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Two job offers, don't know what the hell to do

arkhamguy123

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Don't know exactly why I'm taking this to a gaming board but this is honestly the hardest decision I think I've ever made in my life and I've consulted all my family and friends and still am very conflicted. Maybe some strangers with an unbiased perspective can shed light that would be illuminating.

Keeping details vague, basically I got two great job offers with great pay but there's a catch. And it's a classic brain vs heart dilemma.

One company is a better company overall, more renown, Fortune 500, upward mobility. The base pay is slightly higher and I get a company car, insurance paid for, gas paid for, phone bill paid for, car maintenance paid for, and they compensate grad school if and when I want to go get my masters. Problem is, the location is a smaller, kinda rinky dink town in a state up north where I have no friends and very limited social prospects. Like... very limited. But it is such a great opportunity, better career path, and I'd have travel opportunities to some really cool cities.

The other company is inferior as a company but has competitive pay and the thing about this one is it is in one of the major metropolitan areas of the whole country. Right in the heart. And where I actually grew up. And all my best friends, who I've been best friends with since middle school, will be in that city. Along with friends I've made through college as well. But it doesn't have any of the aforementioned benefits of the other one. Which would save me a huge amount of money month to month I'd reckon. And I reached out to a friend who worked here to see how it was and she gave it a... mixed review. Actually, a negative one really. Said there was "no guidance" just constant micromanaging and critique. And she "dreaded everyday". And "knows people who stayed who are trying to leave already". But at the same time at this age I'm already hugely isolated from my friends and this could be one of the last times in my life to have all my friends and family in one place for an extended duration of time. A real once in a lifetime chance. But I just don't know if its worth it.

I don't know what the fuck to do guys, really struggling.
 

Maiden Voyage

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Rinky dink towns generally don't lead to the best career prospects. They are mostly dead ends, unless you stay in that area (where there are worse prospects).

I say the bigger city seems to be the better one.

To add: the reason the comp package is so nice for the first one is because no one wants those jobs (and there's a reason for that).

Also, third option would be to keep looking if you have that flexibility.
 
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kamkamkam

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A few questions.

- What is you field/role generally?
- How far away is the closest metro to the rinky dink town?
- How far along are you in your career?
- What are your plans for 10 years?
- Are you in a relationship or looking to be in one?
 

Blond

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Maybe I was harsh in my reply, but that’s an opportunity similar to when I had contract at Google as an Engineering Technician that would’ve turned into a permanent thing had I not thought about being closer to people, etc. I regret it ALL the time, the pay wouldn’t have been as high as I wanted but having that on my resume would’ve opened doors for the rest of my career. Don’t let good opportunities pass you by, if your friends and family don’t understand they aren’t worth considering.
 
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arkhamguy123

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A few questions.

- What is you field/role generally?
- How far away is the closest metro to the rinky dink town?
- How far along are you in your career?
- What are your plans for 10 years?
- Are you in a relationship or looking to be in one?
- Business student, business type jobs. Corporate jobs with a people/team aspect to it I guess is how I'd describe it.
- 45 minutes to one great city, and an hour and change from New York City. Both of which I'll be traveling to here and there for my job
- Just starting not counting my internship last summer
- Rise up the ranks in salary and in job title and be in a spot with a family and net worth and happiness. Your cliche "American dream"
- Not in one currently, absolutely looking to be in one
 
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arkhamguy123

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Maybe I was harsh in my reply, but that’s an opportunity similar to when I had contract at Google as an Engineering Technician that would’ve turned into a permanent thing had I not thought about being closer to people, etc. I regret it ALL the time, the pay wouldn’t have been as high as I wanted but having that on my resume would’ve opened doors for the rest of my career. Don’t let God opportunities pass you by, if your friends and family don’t understand they aren’t worth considering.
Nah I hear you man thats my fear. That I'd take the other one in the metropolitan area and be hanging with my buddies or some girl I met out in the city and be like "man... I don't know if this was worth it" as I dread going in on Monday.
 
