Very Berry Sunday
Member
I'm curious to hear difficulties women face that men don't.
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What problems do you have as women that you wish men understood more?
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SoulUnison
Banned
This is, like, supreme bait.
Kotzen Ducha
Banned
Marry a women and be open to what she has to say.
You'll likely come to understand that women face different challenges in the world and are generally treated differently than men.
I'm not drawing any conclusions from this.
I'm just saying we get different versions of things because of our biological sex.
You'll likely come to understand that women face different challenges in the world and are generally treated differently than men.
I'm not drawing any conclusions from this.
I'm just saying we get different versions of things because of our biological sex.
KevinKeene
Banned
No, it's not. It's an interesting topic. It's always better to hear about direct anecdotes from individual women than some rounabout generalization from instigators with anagenda.
So yes, female NeoGAF, post your everyday problems if you feel like it
Wulfric
Member
You could ask GirlGAF, they have an OT.
It hasn't been active since October 21st though.
https://www.neogaf.com/threads/girl...t-guyposts-guyposts-everywhere.1412895/page-6
It hasn't been active since October 21st though.
https://www.neogaf.com/threads/girl...t-guyposts-guyposts-everywhere.1412895/page-6
-Minsc-
Member
The first semi-humourous and semi-serious thought which comes to mind is "As a result of the split, are there any women left here?".
It can be difficult to keep issues on the level as it's all too easy to fall into the trap of people feeling their issues inferior to that of others.
To minimize that statement (I may as well be honest), different women face different challenges and are treated differently than other women in the world. Different men face different challenges and are treated differently than other men in the world. In short, different people face different challenges and are treated differently in the world.
It can be difficult to keep issues on the level as it's all too easy to fall into the trap of people feeling their issues inferior to that of others.
Tumle
Member
I can understand why you would think that this is a bait thread, when the OP ends there enquiry, with what I can only describe as a sarcastic passive agresive “ I’m all ears”
But none the less, the question has merit in the way, that if you want people who don’t know or see the differences, in how men and woman are treated differently in day to day life, to open there eyes or understand what the differences are.. well you have to let them ask that question..
Because it’s not all of us that see this played out every day
I work with mostly woman in costumers service and have seen the one or two nut job that thinks, it’s ok to try and hit on these woman even when they have politely rejected that offer.. but I myself have been the “victim” of that.. I don’t think it’s anything to get upset about, and actually haven’t seen anyone to n emotional distress about it..
But that’s all anecdotal evidence
And sorry for the ramble at the end..on my way to work so had to make the time pass
llien
Member
Don't you need to experience being both to answer that question?
Blam
Member
Well I mean the majority have moved to a much safer place. I'm sure there's a couple females on GAF but they won't come out because they'd be jumped on.
Bluntman
Member
Well I had a girlfriend who then went to work as a nightclub dancer because she enjoyed beind watched by men.
So it's not like some girls don't enjoy attention
grumpyGamer
Member
waiting for the drama
SatansReverence
Hipster Princess
Won't be long with posts like thiswaiting for the drama
*was going to respond to it but I realise there is no point*
What do you mean by jumped on?
Blam
Member
You know exactly what I mean.
Sure it's subjective. But most girls don't like bad attention.Well I had a girlfriend who then went to work as a nightclub dancer because she enjoyed beind watched by men.
So it's not like some girls don't enjoy attention
Honestly I don't. Jumped on as in "you're a girl so your opinions are invalid" or jumped on as in "will you be my gf?" harassment?
I don't think it'd be that bad for girls on here, what with the calmer vibe etc.
Blam
Member
This is mainly my experiences from OldGAF, and it was usually lurkers who'd be the creeps so it's probably not as bad. I can imagine most of LGBTQIA+ GAF, and GirlGAF, are gone? Or just lurking. But I don't know how many of us really stayed
camelCase
Member
People going out of their way to hold the door for me, like, if you only knew what an inconvenience you're being to me at 9am when I'm 20 feet from a door and I have a hangover and a gut full of last night's poor decision making insofar as what I ate. That could be regardless of gender, though.
