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[Gaborn]

Let’s start with transparency. The analogy comparing black people’s fight for equal rights and gay people’s makes me uncomfortable.

You can’t conceal skin color in a closet or anywhere else. Denying gay people the right to marry doesn’t equate to denying black people freedom, the right to vote, equal education, etc.


But I am not a fool. Discrimination is discrimination. Debating degrees of intolerance is pointless and counter-productive.

What happened to Billy Van Raaphorst inside a tiny independent league baseball stadium on July 31 was as despicable as anything Jackie Robinson endured breaking into the majors 60 years ago.

And the story of how Billy Van Raaphorst’s childhood dream of becoming a Major League umpire turned into his nightmare companion illustrates how little progress we’ve made in the super-macho sports world as it relates to tolerance of homosexuals.

On the last day of July, for the second straight game, Van Raaphorst tossed flamboyant Edmonton Capitals manager Brent Bowers in the first inning.

Bowers argued balls and strikes from the dugout on the 30th. A close play at first base set him off on the 31st. On both days, Bowers played to the crowd, rolling up his sleeves and mocking the 6-foot-4, 220-lb Van Raaphorst with a “gun show.”

On the 31st, Bowers took things a step further, launching into an anti-gay tirade that would make Mel Gibson blush.

“You know what I heard?” Bowers screamed. “I heard you are a f---ing (expletive). The rumor from several managers and people at the league is that you are a (expletive) ... So what do you do you f---ing (expletive)? Do you take it up the f---ing (expletive), you (expletive)?”

As his verbal meltdown continued, Bowers, a second-round draft pick of the Toronto Blue Jays in 1989, bent over and grabbed his ankles.

“Is that how you like it, you f---ing (expletive)?... I know he’s a (expletive),’’ Bowers ranted. "I was told by Garry Templeton (a manager in the league) and Kevin Outcalt (commissioner of the league) that he is a f---ing (expletive).”

Van Raaphorst, a former 290-pound center at San Diego State, resisted the urge to defend himself.

“I kept telling myself, ‘Don’t hit him,’" Van Raaphorst remembered. “I felt trapped. I couldn’t do what I wanted to do.”

How appropriate. Van Raaphorst, 34, spent much of his early life trapped by his sexual orientation.

The middle son of former Ohio State and San Diego Chargers kicker Dick Van Raaphorst, Billy was born into the stereotypical, All-American family. His oldest brother, Jeff, starred at quarterback for Arizona State, winning the 1987 Rose Bowl MVP. Billy’s younger brother, Mike, served as Carson Palmer’s backup at USC.

The Van Raaphorst name carried and carries significant weight in Southern California. Billy was not coming out of any closet.

As a kid, he played football and fantasized about calling balls and strikes inside big league ballparks.

He was a good enough player to crack the two-deep and start a few games at San Diego State. He shared a locker room with Kyle Turley, Ephraim Salaam, La’Roi Glover, Az Hakim and several other future pros.

Billy never quite fit in.

“We all kind of assumed there was something different about Billy,” Turley said. “Billy was a good dude, a good teammate, a stand-up guy, but he was just a different cat. There was always something a little quirky about him. He was never the macho, alpha male.”

Van Raaphorst dislocated his right knee his fourth year at San Diego State, quit the team and immediately pursued his passion for umpiring. He enrolled at the Harry Wendelstedt Umpire School, the Harvard of umpiring. He graduated No. 1 in his class. He joined the minor league system and began the arduous task of earning his way to the majors.

Things sailed along smoothly until he reached double-A ball in 2001. His ranking plummeted to No. 27. The next year he dropped to No. 45 out of 47 umpires and was released from the minors.

He said his dramatic fall coincided with his decision to live as a gay man.

“I knew I was gay pretty much all my life, but I’d never acted on it until 2001,” Billy told me on Monday. “I’d suppressed it so hard trying to fit in in college football and minor league baseball. I’d never been to a gay bar until 2001. I’d never had a boyfriend.”

He visited a gay bar in early 2001. He started dating a Tulsa man later that year. He began lying to his umpiring crew about his post-game activities and whereabouts instantly.

“I can’t prove that they found out, but it’s my belief they did,” Van Raaphorst said. “I started getting a lot of questions about who I was dating.”

