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Worst reviews EVER

epmode

Member
Johann said:
Wow. WOW.

Best part:
Nintendo does a horrible job of creating a battle system that works. Mario and his companion deal on average 1 - 6 damage to enemies. Yes, that is absolute maximum in terms of normal hits. Apparently Nintendo thought first grade math was overly complicated for this game, so all the stats, Damage and HP counting is simplified to an almost comical (no, actually not almost) level. You start off dealing one damage to enemies with a mere 2 HP. Work your way up to dealing 6 damage to enemies with a maximum of 150 HP (?). What?! 150? Nintendo, in case you didn't know (I'm guessing you really don't with that brainless Iwata running your show) numbers do exceed 3 digits. In fact you can have upwards of 4...even 5!? Blasphemy, everyone knows more than 3 digits is far too many for the target audience of Paper Mario 2! As I digress (which I rather enjoy doing), please note that my mockery is indicative of the unsatisfying character progression. In a paltry (RPG sub-standard) 30 hour game, your character goes from having 10 to up to 60/70 HP, and dealing 1 to 6 damage...any RPG fanatic knows there are thousands of things wrong with that; most of them being the missing damage of HP Mario should be dealing. What's the explanation? There are a couple. Nintendo is a newbie in the world of RPGs. Never have they created a quality RPG, and this game is no different. The second is that Nintendo is and always will be a children's gaming company. They create games for the sole purpose of pleasing children under the guise of "We make games for Everyone". No you f*cking don't. End of story.
 

Jay Sosa

Member
epmode said:
Oh god stop it. What the hell is the point of a 10 point system if nothing can possibly get a 10?

So that you can give it to a game that IS perfect? GTA 4 wasn't even (nearly) as good as SA. 10/10 should be reserved for games like Oot or FF7 that come once or twice every decade. Just take a look at the results of "Greatest game of all times" and GI's "Top 200" thread, GTA 4 is nowhere to be seen..

It isn't even in the IGN Top 3 of the best 360 games!
 
Jay Sosa said:
So that you can give it to a game that IS perfect? GTA 4 wasn't even (nearly) as good as SA. 10/10 should be reserved for games like Oot or FF7 that come once or twice every decade. Just take a look at the results of "Greatest game of all times" and GI's "Top 200" thread, GTA 4 is nowhere to be seen..

It isn't even in the IGN Top 3 of the best 360 games!
OoT and FF7 arn't perfect though. So by your own logic, they wouldn't be 10s.

Infact, no game would ever attain a 10 because perfection is unachievable. There will always be something to complain about or improve upon.

I'd rather all reviews just rated on how much fun they had. It'd cut out all the bullshit.
 

Jay Sosa

Member
Well yeah every game has it's flaws, but to me and a lot of other people they were perfect games (I seriously don't know what I would change in either one of those 2 games If I could remake them) To me GTA 4 wasn't even a good game let alone a near perfect one, and I lov(ed) the franchise. I don't know anyone who likes FF or Zelda and doesn't think that the 2 best rated are at least brilliant games (of course some people like other entries in the series better and no one blames them).

I usually don't give flying f about review scores but as someone who played all the GTA games since the first one it just was a shame that they gave the (imho) worst (3D) one a perfect score.
 

Shurs

Member
Kimosabae said:
The problem I find when it comes judging video games critically is we're all so fond of general quality as critics. In video games, the aspects of quality are a fair bit easier to measure relative to other mediums -- graphics, sound, content quantity, etc. As such, more subjective blurs such as "fun" tend to cause conflicts and dilemmas within ourselves and readers looking for hardline analyses of the medium -- as if a mere single person's opinion on a matter could truly make that possible. "Fun" is a non-qualitative, subjectivity, but the irony lies in the gaming community's insistence on this element being the defining measure of a quality game. There's the conflict.

It's hard to deny games like Gears or GTA IV are less than quality games. In part, their large budgets demand it so. But once certain aspects of these games come into play that don't match the real or projected quality of the rest of the game (Gear's online, GTA IVs... whatever), people's orientations of what "fun" is come into play. While one person's orientation allows him to have "fun" in spite of -- another is blaming the game's qualitative faults for his own lack thereof. This social fact alone proves that the only absolute element inherent to "fun" is its constructed nature.

I think part of the problem is how writers write their reviews. Game critics are often so focused on journalistic "integrity" they deny expression of the subjective experience. They often criticize in abstract absolutes in hopes to convey a certain level of sophistication -- scientific, even. Everyone wants an "objective" game review, right? But that's impossible. As long as "fun" is the definitive measure of a game's value, an objective thesis regarding games is untenable.

Game reviewers should inject more of themselves into their reviews, IMO. More, "I feel", "This reviewer feels" or "This did/didn't work for me" etc. Guide the readers through their subjective experience, so at its conclusion, the reader fully understands a review is just an opinion, which is all it can be, and not a critical analysis.

Less, "This doesn't work", "bad/superlative decisions abound" or "this may be contender for game of the year" etc.