ThisGuy
Member
When a stranger holds a door open for me I'm usually grateful. And surprised they would do that. But I'm a grown ass man. Uncommon things like that are nice.
I need to specify I mean holding the door open when I'm at a distance.
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camelCase
Member
Sure it's uncommon and nice. But personally I don't find anything pleasing about someone waiting for me to catch up to them so they can "be so kind" as to assist me in opening a door. It's nice but it's almost like they're intimating "come on and hurry it up so I can stop holding this door."
I get the same feeling when I see people honking at people crossing the street for going too slow. They're hoofing it while you're in a 20 ton gas burning monstrosity, ease off the horn bucko.
One time another girl held the door even after I exclaimed to her that no, I don't want that! please go ahead! and yet she held it open. The remaining minute of walking to class beside her was uncomfortably silent.
AngularSaxophone
Banned
I think the reason and women haven’t “understood” eachother in ages because there’s no long the the concept of the balance that comes when you’re paired with the one you’re supposed to be with. Even when looking for a mate, the top priorities on the list are what she looks like and how good she is in bed. The reality is that that has pretty much nothing to do with how you function as a couple.
ThisGuy
Member
Aw shit, I thought this was a regular occurrence that you had to deal with because you're a woman. Lol, I can see what you mean about it making you feel the need to hurry along though.
Osukaa
Member
I never thought of it that way I guess there should be like an unspoken rule of how far we are apart before we hold the door open lol but yeah I can see where your coming from as I've seen some women walk faster to the door I was holding open for them.
Tapioca
Banned
There's a problem with men not realizing why women do not want to fuck them. They have the inability to realize that the problem lies within them and not women. They will then blame women for their inability to get laid, instead of blaming themselves.
It would be like blaming an employer for not hiring you when you submit a resume full of typos.
Most women do not self delude and know exactly what makes them unattractive to men.
It would be like blaming an employer for not hiring you when you submit a resume full of typos.
Most women do not self delude and know exactly what makes them unattractive to men.
Autoignition
Member
I'll bite, though all logic and reason dictates I probably shouldn't. The bottom line is that the world just still largely isn't built to accommodate women. Keep in mind while you're reading this that I've only ever lived in cities, so experiences could be different for rural women.
Catcalling/street harassment/stalking is a legitimate thing. Probably the worst example of stalking/harassment that I faced was: I worked a job at an ice cream place when I was about 19, and I was frequently there either alone or at least was out in front alone while the manager was in the back doing bookkeeping. There was a problem customer at that job who routinely stalked me, and one night he tried to break into the bathroom while I was in there. Thankfully another customer came in and asked what the hell he was doing, so that dragged him away. I quit that job not long after.
Springboarding off of that, I don't think most men realize that women have intricate social systems set up to protect ourselves and our female friends from that kind of shit. Example: was at a club one night with my buddy Andrea. There was a dude all up on her, really super creepy, like, "scared to put my drink down for even a second" creepy. I saw that and told her to chug her drink. She did, and shortly thereafter she pretended like it was about to come right back up. I dragged her into the bathroom and we waited it out. Sure enough, by the time we left, he was gone. None of this was planned on our parts; we didn't have a contingency plan set in place in case of creepers. It's just something that women are conditioned to know and understand and do on a second's notice for our own safety.
Yes, yes, I know. #notallmen. But women have no way of knowing which men are just awkward and well-meaning but with terrible social skills, and which of them are going to be like my problem customer who tried to break into the bathroom to get at me. We literally cannot tell by looking at you or even speaking to you. So if you're trying to talk to a woman and she's icing you real hard, just back away. She's not into it, and if you persist, she will eventually become afraid of you. Most of us very much do live in fear of sexual assault, because even if we haven't been raped ourselves, we've had to listen to friends tell us that they've been. And that's fucking terrifying. I'm not trying to take anything away from male survivors, I know they're out there too, but the sheer prevalence of sexual assault against women is the reason why most women walk to their cars with their keys between their fingers, or carry around pepper spray/mace, or make sure that at least one of their best friends know where they are at all times.
