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Welcome to Erf! [NeoGAF XCOM Let's Play]

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
Director of Operations – CLASSIFIED Z3_DELTA // TRANSCRIPT_LOG>ORIENTATION SPEECH – MILITARY PERSONNEL //

Greetings, all of you; let’s cut to the chase.

We have gathered you all here today because you are, if you’ll forgive the cliché, the best that humanity has to offer. No matter where your last deployment was, or who you were fighting for, I’m sure you’ve heard the news. Bizarre atmospheric activity; decommissioned satellites falling from orbit; meteor strikes on urban centres. The last six months have not been pretty.

It’s about to get a whole lot worse for us all.

You are here because the United Nations Security Council has officially authorised the activation of an international military task-force dedicated to combating an unknown enemy threat of extra-terrestrial origin. That’s right, everyone: we are not alone in the universe. And these little grey bastards aren’t friendly.

I know what some of you are thinking right now. Is this shit this guy is talking about actually real? Is this some conspiracy-theory tin-foil Roswell crap? Are Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones going to step out from behind a pillar and reveal this whole thing is a massive, multi-billion dollar practical joke? In order, the answers to those questions are Yes, Yes, and No. The world’s nations are pouring incredible amounts of money into this project; some of humanity’s greatest minds are already down in the research labs, fabricating new technologies to help us defend our home. We have eyewitness reports of weird shit going down around impact sites around the world. We are deadly serious.

As you may have noticed in your initial recruitment letters, the XCOM Project is designated Top Secret for reasons of operational security. While we are sure that the existence of the alien threat will become common knowledge soon enough, I need not remind you that we have no knowledge of the intelligence capabilities of the enemy. To minimise information risks, therefore, all personnel have been assigned identification callsigns, which will be used on all official documentation and transcripts.

Alright, that’s the basics. I will keep you informed as events develop. You’re all professionals; you know what’s at stake here. Dismissed.

---

This is a GAF-centric Let’s Play for the recently released XCOM: Enemy Unknown by Firaxis. Difficulty is set to classic, but not ironman, due to bugs currently being ironed out. Please bear with me as crazy shit goes down. Hopefully this won’t end in a massive fireball called Earth but quite frankly it just might. Inspired by GuavaMoment’s X-COM LP on the Something Awful forums, Director Fishman’s ongoing X-COM LP on the Penny-Arcade forums, and Director McNum’s LP on GAF. Special thanks to Director Fishman for leading me through the LP process.

---

---CURRENT XCOM STAFFING ROSTER---
[*] This document is subject to change as verified information is released for internal dissemination.

[*] As per standard security arrangements, all personnel are referred to via their pre-assigned callsigns. Refer to Document X-F501 for further information.


COMBAT-READY
Lt. Mupod
Lt. Thy
Sgt. UnknownSoldier
Sgt. Sober
Cpl. Frontieruk
Sqd. Deraldin
Pvt. Lorebringer
Pvt. Fin
Pvt. Rentahamster
Pvt. The Wizard
Pvt. Tu101uk
Pvt. Spirit Of Jazz
Pvt. Luigi87

ROBOTICS [DIVISION INACTIVE]
KO "Travelling Hobo"

PILOTS [FULL]
Squadron Leader PBAlfredo - RAVEN-1
Flight Lt. Babeslayer - RAVEN-2
Flight Lt. Kreunt - [GROUNDED]
Flight Lt. Dakota47 - [GROUNDED]
Cpt. Bluey - SKYRANGER-1

SCIENCE TEAM
Dr. Billiechu – Head of Science Team
Dr. Pickles the Firecat – Intelligence [Decryption/Linguistics/Tactical Analysis]
Prof. BigJiantRobut – Weapons Technology [Reverse Engineering/Terrestrial Fabrications/Xenotechnological Armaments]
Dr. Slackbladder – Xenology [Xenological Biology/Xenological Psychology/Autopsies]
Dr. Mindlog – Xenology Research Associate
Dr. Kriptikjoker – Applied Sciences [Vehicular Engineering/Quantum Gravitational Fields/Material Sciences/Anomalous Materials]