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DESTROYA

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Look as you get older you see less and less of your friends, they get married have kids blah, blah , blah you get the idea.
Take the better job in the rinky dink town, it sounds like the better job opportunity and some of those rinky dink towns might surprise you and offer a lot more than you think.
Think of it as fresh start , not too many get that opportunity
 

arkhamguy123

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Look as you get older you see less and less of your friends, they get married have kids blah, blah , blah you get the idea.
Take the better job in the rinky dink town, it sounds like the better job opportunity and some of those rinky dink towns might surprise you and offer a lot more than you think.
Think of it as fresh start , not too many get that opportunity
I hear you brother. Only thing is thats also kind of why I feel like it's such a dilemma. Hypothetically, I come back to this city somehow someway in 3-5 years or whatever and everyones moved on and I'm just alone there. It would've been too late. After covid and everything I'm really craving that social aspect. But my friends thoughts on the company in the city gave me major pause. Glassdoor and indeed are kinda useless because its such a Rorschach test. You're gonna find a lot that love it and a lot that hate it. But someone I actually know and trust personally saying stuff from the negative reviews was like "fuck..."
 
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Might require some willingness to commute though.

On a serious note, you'll be surprised at how easy it is to socialise in a small town. Since everyone is in the same boat, these communities tend to be more social than the city. But you might have to give up on this scene -

 

AJUMP23

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I think you want the one you described first due to its preeminence in your description. Also with travel opportunities and the ability to go places, I would take it.
 
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kamkamkam

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- Business student, business type jobs. Corporate jobs with a people/team aspect to it I guess is how I'd describe it.
- 45 minutes to one great city, and an hour and change from New York City. Both of which I'll be traveling to here and there for my job
- Just starting not counting my internship last summer
- Rise up the ranks in salary and in job title and be in a spot with a family and net worth and happiness. Your cliche "American dream"

- Not in one currently, absolutely looking to be in one

I cannot overstate how important your first job is in determining your career path.

And I reached out to a friend who worked here to see how it was and she gave it a... mixed review. Actually, a negative one really. Said there was "no guidance" just constant micromanaging and critique. And she "dreaded everyday". And "knows people who stayed who are trying to leave already".

The line I bolded is the most significant statement to me, even more so than the salary or location. These types of toxic behaviors from management are critical red flags I would not take lightly.

Early in your career, you a like a toddler. The people you report to, business practices, organizational structures, etc are HUGE in developing your skills. A large company will get you in the room with people, these people will help you grow and build business relationships.

If it were me I would take the first job, no question. Take the extra cash and visit your friends or spend a few weekends in NYC if you get lonely.

You don't need to stay in the first job forever, you'll have more time for friends later than you thinking. After a year or two, I would then start applying for new jobs in different cities if you hate your situation. At that point, you will have even better opportunities than you do now.

Its easy to move from a big company to a small one, but not the other way around.
 

arkhamguy123

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I think you want the one you described first due to its preeminence in your description. Also with travel opportunities and the ability to go places, I would take it.
Yeah... It's just, my friends are the world to me. I love those guys and I'd lay down in traffic for any one of them. Literally best friends for a decade or more. Since childhood. And as I understand, my coworkers at the better offer will be older white guys. Which is cool I don't have a problem with that. But the workers in the other one are all college age and primarily women. I'm just terrified of loneliness after COVID and feel like socially both in and out of work the other one has the Fortune 500 company beat. But for a career path is inferior. Making the choice go from clear to blurry.
 
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arkhamguy123

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Just wanna throw this in here to thank all who already have or are going to put in their thoughts and advice! I love all you guys and really appreciate you all taking time to help out a stranger with a huge decision. :messenger_heart:
 

Ikutachi

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First option, easily. You will see your friends less as you age, in either option. You'll learn that some of them aren't going to give the same consideration that you're giving them.
 
