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What do you think of men taking their wives surname?

Cunth

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My wife’s brother is a new age soyboy type. Completely obedient to his girlfriend. They are getting married and he said he is going to take her name (cause she told him to) and their mother is pissed. What do you think about men taking the girls name? I don’t really care if people keep their own names but the man changing his name seems really weak to me.
 

nkarafo

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I prefer everyone just keeps their own surenames.

As a guy, i never cared about this tradition anyway. I get men used to have much more power over women in the past so i guess it makes sense it even exists. But doing the opposite (getting your wife's surename) seems like a retaliation of some sort which is an even stupider reason to go with it.
 

Z..

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I'm all for it. Both should take each other's, ideally. Or neither, whichever... only one person doing it is nonsensical, frankly.

I don’t really care if people keep their own names but the man changing his name seems really weak to me.
Not so if it's reversed, then?
 

Z..

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I Iike tradition so If she had a problem taking my surname, it would be a deal breaker.
Would you be ok taking her's if she took yours, though?
"I like tradition" by itself is no valid justification for anything whatsoever, fyi. So much so that appeals to tradition are one of the most widely known argumentative fallacies.
 

Cunth

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I'm all for it. Both should take each other's, ideally. Or neither, whichever... only one person doing it is nonsensical, frankly.



Not so if it's reversed, then?
Double name is the dumbest. You have kids with two names who get married then they have 4 names? Generations down the line you have people with a hundred names. How you gonna fit that on your credit card
 

thief183

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Would you be ok taking her's if she took yours, though?
"I like tradition" by itself is no valid justification for anything whatsoever, fyi. So much so that appeals to tradition are one of the most widely known argumentative fallacies.
Well he is free to choose the girl he likes, am I wrong? Is it a problem for you?

Personally I don't care about tradition, but my wife is going to take my surname, otherwise she is not going to be my wife.
 

Z..

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Double name is the dumbest. You have kids with two names who get married then they have 4 names? Generations down the line you have people with a hundred names. How you gonna fit that on your credit card
4 names is extremely common here in Europe, not sure what the problem is. I myself have 4, for example. You usually pick 1 or 2 of yours to pass down and 1 or 2 of the mother's so in that sense double naming actually seems like it would make the proccess easier, no?
And let's be honest, when you get married to someone you only pick one singla name to adopt, it's never more than that so this problem is nonexistant.

Regardless, double name or no name are the only two options that make any logical sense, if you ask me... you either take each other's name as a sign of the commitment to each other you're about to make or neither of you does, at the end of the day it's all about making a commitment to someone on equal grounds, only one person taking the other's name is more akin to cattle branding than anything.
 
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NutJobJim

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I think pick the name you like the most.
I'd take my wife's name if it was something cool like 'Almond'

I wouldn't care if my wife wanted to keep her name either. We'd just have different names I guess.
 

Z..

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Well he is free to choose the girl he likes, am I wrong? Is it a problem for you?

Personally I don't care about tradition, but my wife is going to take my surname, otherwise she is not going to be my wife.
Of course he is, I'm all for it, even. I'm a liberal, but I despise this new with us or agaisnt us mentality, don't you worry. Merely pointing out that liking tradition doesn't make tradition a valid argument in any sense whatsoever. One's preferences don't have to make sense, though, of course.

Yes very logical indeed
That's exactly where it stems from, women were seen as property. That's a historical fact, not extrapolating on my part. Tradition has kept such conventions going, but let's not act like we don't know exactly why the status quo is the way it is.
 
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Tumle

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its there life... if they need that powerstructure in there relationship, then that's for them to decide..
where his mother expecting her to take his surname?
 

Z..

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Personally I don't care about tradition, but my wife is going to take my surname, otherwise she is not going to be my wife.
Forget to address this part on my reply... if tradition isn't your motivation for demanding such, may I inquire what is? Also, would you be willing to take her's if she made such a request?
 

Z..

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That’s just the way it goes in normal land
Not really true, it's more of an english speaking country thing. Japan and France, too. Elsewhere it's either pretty lax in such regards or the normal state of affairs is for people to not take any names, such as in the spanish speaking world and china (and Italy, as mentioned above and about which I was unaware), for example.
 

Barnabot

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Double name is the dumbest. You have kids with two names who get married then they have 4 names? Generations down the line you have people with a hundred names. How you gonna fit that on your credit card
My name is Mihaly Dumitru Margareta Corneliu Leopold Blanca Karol Aeon Ignatius Raphael Maria Niketas A. Shilage.

Guess which one of the last names my wife has picked and guess how the name fits in my credit card.
 

Tumle

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That’s just the way it goes in normal land
hmm kind of a double standard in my eyes.. I could understand if they just kept there surnames and maybe took there partners surnames as an middle name.

traditions are not always the right way to go. But again its there life, they should do what they want :)
 

Cunth

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My name is Mihaly Dumitru Margareta Corneliu Leopold Blanca Karol Aeon Ignatius Raphael Maria Niketas A. Shilage.