I dunno. I think Shoe's Gears of War review is an example of a review done right.

Meh.

This is my line of thinking as well. Great post.
 

Takao

Banned
The last issue of Anime Insider (April 2009) devoted itself to video games, and reviewed a bunch of consoles on their library of titles that interest the anime fan. It's not so much what they say (there is some "wtf?" moments), it's what they give overall scores to.

Wii 3/5 (They list Major Minor's Majestic March as a standout title :lol )
Xbox 360 4/5 (They say Microsoft has finally acheived success in Japan...)
PlayStation 3 2/5 (Too much money, haz no games, all games on 360, you know the deal)
PlayStation 2 3/5 (It's old, has stacks of games, but not much coming out)
Xbox 3/5 (basically "Haz no Japanese games" yet scores the same as the PS2, does that mean the PS2 has no games?)
PlayStation Portable 2/5 (Has no games, the four games it has are no fun, you know the deal)
Nintendo DS 5/5 (Has everything, you'll never run out of games, the controls are intuitive and refreshing)

I was typing out the entire break down they did but gave up after the PS2, lol.

What world do we live in where the PS2 has the same lineup as the original Xbox, the 360, and Wii? :lol
 

Combichristoffersen

Combovers don't work when there is no hair
Takao said:
The last issue of Anime Insider (April 2009) devoted itself to video games, and reviewed a bunch of consoles on their library of titles that interest the anime fan. It's not so much what they say (there is some "wtf?" moments), it's what they give overall scores to.

Wii 3/5 (The list Major Minor's Majestic March as a standout title :lol )
Xbox 360 4/5 (They say Microsoft has finally acheived success in Japan...)
PlayStation 3 2/5 (Too much money, haz no games, all games on 360, you know the deal)
PlayStation 2 3/5 (It's old, has stacks of games, but not much coming out)
Xbox 3/5 (basically "Haz no Japanese games")
PlayStation Portable 2/5 (Has no games, the four games it has are no fun, you know the deal)
Nintendo DS 5/5 (Has everything, you'll never run out of games, the controls are intuitive and refreshing)

I was typing out the entire break down they did but gave up after the PS2, lol.

What world do we live in where the PS2 has the same lineup as the original Xbox, the 360, and Wii? :lol

wtf :lol
 
so this thread continues to be people calling out reviews that were too low for a game they liked or too high for a game they didn't love, rather than reviews where the text didn't match the score, were poorly/predictably constructed, etc. either i'm misunderstanding the point, or others are grossly misunderstanding the review process at most outlets.

regardless, does everyone really want objective consumer reports on their games? is that really the low regard you hold them in? and can you not buy a game or sleep at night until every last reviewer gives a game you're interested in a glowing score, or vice versa? i'm legitimately confused by this phenomenon.
 

Shurs

Member
rocksolidaudio said:
so this thread continues to be people calling out reviews that were too low for a game they liked or too high for a game they didn't love, rather than reviews where the text didn't match the score, were poorly/predictably constructed, etc. either i'm misunderstanding the point, or others are grossly misunderstanding the review process at most outlets.

regardless, does everyone really want objective consumer reports on their games? is that really the low regard you hold them in? and can you not buy a game or sleep at night until every last reviewer gives a game you're interested in a glowing score, or vice versa? i'm legitimately confused by this phenomenon.

I rarely read reviews from major sites. I prefer to read criticism blogs, wherein the authors either talk about their experiences with the game or analyze specific elements of the game design.

The only time that I dislike a review is when an author seems to "have it out" for a game from the jump. I don't think it's unfair to say that some game reviewers feel that it's up to them to combat "hyped" games, so they judge them more harshly than they would judge a lower profile game.
 
Shurs said:
I rarely read reviews from major sites. I prefer to read criticism blogs, wherein the authors either talk about their experiences with the game or analyze specific elements of the game design.

The only time that I dislike a review is when an author seems to "have it out" for a game from the jump. I don't think it's unfair to say that some game reviewers feel that it's up to them to combat "hyped" games, so they judge them more harshly than they would judge a lower profile game.

I'm in the exact same boat as far as what I like to read.

Though I disagree about "having it out" for a game. By and large, reviews editors do a decent job of assigning games to writers that are excited for that specific game. Which is generally a good thing -- readers are reading it because they're excited/interested in it, so the writer probably should be too -- but they're also going to be the game's harshest critic if it has problems (which, again, may likely be the case for the reader). It's a double edge sword in some respects, but I think it's much better than assigning a review to someone who has no interest in a game, as that disinterest often comes across in the writing. And besides, why would someone (we're talking professionals, people who get paid for it) want to "combat" a hyped game? To what end?
 

Shurs

Member
rocksolidaudio said:
I'm in the exact same boat as far as what I like to read.