Away from that, a lot of men don't take women seriously in a professional setting, and that's something that I don't think that decent, well-intentioned men fully wrap their heads around or understand -- but it's real and it's far more common than you guys think it is. I was asked over and over and over, "Is there a man I can talk to?" when I worked customer service at a car dealership and at Gamestop, even though the men who worked at both places were less informed than me. Also, infantilization is a legitimate thing. Being called "doll" and "sweetheart" in a lovey-dovey tone while my male counterparts were very seriously called "sir" kind of makes a person feel like their input is worth far less. After a while, you learn to just not speak up at all, because you realize no one's really listening. This is made worse combined with the fact that women are far more often interrupted and talked over by men. Fellas, if you see your female coworkers consistently stressed out and pissed the fuck off, shit like this is usually the reason why.
There are a bunch of other minor things I could bitch about. When I worked security, the company I worked for refused to order uniforms in women's sizes. I had to order my own on my own dollar just so I could wear a uniform that would fit, and the company would not reimburse me. If I wear makeup, I'm told that I'm "fake" and guys say shit like "this is why I have trust issues." If I don't wear makeup, I'm told I look terrible and am asked if I'm sick. If I dress well, I'm considered prissy and high-maintenance, but if I dress down, I'm written off as a slob (or a lesbian -- a guy I met in college once asked me if I was a lesbian just because I was wearing yoga pants when I met him). A woman who sleeps around is vilified as a slut, but a woman who won't give it up either faces stalking/harassment/assault or is written off as a selfish bitch who doesn't know what's best for her. Just shit like that.
Some days, it's exhausting just to leave the house, honestly.
Catcalling/street harassment/stalking is a legitimate thing. Probably the worst example of stalking/harassment that I faced was: I worked a job at an ice cream place when I was about 19, and I was frequently there either alone or at least was out in front alone while the manager was in the back doing bookkeeping. There was a problem customer at that job who routinely stalked me, and one night he tried to break into the bathroom while I was in there. Thankfully another customer came in and asked what the hell he was doing, so that dragged him away. I quit that job not long after.
Springboarding off of that, I don't think most men realize that women have intricate social systems set up to protect ourselves and our female friends from that kind of shit. Example: was at a club one night with my buddy Andrea. There was a dude all up on her, really super creepy, like, "scared to put my drink down for even a second" creepy. I saw that and told her to chug her drink. She did, and shortly thereafter she pretended like it was about to come right back up. I dragged her into the bathroom and we waited it out. Sure enough, by the time we left, he was gone. None of this was planned on our parts; we didn't have a contingency plan set in place in case of creepers. It's just something that women are conditioned to know and understand and do on a second's notice for our own safety.
Yes, yes, I know. #notallmen. But women have no way of knowing which men are just awkward and well-meaning but with terrible social skills, and which of them are going to be like my problem customer who tried to break into the bathroom to get at me. We literally cannot tell by looking at you or even speaking to you. So if you're trying to talk to a woman and she's icing you real hard, just back away. She's not into it, and if you persist, she will eventually become afraid of you. Most of us very much do live in fear of sexual assault, because even if we haven't been raped ourselves, we've had to listen to friends tell us that they've been. And that's fucking terrifying. I'm not trying to take anything away from male survivors, I know they're out there too, but the sheer prevalence of sexual assault against women is the reason why most women walk to their cars with their keys between their fingers, or carry around pepper spray/mace, or make sure that at least one of their best friends know where they are at all times.
