Well I figured why the hell not.
That screenwriting contest thread we had a few months back was really great and a good place to get feedback on your ideas, so I thought might as well make an OT for it.
So, Screenwriting-age post your scripts and give feedback on other people's ideas and we'll see where this thread goes. And to start things off I thought I'd post the intro to a series I'm trying to write:
Sorry, I guess the forum doesnt like spaces at the beginning of a sentence. Makes it a bit hard to read but I think its still readable.
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int. Nathan's room
NATHAN STOCKLEY, a white 17 year old boy with short blonde hair, sleeps in his bed. His body type is fairly average, not fat, and not unhealthily skinny either, just simply, average. He snores a few times, and tries to readjust himself, trying to get perfectly comfortable to make his sleeping experience perfect.
Suddenly, WHAM!
NATHAN's door slams open, with MRS. STOCKLEY entering the room. She is bleeding profusley from wounds on her stomach and neck. She loudly screeches NATHAN's name before collapsing to the floor.
NATHAN jumps out of bed to assist his mother.
He checks her pulse, and realizes that she is dead. He begins to weep over his mother's body. A crash is heard in the next room. NATHAN runs to see what is happening.
int. The game Room
As NATHAN enters the second floor game room, he sees his father nearest to him, with a six shot revolver in hand. NATHAN then glances up to see a man at the far end of the room, hunched over NATHAN's little brother, devouering him. And finally in the corner of the room he sees his sister, ANNIE, attempting to fight off two men with a pool cue.
BAM! A gun goes off.
NATHAN looks down to realize that his father has taken his own life. After standing in shock for a minute, NATHAN realizes that two more men are stumbling up the stairs.
The men's flesh is rotting, almost falling off of the bone. Their eyes look empty and lifeless.
NATHAN kneels at his father's corpse and prys the gun from his dead hands. NATHAN checks to see how many bullets are in the gun. There are five.
BAM!
NATHAN shoots one of the men in the head, causing him to collapse and die.
BAM!
The second shot hits the other man in the neck. He doesn't seem even fazed.
NATHAN checks the ammunition in the gun again. Three. He holsters the gun on the back of his belt. He runs over to his sister.
ANNIE cracks the pool cue over one of the men's heads, knocking him out as well as creating a point on the end of the cue. She uses the point to stab the other man in the head.
Suddenly, MRS. STOCKLEY emerges from NATHAN's room, looking just like the other men, with her cold, dead eyes. NATHAN realizes she is not herself.
The two approach the window, leading into the backyard. NATHAN turns and stares at his former mother as she slowly shuffles towards them.
NATHAN grabs the gun and shoots the window, cracking it. He then charges through, shattering the glass, and landing one floor down in the grass below.
ANNIE turns to see her mother and another man now dangerously close to her. She looks out the window again, looking nervous, unsure if she can jump or not.
ANNIE jumps.
CRACK!
She lands wrong, breaking her foot on the impact. ANNIE screeches in pain.
A grunt is heard from upstairs as MRS. STOCKLEY and another ghoul walk off of the edge of the window, and onto ANNIE. Just as soon as they land on her, the two begin chewing into her flesh as she cries and screams.
NATHAN stands, helpless, unable to help his sister.
NATHAN stares at the monsters devouering his siter when suddenly his mother gets up and charges for him.
cut to black
That screenwriting contest thread we had a few months back was really great and a good place to get feedback on your ideas, so I thought might as well make an OT for it.
So, Screenwriting-age post your scripts and give feedback on other people's ideas and we'll see where this thread goes. And to start things off I thought I'd post the intro to a series I'm trying to write:
Sorry, I guess the forum doesnt like spaces at the beginning of a sentence. Makes it a bit hard to read but I think its still readable.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
int. Nathan's room
NATHAN STOCKLEY, a white 17 year old boy with short blonde hair, sleeps in his bed. His body type is fairly average, not fat, and not unhealthily skinny either, just simply, average. He snores a few times, and tries to readjust himself, trying to get perfectly comfortable to make his sleeping experience perfect.
Suddenly, WHAM!
NATHAN's door slams open, with MRS. STOCKLEY entering the room. She is bleeding profusley from wounds on her stomach and neck. She loudly screeches NATHAN's name before collapsing to the floor.
NATHAN jumps out of bed to assist his mother.
NATHAN
Mom!? MOM!?
He checks her pulse, and realizes that she is dead. He begins to weep over his mother's body. A crash is heard in the next room. NATHAN runs to see what is happening.
int. The game Room
As NATHAN enters the second floor game room, he sees his father nearest to him, with a six shot revolver in hand. NATHAN then glances up to see a man at the far end of the room, hunched over NATHAN's little brother, devouering him. And finally in the corner of the room he sees his sister, ANNIE, attempting to fight off two men with a pool cue.
BAM! A gun goes off.
NATHAN looks down to realize that his father has taken his own life. After standing in shock for a minute, NATHAN realizes that two more men are stumbling up the stairs.
The men's flesh is rotting, almost falling off of the bone. Their eyes look empty and lifeless.
NATHAN kneels at his father's corpse and prys the gun from his dead hands. NATHAN checks to see how many bullets are in the gun. There are five.
BAM!
NATHAN shoots one of the men in the head, causing him to collapse and die.
BAM!
The second shot hits the other man in the neck. He doesn't seem even fazed.
NATHAN checks the ammunition in the gun again. Three. He holsters the gun on the back of his belt. He runs over to his sister.
ANNIE cracks the pool cue over one of the men's heads, knocking him out as well as creating a point on the end of the cue. She uses the point to stab the other man in the head.
NATHAN
Annie! We have to go!
Suddenly, MRS. STOCKLEY emerges from NATHAN's room, looking just like the other men, with her cold, dead eyes. NATHAN realizes she is not herself.
NATHAN
(To Annie)
Move, move!
The two approach the window, leading into the backyard. NATHAN turns and stares at his former mother as she slowly shuffles towards them.
ANNIE
Nathan, what do we do!?
NATHAN grabs the gun and shoots the window, cracking it. He then charges through, shattering the glass, and landing one floor down in the grass below.
NATHAN
Annie you have to jump!
ANNIE turns to see her mother and another man now dangerously close to her. She looks out the window again, looking nervous, unsure if she can jump or not.
NATHAN
Annie, jump!
ANNIE jumps.
CRACK!
She lands wrong, breaking her foot on the impact. ANNIE screeches in pain.
A grunt is heard from upstairs as MRS. STOCKLEY and another ghoul walk off of the edge of the window, and onto ANNIE. Just as soon as they land on her, the two begin chewing into her flesh as she cries and screams.
NATHAN stands, helpless, unable to help his sister.
NATHAN stares at the monsters devouering his siter when suddenly his mother gets up and charges for him.
cut to black
