Verbally attacked because of race

[Jpop]

GAF,

So last night I was at a bar I regularly go to. This middle aged guy and his wife or girlfriend sat next to me.

Eventually a conversation happened and her and I talked about what I majored in college ect...

He asks my name, and I say Jalal. Then he goes off, " Oh, so you're Muslim I'm not doing this now." Ect...

He got so offended he left the bar and sat outside to smoke till the conversation I had with the person he was with was over.


I'm not Muslim, I have a middle eastern name because my dad is middle eastern.

I ignored his antagonistic remarks as I am used to them and have had anger problems in the past. But at the same time it is hard to ignore someone who treats you like that.

Still fuming, the workers at the bar told me I should have just decked him. They wouldn't have said anything. I didn't , and maybe that makes me a better person but at the same time I am still enraged a day later.

 

[Tagyhag]

It's fine to be enraged, either way you did the right thing. You came out the bigger man.

 

[Media]

You're a better person for not sinking to their level. Kindness in the face of cruelty is a true mark of character.

 

[Numb]

You can't even have a name sounding Muslim sometimes
Smh

 

[Mesoian]

Didn't you get the memo? We have a black president, RACISM IS OVER!

No, my condolences man, people are just ignorant a lot of the time. The media has a lot of people snowed about anything that isn't status quo americana from the past 10 years. Things were pretty tough up here after the Boston bombings; it's easier to find someone to hate than try and step into someone's shoes.

Keep your head up and try not to let that dumb shit get to you. You'll be okay.

 

[Yaphett Kotto]

I am sorry to hear that. You never know how infuriating something as race is until it happens to you. Small or big.

I would've ended up knocking him out if he continued long enough.

 

[Negrodamus]

I feel your pain op, but you did the right thing. I still remember when I was in a 7/11 with some friends and the cashier thought I had stolen something since I didn't buy anything. Ended up threatening to call the police and called me a "filthy porch monkey". Had to hold my friends back and walk outta there at that point. Sometimes you just gotta take the high road even if the other person is acting like complete scum.

 

[Jpop]

I am sorry to hear that. You never know how infuriating something as race is until it happens to you. Small or big.

I mean I know I grew up in Texas before/during/after 9/11.

Half of my family are southern white and racist. I've heard them refer to Olympic runners as monkeys because they were black.

I have no love for that half of my family, hence me moving north after highschool

 

[Yaphett Kotto]

I mean I know I grew up in Texas before/during/after 9/11.

Half of my family are southern white and racist. I've heard them refer to Olympic runners as monkeys because they were black.

I have no love for that half of my family, hence me moving north after highschool

Good choice. I would go as far as to not even claim them as family if it were me.

 

[painey]

sounds like his problems were due to his assumption of your religion, not race.

 

[EdibleKnife]

I've been there. Including thinking about it after the fact. Wondering if you could have said the right thing to educate them or insult them just as badly as they did you. Whether you should have gotten physical and wondering if it's the last time you'll encounter a person like that. It's heavy. Sorry you had to deal with that OP.

 

[Jon Arbuckle]

GAF,

So last night I was at a bar I regularly go to. This middle aged guy and his wife or girlfriend sat next to me.

Eventually a conversation happened and her and I talked about what I majored in college ect...

He asks my name, and I say Jalal. Then he goes off, " Oh, so you're Muslim I'm not doing this now." Ect...

He got so offended he left the bar and sat outside to smoke till the conversation I had with the person he was with was over.


I'm not Muslim, I have a middle eastern name because my dad is middle eastern.

I ignored his antagonistic remarks as I am used to them and have had anger problems in the past. But at the same time it is hard to ignore someone who treats you like that.

Still fuming, the workers at the bar told me I should have just decked him. They wouldn't have said anything. I didn't , and maybe that makes me a better person but at the same time I am still enraged a day later.

While I am Native American I don't look like it and apparently that emboldens people to be racist around me and assume it's ok. I work with the tribal youth of my community and so often when we are out in the general public I hear incredibly racist comments targeted at my kids and it never fails to get a rise out of me. I have yet to actually get in a physical altercation (who wants the guy in charge of their kids to get in a fight on the clock?) but it is definitely something I talk about with our kids and my coworkers. Typically I try and remind them that we live in a state where we are not particularly liked and they will face these situations all their lives. It doesn't it make it right or something that we need to put up with, but there are better ways to deal with these things than getting in a brawl with some bigot.

Discrimination of all sorts exists and it sucks. All I can say is, try and move past it and realize that he has the problem and not the other way around. We can't change everyone's opinions, especially if alcohol is involved.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

You should have said something insulting about his mom.