Away from that, a lot of men don't take women seriously in a professional setting, and that's something that I don't think that decent, well-intentioned men fully wrap their heads around or understand -- but it's real and it's far more common than you guys think it is. I was asked over and over and over, "Is there a man I can talk to?" when I worked customer service at a car dealership and at Gamestop, even though the men who worked at both places were less informed than me. Also, infantilization is a legitimate thing. Being called "doll" and "sweetheart" in a lovey-dovey tone while my male counterparts were very seriously called "sir" kind of makes a person feel like their input is worth far less. After a while, you learn to just not speak up at all, because you realize no one's really listening. This is made worse combined with the fact that women are far more often interrupted and talked over by men. Fellas, if you see your female coworkers consistently stressed out and pissed the fuck off, shit like this is usually the reason why.
There are a bunch of other minor things I could bitch about. When I worked security, the company I worked for refused to order uniforms in women's sizes. I had to order my own on my own dollar just so I could wear a uniform that would fit, and the company would not reimburse me. If I wear makeup, I'm told that I'm "fake" and guys say shit like "this is why I have trust issues." If I don't wear makeup, I'm told I look terrible and am asked if I'm sick. If I dress well, I'm considered prissy and high-maintenance, but if I dress down, I'm written off as a slob (or a lesbian -- a guy I met in college once asked me if I was a lesbian just because I was wearing yoga pants when I met him). A woman who sleeps around is vilified as a slut, but a woman who won't give it up either faces stalking/harassment/assault or is written off as a selfish bitch who doesn't know what's best for her. Just shit like that.
Some days, it's exhausting just to leave the house, honestly.
Bluntman
Member
Those sound like legitimate problems.
But with that said, it really feels like you are extremely unlucky or just can't handle some things well.
For example the makeup thing. I have never met a dude in my life who don't like makeup on girls. Sure we laugh when it's so overdone you can't really tell if there is a face under the 300kg of paint but a normal makeup?
Then the yoga pant thing. What dude would say you're a lesbian because you wear yoga pants? It's the sexiest thing in the world. Now, if you should wear yoga pants at places like college is another question.
Rocket Number 22
Member
The importance of heels, make up and the frustration of someone interrupting/getting in the way of you brushing out then drying wet hair.
Despite that I think it was 80% of sexual assaults happen by people who are close friends or family members I can still understand the fear for sure. And I do not think this is anything outrageouse you posted. And I have no problem with tackling these issues. For example in Germany we have women parkingspots reserved for women which are near exists and I think it is a good thing.
What I personally have a problem with are people (not you) who write articles like never talk to a women who is reading in a park. Never talk to a women who is sitting in a cafe etc. Or worst one if you walk behind a women change the street side etc. With people who are using these mainsplaining against everyone who tells her that she is wrong etc. Same bullshit with man spreading, or sweat shaming (yes this also exists....). Also I can never udnerstand how people can judge other people based on their outfits. But I also have heard that women do this much more to women than men to women. But I need to find this study again.
Oh and if it helps: I often also feel like that its exausting to go out in the world and interact with people who can be assholes.
Oh and thank you for the input^^
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Autoignition
Member
I know that you mean well, but comments like this aren't constructive. The OP is about experiences women have that men don't realize, and the reason why men don't realize it is because they and their friends aren't the ones causing these problems. The difference between me and you is that you're speaking from a place of external observation based on your own behavior with your mates (and you all sound like pretty decent dudes). Women encounter many, many, many, many, many, many more men than that. People come in all sizes, shapes, backgrounds, ideologies, and temperaments. We encounter weird bullshit that you probably wouldn't even believe from men with stupid and/or twisted views.
This is true about sexual assault! I think it comes down to a matter of what a person can control vs what they can't. We can control the way that we interact with strangers -- we can be cautious and keep our distance and keep our eye out for strange or threatening behaviors, because that established level of trust isn't there yet. But when it comes to the people that we know and are already close with, protecting yourself is a lot harder because the very concept of it feels like a non-issue.
While I do agree with you that some of these articles and thinkpieces can get a little extreme, I also completely understand where those women are coming from. They're more than likely women who have been followed home one too many times, women who have had their ideas stolen by men in the workplace (which is a thing and ties into my previous point about women being talked over), and things like that. So while I don't agree with these authors that men should all but isolate themselves from women, I think it is important that people understand that those things were all written from a place of hurt and self-defense. A good solution to this problem on both sides, honestly, is for everyone to practice a little bit more empathy overall in their day-to-day experiences.
akuda
Member
A few things...
