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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #94 - "Confrontation"

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q_q

Member
Theme - "Confrontation"

5631_0f58_960.jpeg


Image Source (Mildy NSFW)

Word Limit: 2000

Submission Deadline: Thursday, 5th of April at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Voting begins Friday, 6th of April, and goes on until, Sunday, 8th of April at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Optional Secondary Objective: Story within a story.

I thought it would be fun to see what people can come up with. Have a story told by a character through dialogue, a POV character read a story, etc. I've always loved how writers can create analogies to the story they're writing, either directly or subtly, through another story within that one.

Useful threads.

NeoGAF Writing Workshop
The Writing-GAF Mega Thread

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge FAQ
 

ronito

Member
Oh man that image could lead to a slew of cliche stories. Time to bust out erotica when no one expects it. Surprise Erotica.
 

ronito

Member
Now that I've stolen ronito's essence, I'm tempted to use Al Roker for some serious confrontation.

And congrats, q_q.

Do it! I'd love to see Al and his gay midget prostitue assassin and the donkey loving priest sniper on a Gumshoe adventure. There'd be a ton more personal drama. It would be awesome.
 

JambiBum

Member
seriously dude? That quick? I'm happy for the entry but you might wanna take more time.

I'm in the middle of writing a story and saw the challenge. The challenge fits with the overall theme of my story so it wasn't that much of a leap to write something for the challenge. I was already in the mood to write and it gave me a nice break from my story.
 

nitewulf

Member
Julia, Johan and Me


I woke up groggy and naked. Next to naked Julia. And naked Johan. Now I was confused, as well as groggy and naked.

I slipped into my underwear and jeans. Put on my sweater and stumbled out of the partitioned area of Julia’s loft that served as her bedroom.

Empty bottles of beer, rum and vodka were scattered all over the place, aftermath of a prolonged battle. I stumbled into the bathroom, freshened up and slipped away cowardly, almost catlike, into the corner café. The first sip of the Ethiopian blend was like molten peat on my tongue, its smoky aftertaste hitting the roof of my mouth harshly and slinking away into notes of cocoa and tangerine.

Just what the hell happened last night?

Just then my phone started vibrating. I never keep the ringer on. It was naked Johan. I mean Johan. I decided not to answer and stepped out of the café.

It was a brilliant sunny day. I walked by the park, a reggae band was playing. Bass notes drifted through the air. Rhythmically, I kept pace with it. Concentrating extra hard on the hot girls that were out. Tits out, long, smooth legs swaying. Yeah, most of these bitches would benefit from being penetrated by my penis. In fact I would love to hit that shit. Love to. I roll straight. Them bitches want me. And no, I am not being a typical wannabe playa about this, a few turned and smiled at me. I smiled right back.

My phone buzzed again. It was Julia. I ignored it and walked on.

The bookstore up the block had a few well intentioned benefits hidden within, for the special customers only. I slipped Joanna, the dark haired, dark eyed, half-Latin/half-Italian, insanely hot goddess of the cash register, a $20 note and she slipped me back a note. Sci-Fi and Fantasy it said.

No don’t be bored just yet. Bear with me.

James was slouching on the ground, head bopping up and down to music, the confidence interval of which being a hitherto unheard of techno-dub band was around two standard deviations, or 95 percent.

I dropped next to him and said what’s up.

He looked around and handed me a tiny pouch. I took it, shook his hand and walked out. I winked at Joanna as I left. Value added business strategy. Gotta get an edge on the competition.

My phone buzzed again. “Where are you?” It was Julia.

It buzzed again. “Dude where did you go?” Naked Johan.

“We were supposed to meet for brunch and then watch the show” Naked Julia.

“I got some stuff to do, will meetup later” I texted both of them.

“You’re being very juvenile” Naked Julia.

“You are being a complete douche” Naked Johan.

They were driving me completely nuts and I didn’t bother replying. I kept walking. Avoiding the park, a left on Carlton towards Lafayette. I rang the bell. Jake popped his head out, saw me and buzzed me in.