ENGINEERING TEAM
Dr. Vlodril – Head of Engineering
Dr. Vek – Armaments Fabrication
Dr. Jamie OD – Satellite Technology
Prof. Sonicmj1 – Construction

OPERATIONS
Cpt. McNum – Central Operations Officer
Lt. Eidelon – Central Operations Assistant
Lt. Corky – Logistics and Maintenance Officer

---

WAITLISTED
Keikaku
Porkwing
Alboreo
Admiral Snackbar
Grimsen
Calder
Azure
Khatoz
Epmode
Atilac
Electricpirate
Miletius
Pixelhorror
Clevinger
Protein
Reluctant-Hero
FreakNamedPete
Gav47
Spudbud
Acksman
FtHTiny
Patapuf
Kami_Sama
Sotha Sil
Echothreealpha
DerFeef
Gibon3z
Dmax3901
Palmer_v1
Orgun
Raphier
Joeboy101
PsychoWARD23
Cirekiller
A_Secret_Boss
IamMikeSide
Arucardo
D1rtn4p
Red731
Whalleywhat
Magilla
Piratespwnninja

All applications are closed at the present time. All responses after this posting shall be ignored until such a time as Command determines that this policy shall be revised. Thank you for applying to the XCOM Project. Transfer requests are still being accepted.

---ARCHIVE---

/////CLASSIFIED/////
APPROVED RECIPIENTS ONLY
/////CLASSIFIED/////


Attention, candidate!

You have chosen, or been chosen, to join a recruitment program for a high-level international military task force with the backing of the United Nations. We are looking for experts in a variety of fields, from professional soldiers of all stripes to experienced research scientists and military engineers. If you feel that you have what it takes to stand tall amongst the best of the best, please respond to this initial communication within
[REDACTED]
days with a !signup notification.

This initiative will be dealing with security issues of the highest priority for a majority of the world’s nations, and as such is designated [TOP SECRET] in all jurisdictions. No information regarding this task force may be released to non-authorised personnel or organisations without prior clearance. Heavy civil and criminal sanctions apply.

There is a certain amount of risk involved with participation in the recruitment process, and, should your application succeed, with participation in the initiative itself. Although we are not authorised to release details of the initiative’s ultimate objectives and goals, analysts predict casualty rates of 70-80% for field personnel (significantly lower rates apply to non-combat staff). While financial compensation and other programs are offered to the families and relatives of downed individuals, the high likelihood of critical injury or death should be fully understood prior to application.

As a consequence of the projected casualty rate, we are accepting applications for all combat personnel positions. Specialist combat personnel are requested to apply, but specialisation designations will be determined in the field on a case-by-case basis based on performance.

Additionally, there are limited positions available for the following non-combat positions:
  • Pilots
  • Scientists
  • Engineers
Excess applications will be waitlisted for more detailed consideration at a future date. Please respond promptly. Time is of the essence.

Director Jintor
United Nations
[REDACTED]
Combat Unit
[REDACTED]
/2014
“VIGILO CONFIDO”

Director of Operations – CLASSIFIED Z2_BETA // REPORTS>PRE-PROJECT REPORT 0013 – COUNCIL FUNDING OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE //

Preliminary security clearance procedures are progressing at an acceptable rate. While a large number of military personnel have been volunteered from among the ranks of the member nations, only four soldiers have completed the vetting process so far and are ready for deployment; these individuals have been assigned to Contact Team Alpha. Meanwhile, additional personnel are currently undergoing clearance procedures on-base. Alternative personnel are also being contacted, processed, and relocated, in anticipation of the unscheduled termination of the primary selections.

Science team personnel are proving more difficult to get our hands on, but we are currently liaising with a number of academic, commercial and industrial institutions around the world. It’s unfortunate that most of the fields we’re looking for experts in don’t actually exist yet, but I’m sure we can tempt some renegades out of the woodwork with talk of Xenobiology, alien technologies and massive amounts of funding. I need not remind you all that security vetting is of paramount importance in this area, so delays may be expected. Nonetheless, we have acquired a number of qualified team leads, including the infamous Dr. Billiechu (who has been assigned to head of Science Team, after vigorous internal debate) and the radical scholar Dr. Slackbladder (whose release from British custody is greatly appreciated and may yet prove vital to the defence of this planet).