First off obviously, I don't like being singled out in threads like this and the constant "there's no women on the internet" jokes get old pretty quickly... but that's just annoying, really.
What actually digs is a really frank question of size and volume.
I'm having a friendly debate with a friend. The more excited he gets, the less opportunity I have to actually talk because he's so loud compared to me he can't actually hear what I'm saying.
Having a heated conversation with a male coworker. We're both stressed, but his response is to get louder, stand up taller, roll his shoulders forward, and generally do all the things an animal would do to make themselves more intimidating. It works, and I wonder if we still live in a civilized society.
I'm not short, I'm loud when appropriate and I'm pretty sure my body language doesn't scream "step on me" so I can't tell if that somehow backfires and causes men to go way too far when they talk to me.
There's also the "alpha" mentality... men of a certain age pick up this habit where their memories start to go, but they rely on their authority to create the illusion there's no problem at all. It's shitty when you have to work with someone like that, and I've seen wives and friends who have husbands and fathers who yank everyone around with, "you never told me that so it's not my fault..." I guess that could be something that could happen with women, but I've only seen men use it as a powerplay. They get this hollowed-eyed look like, "I did tell you, but you're my boss/dad/husband so we can't fight over this, and last time we did you yelled so loudly because you didn't want to be questioned so I'm afraid to..."
First off obviously, I don't like being singled out in threads like this and the constant "there's no women on the internet" jokes get old pretty quickly... but that's just annoying, really.
What actually digs is a really frank question of size and volume.
I'm having a friendly debate with a friend. The more excited he gets, the less opportunity I have to actually talk because he's so loud compared to me he can't actually hear what I'm saying.
Having a heated conversation with a male coworker. We're both stressed, but his response is to get louder, stand up taller, roll his shoulders forward, and generally do all the things an animal would do to make themselves more intimidating. It works, and I wonder if we still live in a civilized society.
I'm not short, I'm loud when appropriate and I'm pretty sure my body language doesn't scream "step on me" so I can't tell if that somehow backfires and causes men to go way too far when they talk to me.
There's also the "alpha" mentality... men of a certain age pick up this habit where their memories start to go, but they rely on their authority to create the illusion there's no problem at all. It's shitty when you have to work with someone like that, and I've seen wives and friends who have husbands and fathers who yank everyone around with, "you never told me that so it's not my fault..." I guess that could be something that could happen with women, but I've only seen men use it as a powerplay. They get this hollowed-eyed look like, "I did tell you, but you're my boss/dad/husband so we can't fight over this, and last time we did you yelled so loudly because you didn't want to be questioned so I'm afraid to..."
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Bluntman
Member
Yeah I guess you are right.
Stupid analogy but it's sort of the same with the campaign before elections (there is one in my country right now). One time I asked my friend who works in the campaign team for the largest party why does the messaging have to be this stupid. And he said because you can't imagine how stupid the people are and how many there is of them.
I guess I want to think that people are better but that's not the reality.
Can't speak for women but I can speak for marriage and people in general.
Everyone has different struggles which are related to who they are. Race, gender, religion, etc.
With that also comes different world views and different feelings on things.
There's things I think shouldn't bother my wife because they don't bother me and I think they are small. But that really isn't the point. They are a big deal to her and holding everyone up to my personal standards of what is a problem and what isn't is immature thinking.
Everyone has different struggles which are related to who they are. Race, gender, religion, etc.
With that also comes different world views and different feelings on things.
There's things I think shouldn't bother my wife because they don't bother me and I think they are small. But that really isn't the point. They are a big deal to her and holding everyone up to my personal standards of what is a problem and what isn't is immature thinking.