He crashed in double A. An umpire isn’t on the major league radar until he reaches triple A.

“It’s a significant accomplishment and speaks to his talent that he reached the double A level,” said Pat Courtney, a spokesman for Major League Baseball. “There are only 68 major league umpires. It’s a select group.”

Billy wanted to complain and fight his 2002 release.

“There were certain family members and friends who didn’t want all of the attention that would’ve brought,” said Van Raaphorst, who is now regarded as a top-flight collegiate umpire. “The worst two decisions of my life were to not come out (as gay) and to end my (Tulsa) relationship because I was scared.

“I don’t make decisions out of fear anymore. I try to make fearless decisions now.”

Good for Billy. Bad for Brent Bowers.

The Golden Baseball League initially suspended Bowers for two games and fined him $500. The punishment did not satisfy Billy or common sense. Umpires across the GBL rallied in support of Billy and threatened a work stoppage. The league and the Edmonton Capitals forced Bowers to resign.

“I wish I had those 10 minutes back,” Bowers said from his home in Chicago. “It was just heat of the moment. I felt like (Van Raaphorst) hurt me and hurt my team, kicking me out of the game two days in a row. It doesn’t justify it. It was totally wrong. I apologize. I would apologize to anybody. I’ve grown up so much in the past week.”

The Edmonton Capitals announced they were making all of their employees go through diversity training. They might want to make room for a former employee.

“I didn’t care that (Van Raaphorst) was gay,” explained Bowers, who has yet to apologize directly to Van Raaphorst. “My mom works with a lot of gay hairdressers and I joke around with those guys all the time. My cousin, she’s a lesbian. It doesn’t matter to me, as long as people are happy.”

Let’s end with transparency.

I’ve been the neanderthal idiot in the locker room. I’ve been the neanderthal idiot employee suspended and banished to diversity training after a 1998 taunting exchange with New England Patriots fans.

Intolerance is a disease, whether sexual, religious or racial, that we all must fight on a daily basis. The cure is for each of us to realize we’re all capable of being just as stupid as Brent Bowers.

Story Here

I didn't bold the first few lines of the story because I didn't want this discussion to be about race, I know some people have strong feelings about the comparison each way but this really needs to be about the subject at hand. I think a lot of people really don't "see" what it is like for gay men sometimes, particularly in certain fields. How much pressure you can put yourself under because of your orientation and not feeling comfortable enough to be open about it.

 

[Alucrid]

“I wish I had those 10 minutes back,” Bowers said from his home in Chicago. “It was just heat of the moment. I felt like (Van Raaphorst) hurt me and hurt my team, kicking me out of the game two days in a row. It doesn’t justify it. It was totally wrong. I apologize. I would apologize to anybody. I’ve grown up so much in the past week.”

The Edmonton Capitals announced they were making all of their employees go through diversity training. They might want to make room for a former employee.

“I didn’t care that (Van Raaphorst) was gay,” explained Bowers, who has yet to apologize directly to Van Raaphorst. “My mom works with a lot of gay hairdressers and I joke around with those guys all the time. My cousin, she’s a lesbian. It doesn’t matter to me, as long as people are happy.”

Bu...but I know people who are gay!

 

[Gaborn]

Bu...but I know people who are gay!

Indeed. :lol

 

[Socreges]

“I didn’t care that (Van Raaphorst) was gay,” explained Bowers, who has yet to apologize directly to Van Raaphorst. “My mom works with a lot of gay hairdressers and I joke around with those guys all the time. My cousin, she’s a lesbian.

:lol

I have many gay friends! My father`s gay!

 

[Gaborn]

:lol

I have many gay friends! My father`s gay!

I miss Costanza.

seriously though guys. There are many aspects to this discussion beyond that. Gays in sports. Homophobia. It's a good exploration of the tougher side of being gay, and the fears of being Outted.

 

[ZephyrFate]

Until homosexuality stops being treated and stereotyped and portrayed as anti-machismo, you won't be seeing homophobia in sports dying out.

 

[xbhaskarx]

This story is a few days old, I remember reading a news article about it on a baseball site.

Instead of a news story, you posted a column by one of the 10 or so worst sportswriters, Jason f'ing Whitlock?

