When is somebody "too young" to date for you?

[Aomber]

I met this girl who's been really coming onto me the last couple of times I've seen her (she works at this coffee shop I'm a regular at), and I managed to find her on Facebook. Realized she looked even better out of her work clothes so that definitely makes it tempting – thing is, I found out her age at the same time. She's 19, turning 20 in a matter of days. I'm 24, going on 25. It's not huge but it's a decent gap, given that I live in the US it also makes things like drinking awkward, and I'm not sure where to draw the line.

So, just to get a general opinion from GAF – what's your age, what's your threshold for someone just being too young to date, and why?

 

[PhoncipleBone]

That is the small age gap. But, already Facebook stalking?

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

what's your threshold for someone just being too young to date

When it's not legal.

 

[TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared]

Younger than 19 would be no go for me, ideally I'd want them to be at least 20 though (I'm 24)

 

[Jotaka]

5 years difference is nothing as you get older.

 

[AllGamer]

5 years is nothing. And I'm not even sure there is any such thing as "too young". You can be 40 and date a 20 year-old. Why the fuck would you care what other people think as long as you are happy?

 

[Herr Schwarz]

That isn't any gap. Jesus the problems we see sometimes

"Hey gaf a barely legal lady is trying to hit me up for sex - what should I do?"

Life is for living son.

 

[UnemployedVillain]

I'm 27, so at a minimum someone who's old enough to drink (21), but ideally someone who's also been out of school for some time so 22-23.

 

[Verelios]

When your conversations involve you fumbling for a common generational topic. In other words, the old (/2)+7

Hmmmm, guess you work out.

 

[Kayhan]

As long as everyone are legal adults it doesn't matter.

 

[ThreePiMatt]

What's wrong with the "half your age + 7" rule?

 

[Charles Brandon]

half your age plus 7 is the formula I often hear bandied around

 

[Lupercal]

If there's grass on the infield, play ball.

 

[takriel]

I'm 26, I think 20 is the bare minimum. Even that might be too young.

 

[platakul]

When they are going to be dealing with issues that I've already dealt with so ya that would be too young universe your age

 

[badboy78660]

Definitely have to be "legal" lol. In all seriousness though, I find that their mental age/maturity is more important.

 

[Veritigo_X]

If I can't go to a bar and have a drink with them.

 

[Unbounded]

When it's not legal.

Correct.

That said, I wouldn't really want to date anyone younger than 24, personally. Nobody really has their shit together. Hell, assuming they have their shit together at 24 is also a stretch, but I don't want to become a hypocrite.

 

[Viewt]

Five years isn't a huge gap, but those particular five years (19/20 to 24/25) is pretty crucial in someone's transition to adulthood. So while you're both consenting adults, she's still got a lot of maturing ahead of her (I assume - there are exceptions).

Do you think you're at similar levels in terms of maturity/lifestyle? You're really the only person who can make that call.

I'll say that I wouldn't have dated someone who was 19 when I was 24.

EDIT: Oh, and I guess my "age floor," as someone who's 28, would be like 22 for casual dating, 24 for serious dating. But I'm engaged, so it's not really relevant for me (she's 10 months younger than I am).

 

[AllGamer]

What's wrong with the "half your age + 7" rule?

It's a stupid rule.

 

[AuthenticM]

She needs to be old enough to have a drink.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

I'm 35 and have been married since I was 21. If I ever have to date again, I can't imagine going more than 5 years down. Everyone I know below 30 seems like a child to me. I suppose I wouldn't disqualify sexual encounters with younger people, but even then.

 

[Baron von Loathsome]

22, probably wouldn't date someone below 19.

 

[Aomber]

Hahaha I didn't realize the half your age + 7 rule is a thing on GAF as well

Five years isn't a huge gap, but those particular five years (19/20 to 24/25) is pretty crucial in someone's transition to adulthood. So while you're both consenting adults, she's still got a lot of maturing ahead of her (I assume - there are exceptions).

Do you think you're at similar levels in terms of maturity/lifestyle? You're really the only person who can make that call.

I'll say that I wouldn't have dated someone who was 19 when I was 24.

That's the thing, I meet a lot of people my age who I think are immature, so.

 

[The Kree]

When they don't know what Meka leka hi meka hiney ho means.

 

[Carl]

I'm 25. I'd dip below 18 if the girl was nice. My girlfriend at the mo is 20

When it's not legal.

So yeah basically this

 

[Always-honest]

I think younger than/ below 20.
In reality, probably under 25.

In your case, if you like her, go for it.

 

[Saganator]

I met this girl who's been really coming onto me the last couple of times I've seen her (she works at this coffee shop I'm a regular at), and I managed to find her on Facebook. Realized she looked even better out of her work clothes so that definitely makes it tempting – thing is, I found out her age at the same time. She's 19, turning 20 in a matter of days. I'm 24, going on 25. It's not huge but it's a decent gap, given that I live in the US it also makes things like drinking awkward, and I'm not sure where to draw the line.

So, just to get a general opinion from GAF – what's your age, what's your threshold for someone just being too young to date, and why?

Depends on maturity level and where they're at in life compared to you. If you're in career mode and she's still in party mode, it ain't gonna work. If I was 25, the only way I'd date a 19-20 year old is if she's highly motivated and working diligently toward her goals.

