SJRB
Gold Member
More like "Late to the Genocide", am I right? I mean holy shit, the bodycount must be in the tripple digits. Anyway, I saw the first movie when it came out and was pretty disappointed. It was just a weird movie and I didn't really feel it. The jokes were off, the action was off, didn't like how everybody was just fighting each other for no reason. However, I feel this one is even weirder. Huge rant incoming.
The story is absolute garbage, no doubt about it. I'm not sure if that's intentional, I can only hope it is. Because sheesh, American Ninja had a better story than this [not really]. But I understand it's only a vehicle for crazy action and surreal cameos, and the movie delivers in spades.
The opening is fucking insane, with three vehicles and six guys straight up destroying an entire village of bad guys. Stallone drives a motorcycle into a helicopter for fucks sake. First cameo: they rescue Arnold Schwarzenegger. Fucking awesome! Soon after Jet Li bails out, never to return. Why? He had like 3 minutes of screentime.
Anyway, the movie kind of drags a little bit with the bizarre Christmas love story where Stallone's character seems annoyed/jealous/angry at Statham's character Christmas and his clingy girlfriend. Why? I don't know, because apparantly she's a slut and cheats with everybody. And Statham doesn't care. Or something, I guess. It never gets resolved but it does result in a lot of bizarre "tension" scenes between Statham and Stallone where they scold at each other for no reason whatsoever.
Yeah, second cameo: Bruce Willis. Fucking awesome! Dude is my hero, glad he's back. Anyway, some super-barebones plot device brings the team to Albania or something, but not before we get a tearjerker story from the handsome new kid about his loving girlfriend and how he misses her and shit. We all know where this is going.
Enter third cameo: Jean-Claude van fucking Damme. JCVD. Holy shit! Dude was amazing throughout the movie though grossly underused. His stoic behaviour, completely unphased about anything was incredible. I really enjoyed him as the bad guy, even though all he does is sitting shotgun in a truck or being a cartoon-villian asshole. Should've had way more fight sequences. JCVD versus 20 miners or something, whatever.
Bunch of blabla, some extremely wooden dialogue which is supposed to be witty banter, I don't know. Terry Crews and Randy Couture are extremely underused. Especially Crews has easy laughs on his side but he's never used. Drago was amazing as the psycho, but most of the joke scenes fell completely flat because they lacked a punchline. Most of them were simple "point and laugh at this fucking idiot", which was a shame because there's nearly limitless potential with these guys.
Fourth cameo: Chuck fucking Norris. Out of nowhere, Chuck Norris appears and takes out a batallion of men and a fucking tank. Stallone thanks him and Chuck leaves. Fucking insane.
Some nonsense happens, crazy stuff, Absurd shootout in a village where for some reason Statham is dressed like a priest, Drago does something silly with makeshift dynamite and O SHIT Schwarzenegger is back! Sweet! Holy moses, Bruce Willis is also back! Enter massive shootout in an airport because fuck it why not. Remember, no Russian! I noticed myself having a HUGE grin during this sequence, and this sequence was worth watching the movie for. Seeing Schwarzenegger with that huge auto-shotgun standing next to Bruce Willis and seeing them just mowing down 593 people was incredible. So freaking cool. Schwarzenegger looked badass, that part where he just casually walks forward while shooting the gun was lifted straight out of Terminator 2, super cool. And Bruce Willis was incredible as well. Bizarre scene with the Smart car where Arnold rips off the door, fucking crazy. O fuck Chuck Norris is also back! This whole sequence is like a rollercoaster of testosteron-induced craziness.
Then Stallone and JCVD have a fistfight. Or at least, they exchange a few punches. It's super short and super disappointing. In reality, I don't think Stallone would be a match for JCVD, but this movie is Stallone's so he wins because of reasons and there is a happy ending where they all laugh in the plane and drink beer.
Overall this movie was pretty terrible because it has huge potential but pisses most of it away. The jokes and banter were bad, the story is garbage, CG and fake blood was bad, several scenes were dubbed over and that was extremely noticable, the whole "tension" thing between Statham and Stallone was awful especially because there was no resolution, I gave zero fucks about the new characters, the movie has a lot of weird cuts/scenes/dialogue that are just bizarre: Stallone's "lucky ring", the coffee dialogue between Couture and Crews to name a few. But in the end it was worth it for the Schwarzenegger/Willis airport scenes.