Two Interceptor-class fighter jets and a Skyranger-class VTOL aircraft have arrived on-base; our Piloting and Engineering staff are currently modifying them to meet expected standards, although specifications are estimates only at this juncture. Our Operations staff have also arrived and are familiarising themselves with the base’s various technical systems. Cpt. McNum’s recall from retirement in an advisory capacity in particular is also appreciated.

Relay my thanks to the German councilmember for the use of this facility; Lt. Corky informs me that hardly any repairs were required, besides replacement signage and the like. Finally, the satellite uplink facilities are currently coming online, although due to some technical problems with our equipment we will likely not possess operational capacity for at least another week.

---
 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
//INCIDENT REPORT_0001//
OPERATION BLINDING FUTURE
<<MOSCOW, RUSSIA>>

1st March 2015

CONTACT TEAM ALPHA
Pvt. Mupod
Pvt. UnknownSoldier
Pvt. Frontieruk
Pvt. Thy

---Command Description---

Reports received of meteors impacting in a suburb on the outskirts of Moscow, followed by mysterious &#8216;green fog&#8217; emissions and the deaths of nearby civilians. Previously unknown lifeforms were spotted by civilians and media soon after; site was sealed off by the Russian military. Skyranger-1, holding Contact Team Alpha, was dispatched.

NB: The XSAT UI had not yet been updated to reflect correct callsign procedure at this time.

 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
---Audio Transcript Excerpt &#8211; CONTACT TEAM ALPHA ---

Bluey: I have eyes on the site, command. Some kind of plaza.
Central: Copy that, Skyranger-1.
Bluey: Putting her down now. A bit of fog, but nothing serious.
Central: Roger that, Skyranger-1. Contact Team Alpha has autonomy. Good hunting. Central out.

<<-timestamp advance 145 seconds->>

Mupod: Go, go, go!
UnknownSoldier: I&#8217;ve always wanted to go to Russia&#8230;
Thy: Goddamnit, are you a professional or not? What do you see?



Mupod: All clear.
Frontieruk: Bodies&#8230; everywhere. Covered in goo.
Central: We&#8217;ve received recent reports of&#8230; unidentified assailants, somewhere in your vicinity, Contact Team. Move up.
Mupod: Copy that. Moving to position- what the fuck?




Mupod: They&#8217;re scrambling, they&#8217;re scrambling! What the fuck are those things?
Thy: Look out, they&#8217;ve got guns!
Mupod: I&#8217;m not waiting to see if these fuckers are friendly. Weapons free!

[automatic fire]




Frotieruk: Holy shit, good shot. Taking positions!
Mupod: Got him. Scratch one ET.
Frontieruk: Huh. Yeah, they kinda look like &#8216;em, don&#8217;t they-
UnknownSoldier: Hey, his gun zapped itself or something&#8230;
Thy: Quiet! You hear that?



UnknownSoldier: The thing&#8217;s glowing like a purple pinyata.
Thy: Shit, it&#8217;s on the move!
 

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
Jul 1, 2009
18,776
0
0
Fucking love you man, gonna subscribe the shit out of this thread. When all is said and done I expect a dramatic reading of the entire thing by Malcolm McDowell
 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
[automatic fire]



Thy: Glowing doesn&#8217;t protect from bullets.
Frontieruk: Nice shot. There were three of them originally &#8211; where&#8217;d that last one go?
Mupod: Moving up &#8211; found him.

[automatic fire]




Mupod: X-ray down.
Thy: I think I hear something &#8211; down below?
UnknownSoldier: Move up&#8230; get to the statue, you two.



Thy: I hear 'em. Definitely beneath us. Under the overpass, guys.
Central: Mupod, you&#8217;re on point.
Mupod: Copy that. I&#8217;ll see what I can see from the bridge &#8211; woah, contacts.




Mupod: Those little guys can really move. Taking a shot at the one behind the car -

[automatic fire]



Mupod: Winged him.
UnknownSoldier: I can see him, taking a crack at it.

[automatic fire]




UnknownSoldier: Bullseye.
Frontieruk: How many did you see, Mupod?
Mupod: Another clump of three, I guess. The other two are out of my sight range, but I think they moved up by the wall next to the stairs.
Frontieruk: Wall next to the stairs, huh?

