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[vladdamad]

This is one of those threads, isn't it.

 

[Raiden]

I tried my best.

Goddamn man i'll never look at you and your avatar the same again :O

 

[Ronin]

I tried my best.

Mother of god....

 

[Tornado Condor]

I tried my best.

What the fuck, bro. I kept turning around as I was listening to this to see if anyone was going to stab me.

 

[Rehynn]

I tried my best.

I salute you.

 

[TacticalFox88]

This thread needs a SuhniLegend GIF

 

[NukeLaser]

I should show my girlfriend this thread. She thinks I am crazy for laying down the "sex blanket" on my bed before we get it on. I only have one set of sheets right now; I can't be doing laundry 4 times a week!

 

[Sane_Man]

This thread needs a SuhniLegend GIF

It so does. He should have his own bat signal for this kinda thing.

 

[Raiden]

I should show my girlfriend this thread. She thinks I am crazy for laying down the "sex blanket" on my bed before we get it on. I only have one set of sheets right now; I can't be doing laundry 4 times a week!

Is it normal for couples to change sheets after sex? If so i'm probably disgusting.

 

[Stormtrooper30]

I tried my best.

Post of the day, give this man a medal.

 

[Zeouterlimits]

Been thinking about sex all day and I got to thinking.. I wonder how other people initiate/end sex? You can only ever see what you do right? How do you change the mood from hanging out to horny? How do you get her to the point where she opens up and lets you dive in? At what point does he get turned on by you enough and decide to lay you down? And at the end how do y'all keep your stuff clean?

I know it shouldn't be the identical all the time but everyone has patterns that work. Here's my routine

Ignoring whats happened in the past couple minutes or hours or whatever, whenever I want to change the mood I begin to take long pauses in between her comments and questions. In between comments so she wonders what I'm thinking and in between questions so she starts to make more eye contact while waiting for a response.

I'll be sure to strengthen bass in my voice a bit more than usual, and I'll slow down my responses a bit..it feels like the rumble of bass echoes into her.

I'll start to speak more forcefully, personally, and interact more directly. For example, should she ask, "you know what I wanted earlier today?" my response isn't, "what?" My response is (remembering to pause for 1/2 - 1.5 seconds) "tell me what you wanted" with direct eye contact and stroking the bass.

Once I notice that she is having trouble continuing normal conversations (not stuttering, but its clear that I'm inside her mind is she is thinking about it-this is plain and obvious) I'll figure out some compliment to bring her my way. "Is that the perfume you bought last week? Come here....gud smel... wow...such scent. "

/touching /kissing /eye contact /seduction

Put on music and I always dive in first. only because women take so much more more to get ready. Theres no routine during however.

I'm really curious about the end. I always have some sort of improvised cumrag around for when I'm ready. I haven't been lucky enough to be with many women who want it on their body, but I've also been lucky enough to be in longer relationships so I always came inside. but it has to come back out and I hate it on my bed. So I just put her on a towel I had nearby or t shirt or blanket or whatever and let it drip onto that. What do other people do? I feel like its weird to do what I do here. You all just let it flow out and then change your sheets? still stains the mattress that way..

this all goes out the window after 7 shots sadly

How do you put in work?

Can somebody please do a dramatic reading of this

I tried my best.

Jesus. So ...glad (?) I came back into the thread.

 

[apocalidiot]

I tried my best.

This is pretty awesome. well done

 

[threetri333]

Open up laptop and masturbate. I always do it many times in the mornings and evenings. Usually I do it multiple times a go: at least twice. I have been doing this everyday minus rare exceptions when I'm at vacations or not in a very bad mood. I hate being a virgin.

 

[Fersis]

I open a couple of tabs with Melissa Clarke pictures ....

 

[DominoKid]

Classic.

 

[bjb]

I tried my best.

LOL

 

[General_Zod]

I tried my best.

Wow! whole new level of creepy.

And what is that music?

 

[Wickwire]

I tried my best.

hahahahaha holy. shit. im in tears right now

 

[UFRA]

I tried my best.