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arkhamguy123

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First option, easily. You will see your friends less as you age, in either option. You'll learn that some of them aren't going to give the same consideration that you're giving them.
Thats a sobering but very good point I hadn't considered... Even still, friends aside, I can't help but feel like the city is just a better social prospect than what a small-midsized town (~75k population) would offer. From meeting new people to meeting women to going out to all the museums and restaurants a city would offer over the town. Perhaps I'm having a romanticized hyperbolic view of how fun the metropolitan area would be and underselling meeting people in a town of that size though.
 

poppabk

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Remember you have an insider review of one of the places and no equivalent for the other.
At this stage in your life it's a tough choice. The city might be closed to you in the future if you have kids etc so it kind of depends on how important having the opportunity for a 'city life' is.
 
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p_xavier

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Dinky town. I moved from a 4M city living downtown to a rural village of 3200. Didn't know anyone. Hands down the best decision of my life. Plus everything is way cheaper. Neighbours are genuinely friendly and helpful. I thought my dating life would suffer, complete opposite. People in small places have better values.
 
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I would get OUT of the big cities.

I don;t know much about giant corporations, but my philosophy is that it is better to own the ladder, than to climb someone else's ladder. And if you care about influencing the trajectory of your company, it will work better when the company is small.
 

arkhamguy123

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Remember you have an insider review of one of the places and no equivalent for the other.
At this stage in your life it's a tough choice. The city might be closed to you in the future if you have kids etc so it kind of depends on how important having the opportunity for a 'city life' is.
Good point. Frankly I'm not at all a going to the clubs loud music getting drunk type. But I just think the girls I'd meet and the friend groups I'd have would be stronger in a city by pure numeric factors of how many people there are and having such a volume of different people. So city life isn't really that huge to me I just don't wanna develop clinic depression alone in my one bed room going "well at least this job was better than the city job."
 
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Tuff McNutt

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1st job. As you move into your 20s, your childhood/school friend circle is going to get smaller and forsaking a better job offer just to stay with them isn't really wise. Once you get out of college and into the real world, you're not going to be spending a whole lot of time with them anyways. If the job sucks, you can always take the money you save by living in a small city and get a place in NYC, and the experience you have will allow you to get a job at a better company. I work in finance and have had jobs where you're micro-managed and it's pure hell.
 

Pejo

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It sounds like you're pretty young/early in your career, so I'd absolutely take the first one. Better potential for growth. Maybe it's just my personal experience, but when your friends start getting married and raising families of their own, you will only see them on holidays or rare weekends anyways, despite living in the same area. I wouldn't base my future career off of something like that, but I understand if they are important to you.
 

McHuj

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Personally, I would take the job at the company that is in the better job market. Chance are you'll be making a switch in the next 3-5 years. Sure you can do that from anywhere, but it's easier when it's local.
 
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OrtizTwelve

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You always pick the one with the best pay and benefits, period.

It's irrelevant where it is or what the social scene is, you're looking at it from an immature point of view and that's understandable as you're just starting out.

Your friends will become irrelevant as you progress in your career and age, and having your friends around doesn't pay bills or allow you to buy whatever you want.

Get the $ and benefits now, later on when you've saved money and acquired experience, you can go somewhere else and maybe play with your friends if they still care about you.
 
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GAMETA

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Bro, you're starting your life, it's no time to limit yourself because of childhood feelings. Go and meet new places, new people, seize the better opportunity.

If it eventually turns out to be a bad option you can always go back to where you lived and back to what's familiar. There's nothing to lose.

You won't get the high-end opportunity again, go for it.
 

