viciouskillersquirrel
Member
I got this idea from another thread where the poster (FordPrefect) had just turned 20. In that thread, Eteric Rice mentioned wanting to be thirteen again. I responded by saying that I wasn't crazy about thirteen (the self-consciousness... the acne... the erections) but that I would have like to be able to go back in time and give my thirteen-year-old self some advice about growing up.
This got me thinking, grown-up GAF. What advice would you give your thirteen-year-old self if you could go back in time for a day? What advice would you give to thirteen-year-olds reading GAF right now?
I'll start:
1. First of all, I've got some bad news for you. You're a nerd. You've always been a nerd and you'll always be a nerd. You're really going to have to get used to it. You're extremely clever, like learning and feel uncomfortable doing things incorrectly. It's in your veins (your Dad was the same way) and you can no sooner change it than you can change the colour of your skin.
There is some good news though. The fact that you're clever means that you don't need to work nearly as hard as other people to get good results in school. You're also going to be earning a lot more than your friends after you finish uni, so there's that. It might sound trite, but as soon as you're happy in your own skin, you'll start to attract a lot more attention.
The books you'll read in the next few years will give you an education that school cannot give you. Read lots of history, lots of science, lots of Terry Pratchett and some philosophy if you can find it. Don't talk about all the books you read just yet - girls will be more impressed by it in your 20s than they will be in your teens.
2. Get fit. Start cycling every day around your suburb along the main streets at around 5pm when you normally watch cartoons. Those cartoons suck anyway and you need the exercise, tubby. Take the optional P.E. class in school. Buy a soccer ball and practice doing volleyball moves and ball handling with soccer (especially juggling the ball).
I'm not saying you'll ever be in the first VI or the first XI, in fact, chances are that you'll be in the third-string team throughout high school. Don't let that get you down. You're doing it to make good lifelong friends and to get fit.
Get your mum to buy you a weights bench when you hit around 15 or so. You'll stop growing at around 178cm or so, so there's no problem there. It'll cost around $150 all up and start developing your upper body strength.
3. Grow some confidence. You know how all the girls you like are attracted to jerks? That's no coincidence. Those jerks have confidence and that's what the girls are responding to. They actually don't like the way those dudes treat them, but they put up with it because they themselves have low self-esteem.
Also, you might not think so now, but you have the potential to be a very good looking man when you're older. You also have a deep sexy voice that women seem to like and a random sense of humour that you need to develop.
Until then, keep getting fit and don't be afraid to talk to people. Don't pretend that you don't want to talk to them either. Just go up and say hello. Ask them questions about themselves and the stuff they like, smile, compliment them if you can and respond with brief comments about yourself. If they don't seem to want to talk to you, just keep being polite. Most of the people you meet in high school won't matter as an adult anyway.
Read that book by Desmond in the library about body-language. Don't just look at the nude pictures, actually read the damn book. It'll teach you about some of the creepier mannerisms you have and how to avoid them. It'll also teach you how to flirt. Start practising now.
Oh yeah, occasionally you come off as a know-it-all ass who always has to be right. Don't worry about this until it becomes an issue. Confidence is the key at the moment. Your being an idiot happens when you have too much of it and that won't happen for a few years yet.
4. Wear clothes that fit. Yes, that's right. No more hiding your pudge underneath XL sized shirts. It doesn't matter if you feel self-conscious about the tummy, it looks that much worse to be wearing tents. You will wear medium-sized shirts and like them, young man. Also, go shopping at least once every six months or so for new, non-mascot, non-graffiti-writing shirts.
5. You're going to get acne. Really bad acne. Sorry kiddo. If you don't do anything about it, you're going to look repulsive for a few years and soap alone isn't going to help. When it starts up, go to a doctor immediately. He'll be able to prescribe antibiotics which'll hopefully stop it from getting any worse and if it gets really bad, some stuff called Roaccutane. Trust me, it'll be worth the boost in self-esteem.
I waited until I was 21. Yes. Twenty-one years old. Save yourself the drama and do it as soon as you see your first one.
6. Push your mum to take you to the orthodontist to get braces. If you do it during high school when you're still almost always just hanging around other guys anyway, it'll save you having to have them done yourself when you hit 18 and you're getting more female attention. Again, the self-esteem boost at the end is worth every cent, every painful moment, every fiddly moment with the toothbrush.
7. Use hair gel. Yes, I know school rules are against it, but do it anyway. You can avoid that oily, crunchy look by breaking up the clumps with your fingers after it dries and it won't look like you've put anything in there anyway. There are sites on the net teaching you how to do your hair properly and it'll look way better than the missing Beatle look.
8. Start shaving. That badass teenage moustache you're trying to grow? It isn't sexy. Not by a long shot. You won't succeed in properly growing a moustache until you're in your thirties. Blame that on your genes.
9. That girl you like. Yes, you know the one. She's stunningly beautiful and you feel emotions that you've never felt before when you look at her or something stupid like that. Thing is that she's also carrying a lot of emotional baggage that's going to become your problem if you let it. Seriously, the girl is crazy and she's going to eventually end up with that tall dude, so just forget her.