Fucking incredible.

11/10

I cracked up laughing multiple times. I love how you read the parts in parentheses quickly as a side-thought.

 

[Nibel]

I tried my best.

Holy shit :lol

 

[Moff]

I think rather than a dramatic reading I think the OP would be perfect read with the voice and music of this game trailer here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4leT3YbB79U

 

[Syph Medwes]

Routine?

When it becomes routine, you're doing it wrong.

THIS.
Spontaneous is the best. Ever done it outside the house? The higher the risk of getting caught the more fun it is.

 

[Plywood]

Open up laptop and masturbate. I always do it many times in the mornings and evenings. Usually I do it multiple times a go: at least twice. I have been doing this everyday minus rare exceptions when I'm at vacations or not in a very bad mood. I hate being a virgin.

You just want an avatar quote.

 

[Vermillion]

I tried my best.

Ohhhhhhhmmyyyyyyyygoooooddddddddd

 

[ZeroRay]

I tried my best.

Best thing this forum's produced in 2013.

 

[Misterhbk]

I tried my best.

Fuckin dead. Lmao

 

[HoJu]

I tried my best.

perfection

 

[Muffdraul]

1. in
2. out
repeat

 

[Madridy]

I tried my best.

I got shivers...

amazing

 

[DrBo42]

I'm dying. What a fucking bizarre OP, you have to be joking.

 

[Fjordson]

I tried my best.

Holy shit I'm dying :lol what is that music? Lmfao. This sounds like something from Saw or some shit.

 

[rugioh]

"What if I talk like this?"

HAHAHAHAHAH that music is 2spooky

 

[HP_Wuvcraft]

I know right, because it's crazy that someone on GAF could actually be having sex. The outrage!!!

Have you been here long?

 

[tycoonheart]

lmao, perfect background music for that reading.

 

[Head of Vengarl]

This thread went places.

I tried my best.

Goddamn. The creepiness of your voice and the music is perfect for the OP. 10/10 would wtf again.

 

[Black Republican]

Gaf advice on sex? wrong board

 

[Sane_Man]

Holy shit I'm dying :lol what is that music? Lmfao. This sounds like something from Saw or some shit.

I recorded it on Garageband and just looped some quick sounds I made for the background.

 

[Aeriscloud]

I tried my best.

Oh... My God.

 

[Fjordson]

I recorded it on Garageband and just looped some quick sounds I made for the background.

Nice. Fucking flawless :lol

 

[linkboy]

There isn't one, because there isn't any. My wife isn't that interested in it.

 

[Brofist]

I tried my best.

gat dayummm

 

[Snaku]

My girl is on the pill, but we're too scared to do it raw. Condoms suck so bad, but she's so against abortion we just don't wanna risk that 1%.

 

[Ghostofst4rm4n]

My girl is on the pill, but we're too scared to do it raw. Condoms suck so bad, but she's so against abortion we just don't wanna risk that 1%.

Was there anything in particular that made her start using the pill?

 

[IceCold]

My girl is on the pill, but we're too scared to do it raw. Condoms suck so bad, but she's so against abortion we just don't wanna risk that 1%.

I don't think I'd even date a girl who's against abortions. Fuck that, too risky.

 

[NathanMcMahon]

I sit at the computer and slowly jack off until I find something sick and disgusting, blow my load, then close 46 tabs.

man, this is so familiar it's uncomfortable.

 

[Moppet13]

I tried my best.

Holy shit that's too good. So creepy.

 

[CassSept]

I tried my best.

Just wanted to salute you, because this deserves to be on the first page. God damn.

 

[IamMattFox]

I tried my best.

Good work. I made an interpretation too that I was just able to upload.

My throat hurts. (1.1 and a half seconds)

 

[vikki]

I tried my best.

I'm dying here. Sooo good.

 

[Silent_Bomber]

Reminds me of this -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUzZD9NA90I

OP needs to be read with an Alan Partridge voice LOL