“I bring forth weed.” I claimed as I walked in.

“Can’t, meeting Julia and Johan at the park, they got weed. Come along man. May be we could all hang at her place afterward.”

Son. Of. A. Whore.

Motherfucker.

“Nah, go ahead man, I got some plans.”

“Light up here if you want. Just lock the door on your way out.”

He left.

I rolled myself a joint and took a drag. Jake’s place smelled musty, and looked messy. I pulled the window up a bit and let the cool air drift in.

I haven’t written anything in months. I tried to formulate a story in my head. The story will be about a sensitive gay vampire with Avoidance Personality Disorder. Actually, he will be a straight vampire. Gay vampires are just cliché. May be he will be Korean. Gotta throw in a bit of ethnic mix in there. He will be very shy and extremely sensitive about being rejected or disliked. Fear of rejection will drive him to seek out the outcasts and dregs of society, as opposed to the popular vampires who just partied with supermodels in techno-goth clubs and had sex. He will be young. Gotta cater to the teen female demographics. He will fall in love with the most popular and beautiful girl from the local high school, and at this point I wanted to blow my own brains out for having thought of such a pure mélange of rancid shit.

I reformulated.

The story will be about a hitman. A hitman who had a degree in architecture and admired the inherent beauty in killing. Watching his targets bleed to death, their lives being drained out slowly, by his own hands. He would be tasked to kill the beautiful, sultry wife of an African super drug-lord. Because the super drug-lord did not trust her. This hitman will however, not fall in love with his target and complete the task with ruthless efficiency, playing out an opera of bloodbath, slicing her with neat slashes of an ancient Japanese sword. The drug lord will be appalled with the ghastly murder, remorseful, he will send his entire army after this hitman. In a bloody final battle, the hitman will die a painful death. As he lay dying, he will admire his own death and die peacefully.

I could not even think of a creative enough way to kill myself after having come up with such nonsensical drivel, only fit for anime lovers and slackers, which I certainly was not. I only liked the really good anime and slacked very infrequently.

It was dark outside. I closed the window, locked the door and walked out of Jake’s apartment. I walked to the Beergarten. That’s where it’ll be at.

“Oh look, Return of the Douchebag” Yelled Johan as I walked toward them with my tall glass of Paulaner Hefeweizen. I couldn’t meet their gaze for some reason and flushed. And mentally kicked myself for being so embarrassed.

“I am not talking to you.” Julia looked aside.

“What the hell man, like, where were you at all day?”

“I scored some good weed.”

“Is this about last night?” Julia asked curtly.

“I don’t know what you mean”

“Haha, it was a lot of fun”, Johan smiled wryly.

“I have no clue what you guys are talking about, I was running some errands all day, got some good weed. I figured we’d enjoy a few drinks here and then go back to your spot and smoke up.”

“You jackass, you really are trying to sidestep it aren’t you? Rest of us enjoyed it a lot you know, the hell with you.”

“Yeah, thanks for being totally mature about all this, man. You turned out to be another disappointing pseudo-intellectual.”

I had to admit it was pretty great. Imagery of our sweaty, writhing bodies flashed in my head.

“We all took turns didn’t we?”

I have no idea who fucked who in the end. And what did it matter.

They both flushed visibly.

“You guys wanna go it again? I loved it you know.”

“You serious?” Julia asked.

“What, I can be very French, I am no pseudo-intellectual dilettante. I’m a bon vivant.”

“You’re not going to be a complete drama-queen about it this time right?” Johan said sheepishly.

“Look naked Johan, I’ll show you who’s the queen alright. Now finish up your drinks ladies, let’s keep it at one drink tonight, alcohol just ruins the experience for me. And I want to remember. And enjoy. Oh yes.”

I chugged the Hefeweizen, sweet and flavorful in my mouth. It dripped down the side of my mouth, I licked my lips and walked out of the bar to Julia’s.

They followed closely.

I felt true. Like the leader of men I really was.
 

