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Crispin Boyer defines what a non-game is

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E

ElyrionX

Member
First, the completely absurd 4.5 that he gave to Assassin's Creed and now his wonderful writeup about why EGM did not review Endless Ocean:

EGM said:
Why isn't it a game?
Endless Ocean gives you a sailboat and a stretch of the South Pacific to explore at 10 fathoms. What it doesn't give you is danger, conflict, enemies, a story, obstacles a health bar, bosses... you know, game stuff. You don't even have to worry about your air supply. Ever tried diving without an air guage? Diving's a supersafe sport, but if you don't follow a few simple rules, you could rupture your lungs or catch agonizing decompression sickness or just drift into a happy warm funk until you run out of air. I'm not saying EO needs to give players the bends, but it'd be nice if the occasional fish at least tried to eat you.

Wait, you mean the fish don't bite?
Nope, not even when you chum the water and then reach out to pet them with your Wii remote. EO's fauna - both the fish below and hte birds above the water - exist solely to satisfy your critter-molestation desires. It's be like Mario going to the Mushroom Kingdom just to grope all the Goombas and the Koopas. At least the manta ray in Super Mario Galaxy will kill ya if you ride him wrong, for cryin' out loud. Your goal here ultimately is to catalog as many fish as you can get in petting distance, stopping along the way to give dive tours to tourists who want in on the hot fin-petting action. And if that sounds more like work than a game, then bingo - That's why EO kicks off our inaugural installment of Electronic Nongaming Monthly. - Crispin Boyer
Click to expand...

So now, any game that doesn't tries to kill you is a non-game?
 
C

Chris_C

Member
ElyrionX said:
My problem is that he's wrong.
Click to expand...

Maybe you're wrong, Crispin's an excellent game journalist.

EDIT: Just to be clear, I necessarily agree with him, but being a dick (as you were in the thread title) is uncalled for.
 
S

Srider

Banned
Basically, Endless ocean is less of a game than GAF.

At least here there is the danger of getting banned, but both of which is mostly an activity that does much of nothing.
 
Sapiens

Sapiens

Member
You people bitch when someone gets fired for expressing his opinion, and then you bitch again when someone isn't marginalized for expressing their opinion.


If you don't like it, then start your own game mag but with with hookers and booze.
 
M

Maztorre

Member
Slo said:
Just because you have fun doing something, doesn't make it a game.
Click to expand...

How about when it comes in a box with "Wii" marked in the corner, and runs on a videogame system?

I don't remember any bullshit reviewing policies whenever Forever Blue was being reviewed on the PS2, and it is much the same type of game.
 
E

evilromero

Member
ElyrionX said:
First, the completely absurd 4.5 that he gave to Assassin's Creed and now his wonderful writeup about why EGM did not review Endless Ocean:



So now, any game that doesn't tries to kill you is a non-game?
Click to expand...
I guess Animal Crossing is a non-game. Funny how I play non-games far longer than game-games.
 
E

ElyrionX

Member
Chris_C said:
Maybe you're wrong, Crispin was an excellent game journalist.

EDIT: Just to be clear, I necessarily agree with him, but being a dick (as you were in the thread title) is uncalled for.
Click to expand...

Fixed.
 
W

Weisheit

Junior Member
Sapiens said:
You people bitch when someone gets fired for expressing his opinion, and then you bitch again when someone isn't marginalized for expressing their opinion.


If you don't like it, then start your own game mag but with with hookers and booze.
Click to expand...
I guess that depends on what your definition of marginalized is, it's not as if this game will lose sales because of this narrow minded idiot (not to mention he can't even get his facts about this game straight).
 
P

PowerSmell

Member
Maztorre said:
A better bet would be if EGM are still in circulation by the time Afrika is released.
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But on the cover it says that it's the no.1 videogame magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(!!!!!!)
 
S

StranGER

Member
bigdaddygamebot said:
Like jerking off?


Without any substantial manner of challenge built into it...I don't think I'd call it a game either.
Click to expand...


oh i so disagree, you can set up a few cups and mark one for 10 points, 25, 50 and 100 and go for gold....
 
C

commish

Jason Kidd murdered my dog in cold blood!
Is there a more worthless collection of videogame journalists than the ones working at egm?
 
S

Slo

Member
Maztorre said:
How about when it comes in a box with "Wii" marked in the corner, and runs on a videogame system?
Click to expand...

My son has several DVDs that say "works on PS2 and XBox!" on them. They aren't games either.

I don't remember any bullshit reviewing policies whenever Forever Blue was being reviewed on the PS2, and it is much the same type of game.
Click to expand...

No, that's not a game either.
 
I

Infernal Monkey

Member
Maybe Crispin should have actually played the game rather than making up bullshit and having a teen angst spaz attack. The game does have an air supply, for one. And a story. Also missions and objectives. But I guess they aren't considered game elements anymore. They reviewed Everblue on PS2, which this is a sequel to. This generation continues to be a complete clusterfuck when it comes to reviews.
 
S

Sean

Banned
If EGM reviewed this game they'd knock it anyway. Probably would score it a 2/10 with a single paragraph of wanna-be-funny text.
 
T

TunaLover

Member
flipping_heck said:
So, Endless Ocean discussion to be in OT forum from now on.. ?

In any case, he is wrong.
Click to expand...

Well we have Blu Ray/HDDVD discussions very often, so I guess Endless Ocean topics are allowed :D
 
R

ram

Member
Infernal Monkey said:
They reviewed Everblue on PS2, which this is a sequel to. This generation continues to be a complete clusterfuck when it comes to reviews.
Click to expand...

i guess - you owned him at this very moment.
 
T

Tobor

Member
Bitter old losers moaning and yelping about the death of their beloved games is just sad.

Guess what Crispin, you're that dude now. You know, the old guy who shows up at college parties trying to prove he's still cool. What a douche.
 
W

wayward archer

Member
It's not a game in a general definition of a 'game'.

BUT - that's not necessarily a bad thing.

If I had to classify it I'd say it falls within the scope of "interactive entertainment", which games fall in as well. Same genus, different species.
 
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