 

[Admiral Woofington]

I'm in my mid 20s. So younger than 21 is a no go already. So much activities involve drinking that someone younger would kind of ruin it or make it harder.

 

[BigDug13]

It's a stupid rule.

I wouldn't call it a rule exactly, more of a guideline of likely social acceptability in the US. The formula is interesting because it keeps the age gap low at younger ages and grows as you age. Truthfully you don't need "rules" like this, but just be prepared for societal backlash if the gap is too wide.

 

[Greddleok]

I'm 28. When I was 25 I tried dating a 19 year old. It didn't work. She was too immature.

It really depends on the person. Some people are more mature than others. Im currently with a 28 year old, and I feel like she's more mature than me. Ready for kids and whatnot.

 

[Nealand Liquor]

Depends if it's for fun or a full blown relationship. The way I see it if it's just for fun, as long as they're legal. Now if I were intending on a relationship the minimum would be late 20s early 30s. Obviously there are always exceptions, but in my experience people aren't ready for a real committed relationship until they're at least 27 and did the whole party scene already.

 

[Undefined]

when they are under 60

 

[flkraven]

Your age gap isn't that big, so don't let something like that restrict you as long as it's within reason and obviously legal. I waited to go to University, so I didn't start until I was 23. Met this girl there when she was 18 and I was 25/26. We started dating when she turned 19. It definitely felt a little taboo at the time but we were both in the same place in our life so it just made sense.

Fast forward, I am 32 and she is 25 and we are happily married. If everything else feels right, a few extra years age difference isn't that big of a deal in the long run as long as everything else makes sense. Who knows, could be your future wife.

 

[Forerunner]

I'm 28 and anything younger than 23 is usually a no go for me. 18-22 are just a handful and we are at different stages in life.

 

[Viewt]

Hahaha I didn't realize the half your age + 7 rule is a thing on GAF as well



That's the thing, I meet a lot of people my age who I think are immature, so.

It really depends on how mature she is, then. It's not impossible for a 19 year old to be mature beyond her years, or for you guys to click in some other way that makes up for it. If you think there's a chance of that, I guess take her out and get to know her a little.

Regardless, it's not like it's creepy for you to date her. But if you're thinking about a relationship that transcends casually hanging out, it might be an issue if you guys aren't at the same point in your lives.

 

[Lulubop]

Legal, but I'm not looking for anything series with girl that young. This is nothing OP, just go for it

 

[CaviarMeths]

Are you sure she's "coming onto you" and not just... doing her job?

Regardless though, that age gap isn't too significant. At those ages, the issue would be more emotional maturity. I would have trouble dating someone that age not because the gap would make me uncomfortable, but because it's rather unlikely that a 20 year old is looking for the same things in a relationship as me and is pursuing similar life goals at the time.

 

[NandoGip]

serious relationship? I guess under 22. Fling? maybe 19?

Im 26 btw

 

[Tagyhag]

I'm 25, I can't imagine dating someone younger than 21.

 

[Meadows]

I just turned 26. I'd say obviously over 18, but over 24 would be preferable so they have some experience of the real world, work etc.

 

[Phu]

Five years isn't a huge gap, but those particular five years (19/20 to 24/25) is pretty crucial in someone's transition to adulthood. So while you're both consenting adults, she's still got a lot of maturing ahead of her (I assume - there are exceptions).

That's how I feel. Just thinking about who I was at the end of high school and who I was after finishing college kinda puts me off anyone who probably hasn't gone through that phase of finding themselves as an adult.

Around 22 is probably my typical limit for now, as I assume as I get older that limit will rise.

 

[ReiGun]

I'm 28 and I really don't think I could go any lower than 24. So 4 years for me atm.

I'm sure it'll change as I get older, as I feel it matters less. Like, I could see myself dating someone who's 40 when I'm 49.

 

[Transhuman]

I'm 26, and wouldn't date someone younger than 19.

On an unrelated note did you know Elle Fanning is 19?

 

[Arkeband]

Usually you want to date around your own maturity level - guys who date much younger than them tend to be not very mature themselves and see younger women as more easily manipulated.

 

[Fuchsdh]

It really depends on the person. I've met people in their early 20s (even late teens) who are far more mature than my cohorts in their late 20s. But I also feel like the media maturity difference between someone in or just out of college and someone who has lived on their own for a bit also feels about as correspondingly vast now as the difference between someone still in high school and in college.

Once you've been out of school awhile I feel like correspondingly bigger differences in age are unlikely to have the same disparate impact. Bigger difference between someone 20 and 25 than there is 25 and 30, 30 and 35, etc.

 

[Raptomex]

I'd rather be on the safe side. She would need to be legal. I'm 27 and don't drink but still.

 

[TheJollyCorner]

Usually you want to date around your own maturity level - guys who date much younger than them tend to be not very mature themselves and see younger women as more easily manipulated.

But I don't want to date 70 year olds...

 

[Yoshimitsu126]

Imo, they should be in college if you're in college. But if it's just a a hook-up I guess it depends on the state or country you're born in.

 

[cr0w]

I was 30 and my wife was 25 when we met, and I dated a 22 year old before that. It doesn't really matter so long as the other person is mentally mature, to be honest. If you like drinking it could be a problem, but you can always have drinks at a friend's house or something.

Really it all comes down to the mental maturity of both parties. I've met many women who, at 20-21, are far more mature than your average 25-27 year old guy.