The manager was forced to resign, he's gone. Plus it's some random independent league that no one cares about.

My question is why did this guy lose his job, when Ozzie Guillen, manager of the Chicago White Sox, called Jay Mariotti (who is one of the five worst sportswriters) a fag, and only got a fine and sensitivity training even after he said "I agree with what I say about Jay. ... I'm not going to change"?

Guillen also told Couch that he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago.

:lol

 

[speedpop]

There was a bit of controversy over here a few months ago when a rather outspoken player in the AFL (biggest football league in Australia) stated in his newspaper column for homosexual players to "stay in the closet."

It eventually led to this player being sacked by the team and his reputation will never be fixed. At least a sense of justice was served for an ignorant fool trying to play off his concerns as non-homophobic.

 

[Mumei]

Until homosexuality stops being treated and stereotyped and portrayed as anti-machismo, you won't be seeing homophobia in sports dying out.

I disagree.

Before I start, I should clarify some things since they're often sticking points in these conversations of ours. So, this is just a basic overview of my opinions on this issue so we don't miscommunicate.

I don't think that there's anything wrong with masculinity or femininity. While most men are going to have more masculine traits than feminine traits, being a man and being androgynous or more feminine than masculine is not an inherently bad thing, unless femininity is considered inferior to masculinity. And the same thing applies to women.

So, with that said, I have to say that I'm using machismo as it is defined here:

The English word "machismo" derives from the identical Spanish and Portuguese word, though the meaning is somewhat different. Spanish and Portuguese machismo refers to the assumption that masculinity is superior to femininity. It roughly translates as "sexism" or "male chauvinism" (along with the Spanish and Portuguese adjective machista, "sexist" or "male chauvinist").[5] and is associated with heterosexist and homophobic behaviours. Machismo itself derives from Spanish and Portuguese macho, coming from the Latin masculus "male [animal]" or, when used metaphorically, "masculine" or "very masculine."

So, I do think that sports is a culture suffused with machismo, and I think that homosexuality is anti-machismo, precisely because machismo is defined by heterosexism.

If you had said that the conflation of homosexuality with femininity makes acceptance into the machismo-driven world of sports much more difficult, I would have agreed with you. But I think that the problem is sports culture - homophobia and heterosexism motivated by machismo is the problem.

 

[krypt0nian]

I'd love to see that balless bigot say that to a gay rugby team.

No I would.

 

[ZephyrFate]

I disagree.

Before I start, I should clarify some things since they're often sticking points in these conversations of ours. So, this is just a basic overview of my opinions on this issue so we don't miscommunicate.

I don't think that there's anything wrong with masculinity or femininity. While most men are going to have more masculine traits than feminine traits, being a man and being androgynous or more feminine than masculine is not an inherently bad thing, unless femininity is considered inferior to masculinity. And the same thing applies to women.

So, with that said, I have to say that I'm using machismo as it is defined here:



So, I do think that sports is a culture suffused with machismo, and I think that homosexuality is anti-machismo, precisely because machismo is defined by heterosexism.

If you had said that the conflation of homosexuality with femininity makes acceptance into the machismo-driven world of sports much more difficult, I would have agreed with you. But I think that the problem is sports culture - homophobia and heterosexism motivated by machismo is the problem.

But it goes both ways -- homosexuality shouldn't be auto-routed to femininity or an absence of masculinity, as it all too often is by the media, by bigots, and by our own culture. I think there's work to be done on both sides of the fence.

 

[Mumei]

But it goes both ways -- homosexuality shouldn't be auto-routed to femininity or an absence of masculinity, as it all too often is by the media, by bigots, and by our own culture. I think there's work to be done on both sides of the fence.

I agree.

Spoiler

I just disagreed with the way you were presenting it and some of the terminology used.

But shouldn't we (eventually) get to a point where a person who is superficially effeminate (I don't mean in the way that I'm effeminate in terms of build; I mean effeminate in terms of the way he talks / stereotypical interests outside of an interest in whatever sport he is interested in; things that would be irrelevant to his ability to perform up to par) is able to compete and hardly anyone bats an eye? That's where I'd like sports culture to be, eventually. I don't actually believe that we'll ever get there, but it's ideal for me.