 

[PsychoRaven]

Good on you OP. As others said you did the right thing. You showed that you're a bigger person then that piece of shit ever will be. It's also ok to be angry. You should be. Like you said you folks were having a decent conversation. What did it fucking mater what religion, race, etc you were? It would piss anyone with any fucking decency off seeing someone act like that.

 

[hateradio]

Jalal, you're cool.

 

[Mental Atrophy]

You should've told him you majored in explosives, asked for his address, and then stared at him in silence.

 

[Christopher]

You should have said something insulting about his mom.

Why is that?

 

[Ninja Scooter]

Why is that?

To knock him down a peg or two.

 

[Reverend Funk]

sounds like his problems were due to his assumption of your religion, not race.

yea I hope this makes you feel better op!

 

[Numb]

To knock him down a peg or two.

His mom has nothing to do with it
Better confront him personally or some such

 

[FelixOrion]

Should've been like "Well, sorry, enjoy your Al-cohol."

 

[Ninja Scooter]

His mom has nothing to do with
Better confront him personally or some such

Fair point. A verbal jab at the size of his penis, perhaps?

 

[EdibleKnife]

yea I hope this makes you feel better op!

Lol

 

[coughlanio]

sounds like his problems were due to his assumption of your religion, not race.

Sadly, for a lot of bigoted people, they aren't mutually exclusive.

 

[ThisGuy]

Fair point. A verbal jab at the size of his penis, perhaps?

Lol, race relations are never going to get better.


I dunno what to say op. I sat through 5 minutes of a dying man telling me that I, and people like me, shouldn't exist.

I was so fucking mad/shocked I had to sit in my truck for a few minutes. Still gets me to this day even though he's dead.

Prob should of knocked his teeth out. Or hit on his wife lol.

 

[HotHamBoy]

sounds like his problems were due to his assumption of your religion, not race.

But it was an assumption based on race, so it's still racism.

 

[Tetra-9]

Good on you OP. As others said you did the right thing. You showed that you're a bigger person then that piece of shit ever will be. It's also ok to be angry. You should be. Like you said you folks were having a decent conversation. What did it fucking mater what religion, race, etc you were? It would piss anyone with any fucking decency off seeing someone act like that.

This^

You mastered through all of that very well and should be commended. It's especially telling that the person's SO stayed to to talk with you. That's the type of social change that's amounts to something. Although sometimes very little. Just talk with people. And be you.

 

[sir_kevith]

Yea that would piss me off

 

[Numb]

Fair point. A verbal jab at the size of his penis, perhaps?

Ok
But if he stayed it should be upgraded to an actual punch to the penis

 

[SeanC]

Sounds like he's the idiot pouting outside the bar. You should have stayed all night talking and he'd just be out there smoking like jackass while you hit on his wife/girlfriend.

 

[MC Safety]

GAF,

So last night I was at a bar I regularly go to..

If you have anger issues, the best thing you could learn is how to let things go.

You met a jerk. It's over. A day after the fact you still shouldn't be holding on to that anger.

I'm not sure why someone who wasn't trying to provoke a fight would tell you to punch the guy in question.

 

[Byakuya769]

I just can't understand these types of people. Fuck em.

Little to gain from decking him. And I get it. There are instances that I find hard not to fume about and wonder what if I had fucked that racist up. But that short term high isn't worth the potential long term risks of physical violence.

 

[Spoiled Milk]

It's fine to be enraged, either way you did the right thing. You came out the bigger man.

You're a better person for not sinking to their level. Kindness in the face of cruelty is a true mark of character.

I feel your pain op, but you did the right thing. I still remember when I was in a 7/11 with some friends and the cashier thought I had stolen something since I didn't buy anything. Ended up threatening to call the police and called me a "filthy porch monkey". Had to hold my friends back and walk outta there at that point. Sometimes you just gotta take the high road even if the other person is acting like complete scum.

Good on you OP. As others said you did the right thing. You showed that you're a bigger person then that piece of shit ever will be. It's also ok to be angry. You should be. Like you said you folks were having a decent conversation. What did it fucking mater what religion, race, etc you were? It would piss anyone with any fucking decency off seeing someone act like that.

Fuck this! Should have decked him, Jalal!

 

[Macam]

The world is a bit like Pokémon Go, but instead of Pokémon, you may find assholes in the wild. Congrats, you found one.

Some times, you just gotta let that stuff go. I've had this happen to plenty of friends over the years, and it's never pleasant. At least he went off and had a smoke. Enjoy your beer, your conversation, and your night, and if the anger still lingers, well, a middle aged man who's still smoking will probably end up spending his last days suffering from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, a terrible way to pass and a choice of his own making, much like his abhorrent views.

