've shared anyway) nor the biases you or anyone who is going through or whom has transitioned, but I'm sure its brutal and I know I wouldn't wish that pain on anybody.

I believe that there are people out there who are uncomfortable in the skin they are born in, people who come out of the closet as it were deciding that they're homosexual and want to be free from those burdens are they hidden self.

I believe that transexual people are similar, and I see no problem with this. Although, while a transexual individual might be straight they still might desire to be in a different body being the key difference.

However, I think especially right now in particular this is a push that some people aren't prepared for, just as the article states I think there are people who suffer from psychological problems who might be pressured into taking big life altering steps and while anyone could dress as a woman or a man for that matter surgery is another can of worms altogether.

I believe if you want to transition and you truly believe yourself ready that's wonderful, but I also think there's a bit of a social stigma right now telling people who are confused and perhaps not psychologically mature enough to take these steps even if they're not mentally ready.

I believe that social media is one of the key reasons of this, but right now people of the homosexual nature or transexual nature are being referred to as brave, Fierce, and looked upon with unbridled pride don't get me wrong this is considerably better than being looked upon as monsters or mentally disturbed as they would have been just even 30 years ago, but perhaps the shift has swung too far in the other direction.

Perhaps I'm rambling, but I can't help to feel that some people are being misled by those with an agenda, politicians are definitely noticing the growing rate of transexuals in this country and I don't necessarily think they have their best intentions at heart and the same could be said for many of these people on said social media sites

I think in a sense as cruel as it may seem it's a fad for many who engage in gender politics and identity politics as the new "in thing"

Numerous celebrities are suddenly totally fine with all of this even when many of them have been outspoken about it in the past, and right now you'll find yourself being heckled more if you mock these stigmas rather than support them to the point where any open minded discussion would come off as prejudiced or bigoted and be shunned.

I would love to hear more about this from you, as you clearly have a perspective on it the bulk of us on here couldn't begin to understand.
 
Jan 6, 2009
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#45
I think I found this on Twitter.

Or maybe here. I don't remember anymore.


@Ailynn You're one of the nicest, and most rational people I've had interactions with on this board. I know any discussions like this are bound to cause a lot of emotions and feelings that I probably couldn't begin to understand. But I want you to know, at least from my own perspective, I don't want to hurt you, and I have no ill will toward you.

My daughter is 11, and starting puberty. She's incredibly level headed, and smart (and beautiful, and talented #flex), but it's still a lot for her to take on board. This additional layer of (potentially inaccurate) information being folded into the already jumbled mess of finding herself as she becomes an adult, is relevant, and needs to be discussed without fear of persecution.
 
Feb 22, 2018
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#47
Being a SRS surgeon in Thailand must be nice. Even if you botch it, they come for you with more wads of cash.

This is indeed a disturbing universe.

This heavily depends on which dialect you have heard. Simply saying ''The Dutch accent'' is in this case meaningless because we have a lot of accents.
  • Frysk's for example is unlistenable to most Dutch folk, same with Volendams.
  • Hague's and Amsterdam's is more dropey and direct.
  • Then you also have Brabant's and what not.
As for the language in general: What is hideous about it?

Heh, nah. Even accent-less Dutch exists.
It's more than the accent. Let's just call it the structure and words themselves. It's like a Fenchman and a German had a hideous baby.
 

Redneckerz

Those long posts don't cover that red neck boy
Jun 25, 2018
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Unknown Body, Proxima Centauri, 4th O.B.
#48
Being a SRS surgeon in Thailand must be nice. Even if you botch it, they come for you with more wads of cash.

This is indeed a disturbing universe.



It's more than the accent. Let's just call it the structure and words themselves. It's like a Fenchman and a German had a hideous baby.
That's your view. I am afraid i can't share it, but i agree with old saying that Dutch folk love to complain.
 

Ailynn

Faith - Hope - Love
Jan 1, 2017
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#49
Thank you for your sweet words, @Guiberu and @LMJ :messenger_heart:


I know several people who are transgender. I would not want to presume or pass judgement on their reasons, but I have sometimes wondered if all of them transitioned to conform to their true inner identity, or if perhaps in some cases transitioning might have been a desperate attempt to solve other problems.

The trans person who I knew the best was a well respected co-worker with whom I'd worked for a solid decade. He was, on the surface at least, a fun, cheerful, fellow computer geek.

In the last few years I could tell he wasn't quite the happy person I'd once known, and that there was some internal struggle going on. His job performance was suffering, there were lots of missed days, problems on projects, and even reports of alcohol abuse.

Then one day I came to the office to see my co-worker present her new identity to the rest of the company, wearing a black dress, women's jewelry, and a purse. It is one thing to read about transgender people as an abstract concept in the news, but when it is someone you've known for a decade it's a bit of a surprise. Nevertheless, we all tried to be very supportive. According to her, the inner struggle with gender identity was the source of these problems, and that this was the solution.

We were assigned to the same project at that time and continued to collaborate. When we were nose down working technical problems she seemed in her element: Two smart professionals fixing bugs and solving configuration issues. But she was still frustrated. Whether it was just the complexities of transitioning and being recognized as her chosen gender, or perhaps larger, unresolved issues was unclear.. I just tried to be supportive.

It was a very sad day when we heard she had died. It was a car accident, but the circumstances suggested it may have been self-inflicted. I've often wondered if she was fighting a much larger darkness in her life, and even transitioning could not dispel whatever demons she faced.

RIP my friend.

This absolutely broke my heart.

Thank you so very much for the kindness and support you showed your coworker while they were here.


I hear similar stories to this all the time, and each one tears at my heart. So much suffering and inner torment...sometimes they make it out, and other times....it destroys them.

I went through much of it myself for many years. I know it's a source of pain that most people mercifully cannot fully understand or even empathize with...but it can absolutely be sheer torture. Even after new hope is gained upon making it through what can be a mountain of obstacles in order to transition...our greatest hopes and dreams are often still not ever fully reachable. For instance, even though science has made great strides...I can never give birth to my own child...something I've dreamed about before, but will never be capable of. No matter how far I come, or how passable I ever become as a woman...I can never fully escape my past.


I will always be looked at as other. :messenger_pensive:


So, we try to the best of our ability to live a happy life. The thing is, every transgender person has walked a different road in accepting who they are...and there is no universal way we reach that inner monologue where we finally say, "I am transgender." There are many like myself who become trans through prenatal sexual differentiation...while there are also a few that also come to believe they are transgender through other means.

Living life as a transgender person is not easy. It should not be romanticized. More often than not, it involves major physical, emotional, and financial struggles...and usually a great deal of sacrifice. I can't understand how anyone could view living as transgender as anything remotely desirable. For many, as with myself...resigning oneself to the truth in who we are is often the last resort at the bottom of a lifelong downward spiral.


Medically transitioning requires a great deal of therapy, and surgery is never an easily acquirable option. As with any major life-altering decision...one must be ABSOLUTELY HONEST with themselves, as well as their therapist or medical physician. They should perform in-depth research on everything involved, and if possible...interview as many others as possible who have actually gone through the planned steps. Anyone who pushes someone into a misdiagnosis for the transgender condition is setting that person up for a very harsh fall.
 
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I will just leave this here....

The best part was that before this person actually got the surgery they talked it up so much about how great it was gonna be, and about how anyone trying to talk them out of transitioning or being trans in general was just bigotry.






They were talking mad shit. The most tragic part about it is that this person will have to live the rest of their life knowing their father was right.
 
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