 

[ZephyrFate]

I don't really expect sports culture to change any time soon. It's one of the slowest 'cultures' that can progress within a society, since you have hundreds of years of unchanged tradition behind it.

 

[Gaborn]

I don't really expect sports culture to change any time soon. It's one of the slowest 'cultures' that can progress within a society, since you have hundreds of years of unchanged tradition behind it.

Jackie Robinson might disagree with that. I think sports culture today has seen MASSIVE changes on some issues, particularly race. I wouldn't be surprised if, once there are a few openly gay players the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL start undergoing a cultural change to be more accepting of them.

 

[Salazar]

I'd love to see that balless bigot say that to a gay rugby team.

No I would.

Gareth Thomas. Brave bastard.

He may only have come out last month, but Welsh rugby legend Gareth Thomas is hoping his new openness about his sexuality will help him find the perfect partner.

The 35-year-old says the overwhelmingly positive response to his public announcement was a huge relief and he's now keen to find that special man to share his life with.

"The thought now is exciting; sitting down to watch telly, to cuddle up to somebody, to be able to show affection to somebody is exciting," said Thomas, whose appearance for Wales and the British Lions made him one of the nation's most popular rugby players.

He also told welsh newspaper Wales on Sunday that he would no longer feel ashamed to walk down the street hand in hand with a man. "I don't think it would detract from my masculinity or who I am."

Thomas also claims under his tough exterior hides a gentle giant. "Externally I may look like a tough f**ker but emotionally I’m as soft as… I’m caring… I’ve got a lot of love to give."

The rugby star's divorce from Jemma Thomas will soon be finalised. She says she had no regrets about her five year marriage with Gareth, despite being left "heart-broken" by his confession.

“I’m incredibly proud of him for coming out and if anyone thinks any less of him because of it, then they are stupid.”

“I know it was a massive relief when he told me, his family and close friends three years ago, and it will be even more of a relief now that everyone knows.

Thomas admits coming to terms with his sexuality wasn’t something that happened overnight for his mum and dad, Yvonne and Barry, and his brothers Dicky and Stephen.
“It has been a rocky road for us all getting there.”

“At the end of the day my family all have lives to lead as well, they have to go to work every day just like anyone else."

“Of course they have always accepted me whatever the case, but there was a process involved in them accepting that they have to deal with this too, with the negative comments should they arise.

“Yet we have all got through that process together because we are a tight family.”
The positive global reaction has included a Facebook group called "Support Gareth Thomas – The First Rugby Player To Come Out" that has more than 11,300 followers.

Now the rugby star, who is the most-capped Welsh player, is focussed on the search for love. "I know a lot of gay men are looking for love. I’ve done this as well in the hope that I can find somebody.

 

[ZephyrFate]

Jackie Robinson might disagree with that. I think sports culture today has seen MASSIVE changes on some issues, particularly race. I wouldn't be surprised if, once there are a few openly gay players the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL start undergoing a cultural change to be more accepting of them.

Racial issues have never gone against the 'machismo' nature of sports culture, though.

 

[Gaborn]

Racial issues have never gone against the 'machismo' nature of sports culture, though.

I think you're looking at the issue without perspective and not considering how revolutionary and controversial Jackie Robinson being allowed in the Majors was. Jackie Robinson was still subject to segration laws at some team hotels and couldn't always go to a restaurant with his teammates even!

I have no doubt the first few gay pros are going to have a ROUGH time of it whatever sport they're playing, but these issues have been dealt with before in many other contexts in history.

 

[ZephyrFate]

I think you're looking at the issue without perspective and not considering how revolutionary and controversial Jackie Robinson being allowed in the Majors was. Jackie Robinson was still subject to segration laws at some team hotels and couldn't always go to a restaurant with his teammates even!

I have no doubt the first few gay pros are going to have a ROUGH time of it whatever sport they're playing, but these issues have been dealt with before in many other contexts in history.

Or... no, I'm not. I know the entire history of Jackie Robinson. I'm saying that racial issues in this country are FAR easier to overcome than orientation issues, what with stereotypes and derogatory perspectives being carried down towards sexuality over millenia.

 

[Eric C]

Jackie Robinson might disagree with that. I think sports culture today has seen MASSIVE changes on some issues, particularly race. I wouldn't be surprised if, once there are a few openly gay players the NFL, MLB, NBA, and NHL start undergoing a cultural change to be more accepting of them.