DESTROYA

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OP I think your putting too much value on the social aspect of the decision, It’s not like you can’t socialize in a smaller town and genuinely find people in those smaller towns friendlier and more down to earth.
Smaller towns are safer too, you don’t have to worry about crackheads or people mugging you and stealing shit like they do more in a larger city.
Personally that would be my first choice
 
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The Pleasure

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Look as you get older you see less and less of your friends, they get married have kids blah, blah , blah you get the idea.
Take the better job in the rinky dink town, it sounds like the better job opportunity and some of those rinky dink towns might surprise you and offer a lot more than you think.
Think of it as fresh start , not too many get that opportunity
But at this point in time that social safety net of friends and family is a far greater intrinsic reward. True he may lose friends as he ages but it helps mental and physical health now. Plus being in a city with more to do also makes for better extras.
 
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eddie4

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The base pay is slightly higher and I get a company car, insurance paid for, gas paid for, phone bill paid for, car maintenance paid for, and they compensate grad school if and when I want to go get my masters.
The benefits of the first job outweigh any "friendships" you might think you'll have down the road. I had a lot of friends, and they have all moved on, got married, had kids, we barely keep in contact. I have moved from a big city, close to a city with maybe 20k people. We live 20-30 minutes away from a bigger city but the quiet environment is amazing, and there is no noise pollution. I know you're single, but that doesn't matter, you can still find someone in a smaller town. It looks like the company will be paying a lot of your expenses, and in a smaller town, the rent is cheaper, and so are a lot of other things. I would use it to save some money and invest it in your future or use it to travel and explore cultures. Friends can be friends one day, and not give a fuck about you the other.
 
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DESTROYA

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But at this point in time that social safety net of friends and family is a far greater intrinsic reward. True he may lose friends as he ages but it helps mental and physical health now. Plus being in a city with more to do also makes for better extras.
Not really true in every case.
I tried city life and personally hated it , most weekdays you won’t see most of your friends anyway and the weekends can be saved for friends and family or they can come visit you.
Part of growing is making some sacrifices to put yourself in a better situation.
One thing people seem to miss is unless your a total looser and socially inept you are bound to find new friends and people in the same exact situation you are in every new place you decide to go to.
 
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AlteredForms

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I had contract at Google as an Engineering Technician that would’ve turned into a permanent thing had I not thought about being closer to people, etc. I regret it ALL the time, the pay wouldn’t have been as high as I wanted but having that on my resume would’ve opened doors for the rest of my career.
You can't be sure about that though. Stop holding onto that baggage.
 

The Pleasure

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Not really true in every case.
I tried city life and personally hated it , most weekdays you won’t see most of your friends anyway and the weekends can be saved for friends and family or they can come visit you.
Part of growing is making some sacrifices to put yourself in a better situation.
One thing people seem to miss is unless your a total looser and socially inept you are bound to find new friends and people in the same exact situation you are in every new place you decide to go to.
That's an interesting post that you pose. It's not true in every case, but you also have to consider this.

1. He states that this will be the first time he has a career. Since he's about to leave his social network let's assume that he's in his mid to late twenties possibly early thirties. At this point a social safety net is incredibly important. True he probably won't see his friends on the weekends but that's true for everyone that works.

2. Part of growing old is making sacrifices, but that oftentimes is monetary with age. This isn't a monetary issue at least not fully. The place in the sticks pays a bit more but might have some more room to grow. That can be years down the line and what if he hates the company? What if he hates the location? No amount of money is going to make that location better suddenly especially if there's nothing to spend it on or do. If making money in the short term is a better situation go for it, but what determines a short term goal and what determines a goal between one's inner being of self worth and safety/comfort and in general living one's best life?

3. You have that mixed around. Of course he finds new friends BUT those new friends oftentimes can be more shallow then the old ones especially if they're based simply on a career. That's fair weather friends. The old friends can be those that stuck by through thick and thin and there's a value in that that is incomprehensible compared to monetary value. Plus pass in the fact that his family is in the city along with everything he's known. There's comfort and value in that.

Ultimately it's his choice on where he wants to go, but if the money isn't that much greater and it's in an out of the way place it can be considered a significant downgrade in quality of life and I'm not talking about money.
 
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arkhamguy123

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That's an interesting post that you pose. It's not true in every case, but you also have to consider this.