[pin unlatched]

Mupod: The hel-
Frontieuk: FRAG OUT!




[explosion]

Thy: God damn. I think one of their corpses flew up here.
Mupod: A little more warning next time, you son of a bitch.
Frontieuk: Learn to recognise a tactical situation when you see one.
UnknownSoldier: Stop arguing, idiots. Stupid little buggers didn&#8217;t even get to use their fancy toys. HQ, what&#8217;s our status?
Central: No more aberrant life signs detected in the area, Contact Team Alpha. Retrieval team is inbound. Mission success.

---Transcript Ends---




KILLS/MISSION BOARD:
Mupod &#8211; 2/1 (+2)
UnknownSoldier &#8211; 1/1 (+1)
Frontieuk &#8211; 2/1 (+2)
Thy &#8211; 1/1 (+1)
 

GhostWriter24

Member
Jun 3, 2011
9,980
2
0
Not that it matters or anything but Will Smith never actually said "Erf". He said earth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfPWpEKhgfk
 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
Anomalous Materials &#8211; CLASSIFIED Y12_EPSILON // REPORTS>SCIENCE TEAM MEMORANDUM 003 &#8211; DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS

Preliminary analysis of the weapon fragments recovered from Moscow show conclusively that the materials used are not of known terrestrial origin. While I understand that Dr. BigJiantRobut has been petitioning exhaustively to attempt to reconstruct these foreign weapon designs, I suggest that a study of the actual materials used would be more helpful at this stage. So far, reviewing field reports seem to suggest that, at the very least, these materials have a number of useful tensile properties. Dr. Billiechu is in agreement with me on this subject.

Dr. Kriptikjoker

---END COMMUNICATION---
 

McNum

Member
Jul 6, 2009
8,127
1
0
It's not foreboding at all that you have such a long list of people waiting to be soldiers.
 

frontieruk

Member
Jul 18, 2007
4,211
7
1,160
[automatic fire]

Frontieruk: How many did you see, Mupod?
Mupod: Another clump of three, I guess. The other two are out of my sight range, but I think they moved up by the wall next to the stairs.
Frontieruk: Wall next to the stairs, huh?

[pin unlatched]

Mupod: The hel-
Frontieuk: FRAG OUT!




[explosion]

Thy: God damn. I think one of their corpses flew up here.
Mupod: A little more warning next time, you son of a bitch.
Frontieuk: Learn to recognise a tactical situation when you see one.

definately seems the sort of shit I'd pull... but far to reasoned ;)
 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
Office of Logistics and Maintenance &#8211; CLASSIFIED A3_MINOR_THETA // REPORTS>STAFFING_REPORT 002 &#8211; DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS

Director,

Here&#8217;s the list of active soldiers you requested earlier. Callsign procedure has finally been implemented into the XSAT UI, so we&#8217;re set for new arrivals at any time. I know we&#8217;re striving for the best of the best and all that, but is such a limited pool of soldiers really wise? The funding nations could at least send over a battalion each or something.

Oh, and we&#8217;re having beers at 7. If you can find the time, come and grab a pint. Mupod&#8217;s shouting.

Lt. Corky

---ATTACHED---




---END COMMUNICATION---
 

thy_

Member
Jun 10, 2007
829
0
0
[automatic fire]


Thy: Glowing doesn’t protect from bullets.


Thy: God damn. I think one of their corpses flew up here.

Cocky and complaining about the gross stuff. He isn't going to last long, is he?
 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
Director of Operations &#8211; CLASSIFIED F5_GAMMA // TRANSMISSIONS>PRE-MISSION BRIEFING 0002 &#8211; COUNCIL FUNDING OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE //

As of 0015, 4th of March, alien forces have apparently launched a co-ordinated series of abductions on multiple areas across the globe.



Due to multiple logistical and bureaucratic issues, XCOM forces are unable to respond to all of these events. I have taken the decision under my authority as Director of the project to prioritise a response to the abductions occurring in the United States of America.



Contact Team Alpha has been dispatched for a trans-Atlantic flight. The drop site is projected to be reached in the early hours of the morning.

