As a young boy, I grew up playing Zelda games. When women wouldn't give me the time of day, I felt comfort knowing that when I turned on my refurbished Nintendo console I could save a woman far better than any of those who laughed at me in real life: an actual princess.

As a young man in college I still enjoyed Zelda, even though some of the gender roles presented were too stale for me. I wanted Zelda to save Link, but I settled to continue saving her because that's what good guys do. Women still ignored me though, and every door I opened for them resulted in them closing their interest in me. I became bitter, and angry. I dabbled in gay shit, but ultimately it reaffirmed my affinity for women and made me straighter than I had been before. I liked Link, but I loved Zelda.

Well now I'm 30, I have a job, I respect women, and I don't play Zelda anymore because consoles are for children. I'm successful and have had multiple relationships. But even at my most pathetic, faux "good guy" bullshit loser level as a kid/teen/college bro, I never sexually assaulted a woman. You played Zelda, Evilore, and you didn't learn anything. Pathetic.

I came here a boy, and I leave as a man. Goodbye to all the real ninjas, and fuck that peanut head motherfucker Evilore.


Love,
PhoenixDark