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Which is the single, worst game review ever published?

Desudzer10

Member
May 13, 2018
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Honestly any high profile review the past 5-10 years. You can't trust the big reviewers anymore with how much behind the scenes bribery is going on.

But my choice is not technically a review, but when that game journalist(over 15 of years experience) sucked hard at the cuphead tutorial.
 
Aug 28, 2019
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TeamXBox was probably the most amateurish review site that managed to somehow get fairly big; in one of their "Reviews" the author mentions a co-op mode that didn't exist. Like the game was never even planned to ever have co-op, this wasn't something that was in the review copy and removed or anything like that. My assumption at the time was that the entire review was completely faked; it had almost no detail, no media that wasn't otherwise available on the web, etc. and also invented an entire mode. The owner of that site managed to sell it for a decent amount to IGN lol
 
May 22, 2018
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Not necessarily the worst but does anyone else remember the College Football 96 review in Diehard Gamefan featuring the "little Jap bastards" controversy?
 
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ManaByte

Gold Member
Jun 10, 2004
34,325
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California
manabyte.com
Pretty much every review from a mainstream organisation in the last 5 years. Instead of a product review we get the reviewers personal "hot take" on everything else surrounding the product as well.

Wouldn't it be great if someone made a game site that banned that BS from their reviews?
 

Carna

Member
May 7, 2019
974
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580


Albeit ZP did (according to legend) coin the phrase 'PC Master Race™' in this Video he also lazily threw 'Misogynist' into the mix to describe Geralt for no good reason and heralded in the trend of reviewers bandying around that term (hatred of women) for any game that had the temerity to show a pair of digital tits. Not his best moment tbh.
I hate this guy so much, he's an absolute pain in the ass.
 

Zephir

Member
Jan 28, 2019
430
524
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Italy
>An Italian reviewer game 5/5 to Aliens: Colonial Marines
>The reviewer was also the director of a very important gaming museum in Italy
>In that same museum the local publisher hosted a press conference for Aliens: Colonial Marines

Hijinks happened
 

rofif

Member
Sep 13, 2019
5,049
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Games journalism is dead.

This is a better one:

It's a terrible game that stretched 4 hours to 20hours of hiding under tables and enabling generators... and the monster is alien. we all know him too well to be scary
 
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brian0057

Member
Jun 18, 2018
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This is a better one:

It's a terrible game that stretched 4 hours to 20hours of hiding under tables and enabling generators... and the monster is alien. we all know him too well to be scary
Man, that was nitpicky as hell.
But, then again, I don't find RedLetterMedia funny so make of that what you will.
Maybe they should've played it on Hard? Normal is way too easy.
 
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Guileless

Temp Banned for Remedial Purposes
Jun 7, 2004
10,287
1,833
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This has scientifically been proven - Nick Rox's review of the Saturn port of Street Fighter Alpha.
 

GametimeUK

Member
Jul 2, 2015
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520
"Too much water" is a valid criticism of Pokémon R/S and the review wasn't too bad either. Using the bullet point against the writer instead of the criticism in the actual review is stupider than how the bullet point sounds with no context.
 
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rofif

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Sep 13, 2019
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Man, that was nitpicky as hell.
But, then again, I don't find RedLetterMedia funny so make of that what you will.
Maybe they should've played it on Hard? Normal is way too easy.
idk.. I played it on normal and it was a extremely tedious experience because of all the waiting and enabling power generators... It would've been great if it was 5 hours.
Nowhere near as good a frictional games (although I think soma is better with "safe monsters")
 

brap

Banned
Jan 9, 2018
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Probably one of those old gameinformer reviews on Army Men.
 

brian0057

Member
Jun 18, 2018
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idk.. I played it on normal and it was a extremely tedious experience because of all the waiting and enabling power generators... It would've been great if it was 5 hours.
Nowhere near as good a frictional games (although I think soma is better with "safe monsters")
Hard is the definitive difficulty for the game.
Normal is way too easy since the lower difficulty actually gimps the alien's A.I. Some branches are closed off or toned down in order to make the game easier, but that also makes the creature more stupid.

But there's also the fact that Alien: Isolation is a very specific experience. Since I'm a sucker for stealth games (hell, just look at my avatar), this title is right up my alley and it's one of my favorite games ever made.

If Hard still doesn't do it for you, maybe the game's not for you. I love the slow pace of the game. How I have to plan each route before I commit to it in order to avoid the alien as much as possible. At no point does the game become boring to me and I enjoy every minute of it.
 