1. He states that this will be the first time he has a career. Since he's about to leave his social network let's assume that he's in his mid to late twenties possibly early thirties. At this point a social safety net is incredibly important. True he probably won't see his friends on the weekends but that's true for everyone that works.

2. Part of growing old is making sacrifices, but that oftentimes is monetary with age. This isn't a monetary issue at least not fully. The place in the sticks pays a bit more but might have some more room to grow. That can be years down the line and what if he hates the company? What if he hates the location? No amount of money is going to make that location better suddenly especially if there's nothing to spend it on or do. If making money in the short term is a better situation go for it, but what determines a short term goal and what determines a goal between one's inner being of self worth and safety/comfort and in general living one's best life?

3. You have that mixed around. Of course he finds new friends BUT those new friends oftentimes can be more shallow then the old ones especially if they're based simply on a career. That's fair weather friends. The old friends can be those that stuck by through thick and thin and there's a value in that that is incomprehensible compared to monetary value. Plus pass in the fact that his family is in the city along with everything he's known. There's comfort and value in that.

Ultimately it's his choice on where he wants to go, but if the money isn't that much greater and it's in an out of the way place it can be considered a significant downgrade in quality of life and I'm not talking about money.
Early 20s. And right on the money with all of that. Growing up with them my whole life and even staying close friends after we all went away to college. Hanging with these guys back home from I'm from would be invaluable. Problem is after some Glassdoor research it looks like the one back home is not the best opportunity. It has been called a "glorified call center" and people say the company culture is very frat boy juvenile gossipy who's having sex with who. Promotions are allegedly based off if you're in the cliche than you're work. Which is disheartening.
 
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GHG

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Step outside your comfort zone and take the first option you outlined would be my advice.

You can always go backwards in life if something doesn't work out but opportunities to leap forward don't always present themselves.
 

Reality Czar

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First off, moving is one of the most stressful things anybody can do. So I would take that into account. "Slightly higher" pay and a few extra benefits may not be worth the hassle. Cost of living will rise, taxes will rise, everything is more expensive up north.

Just as well I have heard so many horror stories of people who got an out of state job, upended their lives, moved, then were let go. You can't really plan on being at a company forever, especially not these days.

I would say go with the second option, since you are more familiar with it, it is nearer to your friends and family, etc. You don't want to move up north, you will be paying taxes out the ass. Also, as you said, you have a support system already set up for you where you are.

A big part of a career is networking. You already are in a metropolitan center, this is perfect. Why move away from a pool of opportunity?

Especially since you are still in your early 20s, there is no need to make such a drastic move. Definitely ignore all the misanthropes in this thread telling you to ditch your friends because a company car is so amazing.
 
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poodaddy

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Hey OP. I'll give you my perspective as someone who grew up with lots of friends and moved away from my home town for the Army. Friends come and go, (I have only two friends from my "old life" now), but you make new ones easily, (I have three good friends that I made here in WA and we're as close as my TN friends and I were), so I honestly wouldn't make life decisions based on people that probably won't be in the picture in a decade. Small towns are fine, you get used to it quick, and honestly major metropolitan areas are trash anyway so you're missing nothing. I'd go with the Fortune 500 company, and maybe you'll even start building a family out there.
 

arkhamguy123

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First off, moving is one of the most stressful things anybody can do. So I would take that into account. "Slightly higher" pay and a few extra benefits may not be worth the hassle. Cost of living will rise, taxes will rise, everything is more expensive up north.

Just as well I have heard so many horror stories of people who got an out of state job, upended their lives, moved, then were let go. You can't really plan on being at a company forever, especially not these days.

I would say go with the second option, since you are more familiar with it, it is nearer to your friends and family, etc. You don't want to move up north, you will be paying taxes out the ass. Also, as you said, you have a support system already set up for you where you are.

A big part of a career is networking. You already are in a metropolitan center, this is perfect. Why move away from a pool of opportunity?

