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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #221 - Org-eeeeeer.......MASQUERADE!?

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
Theme - "Masquarade"

Word Limit: 2200

Submission Deadline: Friday, September 29th, 2017 by 11:59 PM Pacific.

Voting Deadline: Monday, October 2nd at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Optional Secondary Objective: Seven Deadly Sins As part of one (or all) of your character's personality, incorporate a deadly sins into them, BUT try not to actually tell us what the sin is. If I control F your sin, I should come up with zero results, if you know what I'm saying. Which i will probably be doing becauuuuuuuse...


SPECIAL TERTIARY OBJECTIVE: ANOMONYOUS CHALLENGE!!!

It's been a hot minute since we've done an anonymous challenge. For those of you unaware it's a challenge where I'll remove people's names from their stories. The way this is going to work is instead of posting them like normal, you'll send me a PM with your short story in some kind of text format whether it be a word doc, or google doc, or even just in the message field (Be aware though, with that last one, it might be hard for me to know where your paragraphs begin, so be warned!) The important thing here is that I can copy the text, because I'm going to compile all the entries into something special with some nice and delicious uniform formatting and not a single god damn name on them.

Just the stories and their titles.

And maybe some dumb and cryptic pennames cause I'm fun like that.

A thing to note: If you don't want to participate/feel uncomfortable sending me a story document, that is fine, this is an optional thing you don't have to participate in if you don't want to. Though I am going to delete any files I'm sent once the submission deadline is done. If you don't want to risk it, that's fine and you are more than welcome to submit the normal way.

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

Important side note: A lot of our regulars like to write out short critiques/comments for the stories, but you can always opt out by simply adding a note like "I'd prefer no critiques" in the post where you submit your story. We're an understanding group and respect that not everyone wants comments on their work. Above all, we just want to read your story.

NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge FAQ
Previous Challenge Threads and Themes
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
For any newcomers to the threads or people who don't think they have time to write. Sunday from 4pm to 6pm, we have a writing hangout where members get together on the writing gaf Discord channel and all sit around to shoot the shit and get some writing done. We have a bit of a specific format but they're good times and a great time to get some writing and bounce ideas off one another!

Woot, Anonymous Challenge! Nice theme as well. Will use the boring hours at work to brainstorm :)

I'm glad my crippling insomnia is of use to someone!
 

Irish

Member
Cool beans. Heh, it's been so long that I know it's going to be difficult to pick mine out. Of course, there are still a few old school people here who could probably point my stuff out in an instant.

Congratulations, Flowers.
 

Alucard

Banned
Awesome! Looking forward to this one. Also, thank you for lowering the word limit even if just by a bit. :) It forces people to make their work leaner.
 

Ashes

Banned
Here's to not entering. Gonna be super super busy. So I will most definitely not be entering. No sirrreee.
 

Yeef

Member
I'm down. Maybe this time I won't wait until the last minute.

Actually, not that I think about it, I'm going to be away next weekend, so i can't wait until the last minute. That (probably) works out in my favor.
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
I need to read more. My prose feel super shitty and uninspired for this one so far.

I feel ya. I appreciate that someone else is sitting down to write right now. Reading super helps with prose. I noticed my prose got a lot better when I started reading a variety of short stories regularly.

My go-to book is Object Lessons which is a collection of short stories put out by The Paris Review of a bunch of their published short stories over the years. A lot of really good stuff, and more importantly to me, a good variety of different prose styles. They're also all literary oriented short stories, so if that's not something you enjoy I'd search for other short story collections, of which there are tons out there. Or even short story magazines, of which there are a bunch of free ones on the internet.
 

Alucard

Banned
I feel ya. I appreciate that someone else is sitting down to write right now. Reading super helps with prose. I noticed my prose got a lot better when I started reading a variety of short stories regularly.

My go-to book is Object Lessons which is a collection of short stories put out by The Paris Review of a bunch of their published short stories over the years. A lot of really good stuff, and more importantly to me, a good variety of different prose styles. They're also all literary oriented short stories, so if that's not something you enjoy I'd search for other short story collections, of which there are tons out there. Or even short story magazines, of which there are a bunch of free ones on the internet.

It's funny. I went into this wanting to write fantasy, and I think part of me still does, but the last few things I've written have been more grounded in reality and I've still enjoyed putting them together. I think I just need to write anything and everything that's interesting to me at this stage since I'm still very much a novice and just need to practice the craft.

I'm annoyed because I feel I keep going to the same well for vocabulary and description, though. My characters all nod, sigh, and shrug or crinkle up their foreheads to show their state, but I know I need to have better and more interesting descriptions than just those.