Guess which one of the last names my wife has picked and guess how the name fits in my credit card.
What does the A stand for
 
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matt404au

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4 names is extremely common here in Europe, not sure what the problem is. I myself have 4, for example. You usually pick 1 or 2 of yours to pass down and 1 or 2 of the mother's so in that sense double naming actually seems like it would make the proccess easier, no?
And let's be honest, when you get married to someone you only pick one singla name to adopt, it's never more than that so this problem is nonexistant.

Regardless, double name or no name are the only two options that make any logical sense, if you ask me... you either take each other's name as a sign of the commitment to each other you're about to make or neither of you does, at the end of the day it's all about making a commitment to someone on equal grounds, only one person taking the other's name is more akin to cattle branding than anything.
He’s talking about double-barrelled surnames. Let’s say you hyphenate your name so you’re Z. Pilkington-Cumberbatch. Then your son whose surname is Pilkington-Cumberbatch marries a woman named Merchant-Gervais. Who gets to keep their name? Or do they quad-barrel it and become Mr. & Mrs. Pilkington-Cumberbatch-Merchant-Gervais? Why does Pilkington-Cumberbatch come before Merchant-Gervais? That’s a bit patriarchal isn’t it? Tradition is so overrated. Let’s show that women are strong and come first in current_year and make it Merchant-Gervais-Pilkington-Cumberbatch. So then their son, little Johnny Merchant-Gervais-Pilkington-Cumberbatch grows up and meets Jennifer Johnson-Jones-Waller-Bridge and they get married and become Mrs. & Mr. Johnson-Jones-Waller-Bridge-Merchant-Gervais-Pilkington-Cumberbatch.

Get the point?
 
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Dontero

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Seems like impossible problem to solve without someone take the easy way out.

Even if both leave their names kid will still have to take someone name. On other hand giving it - betwtween names then leads to same problem next generation just more stupid.

Imho whole issue shouldn't be even a thing. It is mostly because surnames became a thing when government started to count people and couldn't take that there are 5 people from oakvalley with same name.

Previously this was no issue since everyone had one name and surname was just from where you come from.
 
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thief183

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Forget to address this part on my reply... if tradition isn't your motivation for demanding such, may I inquire what is? Also, would you be willing to take her's if she made such a request?
I want my kids to keep my surname, that is the only reason. In Italy wives don't get the housband name, but the kids do. I sounded a little harsh on my post, but it was cause actually had this discussion with my ex;))
 
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Z..

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He’s talking about double-barrelled surnames. Let’s say you hyphenate your name so you’re Z. Pilkington-Cumberbatch. Then your son whose surname is Pilkington-Cumberbatch marries a woman named Merchant-Gervais. Who gets to keep their name? Or do they quad-barrel it and become Mr. & Mrs. Pilkington-Cumberbatch-Merchant-Gervais? Why does Pilkington-Cumberbatch come before Merchant-Gervais? That’s a bit patriarchal isn’t it? Tradition is so overrated. Let’s show that women are strong and come first in current_year and make it Merchant-Gervais-Pilkington-Cumberbatch. So then their son, little Johnny Merchant-Gervais-Pilkington-Cumberbatch grows up and meets Jennifer Johnson-Jones-Waller-Bridge and they get married and become Mrs. & Mr. Johnson-Jones-Waller-Bridge-Merchant-Gervais-Pilkington-Cumberbatch.

Get the point?
Hyphenated names aren't really a thing around here, this didn't even cross my mind. I get the point, but it's nonsensical. That's not how it works at all, that's an extreme example built on ridicule.

Like I said, 4 names is extremely common here in Europe. I'll use my niece as an example:

My brother in law's name is Nuno Silva Azevedo Lima Correia (surnames underlined, adopted surname in bold), his wife's name is Vera Correia Assis Pereira da Silva, their kid's name is Maria Azevedo Silva Correia. No matter how many generations forward you choose to go down, the names don't get bigger with time, people pick whichever names they want to pass down.
 

Cunth

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Hyphenated names aren't really a thing around here, this didn't even cross my mind. I get the point, but it's nonsensical. That's not how it works at all, that's an extreme example built on ridicule.

Like I said, 4 names is extremely common here in Europe. I'll use my niece as an example:

My brother in law's name is Nuno Silva Azevedo Lima Correia (surnames underlined, adopted surname in bold), his wife's name is Vera Correia Assis Pereira da Silva, their kid's name is Maria Azevedo Silva Correia. No matter how many generations forward you choose to go down, the names don't get bigger with time, people pick whichever names they want to pass down.
Sounds like an appeal to tradition
 

matt404au

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Hyphenated names aren't really a thing around here, this didn't even cross my mind. I get the point, but it's nonsensical. That's not how it works at all, that's an extreme example built on ridicule.

