Thus poop. Even worse than Prometheus and probably the worst Alien film. Prometheus, while the execution was poor, was a visual stunner and had some suspense/interest to it. This was just all around terrible.
1. Characters, most interesting character was Crudup. Him wanting to explore the new planet as a possible source was good. His argument with Ripley Clone 3 about it, was sound, etc. He actually seemed human.
Of course till he literally follows David through his pet show of horrors. The audience was laughing the entire time.
"It's safe"
"Take a peak"
I mean, fucking shit. He's worse than the couple having sex in the woods at Lake Crystal. He had his best fucking moment with blasting the Alien, followed by calling out David on his shit.
THEN YOU JUST FUCKING FOLLOW HIM THROUGH WHILE HE TELLS YOU WHAT HE NEEDS IS YOU. WTF.
It's like Ridley Scott took the criticisms of Prometheus where you can't find a stupider team and said Hold my Beer.
The only three other characters was David 2.0.... beyond homoerotic there. "You blow, I'll play with the buttons"
Ripley 2.0, who goes from scared little girl to battle worn vet in 5 minutes. All she does is run in the first half. Then is out there, hooked on the harass, fighting the Alien with a pick axe and claw.
And McBride, who misses his wife for 3 seconds. Before telling Ripley 2.0 she looks good.
Everyone else is not a character, just fodder.
2. The series is not a Prometheus or Alien origin story. It's about the David Origin story and how he becomes a super villain. The more they explain about his desires, the more it felt like a bad B movie. He hates humans, he wants to create the perfect creature, he also wants to fuck, but can't.
3. The Alien might as well not even be in here. It only served to be on screen for 5 minutes, die. Then another pops out because David, who could easily kill the entire group, wants the Alien to do it? I don't know, for a movie about the creation of this creature. It has very little to deal with the creature.
4. Don't worry, it's safe in this wide open temple.
5. How many colonists?! That many, amazing!
6. Benny Hill Theme Song Slipping on Blood.
7. Follow the random guy with a flare gun through the graveyard and never ask a question.
8. Obvious plot twist ending required.
9. David needs a haircut
This is the first film in a while, where the audience was laughing at how stupid it was. The homoerotic scene of the Davids with Cudrup following him through scored the biggest laughs. But the girl slipping on the blood and the ending were a close second. Scott took it on him to make a film greater than Prometheus, just in the opposite direction.
Give me a sequel to Resurrection instead. I'll take Wal Mart security force battling Aliens in Super Wal Mart on Post Apocalyptic earth over this complete with dong include Human Alien.
TLDR:
Alien Covenant Review.