Osukaa
Member
THANK YOU! I have a little sister who is recently 21 and just started working at a retail store and I swear the stuff she says that the men say to her gets me pissed and I wanna just go there and unload everything ive got on some of these assholes. A couple of stories from her are last Halloween she had pumpkins painted on her nails as a fun design and this older fellow while purchasing an item he tells her wow those pumpkins look nice. So naturally she says oh thank you and the nex tthing the guy says is I bet they would taste delicious if they were in my mouth... WTF! Another story that absolutly kills me is when she didnt have wheels she rode a bus and this guy was alone with her at the buss stop and he starts talking to her. She told me she was thinking like omg this big MF is like 6ft tall and shes only like 5'7 and weighs about 95 Lbs. So he starts trying to make small talk like hey gurl whatsup hows it going and she says oh im good thank you. Then he asks where you going and blah blah she says oh im meeting my bf as she said that to get the guy to back off then hes like damn you got a bf and you riding the buss to him thats sad you should be my girl ill at least treat you right. At thi spoint she's like no thank you.
Then this fcker has the nerve to say to her "fck your a little bitch im trying to be all nice and you acting all cold and shit to me. You need to stop being a bitch and came closer" At this point she tell mes she is frozen in fear as she was alone with the guy at a bus stop and was worried he was going to drag her off and rape her. She said at that time a bus came by and other people got off and at that point she got on the bus just to get away and got off on the next exit and called us and was crying saying she was scared. FCK that kills me to even type it. Needles to say I drove there from work and told her to call the cops cause if I see that guy I was gonna kill him. I got there and the cops took a report but said they couldnt do much as he wasnt there and there were no witnesses and just recommended pepper spray or for he to go with someone. I was so pissed and when our father found out he drove by there every day for a week looking for the guy LOL. Nowadays she will never ride the bus and has her own car but she still tell me stories of all these pervs saying dirty things to her or calling her darling or sweetheart and she said shes immune to it but fuck I hate the fact that its something she still has to experience.
Men as a brother please I ask of you don't try to flirt or talk to a cashier or cust service woman other than the hi how is your day etc etc as it really is not wanted (from most women at least) and try to talk to women as you would want another man to talk to your sister, mother etc.
Sorry for the long rant but yeah haa haa Women put up with alot of BS.
Autoignition
Member
This is some real shit. Men often like to ask, "if you're not interested in a guy who's chatting you up, why don't you just say you're not interested/tell him no/walk away?" This is exactly why. Women don't know when even a polite "no" will put us into a murder/rape scenario. Most of the time, it probably won't, but one psycho is all it takes, and we get chatted up so often that it's not worth playing Russian roulette like that.
akuda
Member
Relatable.
I try and avoid confrontation at all costs, really. Saying "excuse me I have to do something across the room (whatever makes sense in context)" is preferred a hundredfold over saying "sorry I'm not interested," because "no" invites confrontation. I'm not out here trying to get into an argument over whether I should be interested in you or not, is that alright?
I also sometimes hear that, "she said she wasn't interested out of the blue, I wasn't even trying to approach her that way." Maybe not, but a lot of guys have really intense body language they're not controlling well. I've been cornered, loomed over, basically everything short of a full kabe-don by guys who didn't seem to realize what they were doing. It's frightening and it's no wonder it puts women on the defensive.
I have to take things innocently, I can't assume everyone's out here to snatch me up over their shoulder like King Kong. I think most of these guys would be shocked if they saw what their body language looked like from my perspective. But it's difficult nonetheless.
Osukaa
Member
Yeah I think if all men could experience the feelings and uneasiness that a woman feels for a day we would all be better for it as it is some terrifying shit to have to worry about rape in this day and age. Not all men are like that and I don't want to sound like i'm grouping everyone in one category but when I hear about it everyday it makes me a whole lot more judgemental.
InterMusketeer
Member
Men can get shot by mass murderers too.
I can't believe the things I'm reading though. Getting chased into the bathroom? I don't know what to say to that.
Autoignition
Member
Well I have no idea what "breast hindrance" is, but one time I accidentally spit on my chest while I was smoking because I didn't aim far enough to hit the ground, if that's what you mean.
