ItWasMeantToBe19
Banned
Read the rest of the article here:
http://www.theguardian.com/society/...ater-mental-health-risks-maltreated-by-adults
It's sad that people are so cruel to each other. Words do hurt people.
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Being bullied by peers may have worse mental effects than bad parental treatment
- Thread starter ItWasMeantToBe19
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Read the rest of the article here:
http://www.theguardian.com/society/...ater-mental-health-risks-maltreated-by-adults
It's sad that people are so cruel to each other. Words do hurt people.
CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls
Banned
Considering school bullying can lead to being ostracized from most social circles as well as little recourse since schools do little to actively stop the bullying, it's not surprising that kids can get so fucked up when they're in that environment for 8 hours a day, every day.
I hate the excuse that it's a part of growing up and "kids will be kids". It's severely debilitating to kids and destroys all social functioning.
I hate the excuse that it's a part of growing up and "kids will be kids". It's severely debilitating to kids and destroys all social functioning.
Ether_Snake
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Not surprising, once you leave your parents behind, you're done with them, but if you are bullied by peers then everyone might be seen as a potential bully.
Byakuya769
Member
One of my biggest fears as a parent, raising a piece of shit bully.
I don't think this is any news to people who actually ever experienced bullying. It can really fuck with your head, and it probably always sticks in the back of your mind if it was severe enough. Kids should not have to learn how to NOT hate people, and bullying did that to me.
If I ever had a kid there is no way they wouldnt be home schooled for this reason.
If I ever had a kid there is no way they wouldnt be home schooled for this reason.
Zantetsuken
Member
I can still vividly remember when I was being bullied to. I always wished I could have done something different, but I do hope more attention is bought to this subject.
Wreck-It Ralph
Member
As someone who was bullied a lot as a kid, these are both true for me. I'm almost 27 and I still have trouble interacting with new people without immediately assuming they hate me.
Makes sense to me, being tormented by equals or peers seems like it's a more disturbing prospect than by a larger, stronger force. Basically, a kid can know or come to know later in life or as an adult there's nothing they could really do about their parent(s) harming them. When it's those who are supposed to be the same social level as them, their then inability to defend themselves could give them the lurking idea that they're somehow inferior.
cutmeamango
Banned
http://www.thelancet.com/action/showFullTableImage?tableId=tbl3&pii=S2215036615001650
Huh, that's not as bad as I thought it would be.
Huh, that's not as bad as I thought it would be.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
So what happens if you had both like me?
Yeah, that shit is nightmarish. I can relate although as I got older abuse by peers lessened and abuse at home increased
Same here.
Now try to imagine what its like to deal with both.
Looking back I have no idea how I made it to adulthood intact. Lots of weed and video games, most likely.
Hate me, and are actively trying to harm me. So I can’t let my guard down. Ever.
Looking back I have no idea how I made it to adulthood intact. Lots of weed and video games, most likely.
Hate me, and are actively trying to harm me. So I can’t let my guard down. Ever.
GameGuru59
Banned
Yeah, this. The idea that I have to overcome their disdain is the default assumption. This makes it even harder when people are nice, because it becomes hard to judge the nature of their affinity towards me. I can't tell when a woman is flirting or she's just being nice, because while I was growing up, girls always treated me pretty much like shit.
Gave me issues interacting with people that has lasted to today no doubt.
I sort of have what I think of as 'modes' that I switch between now. When I need to be more boisterous (usually for work), I have one for that that my mind switches into. I also tend to default to a mode where I'm more awkward and quiet, afraid of others disliking me or saying something to cause so. I find it interesting because people have even noticed the surprising difference when I change.
I wonder if the one I default to now would be different if I hadn't been bullied.
I sort of have what I think of as 'modes' that I switch between now. When I need to be more boisterous (usually for work), I have one for that that my mind switches into. I also tend to default to a mode where I'm more awkward and quiet, afraid of others disliking me or saying something to cause so. I find it interesting because people have even noticed the surprising difference when I change.
I wonder if the one I default to now would be different if I hadn't been bullied.
Bluekaveli
Member
I was bullied by peers and family. Double whammy.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Can relate to all of these... sometimes you have to wonder what life would have been like without these things happening.
Bullying scars are a real thing, even now that I am generally accepted and liked by my peers I still feel this weird sensation that I just don´t belong and I never will and that they can turn their backs at me at any moment, I usually just dismiss this thoughts since I know they are silly, but its still there deeply inside me.
Whenever I pass a group of people while walking in the streets for example,I am still apprehensive about whether they're gonna start hissing at me/pointing at me/make fun of me..
Its just an unconscious thing that keeps coming back.
Makes sense. Parents may be the single biggest influential relationship for a child, but I think people often overlook or disregard the effect of peers and their community.
It doesn't even make sense for everything that shaped you to be traced back to your parents like some Freudian view of the world.
It doesn't even make sense for everything that shaped you to be traced back to your parents like some Freudian view of the world.