I'll have to check out the Object Lessons book you mentioned.

And hey, I wrote a thousand words tonight. Yay.
 

Charade

Member
I have my first and last paragraph written. I don't usually do it this way, but I guess it's giving me some direction/motivation to see it through, lol.
 

LaMagenta

Member
This challenge sounds amazing! But I'm starting classes this week and it's a writing program so I don't think I'll have time to join these challenges for awhile. I'll be stopping by when I can :)
 

Nezumi

Member
Won't make it to this week's hangout. Will be going to the movies and won't be home in time. I might check in for the second half but I'm not sure.
 

Red

Member
I wish I could join you guys again, but I have lost all ability to manage time. I wanted to at least share a podcast I listened to recently, featuring an author who taught a class I took years ago. He was the best writing teacher I ever had, the only one who really left a lasting impact on me. Hopefully y’all get something out listening to him, too:


http://pca.st/episode/e56365d2-5fdb-447b-9a78-9034a78b50a1
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
I wish I could join you guys again, but I have lost all ability to manage time. I wanted to at least share a podcast I listened to recently, featuring an author who taught a class I took years ago. He was the best writing teacher I ever had, the only one who really left a lasting impact on me. Hopefully y’all get something out listening to him, too:

I legit miss you too Red. I loved your prose a lot. Still, time is always a tough thing to deal with. Regardless, whenever you do find time to write anything, know that there's a thread waiting to read it.

Also thanks for the podcast recommendation: will listen to considering none of your recommendations has steered me wrong yet.
 

Alucard

Banned
How's everyone doing? Think I'm only gonna have one draft on this one. At around 1700 words and in the home stretch. Now if only I knew what my climax was...
 

Charade

Member
I finished up about 600 words over (yikes!) but somehow managed to get it down. On the last 20 or so words now, thank god lol.
 

Alucard

Banned
I never do, I just make it up as I go along.

That's a bad practice to get into if you want to do more than write for fun eventually. So I've heard, anyway. I generally try to mix outlining with discovery writing, but for this one, I had a few scenes in my mind, but didn't really know the ending. That's my goal with my final 400-500 words tonight. :)
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
I woke up and look what I found! The first submssion! Ya'll better get it into gear.


That's a bad practice to get into if you want to do more than write for fun eventually. So I've heard, anyway. I generally try to mix outlining with discovery writing, but for this one, I had a few scenes in my mind, but didn't really know the ending. That's my goal with my final 400-500 words tonight. :)

I never do, I just make it up as I go along.

Making it up as you go is fiiiiiiiine. Really it all depends on what works for you. Some people feel bogged down with even the tiniest bit outlining and some people. Some people only write in circles unless the map out their endings in advanced. There's no good or bad way to write, just whatever is getting the stories done.
 

choodi

Banned
Mine is coming. Had my daughter's fifth birthday party today, so I am hoping to finish it in the next couple hours.

If I am too late, please just go ahead without me.
 

Alucard

Banned
Mine is coming. Had my daughter's fifth birthday party today, so I am hoping to finish it in the next couple hours.

If I am too late, please just go ahead without me.

You can do iiiiiiiiiiiit. (but I also understand your reasoning if you can't!)
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
Mine is coming. Had my daughter's fifth birthday party today, so I am hoping to finish it in the next couple hours.

If I am too late, please just go ahead without me.

Listen, it's going to take me more than a minute to get everything looking nice, so just know the door might be open for awhile, so don't feel too rushed.
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
Alright, so I still have a few more purely aesthetic thing I want to do which I'll have to do tomorrow, so to anyone else working or want to do something like flash fiction to get in on this wants to, the door is going to be decent lenient to late entries.

And trust me, you reallllly want to get in on this, ye who stare at this!!!
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
Alright, I'm going to finish this up in next two hours. If there's anyone still working on a story pm me so I know but be warned the door is going to close pretty soon.
 

Nezumi

Member
Nice! Knowing who is attending will at least make the guessing somewhat easier, but yeah, no Tangent and no Mike :( Gotta admit I had also half hoped that Cyan might try and sneak in for this one.
 

Alucard

Banned
Planned to read 'em all tonight, but beat 3 dungeons and got the master sword in Zelda, and beat SF2 with Ryu instead. I regret nothing.

I'll get on this tomorrow. ;)
 

Ashes

Banned
All may not be what it seems on the contributor page.


I may have entered through nefarious means.
 

Nezumi

Member
All may not be what it seems on the contributor page.