Tangent

Member
Wow 3 entries already! Impressive. I agree, busting out a story in the 1st three hours is no different than busting it out in the last three!

And Ronito, maybe I DID write all the entries last time, and just got folks to pretend they did.

Congrats, q_q, btw!
 

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
Fuck this shit. I won't even get a vote this time around. Not fair. Tell all the good writers not to come back please. KThxBye
 

Gattsu25

Banned
I know I pop up every now and then and say that I hope to contribute but I really do want to try this time.

I guess I know I won't win and am always looking for something else to use an excuse. Plus, I haven't written anything in over a 1/2 a year :(
 

Cyan

Banned
I know I pop up every now and then and say that I hope to contribute but I really do want to try this time.

I guess I know I won't win and am always looking for something else to use an excuse. Plus, I haven't written anything in over a 1/2 a year :(

Glad to hear that you are definitely, positively entering this time and will be publicly shamed if you don't!
 

Red

Member
Was hoping to enter, but not sure I'll have time to write anything tonight. Been busy this week.
 
His father made a gurgling sound as Arald pushed the skewer further into the old man's back. His hands clawed uselessly to his neck as the blood rose and began to pour from lips pulled back in a snarling rictus of death and, with a sudden, final twist, Arald wrenched the skewer free. He watched the gibbering wreck of his father, until the blood turned dark and grim, pumping ever more listlessly from the gaping wound, only then allowing himself to look beyond to the lifeless form of his sister, body sprawled upon the bed, legs splayed and neck jutting at an awkward, unnatural angle.

The anguish washed over him as he reached out to touch her cheek, her eyes glazed, staring at nothing. With care he removed the golden cross from about her neck, fingers brushing the violet bruises that now adorned her ruined throat. He choked back his grief and dragged his father's body from the house, leaving it for the wolves to find, before returning inside, gathering his meagre possessions and, with one last look at his sister's face, setting the house ablaze.

He stood watching until the fire quietened, only then noticing the pain in the palm of his hand where in a clenched fist he held his sister's cross, it's four golden points digging into his flesh, blood blossoming neatly from the wounds. He carefully placed the cross about his neck and tied a rag round his injured hand and then, without so much as another glance towards his home, or his father's corpse lying in the dirt, he set off into the woods.

Many stumbling miles later, he regretted setting out after nightfall, the darkness of the forest impeding his progress even more since the pale moon had passed behind a thick blanket of cloud. His foot caught on a treacherous root, and before he had time to react he was tumbling, head over toe, to land with a splash in a dank stream.

Rising from the water, he fearfully glanced about him, eyes centring on a thick expanse of shadow above the far bank that seemed, somehow, more defined, more complete that it's brothers. He reached for the small dagger at his belt, only to find it gone.

"Four times marked, under the glare of a waning moon." intoned the shadows, in a voice thickly laden with an ominous echo as Arald's palm began to ache.

"A crime of revenge, the Night Lord's sweetest boon." a figure was slowly forming in the gloom as, beneath the rag, the boy's hand began to bleed anew.

"Twice more, on far flung paths we shall meet" Arald could now make out the speaker, wearing a hood, and caught sight of an eye, wicked and glinting in the darkness beneath.

"And then, bathed in blood, the Night Lords you shall greet." and on the speaker's final words, there was a blinding flash so bright it caused Arald to submerge himself beneath the murky waters once more, until the pain had subsided. He arose to find the world as it was before, black, cold and dark, though the moon now peeked from behind it's shroud. Arald dragged himself from the stream and lay exhausted, the shadowy figure's words emblazoned upon his mind.

-----

The prow of the ship tore through the azure waters, as Arald and the men leaned upon the railings, killing time before they reached their destination. The monastery, it's mosaicked paths rich in all manner of plunder, sat tantalizingly close to the coastline, but it's pious denizens had always remained safe behind their walls. Yet the captain had a plan, although this he had yet to reveal. "We'll see what tomorrow brings" he would enigmatically reply.