Like I said, 4 names is extremely common here in Europe. I'll use my niece as an example:

My brother in law's name is Nuno Silva Azevedo Lima Correia (surnames underlined, adopted surname in bold), his wife's name is Vera Correia Assis Pereira da Silva, their kid's name is Maria Azevedo Silva Correia. No matter how many generations forward you choose to go down, the names don't get bigger with time, people pick whichever names they want to pass down.
A double-barrelled surname is one name. A conjoined name, but one name nonetheless. You’re talking about something else entirely.

Double-barrelled surnames are a relatively recent phenomenon and stem from feminism, i.e. the woman taking the man’s name was seen as yet another form of patriarchal oppression and the conjoining of surnames is supposed to represent equality. But they didn’t think past the end of their own nose and just kicked the can down the road to the next generation. At some point, someone has to give up their name. You can’t keep daisy chaining those things forever.
 
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Z..

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Sounds like an appeal to tradition
Not really, this is pretty recent. Until the 1980s Portugal was pretty much like english speaking countries when it comes to naming traditions. We had the unique benefit of being under a dictatorship for over 50 years so there was a climate of change in the air when the revolution overthrew the government and alot of these traditions associated with the right wing regime were pushed by the wayside despite warnings of conservatives around here that it would cause untold ruin and decadence upon the nation. 35 years later, it seems pretty obvious it really didn't matter at all.
 

Z..

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A double-barrelled surname is one name. A conjoined name, but one name nonetheless. You’re talking about something else entirely.

Double-barrelled surnames are a relatively recent phenomenon and stem from feminism, i.e. the woman taking the man’s name was seen as yet another form of patriarchal oppression and the conjoining of surnames is supposed to represent equality. But they didn’t think past the end of their own nose and just kicked the can down the road to the next generation. At some point, someone has to give up their name. You can’t keep daisy chaining those things forever.
That was an extremely dumb solution driven solely by hubris.

I know I'm talking about something else entirely, that's my point... Since this all stems from my mention of double naming and since I wanted to make it clear this level of dumbfuckery wasn't what I was referring to, I assume you understand why I'm talking about it.
 

matt404au

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That was an extremely dumb solution driven solely by hubris.

I know I'm talking about something else entirely, that's my point... Since this all stems from my mention of double naming and since I wanted to make it clear this level of dumbfuckery wasn't what I was referring to, I assume you understand why I'm talking about it.
So... you’ve come full circle to my point?
 

Barnabot

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it's their life so I don't care beyond commenting on the internet about it but taking her name as some form of retribution against the patriarchy is some weak beta fuck, pineapple on pizza, 2% milk drinking dumbo bitch shit okay?
Damn right.
 

-Minsc-

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I grew up in a different era so I'd be uncomfortable taking the surname of my wife. If men today want to then by all means. I'd be more willing to have both us giving up our surname and taking on a new one. That would be some tricky negotiating to find one both agree on though.
 

Z..

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So... you’ve come full circle to my point?
No. Let's take this slowly:
I made the first mention of double naming. It was dismissed on faulty grounds. I questioned those faulty grounds. You explained them. I explained how they don't apply since the specific situation you lot are referring to is not only a localized phenomenon but one whose negative implications do not apply whatsoever to a standard case. Your point only stands in very specific circumstances which are not at all what I was referring to.
 

matt404au

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No. Let's take this slowly:
I made the first mention of double naming. It was dismissed on faulty grounds. I questioned those faulty grounds. You explained them. I explained how they don't apply since the specific situation you lot are referring to is not only a localized phenomenon but one whose negative implications do not apply whatsoever to a standard case. Your point only stands in very specific circumstances which are not at all what I was referring to.
No, idiot. You completely misunderstood Cunth’s post and went off on a tangent. The misunderstanding is all yours.

Double name is the dumbest. You have kids with two names who get married then they have 4 names? Generations down the line you have people with a hundred names. How you gonna fit that on your credit card
 

Cunth

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No. Let's take this slowly:
I made the first mention of double naming. It was dismissed on faulty grounds. I questioned those faulty grounds. You explained them. I explained how they don't apply since the specific situation you lot are referring to is not only a localized phenomenon but one whose negative implications do not apply whatsoever to a standard case. Your point only stands in very specific circumstances which are not at all what I was referring to.
Can you just explain why you are ‘all for it’ in regards to my topic question of men taking the woman’s name? Why are you all for doing the exact opposite of tradition. Is it to do with patriarchy?
 

Z..

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No, idiot. You completely misunderstood Cunth’s post and went off on a tangent. The misunderstanding is all yours.
How did I misunderstand... please explain like I'm 5. I'm literally not seeing it at all. Oo

Let's tone it down on the ad hominems, though, mmkay?

Can you just explain why you are ‘all for it’ in regards to my topic question of men taking the woman’s name? Why are you all for doing the exact opposite of tradition. Is it to do with patriarchy?
Not at all. I'm all for it since marriage is supposed to be a union of 2 and as such I believe both should either take each other's name or neither should take the other's name. It's only logical, the way I see it. Has nothing to do with opposing tradition, tradition just happens to make no sense in this specific instance.