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Black_Stride

do not tempt fate do not contrain Wonder Woman's thighs do not do not
Mar 31, 2011
5,534
2,776
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"Too much water" is a valid criticism of Pokémon R/S and the review wasn't too bad either. Using the bullet point against the writer instead of the criticism in the actual review is stupider than how the bullet point sounds with no context.

How is too much water a valid criticism?
Because remember the score and bullet points are meant to near totally summarize your review without me needing to actually read it.

Even the writers and editors accepted that they fucked up, but you are going to try and defend it?

Okay.
 

ZehDon

Member
Jun 13, 2013
3,542
5,281
735
Australia
I'll throw some noise behind Variety's The Division 2 review. Archive link.

Some choice selections:
Yet, despite publisher Ubisoft’s denial of political themes, “Division 2” comes more from the mindset of Fox News’ primetime star Tucker Carlson than Clancy.
But then comes that wave of Tucker Carlson. Carlson’s hyper-conservative ‘news’ show treats white men as victims, said gun laws represent class warfare on the day of a school shooting, and treats Republicans – positively – as ferocious tigers. Carlson’s rants appear to have inadvertently birthed the world of “Division 2.”
An opening cinematic questions where you have your gun, and notes the goal is to “unite us.” Through guns. Unite us all in guns. So, so many guns. It’s enough to have Carlson frothing on air.
“Division 2” is the worst of ‘stand your ground’ laws and ‘good guy with a gun’ beliefs. Enemies wander the streets, guns outstretched sideways as they blindly fire like Hollywood’s abysmal thug stereotypes. There’s no narrative context for their actions, or why all of them willingly die for their cause – or what their cause actually is. They just hate innocents. That makes them easy villains to conservative eyes. They’re bad guys, the lot of them, and that’s all anyone needs to know. “The Division 2” may as well be Carlson’s primetime lead.
The reasoning lies in the inherent power fantasy. Tucker Carlson empowers those sitting on their couch with Bud Light yelling at brown people. Tom Clancy lured tech-minded absolutists who see military strength above all.
“The Division 2” represents the hyper-blandness of Tucker Carlson, a generic white guy spouting about how everyone hates you, making things great for themselves, and finding the absolutist solution to fix it all. With guns, primarily.
 

FALCON_KICK

Member
Mar 19, 2020
209
508
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IGN review for Days Gone.
Ryan writes:

“Days Gone makes some interesting choices that kept my play session engaging, and the sections of its story that I experienced piqued my interest enough that I was legitimately frustrated that I couldn’t continue playing at the end of the demo. While I’ll admit that I initially rolled my eyes at yet another Gruff White Male Protagonist™ in a grim world – especially one with such a Gruff White Male Protagonist™-ey name as Deacon St. John – I ended up getting far more invested than I’d initially expected. I shouldn’t be surprised, I suppose – this is a first-party Sony title, and Bend is no stranger to writing around well-developed characters and games with a strong narrative focus, either.”
Kotaku review for Days Gone.
Schreier first discusses the storyline itself, before commenting on the character’s race.

“So that’s the thing, I’m intrigued to see where the story’s going. And the performances are really good. I like the main character a lot, even though he’s this typical gruff triple-A white dude biker.”


Sackboy: A big adventure review by Sixthaxis

 

M1chl

Currently Gif and Meme Champion
Dec 25, 2019
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Fat non-binary fuck was terrible reviewer:
 

Spaceman292

Member
Mar 11, 2019
1,554
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Albeit ZP did (according to legend) coin the phrase 'PC Master Race™' in this Video he also lazily threw 'Misogynist' into the mix to describe Geralt for no good reason and heralded in the trend of reviewers bandying around that term (hatred of women) for any game that had the temerity to show a pair of digital tits. Not his best moment tbh.
How could anyone call old Geralt 'I'm looking for a whore' Of Rivia a mysoginist? Madness.
 
Nov 15, 2014
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I'll throw some noise behind Variety's The Division 2 review. Archive link.

Some choice selections:

IGN review for Days Gone.

Sackboy: A big adventure review by Sixthaxis

I honestly expect the whole "white cis man bad" thing to become even worse in the next few years.

The majority of all videogame journos consists of some of the worthless people out there.
 

TheMay30thMan

Member
Aug 23, 2018
684
1,058
470
Anything from IGN because they don’t even play the games they review. Sometimes I watch their reviews of games I’ve played, just for the surreal experience of the reviewer describing something completely different than what I played.
 