Hours later, as the monastery came into view, the plan was revealed. They would make for shore and simply walk through the gates of the monastery, which sat high above on a craggy finger of rock jutting from the cliff face. Arald pointed out that this was absurd and the sentries would surely spot their approach, but his concerns were waved away. He felt a familiar sense of foreboding, but willed it away, deciding to trust in his captain's confidence.

Touching the cross about his neck for good luck, Arald descended into one of the boats making for shore, before starting the steep climb up the winding path to the monastery gates. They were forced to stop short when an arrow, fired by one of many fully alert sentries, buried itself in the ground before them. Arald cast a despairing glance towards the captain, who only smiled in response. He raised his horn and blew a note high into the air. For a moment, nothing, and then the gates flung open. The surprise of the sentries was matched by that of the men.

Arald stood mouth agape. "Their sentries are meant to be incorruptible!"

"The Holy Guard are indeed incorruptible, but serving wenches, I am saddened, and fortuitously gladdened, to say, are not." came back the captain's laughing reply. He turned then, and pulled his sabre free from it's scabbard, the blade glistening in the morning light, while on the unconquerable walls the sentries were in panic.

"On, you horrible bastards" the captain screamed, gesticulating wildly with the point of his blade. "Take everything the glitters, and grab the women too. Burn the rest to the ground!" and with that a great cheer rose, the men streaming in through the monasteries open gates, while the sentries made ready to mount their a futile defence, their impenetrable walls now breached.

Within the fearsome walls, all was chaos, as everywhere the sounds of battle and distress reigned. The sentries of the Holy Guard tried their best, but with the battle raging on all sides their numbers were spread thin. The priests, meanwhile, put up a spirited a defence, but died just the same. Soon, with the plunder leaving in a steady stream back to the boats, it was time to put he monastery to the torch.

They worked methodically, moving from building to building swiftly, for the dry thatch would take but moments to catch. Arald kicked in the door of the last building and was about to fling his torch when from inside he heard the unmistakable wails of an infant. As if in a dream, he stepped across the threshold and saw two babes lying in their cots. Shuddering with the thought of what he must do, he stepped back outside and tossed his torch through the doorway, staggering quickly away lest he hear their wails.

Later that night, deep in the belly of the ship, Arald grasped fitfully at sleep, falling in and out of a shallow slumber as the ship rocked gently back and forth, like a mother cradling it's child. He shuddered involuntarily and cast off the thoughts of the infants he had murdered. It was practicality, that's all. They couldn't be brought along, and they wouldn't survive on their own. Best to let them suffer but for a few moments. Although the waning moon shined brightly through the porthole, it seemed as if the shadows in his cabin had grown deeper. In particular, the far wall was pitch black, all but for a glimmering point of reflected light, as if from a blade. Or an eye.

Arald jumped to his feet with a start and grasped blindly for his blade, before a familiar, but forgotten voice intoned inside his head.

“A crime borne of blind duty, or one of need?” the speaker mockingly asked, his eye piercing through the gloom of the cabin.

“Or one borne of simple greed?” again, Arald marked the dark and heavy hood that further masked the speaker's features.

“Innocent skin burns, blackened blood boils” but this time, to Arald's surprise, the speaker stepped forward.

“The Night Lords drink a toast to your toils.” and Arald glimpsed sight of a visage, calm and terrible, as if carved from blood-stained wood, one that shook him awake once more. The moon still shined through the porthole, as Arald struggled to unravel where dream and reality begun.

-----

“Father thought it best to hire mercenaries to protect his only son, yet it will be those same cut-throats and murderers that crush his army in the field, isn't that right Arald?” the Prince crowed.

“Yes, my Prince.” Arald replied, barely bothering to temper the venom and disdain in his voice, which the Prince was entirely oblivious to.

Arald had to smile at the situation. He'd been but days in the Prince's company, and already he could tell that the man had no love for his father, nor for anyone else, save himself. His plan was imbecilic, and the Prince didn't even think to suspect where Arald's loyalty lie. But, like his son, the King was too trusting in the power of his coin.