Yeah, I know that the tall dude is engaged - his fiancé is a bitch and is going to dump him. The girl you like is going to comfort him, they'll go out, he'll dump her for another girl, then they'll get back together a few times and it'll all be a lot of drama. The important thing to note is that it isn't your problem
Seriously, if you let her, you're going to become her emotional crutch. So don't do the non-threatening, "I'm just your friend" thing or she'll come to you with all this emotional shit when she's between boyfriends and dump you on your arse and ignore you for months at a time when she does have one. Oh, and she'll never tell you when she starts going out with anyone, mostly because she's fucking insane and on a subconscious level, has a bit of a crush on you.
Don't let that give you hope though. It's only there because you treat her nice and don't ask her for anything. It isn't strong enough for you to start a relationship with, trust me. Don't hang around clinging to that false hope, because it'll keep going for years if you let it and cast a long shadow over your other relationships. You deserve much better than her and much better will come along.
Oh yeah. As for your girlfriends. Don't ever be surprised when things end. Women just don't know what they want until they hit their mid 20s, no exceptions. Just enjoy the time you do have with them and move on when things end. Simple as that. One or two will come along who you'll fall in love with, but you're going to get your heart broken more than once. It's just a part of life. Don't get bitter about it though, since it isn't their fault. The timing just isn't right for you or for them.
One or two of them will be psychos though. I won't tell you which ones because spotting psychos is a skill you can only learn through experience.
You're going to date some older women in your 20s. The contrast will be like night and day and it will all become clear then.
10. Make up your own mind about religion. You know all that stuff they say in church? Make sure you listen and understand it, then go and look it up to see if what the pastor is saying is true. Remember that his interpretation of things is not necessarily correct or even logically consistent, in spite of what people in the church expect you to believe.
Remember, you won't go to hell if you masturbate or don't hold to biblical literalism. If you feel that you need to do any doublethink to get closer to God, then your concept of God is the problem. Make up your mind. Galileo Galilei once said "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with senses, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us knowledge which we can attain by them."
On the other hand, don't be a cynical ass who looks down on people who believe what they're told by the pastor. A few of them are much better people than you could ever hope to be, so treat them with the respect they deserve. Listen to their views, however asinine you think they are, and hold your tongue. They can teach you more than you might guess.
All that said, you'll probably be agnostic for most of your teens. Make sure to tell your mother about this and make things perfectly clear to everyone you meet at church. It'll be hard but it'll avoid a lot of angst later on.
11. Oh yeah, make sure you save up as much money as you can and buy stock in an Internet company called eBay as soon as it becomes available. The idea will sound wacky and you'll fail entirely to see how they could possibly make any money whatsoever. There'll be an Internet stock crash but don't let that discourage you. Just trust me on this, OK?
This got me thinking, grown-up GAF. What advice would you give your thirteen-year-old self if you could go back in time for a day? What advice would you give to thirteen-year-olds reading GAF right now?
I'll start:
1. First of all, I've got some bad news for you. You're a nerd. You've always been a nerd and you'll always be a nerd. You're really going to have to get used to it. You're extremely clever, like learning and feel uncomfortable doing things incorrectly. It's in your veins (your Dad was the same way) and you can no sooner change it than you can change the colour of your skin.
There is some good news though. The fact that you're clever means that you don't need to work nearly as hard as other people to get good results in school. You're also going to be earning a lot more than your friends after you finish uni, so there's that. It might sound trite, but as soon as you're happy in your own skin, you'll start to attract a lot more attention.
The books you'll read in the next few years will give you an education that school cannot give you. Read lots of history, lots of science, lots of Terry Pratchett and some philosophy if you can find it. Don't talk about all the books you read just yet - girls will be more impressed by it in your 20s than they will be in your teens.
2. Get fit. Start cycling every day around your suburb along the main streets at around 5pm when you normally watch cartoons. Those cartoons suck anyway and you need the exercise, tubby. Take the optional P.E. class in school. Buy a soccer ball and practice doing volleyball moves and ball handling with soccer (especially juggling the ball).
I'm not saying you'll ever be in the first VI or the first XI, in fact, chances are that you'll be in the third-string team throughout high school. Don't let that get you down. You're doing it to make good lifelong friends and to get fit.
Get your mum to buy you a weights bench when you hit around 15 or so. You'll stop growing at around 178cm or so, so there's no problem there. It'll cost around $150 all up and start developing your upper body strength.
3. Grow some confidence. You know how all the girls you like are attracted to jerks? That's no coincidence. Those jerks have confidence and that's what the girls are responding to. They actually don't like the way those dudes treat them, but they put up with it because they themselves have low self-esteem.
Also, you might not think so now, but you have the potential to be a very good looking man when you're older. You also have a deep sexy voice that women seem to like and a random sense of humour that you need to develop.
Until then, keep getting fit and don't be afraid to talk to people. Don't pretend that you don't want to talk to them either. Just go up and say hello. Ask them questions about themselves and the stuff they like, smile, compliment them if you can and respond with brief comments about yourself. If they don't seem to want to talk to you, just keep being polite. Most of the people you meet in high school won't matter as an adult anyway.