I saw an article recently where health professionals concluded that menstrual cramps are at the same pain threshold as heart attacks. So, just to give you an idea of what that's like, I guess. Back when I was in high school, my cramps were so bad I had to stay home from school because I would be on the floor of my bathroom sweating and crying and vomiting into the toilet and staring at the shampoo bottles on the edge of my tub and wondering how much I would have to drink until it killed me because I couldn't take it anymore. Birth control fixed that problem. And that's why birth control needs to be as accessible as possible. Just because a woman's on BC doesn't mean she's a super slut who wants everyone else to pay for the sex she's having. The vast majority of women who take hormonal BC pills do so because their entire lives get disrupted once a month if they don't.
And in terms of peeing, when I was working security, I had to invest in one of those weird funnel things so that I could pee standing up because it took too much time to untuck and retuck my shirt every time I had to pee while on a site where I was the only person around to let people in at the door.
You don't have to say anything at all. Just don't be that guy. And if you see that guy around, be like that other customer who came in and called him out and got him away from me. Call the cops if that doesn't work. That's all anyone ever asks for or expects of you.
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BANGS
Banned
But what's the alternative? Say "no" or... what?
What boobs on a chicks are bit too large I heard it can cause them back problems and obstruct their vision when they look down.
Autoignition
Member
It depends on the context and the situation. To go back to my story about my friend Andrea at the club, her strategy was to half-heartedly but politely laugh and respond with "yeah" and "mhmm" while never making eye contact -- just enough to appease the guy and make him feel like she was giving him attention, but distant enough that she could hope he was one of the decent ones and just take the hint and go away (he wasn't/didn't, which is why I stepped in). Some girls say that they have to go but give fake phone numbers on the way out so that they're not followed or harassed when they leave. I've personally used the strategy of texting a friend and telling them to call me and act like they're my boss calling me in for a last-second shift cover. There are a lot of little things like that that women pick up over time to protect themselves. Recently, I discovered that, "Hey, I'm really sorry, but I really need to pee, excuse me just one second" also works for a quick getaway.
BANGS
Banned
I think we've isolated the problem... Predators feed on this type of behavior. The only thing that will stop a predator is a strong defense. Feeding the predator will only escalate the situation and get said predator even more emotionally invested in his prey. You're just making them more hungry doing these things...
A swift and serious "no" is ALWAYS the best option, especially when you are in public and have other people to stand up for you if things escalate. If you aren't in public, fucking run...
Autoignition
Member
No offense dude, but that's terrible advice that's completely divorced from the reality of the situation at hand. It doesn't matter if it's in public. Women have been stabbed, strangled, and shot on buses and subways. Just for saying no.
I will never say that this does not happen. But I somehow highly doubt that this is the majority or a lot of cases to be honest. Are there any statistics for this? I think it is some modern feminist myth they use to stigmatize men. But I like to be proven wrong here. And then you have to differentiate between these events happening in actual relationships or broken up ones or from just "flirting meeting for the first time"
And people get beaten up or murdered for just looking at them. These are mostly exceptions at least in my opinion. Its like you also ould win the lottery. How big are these chances?
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In terms of scientific studies? No, because I'm not sure how you would even measure something like that; there's no way to quantify a control group. But not a year goes by that I don't see at least 2-3 stories like that in the news. And I've already said that in most cases, saying "no" probably won't put a woman in danger. But I've also said that one psycho is all it takes, and we have no way of knowing who's going to blow up and who's not.
If you need some sort of reference, I'd like to direct you to Ouskaa's story about his sister. She didn't even give a hard "no." She was polite and said "no thank you" and still walked away crying and terrified over the man's reaction.
The point isn't that most men are dangerous; that is not the assertion that is being made. The point that's being made is that women should be able to say no and can't just because there are enough men out there that deal in threats, physical intimidation, and in the worst case scenario, physical and sexual violence. Why gamble with our personal safety? What's the purpose of taking the risk?
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