Especially since you are still in your early 20s, there is no need to make such a drastic move. Definitely ignore all the misanthropes in this thread telling you to ditch your friends because a company car is so amazing.
This is something I was also considering a buddy of mine, actually one of the aforementioned best friends, brought up. The taxes thing. I was just kinda banking on them hopefully not being too high up north... And to my shock when I was apartment hunting for both, the apartments in the rinky dink smaller town were higher than the ones in the city. I was like what in the fuck. The city I could find a nice spot, one bedroom for like 600-850. The town? 900-1200. So thats a consideration as well.

Only issue is the more I look on Glassdoor and indeed for the other one in the city, the more I think the location I love is just not worth it. Now, of COURSE you can look up any company and find bad reviews from disgruntled employees or blue haired, "she/her" in the social media bio Karens but a lot of the bad reviews said stuff that was really scathing and really specific AND stuff that was echoed even in the high 4-5 star reviews. AND was corrbrbated by what my friend said who worked there. Also I'm black, or, half black anyways. I mean I'm light skinned but identifiable as black and like 5 or 6 reviews said the company culture is very frat boy sorority girl upper middle class and if you're a minority they hire you for 3 months to diversify the company picture and let you go. And that you won't fit in and be ridiculed.

Which, okay, to me, the not fitting in is silly thing as I think people are just people and if you don't jive based off color you may need to self evaluate. And that goes for all races. I've had no problem befriending people of all races and religions through my life. No problem. But a lot of reviews kept echoing that really specific "3 month" time frame for minorities. Kinda shady. Gave me pause.

And I'd like to add it just said the work is substandard. It was called a glorified call center over and over and said they lure in college kids with great pay and a great location but you're a customer service lacky who is micromanaged a shit ton. Damn near every single review had the micromanaging thing in there.
 
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Ava.parker

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I think it's better for you to get less social and think of your own prosperity. Changing locations might be even better for your mental well-being. And, as you say, the first offer will help you to save a huge amount of money, which, after all, you can spend on something you really need.
 

Nester99

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When I was in my early twenties I got the chance to move to a new a city where I only knew one person. Honestly it was a super fun experience meeting new people and creating a new network. My work was social and lots of people my age so made it easier to thrive.

Higher income. More mobility, more perks? ..a ton of new people , places and experience a would be a huge draw for me.

The key would be getting your head around the idea that moving to a new city/state can be seen positive instead of a negative. Modern life has very little adventure in it these days.

This type of adventure is more difficult later in life with a family.

If it does not work out, can’t you move back? Or get some experience and go back and run your local place in 10 years?


I am still very close with my friends from 20 years ago while living in seperate cities. Technology makes it easier.
 
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First one, assuming the risk and cost of moving back and forth between small town and larger town later is fine. Got to look at the costs associated with that if you're buying a place. If you are renting, not an issue.

I'd take the better pay, bigger company job. Nobody says you have to be there forever. Work there for experience and a good name on your resume, then if you hate it move back to the city.

A big name company on your resume will do you wonders, especially with recruiters who mostly work for big companies because they have money to spend. So if you come back to the city, it's easier for you to score a job back.

Working in isolated head offices will also help you move up the ranks faster because there's fewer external job applicants going for jobs. So when there's openings, there's a higher chance of promote from within. When you work in a big office in big metro areas, a lot of new roles being filled are external candidates because lots of people and thats where the recruiters focus on - places with big job pools. So if a new cool job pops up at work, your main fight isn't with your coworker who might be interested, your main fight is HR calling their recruiting partners and funneling HR and the hiring manager 20 good candidates they got on file who live in the city ready to go along with 200 more who applied online.

Working in small towns is typically more chill and probably zero gridlock to worry about.
 
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Burnttips

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Mar 27, 2019
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Take the first one. Start over again. You don't have a girlfriend by the sound of it and it will give you a chance to fall in love with a small town girl. If you start out as an outgoing person and find a girl, all the other shit won't matter.
 
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