That might be awhile

Gareth Thomas (rugby player)
According to Sports Illustrated, Thomas is notable as the world's only current professional male athlete in a team sport who is openly gay.

 

[Gaborn]

Or... no, I'm not. I know the entire history of Jackie Robinson. I'm saying that racial issues in this country are FAR easier to overcome than orientation issues, what with stereotypes and derogatory perspectives being carried down towards sexuality over millenia.

Millenia? Seriously? Look at the Ancient Greeks or the Romans. Hell, read the Kama Sutra. A huge portion of orientation issues is relatively recent moralizing. What you're suggesting is the same as people that think that marijuana has always been a controlled substance in the US or that cocaine, if it were legal

Spoiler

again

would destroy the US. As it is 50% of people in the US support the legal right for gay couples to MARRY. I acknowledge that traditionalism in attitudes is much stronger in sports, but people are decent and adaptable enough that, once some openly gay players are participating those attitudes will fade as people understand that stereotypical perspectives on the subject are not accurate.

In modern terms though, I think the story of Lindsy McLean, the head athletic trainer of the 49ers for 2 decades is relevant:

Sixty-five-year-old Lindsy McLean, the head athletic trainer for the San Francisco 49ers for more than two decades, did something this week in retirement that he never could during his career.

He came out of the closet.

McLean's sexual orientation had been an open secret, known to most everyone at the 49ers and the reporters who covered the team. But there are few places in America more homophobic than an NFL locker room, so McLean kept his life with longtime partner George Paiva separate from his life with the five-time Super Bowl champions.

When I talked with McLean four years ago about sharing his story, he talked at length of his experiences -- expressing surprise that so many people apparently knew of his sexual orientation -- but insisted the information never go into print.

"It would ruin my career," he told me then. Now, with no job to protect, he decided the time was right to talk.

He picks up a paperback book from the coffee table in the Redwood City home he shares with Paiva. Weak from HIV and liver cancer, Paiva is resting on the couch in the TV room behind us. McLean opens to a page he says articulates better than he can why he is breaking his years of silence.

"Every time a gay or lesbian person comes out of the closet," he reads, "it gets a little harder to ignore our existence as ordinary."

Still, he says, "I feel like I've just taken all my clothes off and walked into the middle of the stadium."

McLean is a quiet, unassuming man who was respected as one of the best athletic trainers in the business. Most days, he went about his work of repairing and rehabilitating injured players like any other trainer at an NFL team.

But he also withstood crass harassment by players who called him a "faggot," who taunted him with questions about his sex life. Early on in his tenure with the 49ers, McLean showed up at his locker at Candlestick Park the morning of a game to discover that the bill of his 49ers cap had been sliced to shreds with a razor.

"It was like somebody finding a swastika on their house," he says.

It was not unusual for McLean to hear players talk openly about their hatred for gays. One player, reading a news story about a transsexual who had been murdered, said aloud to his teammates, "Man, if I ever ran into somebody I thought was a woman who was really a man, I'd just squeeze the breath right out of him."

The antipathy toward homosexuals ran so deep and unchecked that it occasionally turned violent. McLean once was pushed against a training table by a player who simulated sex, humiliating the trainer in front of the team. Not a single player stepped forward to intervene, and McLean never reported the assault to management.

"They're afraid," McLean says of the players who stood by. "They don't want to confront their teammates."

McLean insists there were only six or seven physical confrontations in his 25 years with the Niners. "Maybe I'm suppressing some others, I don't know, " he says. "I don't want people thinking I had a negative experience with the 49ers. So many people treated me with respect."

Yet he has no delusions about what would await a gay player who came out to his team. The NFL still isn't ready, he says. America can have gay characters on televisions show like "Will & Grace" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," and Congress can discuss gays in the military, and there can be gay police officers, firefighters, surgeons and cowboys. But in 2004, the subject of homosexuality is still unspeakable and bigotry still acceptable in male team sports. Some might even argue that the stronger gays become in the rest of society, the tighter we cling to the myth that there are none in sports.