This.
I'm not surprised to hear this.
I am very judgmental of peoples' appearance. I don't actually say anything to anyone.
I realized after a lot of introspection that it is a byproduct of being teased about my appearance for pretty much my entire time at high school.
Bluekaveli
Member
I turned out to be pretty bad ass though. Fuck these withdrawal zoloft effects though.
CornBurrito
Member
I doubt the people who think bullying is a positive thing will bother listening to pansy LIBRUL scientific evidence.
You aren't the only one, had a smile on my face when my work burnt down. It was long over due.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
They say the majority of sexual abuse cases are caused by someone from within the family.
I can believe where humiliation and torment can tear a person's emotions apart. When I think of bullies and people being mean I see more social abuse from peers as causing me problems. Adults or parents tend to love their kids and there's a strong relationship with them. If you look at your peers you're suppose to grow up with them and work with them. If they're degrading you every single day of your life - you're bound to have some sort of restraint from socializing or problems in general.
You can go home or in some cases your parents will one day pass on. You'll deal with the world you were born into.
I've lived my life being close to my family, but I've had many different friends. A lot of them or the vast majority have had other lives to live and I know there's some hostility or negative backlash. I feel as though the way they looked down upon me was because I was so close to my family. I don't want to get hurt by people because people come and go. Sometimes they are only in your life for a while and sometimes the person you're suppose to love hates you, the whole group of females (or men) hate you. It's not real hate, but whatever negative energy they're sending is life destroying. I could think the world was a sunken mess if I thought about the way others felt about me or if they even cared at all. It's just the world that we live in. Lots of people are abused and molested at home and that can mess someone up for life, so it's really coming from both directions no matter what research has to say.
Sexual abusers come from broken homes where they were abused or mistreated. A lot of the times they had no family and they got involved with the wrong lifestyle. They took their anger out on people and they didn't have someone there to forgive them or love them. They say the abused are more likely to commit abuse because that's how they were raised. Bullying is subjective to just about everything. You could trust someone for your whole life and be lied to completely. People could be bullies and emotionally scar you for life. You'll always remember that abuse if you let it.
I can believe where humiliation and torment can tear a person's emotions apart. When I think of bullies and people being mean I see more social abuse from peers as causing me problems. Adults or parents tend to love their kids and there's a strong relationship with them. If you look at your peers you're suppose to grow up with them and work with them. If they're degrading you every single day of your life - you're bound to have some sort of restraint from socializing or problems in general.
You can go home or in some cases your parents will one day pass on. You'll deal with the world you were born into.
I've lived my life being close to my family, but I've had many different friends. A lot of them or the vast majority have had other lives to live and I know there's some hostility or negative backlash. I feel as though the way they looked down upon me was because I was so close to my family. I don't want to get hurt by people because people come and go. Sometimes they are only in your life for a while and sometimes the person you're suppose to love hates you, the whole group of females (or men) hate you. It's not real hate, but whatever negative energy they're sending is life destroying. I could think the world was a sunken mess if I thought about the way others felt about me or if they even cared at all. It's just the world that we live in. Lots of people are abused and molested at home and that can mess someone up for life, so it's really coming from both directions no matter what research has to say.
Sexual abusers come from broken homes where they were abused or mistreated. A lot of the times they had no family and they got involved with the wrong lifestyle. They took their anger out on people and they didn't have someone there to forgive them or love them. They say the abused are more likely to commit abuse because that's how they were raised. Bullying is subjective to just about everything. You could trust someone for your whole life and be lied to completely. People could be bullies and emotionally scar you for life. You'll always remember that abuse if you let it.
Andrew Korenchkin
Member
I believe this. I have zero trouble with my parents, and I'm close to my dad, stepmother, and of course my mother. My peers though...it's been rough.
I still haven't really recovered from my poor years in College.
Of course though, poor household can also contribute to this, but peer relationships are truly damaging.
I still haven't really recovered from my poor years in College.
Of course though, poor household can also contribute to this, but peer relationships are truly damaging.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
I always say "you don't have to be each other's friends, you don't have to play with each other, but you have to learn to respect each other."
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I feel like comradery is not what it use to be. People want to be with each other for their own personal reasons and that comes from being an adult now. I realize adult life is largely focused on meeting someone, settling down, having kids, etc. Not all of us want that and it's hard to find a close group of friends if you're consistently meeting the same group of people. If you keep doing it you're spending a lot of time without forming a foundation.
It's part of life. You keep at it, but it's definitely not the same for everyone. I know I've seen guys in their late 20s still hanging out with their high school friends and there's probably millions of childhood friends, but yeah they can be damaging. I have times where I remember a close friendship that ended and it's like it's PTSD. I can remember a better time with my old friends. The people I tend to be around now aren't necessarily my friends. I told a professor that, "We're not here to be friends". I don't go to concerts, rodeos, or the bar with my peers. Three fourths of them are married or have boyfriends. The only comradery we have is getting a job done. For as much as I know, I'm not making friends for life where I'm at. I may get to know people, but its still had its up and downs. You're always subjective to another person's thoughts and ideas. I have respect, but there's a whole blank space there. You have to fill it, even when it hurts.