Though I disagree about "having it out" for a game. By and large, reviews editors do a decent job of assigning games to writers that are excited for that specific game. Which is generally a good thing -- readers are reading it because they're excited/interested in it, so the writer probably should be too -- but they're also going to be the game's harshest critic if it has problems (which, again, may likely be the case for the reader). It's a double edge sword in some respects, but I think it's much better than assigning a review to someone who has no interest in a game, as that disinterest often comes across in the writing. And besides, why would someone (we're talking professionals, people who get paid for it) want to "combat" a hyped game? To what end?

I could think of a few reasons. The most obvious answer would be to get page views. There are some critics who, when negatively reviewing a game with an obsessive fan base, will throw fuel on the fire with their, in my opinion, overly harsh review style, which leads to embarrassing comments from the game's fans and clicks for their website. Another reason would be to show that they're different." In art criticism, in general, there is a recurring pattern of writers attaching themselves to the "next big thing" before anyone else, while knocking down the sacred cows. Don't get me wrong, I don't want critics to love everything, I'd just like to see everything judged on an equal playing field.

I don't mind negative reviews. It's criticism, not a love-in. If it's a dissenting opinion, that's one thing, but I've read some reviews where the writer will drag a game through the mud. There are some writers that plainly take pleasure in shitting on games they don't like, which I find to be a bit distasteful, given how many people put in their time and effort in creating and polishing games.

Ultimately I do think it's a double edged sword. I think that there is some critics have a tendency to judge hyped games too harshly while, at the same time, other reviewers go along with the herd. Ultimately it's the reviewer's opinion and I can't quarrel with that, which is why I try to stick to the blogs.
 
epmode said:
Wow. WOW.

Best part:

What's extra hilarious is that he says that Nintendo is a newbie to RPGs.

He mentions Fire Emblem as one of their "new" RPGs.

You know, the game that invented console SRPGs.
 

farnham

Banned
morningbus said:
Derail imminent.

The reaction to the 8.8 review is ridiculous, not the actual review itself. 8.8 is a good score; not what I would have given Twilight Princess, but a good, almost 9.

Now, the Game Informer review of Paper Mario is bullshit [Thanks A link to the snitch!]. They reviewed the game based on what they thought their audience would think of such a game. Incidentally, a 6 turned out to be head-spinningly low for that game.
i think the main problem about the 8.8 was that aspects irrelevant to the game itself (the lofi wiimote speaker for example) were mentioned as cons of the game..

LCfiner said:
:lol

that image is great but at least he explains himself right away. He meant that it makes it very hard to go back to Gears 1 after paying Gears 2. which is understandable.
why.. they are basically the same game
 
Shoe's review is a step in the right direction (and there are certainly plenty of writers out there doing similar things), like that other guy said. I laugh whenever I hear people speak about objective journalism (let's just aim for "fair and honest" for the time being, having an objective writer and audience is impossible), but my mind explodes when I hear people wanting objective reviews.

An objective review on a subjective experience! Great idea.
 

Seraphis Cain

bad gameplay lol
Gamesradar's Peggle DS review

http://www.gamesradar.com/ds/peggle...a-20090306154055152088/g-20090306152335745072

Now, it's not a BAD review per se. But in the original text, the reviewer complains about there being no button controls. When there, in fact, are.

Now scroll down to the comments. See the second comment there? Yeah, I called him out on it.

And what does he do? Changes the review, of course. But without acknowledging his mistake. That kinda stuff just pisses me off.
 

rhino4evr

Member
I had forgotten about that Paper Mario review...awful awful stuff...its one thing to give it a low score..its another thing to admit that you are giving it a low score because its what you THINK you're readers will think.

I mean..don't most people that read game magazines consider themselves hardcore gamers, and open to all things Nintendo. The rewiew and the justification for the review make NO sense.
 

Taurus

Member
grandjedi6 said:
9va2w5.jpg
What.The.FUCK.Did.I.Just.Read? o_O
 

MC Safety

Member
mileS said:
You don't even need to play Borderlands to understand that the review was terrible. If you think it was "well-written" you are insane. You can't be serious...

oh wait, you're probably Scott Jones.


It's overwritten, to be sure. And, yes, it's entirely possible to go over-the-top with your writing when you're trying to express the notion that a piece of software (in this case, Borderlands) is hyperbolic.

I agree that the review is poor. In trying to hammer home the message, the author really labors over game's beginning and its scenery. The criticism of the game's mechanics and play is left relatively untouched until the end.

I'd rather the author have written a critical review instead of a cool, stylish one.

Foxtastical said:
Shoe's review is a step in the right direction (and there are certainly plenty of writers out there doing similar things), like that other guy said. I laugh whenever I hear people speak about objective journalism (let's just aim for "fair and honest" for the time being, having an objective writer and audience is impossible), but my mind explodes when I hear people wanting objective reviews.

An objective review on a subjective experience! Great idea.

...And I have no idea what you're talking about here.

News stories are, as much as humanly possible, supposed to be objective. Reviews are critical and, thus, subjective. Both fall under the banner of journalism.
 
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