Fuck yeah!
Anyway, what say you, GAF?
The story is absolute garbage, no doubt about it. I'm not sure if that's intentional, I can only hope it is. Because sheesh, American Ninja had a better story than this [not really]. But I understand it's only a vehicle for crazy action and surreal cameos, and the movie delivers in spades.
The opening is fucking insane, with three vehicles and six guys straight up destroying an entire village of bad guys. Stallone drives a motorcycle into a helicopter for fucks sake. First cameo: they rescue Arnold Schwarzenegger. Fucking awesome! Soon after Jet Li bails out, never to return. Why? He had like 3 minutes of screentime.
Anyway, the movie kind of drags a little bit with the bizarre Christmas love story where Stallone's character seems annoyed/jealous/angry at Statham's character Christmas and his clingy girlfriend. Why? I don't know, because apparantly she's a slut and cheats with everybody. And Statham doesn't care. Or something, I guess. It never gets resolved but it does result in a lot of bizarre "tension" scenes between Statham and Stallone where they scold at each other for no reason whatsoever.
Yeah, second cameo: Bruce Willis. Fucking awesome! Dude is my hero, glad he's back. Anyway, some super-barebones plot device brings the team to Albania or something, but not before we get a tearjerker story from the handsome new kid about his loving girlfriend and how he misses her and shit. We all know where this is going.
Enter third cameo: Jean-Claude van fucking Damme. JCVD. Holy shit! Dude was amazing throughout the movie though grossly underused. His stoic behaviour, completely unphased about anything was incredible. I really enjoyed him as the bad guy, even though all he does is sitting shotgun in a truck or being a cartoon-villian asshole. Should've had way more fight sequences. JCVD versus 20 miners or something, whatever.
Bunch of blabla, some extremely wooden dialogue which is supposed to be witty banter, I don't know. Terry Crews and Randy Couture are extremely underused. Especially Crews has easy laughs on his side but he's never used. Drago was amazing as the psycho, but most of the joke scenes fell completely flat because they lacked a punchline. Most of them were simple "point and laugh at this fucking idiot", which was a shame because there's nearly limitless potential with these guys.
Fourth cameo: Chuck fucking Norris. Out of nowhere, Chuck Norris appears and takes out a batallion of men and a fucking tank. Stallone thanks him and Chuck leaves. Fucking insane.
Some nonsense happens, crazy stuff, Absurd shootout in a village where for some reason Statham is dressed like a priest, Drago does something silly with makeshift dynamite and O SHIT Schwarzenegger is back! Sweet! Holy moses, Bruce Willis is also back! Enter massive shootout in an airport because fuck it why not. Remember, no Russian! I noticed myself having a HUGE grin during this sequence, and this sequence was worth watching the movie for. Seeing Schwarzenegger with that huge auto-shotgun standing next to Bruce Willis and seeing them just mowing down 593 people was incredible. So freaking cool. Schwarzenegger looked badass, that part where he just casually walks forward while shooting the gun was lifted straight out of Terminator 2, super cool. And Bruce Willis was incredible as well. Bizarre scene with the Smart car where Arnold rips off the door, fucking crazy. O fuck Chuck Norris is also back! This whole sequence is like a rollercoaster of testosteron-induced craziness.
Then Stallone and JCVD have a fistfight. Or at least, they exchange a few punches. It's super short and super disappointing. In reality, I don't think Stallone would be a match for JCVD, but this movie is Stallone's so he wins because of reasons and there is a happy ending where they all laugh in the plane and drink beer.
Overall this movie was pretty terrible because it has huge potential but pisses most of it away. The jokes and banter were bad, the story is garbage, CG and fake blood was bad, several scenes were dubbed over and that was extremely noticable, the whole "tension" thing between Statham and Stallone was awful especially because there was no resolution, I gave zero fucks about the new characters, the movie has a lot of weird cuts/scenes/dialogue that are just bizarre: Stallone's "lucky ring", the coffee dialogue between Couture and Crews to name a few. But in the end it was worth it for the Schwarzenegger/Willis airport scenes.
Fuck yeah!
Anyway, what say you, GAF?