I may have entered through nefarious means.

It wouldn't be an anonymous challenge without some Ashes mindfuckery...

Seriously dude, if you did hide a story this time around you hid it well...

Edit: unless you are the moustache man...
 

Alucard

Banned
Feedback as I go, and guessing later...

"Theocracy" - this felt like a sketch more than a complete story, but I still enjoyed it for what it was. The completely arbitrary nature of decision-making in this type of society is fascinating on its own.

"The Battle of Nelson Pass" - I liked the overall idea here, but I was pulled out of it when you had Washburne chuckling and laughing when asked about his family situation after just seeing the three graves. I also felt the ending was a bit too quick and tidy, and we didn't really get to know Willard Beckett. His final confrontation felt too quick for me. Maybe just the curse of the word length of this challenge.

"Unmask, Stranger" - You lost me. I didn't really know what was going on here, and I don't think the reader was given enough context to feel grounded so they could invest in the story. The imagery was interesting, but this was just too disconnected and trippy for me.

"An Evening of Opportunity" - Wait. The POV seemed to have loved Lysa, he missed her laugh, her smile, and the happiness they had, but then it turns out he murdered her and threw her in a ditch? And how did Lucia just keep going all those years knowing that the person she's working with murdered her sister by slotting her throat? And the explosion really caught me off guard. Wouldn't the sword have been destroyed? Or was it not a real sword at all? I was enjoying this well enough until these two things turned my like to dislike and befuddlement. :-/

"Four-Corner Forgery" - Teddy's motives aren't totally clear here. He's just kind of an asshole. I did like the exchange between Max and Justin, though. The repetition of "it's all bullshit" was nice, and made me chuckle as an on-again off-again fan of pro wrestling. The second part felt a little long here, though, and the conclusion felt like you were racing, probably due to the word limit.

"A Murderous Masquerade" - This could only be one person. I'm 90% sure I know who did this just by the free-flowing conversation and lack of editing for spelling and other grammatical tidbits. That said, I enjoyed this overall, but I didn't feel it led anywhere I particularly cared about. I mean, I kind of cared about Daniel, but I didn't get a good sense of many of the other characters. Think you were going for an F. Scott Fitzgerald Great Gatsby spoiled rich kids feel, and you mostly succeeded, but I felt like I was just hanging out with these people without enough of a reason to care. Still, good dialogue and movement.

"Behind the Mask" - Almost certain I know who this is as well. :) I've seen these elegant prose before, and I've felt the same sense of discomfort and weirdness before as well. This was damn good and obviously well-researched. If not, the writer at least has some connection to the work of Tennessee Williams. Well done. I thoroughly enjoyed this and all of its strangeness. Very easy to read as well.

"The Five Crimes of Franklyn Torres" - This was really good! I liked the details, though the final sentence fell kind of flat to me. I wish we had seen something more to show how he had changed or how much the people had accepted him or...something...to make it have impact. Or maybe it's just the wording that feels too plain? Anyway, good details, especially on the face smashing crime. :) I think I might know who this is...

"Pudding" - I liked how this one started out, but then a revolving door of side characters started making their way in and out of the scene and I got lost and stopped caring. the conversation turned super random, which maybe is the point with teenage dialogue, but I didn't feel there was a story here. If it was just an exercise to practice dialogue, it was okay, but I didn't feel this had enough focus.

Votes:
1. The Five Crimes of Franklyn Torres
2. Behind the Mask
3. Theocracy
 

FlowersisBritish

fleurs n'est pas britannique
Just as an fyi because there's been some confusion, the voting isn't anonymous and you can just post your votes (and guesses) in the thread like normal.
 

choodi

Banned
Ok, so here are my votes:

1st
The Battle of Nelson Pass
This was just a really nicely written story. I knew it was going to pull on my heartstrings and I didn't care.
2nd
Four-Corner Forgery
Great setting. Great dialogue. Nice ending, left me wanting more. I was left picturing the match afterwards.
3rd
Behind the Mask
Pretty sure I know who wrote this.

I guess we are just going to use an honour system when it comes to guessing because it should be easy to work out who wrote what just by looking at what others have guessed
(unless you purposely guess wrong - I'm looking at you Ashes)
.

EDIT: My guesses are now included

Theocracy - Dongs Macabre
The Battle of Nelson Pass - Mu Cephei
Unmask, Stranger - Charade
An Evening of Opportunity - Alucard
Four-Corner Forgery - Flowers
A Murderous Masquerade - Moustacehman
Behind the Mask - John Dunbar
Pudding - Nezumi
 
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