What Open Marriage Taught One Man about Feminism

[Sho_Nuff82]

http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/07/what-open-marriage-taught-one-man-about-feminism.html

I suppose this is the "why should I care if my partner fucks other people" mentality taken to its logical conclusion. And yes, I was reminded of this post because of the cheating thread on the front page.

As I write this, my children are asleep in their room, Loretta Lynn is on the stereo, and my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo. It’s her second date this week; her fourth this month so far. If it goes like the others, she’ll come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex. I won’t explode with anger or seethe with resentment. I’ll tell her it’s a hot story and I’m glad she had fun. It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

Now, far be it from me to shit on open relationships, as we have quite a few GAF members who have that working for them and that's great. But I do think that it is laughable to claim that "true feminism" rejects the notion of fidelity as a patriarchal construct. I'm sure there are many women who want the security of a monogamous relationship, whether it's in marriage or not. The author sounds more like someone afraid of losing his wife than someone who is really into the setup.

What say you GAF?

 

[maxcriden]

But I do think that it is laughable to claim that "true feminism" rejects the notion of fidelity as a patriarchal construct. I'm sure there are many women who want the security of a monogamous relationship, whether it's in marriage or not.

Agreed 100%. Well said. I'd just add edit that to "security and intimacy."

 

[Fathom]

Open relationships are bullshit. Which one of your boyfriends/girlfriends would you visit first if both were sent to the ER? That's the only one that matters. End of story. You can't truly love more than one person at the same time.

 

[jwk94]

It just sounds ridiculous to say that true feminism means being in an open relationship. I myself would never subscribe to an open relationship.

 

[onadesertedisland]

That's gross, not hot.

 

[Frustrated_me]

As I write this, my children are asleep in their room, Loretta Lynn is on the stereo, and my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo. It’s her second date this week; her fourth this month so far. If it goes like the others, she’ll come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex. I won’t explode with anger or seethe with resentment. I’ll tell her it’s a hot story and I’m glad she had fun. It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

 

[entremet]

So is the author getting some side action too?

I just skimmed it and doesn't seem so.

But no feminism has nothing to do with this. Nor is having open relationships true feminism.

 

[Orbis Tabula]

Open relationships are bullshit. Which one of your boyfriends/girlfriends would you visit first if both were sent to the ER? That's the only one that matters. End of story.

I'm not sure where I'd fall on open relationships, but I don't really think this is a good argument.

Which one of your children would you visit first if both were sent to the ER?

 

[Vanillalite]

Open relationships are bullshit. Which one of your boyfriends/girlfriends would you visit first if both were sent to the ER? That's the only one that matters. End of story. You can't truly love more than one person at the same time.

Remember that Chinese dude? Got hurt. Then the Dr tried to use his cellphone to contact people and like 17 of his GFs showed up to the ER. LoL

 

[Jarmel]

This almost seems like satire.

 

[Dennis]

I am not going to lie.

I can't relate to the man in the OP. Like in any shape or form whatsoever.

 

[Cagey]

Lies we tell ourselves.

How does it work? We take turns going out. Because we have small children (ages 6 and 3), one of us stays home. (We don’t like to use babysitters because it gives us a curfew; we’d rather go out unfettered than worry about turning into a pumpkin at midnight.) Going out alone to hooking up with others was an easy transition. It does work both ways and, yes, I too enjoy sexual carte blanche. I just don’t use mine as much as my wife uses hers. What’s important is equality of opportunity, not outcome.

 

[entremet]

I am not going to lie.

I can't relate to the man in the OP. Like in any shape or form whatsoever.

Most people cannot.

 

[Shmuppers]

Open relationships are bullshit. Which one of your boyfriends/girlfriends would you visit first if both were sent to the ER? That's the only one that matters. End of story. You can't truly love more than one person at the same time.

Yeah, I share this guy's view.

 

[maxcriden]

I am not going to lie.

I can't relate to the man in the OP. Like in any shape or form whatsoever.

Bet you can, Dennis. In fact I'm willing to bet you have similar shapes *or* forms!

 

[Straight Edge]

I am not going to lie.

I can't relate to the man in the OP. Like in any shape or form whatsoever.

Is this a planted story? Astroturfing?

misogynist!

 

[not_so_special]

i think a lot of people on online media is using the word "feminism" to happily,another good cause having the problem of a lot of chartalans jumping on the bandwagon

no crazy ones..feminism doesnt need your help thanks

 

[Atenhaus]

Is the author getting some hot side action as well?

 

[Mauricio_Magus]

I've been in open relationships, but wtf does that have to do with feminism? wtf.

 

[PaulExcellent]

What a fucking loser. LOL

 

[FortuneFaded]

#notallfeminists

 

[Sou Da]

Is the author getting some hot side action as well?

Supposedly

Spoiler

Nope.

 

[Cagey]

Is the author getting some hot side action as well?

He says he "doesn't use his sexual carte blanche as often as his wife".

Meaning his wife is out fucking strange on the regular because she can, and he's not because he can't find any willing participants, but it's OK, he says his hitless streak is his choice.