JoeyWestSide

Member
Aug 20, 2018
621
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355
Rio Rancho, NM
Gotta be this year's fifa for switch right? Depressed and given up / not even gonna try has to be worse than putting in the effort to write a bad review.
 
Mar 26, 2010
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Worst review huh? Hmm I think I once read a Bayonetta review on Polygon or somewhere that rounded the game's score down to 9/10 if I recall correctly. They said the game was closer to 10/10 but as feminists they couldn't tolerate its sexualized portrayal of the heroine. I don't know which is worse, that they scored the game based on some metric other than its quality, or that the honour of a maiden was worth only 1 point out of 10 to them, lol
 

MrFunSocks

Banned
Jul 9, 2020
3,018
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The Flight Sim 2020 review where they basically didn't even review the game but just wrote a long incoherent diatribe about how they hate games needing internet connections and stuff like that, while also saying that it was missing famous landmarks when it turns out the idiot was just in the wrong place so of course the landmark wouldn't be there lol. Not having any luck finding it atm :(

edit: it was kotaku, though it's been edited a bit after people tore shreds off them: https://kotaku.com/microsoft-flight-simulator-the-kotaku-review-1844957967

Also the IBTimes gave Forza Horizon 3, one of the most critically acclaimed game of last generation, a 4/10 lol: https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/forza-hor...s-drifts-off-wheel-xboxs-latest-racer-1582149

Look at this from the FS2020 review for example:

But what if that—the magic and the screen—is exactly the problem? While what’s on Microsoft Flight Simulator’s screen is, obviously, sublime, what the game is—how it exists, how it looks, what it does, and what it lets players do—isn’t possible without the cloud, machine learning, and the rest of the technology silently working behind the screen. Flight Simulator wouldn’t be a different game without them; “it” wouldn’t exist at all. So these Microsoft services aren’t just what makes the game possible; they are, to some degree, the game itself. This cuts to the intractable, ontological question of what a video game is, what can really be called a “part” of it, and where the game properly begins and ends. Is it simply the dynamic between a player and a particular set of rules? Their computer or console? A billion lines of code? Zeros and ones on a hard drive? A server in Tysons Corner, pumping data into your home from the heart of spy country? The despoiled landscapes and the exploited labor that make all of this possible?

There’s no right answer to these questions, as if any one of these is inherently more “real” than the others. Instead, there are only partial perspectives that offer different questions to ask, and whichever one you choose likely says a lot about your relationship to the game. But focusing only on what we can see and do in Microsoft Flight Simulator erases what’s happening behind the scenes, where profound transformations in the computational architecture powering games are taking place. So let’s go one step further. If we take not just the world of Microsoft Flight Simulator for granted, but also the technologies that make it possible, the map of what we can discuss when we talk about Microsoft Flight Simulator expands considerably. And, then, something more troubling appears on the horizon.
 
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Feb 11, 2015
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I stop trusting review after freedom force, but it was a 9/10 for 1/10 game.

I don’t even remember if was freedom force, freedom something.

bad reviews for good games, 🤔
 
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GametimeUK

Member
Jul 2, 2015
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How is too much water a valid criticism?
Because remember the score and bullet points are meant to near totally summarize your review without me needing to actually read it.

Even the writers and editors accepted that they fucked up, but you are going to try and defend it?

Okay.

"It’s not a new complaint, but Hoenn is still imbalanced type-wise, heavily favoring water. It’s especially noticeable in Alpha Sapphire, in which Team Aqua (the villains of the piece) use a lot of water types. It feels like there are water Pokémon in nearly every battle, and I have an overleveled Pikachu to show for it. You also have to navigate many bodies of water, since much of the late-game involves the HMs Surf and Dive to get from place to place. Diving was really neat back in 2002 when it was new, but I found it incredibly tedious in Alpha and Omega — an obvious example of how superfluous some HMs are...

...The water itself is absolutely gorgeous with the new graphics and details, though. One of my favorite parts of the entire adventure was splashing through puddles that reflected the starry skies at night, and even diving was made better by seeing a school of Luvdisc swimming by. Building my Super Secret Base on the rainy Route 119 had an extra-comfy, drinking-tea-on-a-rainy-day feel. Everything in Hoenn, water or not, is either delightfully cute or strikingly beautiful, and I enjoyed seeing the entire region anew — despite the tediousness associated with navigating all that pretty water."

Taken from the IGN review. So yeah, too many fights against water types, too much water navigation and tedious diving. In summary too much water. I think they explained themselves well. But yeah, let's just focus on the bullet point which is an accurate description if you bother to get the context from the review.