Read that book by Desmond in the library about body-language. Don't just look at the nude pictures, actually read the damn book. It'll teach you about some of the creepier mannerisms you have and how to avoid them. It'll also teach you how to flirt. Start practising now.
Oh yeah, occasionally you come off as a know-it-all ass who always has to be right. Don't worry about this until it becomes an issue. Confidence is the key at the moment. Your being an idiot happens when you have too much of it and that won't happen for a few years yet.
4. Wear clothes that fit. Yes, that's right. No more hiding your pudge underneath XL sized shirts. It doesn't matter if you feel self-conscious about the tummy, it looks that much worse to be wearing tents. You will wear medium-sized shirts and like them, young man. Also, go shopping at least once every six months or so for new, non-mascot, non-graffiti-writing shirts.
5. You're going to get acne. Really bad acne. Sorry kiddo. If you don't do anything about it, you're going to look repulsive for a few years and soap alone isn't going to help. When it starts up, go to a doctor immediately. He'll be able to prescribe antibiotics which'll hopefully stop it from getting any worse and if it gets really bad, some stuff called Roaccutane. Trust me, it'll be worth the boost in self-esteem.
I waited until I was 21. Yes. Twenty-one years old. Save yourself the drama and do it as soon as you see your first one.
6. Push your mum to take you to the orthodontist to get braces. If you do it during high school when you're still almost always just hanging around other guys anyway, it'll save you having to have them done yourself when you hit 18 and you're getting more female attention. Again, the self-esteem boost at the end is worth every cent, every painful moment, every fiddly moment with the toothbrush.
7. Use hair gel. Yes, I know school rules are against it, but do it anyway. You can avoid that oily, crunchy look by breaking up the clumps with your fingers after it dries and it won't look like you've put anything in there anyway. There are sites on the net teaching you how to do your hair properly and it'll look way better than the missing Beatle look.
8. Start shaving. That badass teenage moustache you're trying to grow? It isn't sexy. Not by a long shot. You won't succeed in properly growing a moustache until you're in your thirties. Blame that on your genes.
9. That girl you like. Yes, you know the one. She's stunningly beautiful and you feel emotions that you've never felt before when you look at her or something stupid like that. Thing is that she's also carrying a lot of emotional baggage that's going to become your problem if you let it. Seriously, the girl is crazy and she's going to eventually end up with that tall dude, so just forget her.
Yeah, I know that the tall dude is engaged - his fiancé is a bitch and is going to dump him. The girl you like is going to comfort him, they'll go out, he'll dump her for another girl, then they'll get back together a few times and it'll all be a lot of drama. The important thing to note is that it isn't your problem
Seriously, if you let her, you're going to become her emotional crutch. So don't do the non-threatening, "I'm just your friend" thing or she'll come to you with all this emotional shit when she's between boyfriends and dump you on your arse and ignore you for months at a time when she does have one. Oh, and she'll never tell you when she starts going out with anyone, mostly because she's fucking insane and on a subconscious level, has a bit of a crush on you.
Don't let that give you hope though. It's only there because you treat her nice and don't ask her for anything. It isn't strong enough for you to start a relationship with, trust me. Don't hang around clinging to that false hope, because it'll keep going for years if you let it and cast a long shadow over your other relationships. You deserve much better than her and much better will come along.
Oh yeah. As for your girlfriends. Don't ever be surprised when things end. Women just don't know what they want until they hit their mid 20s, no exceptions. Just enjoy the time you do have with them and move on when things end. Simple as that. One or two will come along who you'll fall in love with, but you're going to get your heart broken more than once. It's just a part of life. Don't get bitter about it though, since it isn't their fault. The timing just isn't right for you or for them.
One or two of them will be psychos though. I won't tell you which ones because spotting psychos is a skill you can only learn through experience.
You're going to date some older women in your 20s. The contrast will be like night and day and it will all become clear then.
10. Make up your own mind about religion. You know all that stuff they say in church? Make sure you listen and understand it, then go and look it up to see if what the pastor is saying is true. Remember that his interpretation of things is not necessarily correct or even logically consistent, in spite of what people in the church expect you to believe.
Remember, you won't go to hell if you masturbate or don't hold to biblical literalism. If you feel that you need to do any doublethink to get closer to God, then your concept of God is the problem. Make up your mind. Galileo Galilei once said "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with senses, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us knowledge which we can attain by them."
On the other hand, don't be a cynical ass who looks down on people who believe what they're told by the pastor. A few of them are much better people than you could ever hope to be, so treat them with the respect they deserve. Listen to their views, however asinine you think they are, and hold your tongue. They can teach you more than you might guess.
All that said, you'll probably be agnostic for most of your teens. Make sure to tell your mother about this and make things perfectly clear to everyone you meet at church. It'll be hard but it'll avoid a lot of angst later on.
11. Oh yeah, make sure you save up as much money as you can and buy stock in an Internet company called eBay as soon as it becomes available. The idea will sound wacky and you'll fail entirely to see how they could possibly make any money whatsoever. There'll be an Internet stock crash but don't let that discourage you. Just trust me on this, OK?