 

[Skellig Gra]

I was with him up until this:

It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

I'm sorry but hearing about my wife getting fucked by someone else will never be "hot". I don't see how that makes him a feminist.

 

[Glass Rebel]

Lies we tell ourselves.

I'm not gonna shit on open relationships but that got a good chuckle out of me.

 

[ICKE]

I’ll tell her it’s a hot story and I’m glad she had fun. It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

Holy shit, that is the funniest thing I've seen in a long long time. Just imagine yourself in that position.

 

[KrellRell]

He says he "doesn't use his sexual carte blanche as often as his wife".

Meaning his wife is out fucking strange on the regular because she can, and he's not because he can't find any willing participants, but it's OK, he says his hitless streak is his choice.

Because he's a feminist, lol.

 

[old manatee]

Lol Paulo

 

[Valhelm]

I really don't get why somebody would want an open relationship. I hold no grudge against people who are in them, but it seems like a strange way to reconcile feelings for somebody with and issues with commitment.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

This almost seems like satire.

It reads like mental gymnastics to justify his wife doing whatever she wants so she won't leave him.

He tells the story of blowing up her phone when she slept over another guy's house, and of feeling jealous at the beginning when the first side-guy she fucked caught feelings (and she reciprocated). He forgives her every time she breaks the rules they laid down, and he thinks this makes him a champion of women's rights.

 

[The Elite]

I have seen cuckold porn rise in popularity lately.

 

[BumRush]

I am not going to lie.

I can't relate to the man in the OP. Like in any shape or form whatsoever.

Haha yeah, I don't think many people can (myself included)

 

[Guevara]

I think maybe dude has a fetish for this kind of thing. Only way this makes sense to me.

 

[Palette Swap]

It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

Cool for him that he manages to make it work and that it makes him happy but that doesn't have much to do with feminism.

It's still completely alien to me. The open relationships, not feminism.

 

[MetroidPrimeRib]

Lol what is this? Reads like satire. This is almost the same as people who portray feminism in relationships as cuckolding

 

[Toxi]

I'm not gonna shit on open relationships, but I do think he should consider what benefits he receives from an open relationship beyond "it makes my partner happy". Marriage is about making both parties happy.

I think maybe dude has a fetish for this kind of thing. Only way this makes sense to me.

See, this one of those benefits he could be talking about.

 

[mullet2000]

I always find it really weird when some people take "being a feminist/supporting feminism" as "letting the woman in my life say or do anything she likes without ever getting upset at her or disagreeing with her choices."

It's bizarre. Feminism and polyamoury are entirely seperate things.

 

[Kanik]

It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

The term "feminist" seems to have many definitions these days.

 

[JDSN]

#Feministgate: Its about ethics on your wife sucking Paulo's dick.

 

[Orbis Tabula]

I'd have to agree with some posters here, though. While I totally support the idea of open relationships for people who can work them, the whole framing of the article as the logical conclusion of feminism is a bit weird to me.

 

[number47]

Lmao. Nah.this is definitely cuckholding. You almost got me internet.

 

[n00bsauce87]

If that's what he thinks being a male feminist who is married means....

Wouldn't be me, but they had to agree on the situation. I wonder if he gets an unlimited hall pass as well.

How do you explain it to the kids when they think that another man loves their mom?

I hope they practice safe sex because if she brings anything back to him, he's gonna have regret for agreeing to it.

Not a fan of this at all, but it is his life.

 

[not_so_special]

The term "feminist" seems to have many definitions these days.

one of these is using the word to "feel better" and "morally superior to others".

 

[Sou Da]

I have seen cuckold porn rise in popularity lately.

Because the word 'cuckold' has been turned into a meme, mostly.

 

[Caelus]

I've always felt uncomfortable about open relationships, that anecdote just affirmed my sentiment.

I wonder if Pablo is a "feminist", whatever the label means to this dude in particular.

 

[ShyMel]

Is feminism a buzzword to slap on things for attention now? Did it join words such as innovation and entitlement?

 

[br3wnor]

To each his own but no way I could do an open relationship, especially one when you have to babysit the kids while your wife is blowing some other dude. Not to mention if mutual friends see your wife on a romantic dinner w/ some random guy (or vice versa) and you have to explain the whole situation. Too messy.

But if he's cool w/ it then more power to him. I would be interested to know how much more his wife takes advantage of this then he does though.

 

[Prophet Steve]

"It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist."

Lol. Yeah sure, that is what feminism is for.

"She didn’t present it as an issue of feminism to me, "

Well, no shit.

"Feminism always comes back to sex, even when we’re talking about everything else"

Heh.

I don't even mind open marriages or anything, and I feel some responses in this thread are a bit shortsighted when it comes to that, but this thing is super weird.

Also when your wife kisses another man without you knowing about it until afterwards... I don't think self-reflection is really the way to react.

 

[Kanik]

#Feministgate: Its about ethics on your wife sucking Paulo's dick.

 

[Zaph]

I think he's mistaking cuckold for feminist.

Like, if that's your thing, cool. But own it, don't try and call it something else.