I have not been bullied, though one dude did try when I was in high school, didn't work out because I just didn't give a shit and he got bored of me.
I fucking hate bullies though, when I hear stories of people getting bullied it makes my blood boil. I just don't understand the need for someone to make someone else's life shitty.
I fucking hate bullies though, when I hear stories of people getting bullied it makes my blood boil. I just don't understand the need for someone to make someone else's life shitty.
Evil_Silver
Banned
I was bullied and it fucked me up for life.
hydragonwarrior
Member
Not surprising. You spend 8 hours (i.e. half the day) at a school where you have to avoid these people out of fear of embarrassment or physical harm.
I still say it's arguable that's it's worse than having shit parents.
I still say it's arguable that's it's worse than having shit parents.
Winterfang
Banned
I was heavily bullied in my teenage years by both men and females alike. This greatly affected me, since I missed out in important social interaction, which had affected my adult life.
But I was also bullied by my dad and sister. Bullying breaks you, it doesn't matter who does it.
But I was also bullied by my dad and sister. Bullying breaks you, it doesn't matter who does it.
As someone who was verbally bullied, shunned by my peers, and even a little physical bullying from 5 - 8th grade, as well as being emotionally/verbally abused at home by a grandfather, I always find research like this interesting and it helps me heal and grow as a person in that I can understand why I feel the way I do and I don't just chalk it up to "Well, I am just a terrible person for no reason and I hate myself."
It moves beyond just angst and it really is a struggle within my professional life and my personal life.
It moves beyond just angst and it really is a struggle within my professional life and my personal life.
entremet
Member
Never was bullied long term. I usually snapped and violently retaliated.
I was a pretty violent kid, though.
Gave me empathy for those more gentler souls who never fought back or were outnumbered.
Adults bully too:
http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/news/a14211/mean-girls-of-the-er/
I was a pretty violent kid, though.
Gave me empathy for those more gentler souls who never fought back or were outnumbered.
Adults bully too:
http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/news/a14211/mean-girls-of-the-er/
The problem is that these kids turn into adults and continue to act like assholes who don't know limits because it's how it was done in school and it fine to do in all walks of life.
Even today, removed from high school, I see so many rationalizations for shitty behavior with "That's how people joke!/Just having fun!/Lighten up!".
Same here.
hydragonwarrior
Member
It's cool to look at the science of the brain here. It's a lot like the Pavlov experiment with animals - if the animal does an action and is given a shock, the animal will stop doing it. Or deliver a reward after an action, the animal will keep doing it.
It's why we are such fast learners as human beings, and it was needed for survival.
But it's easily carried over to social interaction. You try to socialize and you get shot down. Most people don't try again because they don't like how it felt. You try to ask that girl out and get shot down. Some people don't try because of how it felt.
The worst thing is that over time, if we don't try replacing that previous experience (i.e. do nothing), we'll get more and more used to that one neural pathway as fact - reinforcing it over and over again with our imaginations instead of trying to build a new path.
For example, I used to have a ton of anxiety (once I was on my own in uni and such) walking around in a mall on my own. Ton of anxiety. So many thoughts and BS about what people thought.
But I did it enough and now I just walk around. Because after enough times of absolutely nothing happening to me while I was at the mall (in fact I'm just plain bored most of the time lol), I produced a different neural pathway associated with going to the mall.
The way I look at it, if you're in an environment where most of the strangers around you are positive and/or likeminded, then it just becomes a numbers game to eventually replace negative feelings associated with social interaction with new ones. Hopefully it rings true for others who've made it past crappy grade school/high school social ridicule.
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
Just like everyone else whose been bullied and abused at home, I have huge trust issues, I constantly think I'm being judged and that no matter how much you say you like me, I still think you hate me.
I've been hurt by so many people in the past I can't make new friends because I think they'll judge me, and on top of that I have horrible socialization skills.
My social life is ruined because of everyone from elementary school, and my birth mom.
I guess I can thank them for my depression and suicidal thoughts as well? Though I think that's just how my brain is hard wired.
I've been hurt by so many people in the past I can't make new friends because I think they'll judge me, and on top of that I have horrible socialization skills.
My social life is ruined because of everyone from elementary school, and my birth mom.
I guess I can thank them for my depression and suicidal thoughts as well? Though I think that's just how my brain is hard wired.
I'm the same way, except for the bold. I'm just very cautious on who to trust.
I agree.
Thanks for the reply.Conditioning is a really interesting perspective from which to address this.
HalfwayOrb
Member
Same. Fuck those bullies.
RoyaleDuke
Banned
I've been more or less bullied at home and at school.
It's completely fucked my life and myself up.
It's completely fucked my life and myself up.
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