On the morning of the battle, Arald and his men lay in wait, horses gently whickering, as impatient as their men to ride out. But there would be no battle for them today, much to the Prince's chagrin. His plan was executed to near perfection. Arald and his men waited for the sounds of fighting to reach them, then rode up the hill, the sun rising slowly behind them and in full view of the warring armies. But the King's men failed to react, still determinedly hacking their way through the Prince's forces. The awaited call for retreat never came, nor did the charge of Arald's cavalry, saving the day.

Hours later, under a waning moon, Arald sat alone about his camp-fire honing the sabre that, once, had belonged to the captain, long since gone to grave. Instinctively, his hand rose to the golden cross about his neck and, with a chill, he nervously awaited a fourth and final visit from the mysterious shadowed figure. His ears pricked up at a noise in the distance, horses, riding fast, and it wasn't long before they came into view.

“You'll regret this, you bastard.” the Prince spat down at him.

“Gut him” he ordered, and his men dismounted and advanced. Arald sat and continued to hone his blade, ignoring the presence of the Prince's men until, with a startling quickness, he leapt up and let his sabre sing, cutting red ribbons that hung in the air but for a moment, before dripping to the floor. The Prince, eyes wide in shock, gasped with fear and made to escape, but for Arald's hand grasped tight upon the reins. He yanked the Prince from his steed and, without ears for the pleading noises escaping the Prince's mouth, he skewered the heir to the throne through the neck and watched coldly as he choked away his last, gasping breaths.

“A crime of ambition, truth be told, there's none more revered” Arald spun round to see the shadowy apparition walking towards him from the trees.

“By those who play the game, year after year.” he could see clearly now the speaker's face and saw, beneath the heavy hood, the dark stained red of a wooden mask.

“And with the death of a bloodline, your initiation is sealed” with unnatural speed, the speaker pulled forth a black poison blade, ominous in the moon's light.

“A thrall of the Night Lord's, to their will you will yield.” the creature lunged forward, trying to bury the vile blade deep into Arald's gut, but he sidestepped smartly an brought his own blade up, across the creature's throat. It spun through the air and landed with a heavy thump next to the fire, it's wooden mask split in two. Beneath the wood was only inky shadow and, as Arald looked down upon it's depths, he felt nothing but revulsion.

"Wait" the creature gurgled. "We offer you power, glory and wealth unimagined. You will never achieve these things without us, without the Night Lords."

"We'll see what tomorrow brings" Arald replied, before severing the creature's head.
 

Ashes

Banned
Voting started right?

1. Bootaaay
2. q_q
3. Aaron

Fair enough. But I'll wait for cyan's entry myself. It's kind of my fault for putting this on a Thursday deadline. Even if today is a holiday... :/*



edit: *Then again I forgot about daylight saving time switch didn't happen across the ocean; cyan doesn't have that excuse. :p
 

Kevtones

Member
A man sits on the edge of nowhere. His voice gone and his mind floating above like a hovering sentry, doing a pattern best fitted for invisibility.

Sand blows into a picked-scab on his kneecap. He bellows until he realizes that would involve exertion.

He hasn't moved.

His eyes shift into the sun. He blinds himself in less than minute and pounds the ground as if making a point. As if the moment isn't that fleeting.

His moment is over and he's blind.

He pounds again; but the point still blows away.

Still, his nowhere is more nowhere as the wind bustles.

For once, he realizes and he hears it, he feels it; and then deliberately tastes it.

It tastes like a challenge.
 

Cyan

Banned
You mean as opposed to tinypaste or whatever? It preserves formatting, and it's entirely under our control, and it's still relatively easy to do.
 
Voting time~ :

1. "A Father's Blessing" (q_q) - Really liked how tense it felt and the dialogue.
2. "United Crap Shoveling Union of Alamander County" (Ward)
3. "Monkey Trap" (Tangent)
 

q_q

Member
1. Cyan - "The Towertop"

2. Bootaaay - "Under the Glare of a Waning Moon"

3. Aaron - "Harsh Rain in Late Spring"
 

Grakl

Member
Votes

1. "The Towertop" by Cyan
2. "Monkey Trap" by Tangent
3. "Julia, Johan and Me" by nitewulf

Excellent stories this time around. Probably the best I've read from you so far, tangent.
 