 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
//INCIDENT REPORT_0002//
OPERATION BANISHED SWORD
<<SAN FRANCISCO, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA>>

4 March 2015

CONTACT TEAM ALPHA
Sq. Mupod
Sq. UnknownSoldier
Sq. Frontieruk
Sq. Thy

---Audio Transcript Excerpt &#8211; CONTACT TEAM ALPHA ---

<<-timestamp advance 432 seconds->>

Mupod: Clear.
UnknownSoldier: Clear.
Frontieuk: Seriously, these gooey lumps freak me the fuck out.
Mupod: I&#8217;m pretty sure those guys are still alive in there. That&#8217;s what Duckroll in the recovery team told me.
Frontieuk: Oh, huh. Guess that means I probably shouldn&#8217;t be stepping on them.



Thy: Will you idiots ess-tee-eff-you? We&#8217;ve got a job to do here.
UnknownSoldier: Alright, alright, you bloody killjoy.
Mupod: Tangos, between the trucks!




Mupod: Holy shit, they&#8217;re fast!

[shotgun blast]

Mupod: Failed to connect.
Thy: Moving to position&#8230;
Mupod: Taking fire, taking fire!

[unknown weapon discharge]



UnknownSoldier: Holy shit, those guns are fucking amazing!
Frontieruk: Sure, but they can&#8217;t hit for shit with them - Mupod, what are you doing?
Mupod: Just had an idea.
Thy: Mupod, no!



[shotgun blast]



Mupod: Surprise, motherfucker.
 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia


UnknownSoldier: The glowy one fizzled when you killed that one.
Mupod: Yeah, this one was glowing too.
Frontieuk: Guess you hit the off switch.
UnknownSoldier: Whatever. Anyway, I want to get a better look at this meteor-thing.



Thy: What do you see?
UnknownSoldier: Dunno. It’s shiny as hell, but that’s all I can tell. Guess one of the geeks’ll have to look at it.
Frontieuk: Real helpful, Unknown.



Mupod: You guys hear that?
Frontieuk: Something must be up ahead, moving for a better visu- shit.



Frontieuk: Four of them, by the gas pumps!
UnknownSoldier: I think we can safely rule out intelligent life here.
Frontieuk: Firing!

[LMG fire]




Mupod: Fuck yeah!
Thy: You idiot! What if the whole place had gone up?
Frontieuk: Ah, shut it, didn’t use my grenade, did I?
UnknownSoldier: Firing!

[automatic fire]



UnknownSoldier: Winged the little shit.
Thy: They’re doing the glowy thing again!
Frontieuk: Yeah, and now they’re shooting cabs.

[unknown weapon discharge]



[unknown weapon discharge]



UnknownSoldier: ARRGH!
Thy: Unknown!
 

Jintor

Member
Oct 22, 2009
87,151
1
890
Australia
Unknown: Jesus fuck god-damnit I&#8217;m alright, I&#8217;m&#8230; fuck me, that hurts like the blazes.
Frontieuk: Fall back, Unknown! Mupod, Thy, move up with me!
Mupod: Roger.
Thy: Already in position.



UnknownSoldier: Right, this should help &#8211;




[explosion]

[unidentified weapon fire]

Mupod: Taking fire here!



Thy: Eat this!

[sniper rifle fire]



Frontieuk: Am I gonna have to clean your mess up again, Thy?
Thy: Fuck you, Frontie.
Mupod: Frontie! Shoot the other glower!

[LMG fire]





Frontieuk: Tangos down.
Mupod: Guess that confirms the linkage theory. Last one&#8217;s taking cover by the gas pumps.
UnknownSoldier: Can you guys kill that thing quickly? I think my arm&#8217;s falling off.



Frontieuk: Yeah, I got an extra frag.
Thy: No, don&#8217;t, you'll kill us all you lunatic-



[explosion]



UnknownSoldier: Jesus christ.
Mupod: Will you look at that, we're not all dead.
Frontieuk: Thy, don&#8217;t you ever get tired of being wrong?

---Transcript Ends---





KILLS/MISSION BOARD:
Frontieuk &#8211; 6/2 (+4)
Mupod &#8211; 4/2 (+2)
UnknownSoldier &#8211; 1/2 (-)
Thy &#8211; 1/2 (-)