"Other players would find a way to hurt him, either his own or opposing players," McLean says, repeating the opinion of an unnamed gay player who was quoted in a book about the NFL. "It would have to be a franchise player (who came out successfully). Other than that, it would be very hard because of the homophobia."

McLean says he doesn't think the 49ers would have hired him had they known he was gay. "Management would see it as a disruption," he says.

In his last decade or so with the team, McLean found more acceptance. Players who knew Paiva was sick sometimes asked, "How's George doing today?" In 1997, when the 49ers became the first NFL team to offer benefits to domestic partners, McLean signed up Paiva, for the first time declaring to the team's administration that Paiva was his life partner. But Paiva rarely accompanied McLean to any team functions.

"It was too uncomfortable," he says.

When McLean retired last summer, the 49ers gave him, among other gifts, plane tickets to New York, three days in a hotel and tickets to three Broadway shows because they know how much McLean and Paiva enjoy attending the theater together. (Paiva has no interest in sports whatsoever.)

"I couldn't feel better about my career," McLean says, showing me the room where has hung all the photographs signed by players and all the awards from athletic trainers' associations. "But it's a shame that you have to wait until you retire to be open."

He is nervous about the fallout of going public, particularly an article about him in the current issue of ESPN: The Magazine that McLean believes paints too harsh a picture of his time with the 49ers. What he hopes is that people struggling with their identity might find encouragement in his story, that maybe he can move society one tiny bit closer to a day when whom you love doesn't affect your job or your safety.

"It's easier for me to come out now because nothing's on the line," he says, walking me to the door. "All I ever wanted was just to be who I am."

I realize you might take his story as suggesting that sports aren't ready for an openly gay player... and that may be true of the NFL from an individual player perspective, although 2004, and for that matter 1994 when some of the worse incidents occurred is a LONG, LONG time in the history of gay rights. Remember, players today have grown up with decades where younger people are overwhelming pro-gay. To say that it would be that bad today is, I think, to ignore what the current state of our culture is.

 

[Stumpokapow]

Wow, the first few lines of the story are embarrassing and basically boil down to "I don't think gays should get married, but I'm about to condemn bigotry so I better try to reconcile these two things." It's not even the race comparison, it's the bizarre need to placate the anti-gay marriage POV.

 

[Roto13]

I clicked on this thread expecting it to be about a gay vampire and now I'm all disappointed.

 

[Mumei]

Wow, the first few lines of the story are embarrassing and basically boil down to "I don't think gays should get married, but I'm about to condemn bigotry so I better try to reconcile these two things." It's not even the race comparison, it's the bizarre need to placate the anti-gay marriage POV.

I didn't want to make the topic about the initial parts of the article, but I'm just annoyed by the consistent need by some people, such as the writer of the article, to misunderstand the argument that is being made when gay rights are compared to black civil rights. It is not that not being allowed to marry is the same as slavery or not having the right to vote. It is that not being allowed to marry the person of your choice is like... not being allowed to marry the person of your choice.

People don't seem to get that there are non-hyperbolic apples to apples comparisons that can be made between the two.

 

[Cipherr]

Bu...but I know people who are gay!

As a black guy I used to fucking hate when people who were clearly racist would say shit like "Im not racist. I have a black friend" its so goddamn stupid.

I cant believe people do the SAME SHIT regarding sexual preferences. Jesus.

 

[Jerk]

Wow, the first few lines of the story are embarrassing and basically boil down to "I don't think gays should get married, but I'm about to condemn bigotry so I better try to reconcile these two things." It's not even the race comparison, it's the bizarre need to placate the anti-gay marriage POV.

Wow, I did not notice this. That is very disappointing.

 

[Mumei]

As a black guy I used to fucking hate when people who were clearly racist would say shit like "Im not racist. I have a black friend" its so goddamn stupid.

I cant believe people do the SAME SHIT regarding sexual preferences. Jesus.

A lot of people - especially white people who haven't given much thought to the subject - think that you're only racist if you have a deep, seething hatred of non-white people. They don't think of "being racist" as meaning that you believe that racial differences mean that some races are superior or others inferior. So they think that if they were really racist, they wouldn't have any black friends - so the fact that they have black friends exonerates them from any charges of being racist.

I think it's a misunderstanding about what racism actually is, and the deep desire to not be labeled racist.