Aaron

Member
1 - Tangent - Monkey Trap
2 - Bootaaay - Under the glare of a waning moon
3 - q_q - A Father's Blessing
 

Tangent

Member
Votes:
1. q_q (A Father's Blessing)
2. Cyan (The Towertop)
3. Aaron (Harsh Rain)
HM: Nitewulf (Julia, Johan, & Me), Ward (United Crap)

Quick crits:
Jambibum "An Insomniac's Wet Dream" -- I reallly like the concept of your story, about the demon who keeps an insomniac up. It might have been fun to hear more of a "batlle' of sorts between the main character and this demon. I really like how you describe the dream -- maybe even go into the loneliness of a sleepless night even more.

Nitewulf "Julia, Johan, and Me" -- I loved the first paragraph -- so funny. I liked how you described his story brainstorming. I might have liked to hear more of the main character's thought process of his everyday life and how it was impacted by the night before.

Valerie "Maternal Warefare -- Wow that last line was interesting. I liked how fast-paced this story was and the dialog between Mom and James sounded very real. For some reason, though, it was a little hard to get into the dialog in the very beginning but maybe that's just me going through a mental shift between stories.

Bootaaay "Under the glare" -- I liked the 1st and 3rd portions the most. The last line was great, and so was the first paragraph. In fact, the entire first half was very gripping, but for me at least, the 2nd didn't feel quite as strong.

Ward "United Crap Shoveling" -- I like how you show the problem of gossip and it was great how the story progressed so much with dialog, vs. just narration.

q_q "A Father's Blessing" -- 1st paragraph was a real grabber. I liked how you described Garth and the fight at the end. On thing I noticed for myself as a reader was that I wanted to slow down and savor this story -- that was pretty awesome.

Aaron "Harsh Rain Late in Spring" -- Cool power, good creating calm demeanor of the governor, and you contrasted it well with the other characters.

Ashes "Small" -- You capture the main character's voice well. There were points in the middle where it felt a little choppier -- maybe with the longer sentences and greater use of commas, but I'm not sure if that's the reason.

Cyan "The Towertop" -- I liked how gripping this story was and kept wondering what Jamis would decide. Good use of dialog for both characters and moving the plot forward without describing too much about Jamis' thought process -- it was necessary in fact, because of Vandimon's stories. Good use of those stories. If anything, I wonder if Jamis might have gone deeper into the argument with Vandimon.

Excellent stories this time around. Probably the best I've read from you so far, tangent.

I agree -- all the stories were so fun to read. And thank you very much, that's interesting to hear; I wasn't expecting that. Do you have a sense of what made this story better than my previous ones of mine?
 

Cyan

Banned
Votes:

1. q_q - "A Father's Blessing"
2. Bootaaay - "Under the glare of a waning moon"
3. Aaron - "Harsh Rain Late in Spring"

HM: Ward
 

Grakl

Member
I agree -- all the stories were so fun to read. And thank you very much, that's interesting to hear; I wasn't expecting that. Do you have a sense of what made this story better than my previous ones of mine?

I just enjoyed it more than I remember enjoying your other stories, specifically because it's pretty much a children's story that's entertaining and probably would appeal really well to kids. I actually don't remember reading anything like children's stories in these challenges, and it's a breath of fresh air. Your story also has a nice and obvious message.
 

Tangent

Member
Congrats Cyan! :)

I just enjoyed it more than I remember enjoying your other stories, specifically because it's pretty much a children's story that's entertaining and probably would appeal really well to kids. I actually don't remember reading anything like children's stories in these challenges, and it's a breath of fresh air. Your story also has a nice and obvious message.

Oh cool, thanks. This is good to hear because I enjoy writing for children (the idea of it, I don't actually do it), but aim for a more "adult" style. Thanks!
 
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