 

[Jpop]

If you have anger issues, the best thing you could learn is how to let things go.

You met a jerk. It's over. A day after the fact you still shouldn't be holding on to that anger.

I'm not sure why someone who wasn't trying to provoke a fight would tell you to punch the guy in question.

False. I shouldn't let bigoted assholes have a pass because day has gone by. And anger management isn't about letting things go. It is about not letting those things influence your life.

Also this some guy was someone I have known for a while and he felt the guy deserved to be punched, so did I. I didn't act on it and he complemented me on it.

You sound like a basic white guy who has never delt with discrimination.

Edit:


Too clarify I will keep my anger, not for this one incident, but for the many. Not for this one person, but the multiple who treat others as lessers based on their skin color, race, ethnicity, or religion.

I won't let my anger direct my actions but I will take the right to direct my anger unto these assholes. (In a productive way of course.)

 

[Slate Soda]

You should've told him you majored in explosives, asked for his address, and then stared at him in silence.

Sounds like an easy way to get arrested, shot, or both.

Fair point. A verbal jab at the size of his penis, perhaps?

Where are you going with this

Seems like you're making light of the shitty treatment Muslims get in this country. At any rate it doesn't sound like making fun of his dick would have been a fair trade

 

[Slate Soda]

.

 

[MC Safety]

False. I shouldn't let bigoted assholes have a pass because day has gone by. And anger management isn't about letting things go. It is about not letting those things influence your life.

Well, you've done a good job of not letting this affect your life.

The guy didn't like you. He defused the situation by leaving. You're still holding on to bitterness after 24 hours.

You sound like a basic white guy who has never felt with discrimination.

Got to tell you, people judge you all the time. Over reasons both practical and fanciful.

 

[commedieu]

Welcome to the party

 

[Nephtis]

sounds like his problems were due to his assumption of your religion, not race.

But it was an assumption based on race, so it's still racism.

I agree with painey in that the problem was due to his assumption of religion (because of his name) and not because of the color of his skin. Definitely bigoted, but I don't think racism plays a hand here. I'm not afraid to admit being wrong if I am, though I don't think I am.

You sound like a basic white guy who has never delt with discrimination.

I was with you until you said this. I think that was uncalled for :\

 

[Jpop]

Well, you've done a good job of not letting this affect your life.

The guy didn't like you. He defused the situation by leaving. You're still holding on to bitterness after 24 hours.



Got to tell you, people judge you all the time. Over reasons both practical and fanciful.

Sure he diffused the situation after verbally attacking me for a good ten minutes. Had nothing to do with me ignoring him and not escalating.

You're right, and I was wrong. I guess I shouldn't be upset, next time I'll let him verbally tirade me and maybe even physically attack me

 

[Media]

Fuck this! Should have decked him, Jalal!

To me, that's the easy road. Anger is easy. Reacting to it with violence is easy. Remaining kind when others are assholes is a hard thing to do. So in my eyes, it's a better test of character.

 

[Greddleok]

That fucking sucks.

I know I assume anyone with a Middle Eastern-sounding name is Muslim. It's a shitty thing to do, but statistically it's not a poor assumption to make. The difference is, I wouldn't talk down to someone just because they're Muslim.
Still, something I need to work on, it's like assuming I'm Catholic because I have an Italian-sounding name.

 

[texhnolyze]

sounds like his problems were due to his assumption of your religion, not race.

In that case, does it even make it less offensive?

 

[wenis]

If you dealt with every moron with a punch to the face eventually you're just the guy punching a whole lot of people. It's tough, but you did the best you could and kept your cool. If anyone gives you shit for not beating the shit outta him then they obviously don't get it. No one deserves to be verbally attacked because of your race, but as long as there are witnesses, people around you do take notice of the actions of the victim more than the antagonist. The one atagonizing will always be looked as a douche, but only you can control how people will perceive you from that point forward.

If someone puts hands on you tho, unleash the beast. Words are just words but ya gotta protect yourself if the situation calls for it.

 

[EdibleKnife]

In that case, does it even make it less offensive?

No but there's a concerted effort from some people to try and stop others from calling things racist as though it's just as harmful as bigotry itself.

 

[TimeEffect]

Those bar workers would have snitched you out, as I imagine the police would have gotten involved.

 

[coughlanio]

You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

 

[Jpop]

sounds like his problems were due to his assumption of your religion, not race.

Let's be clear here being Middle Eastern is seen as being different than white. Even if legally we are considered Caucasian.

 

[Nosgotham]

did you ask him what team hes on? if you are both on Instinct you could have bonded over your hatred toward Valor

seriously though, sorry to hear that. half of my family has to endure a lot of stuff like that. worried about my mom after 9/11 honestly