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Guy-age: Difference between a guy being friendly and a guy looking to get some?

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Zoe

Zoe

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Well, I know there are a couple of guys here, so I was hoping to gain some insight into the male way of thinking.

The thread title is kind of a throwback to one of the periodic "depress me" threads that pop up. In that thread (don't remember exactly which one), several guys were saying that they don't believe that men and women could actually be friends. So, I have two questions for the guys here:

- Do you feel that way?
- If not, what kind of lines do you draw between acting friendly and trying to pick up a girl?

I guess I've always had trouble reading guys' intentions, and ever since the conversation in that thread, I've become more and more self-conscious when hanging out around guys (who tend to make up >75% of the groups I hang out in).

The REAL question: If a guy is giving a girl hugs and arms around the shoulders throughout the night but is also acting close to another girl, is he flirting?
 
So, a guy is giving out hugs a lot? For no reason? That's kinda flirty in my book >.>

Unless he's really really friendly (or girly)
 
Those guys were absolutely right. It's not impossible, just highly improbable that a guy can have a relationship with a woman and not have some desire or make some attempt to sleep with her, unless there are extenuating circumstances (he's gay, she's beat, in a relationship although that isn't a gauruntee either, etc).

And in the hypothetical situation you spoilered, yes, it's flirting. Do people NORMALLY do that type of stuff? I've never seen it.
 
I have plenty of friends that are girls. But we don't hang out all the time.

We just keep it casual when going out~ Everyone probably has trouble reading the intentions of the opposite sex, so you're normal ^o^

Your spoiler-tagged message sounds really weird, and I don't mess around with that. Be careful who you hang with, and make sure to have a social circle that feels comfortable to you.

How old are u, btw?
 
um, i thought this question only applied to the ladies.....cuz theres ALWAYS a motive to fuck.



It just might be suppressed by the doubt that he can't get some.


which you promptly kill with any sort of friendly contact, or if he's crazy, by talking in his general direction.


so to answer your question, NO.
 
Zoe said:
The REAL question: If a guy is giving a girl hugs and arms around the shoulders throughout the night but is also acting close to another girl, is he flirting?
Click to expand...
He's betting on multiple horses.

And for people who can't see girls as more than friends, let me tell you it's time to move away from the mindset of being a thirteen year old.
 
Unless you're horribly disfigured or he's gay, he wants to fuck you. Honestly, I've had more fun with female friends when they knew how I felt about them.
 
If the guy has a GF, sure you can be friends.

If he's single, he probably has an ulterior motive. Doesn't mean that you can't be friends. Just understand that boys are boys. Presented with the opportunity, they want to fuck the pussy.

If you grew up with the guy, or if you are ugly, have some odd growth coming out somewhere, you're probably safe.
 
If a guy is being very friendly with a girl it's likely he's attracted. I don't mean friendly by just talking to them, I mean making some kind of effort with them.

It's possible for there to be friendship of course, but, in most cases it will be purely attraction.

Some girls wonder why you have guys who get pissed when thier girlfriend talks to another guy, but it's because of this and they get paranoid. Just the fact that a girl didn't dismiss them will lead some guys on so it's not suprising to a degree.

Anyway, I'm going off in a different direction now. The point is, most guys will only act "friendly" with people they are attracted to. So yes they were probably flirting.
 
I used to think I could be friends with girls, but then I realized I'm always picturing them on my cock while they're talking about __________.
 
If you're good looking, single and you're a girl, and you have a guy friend(s), chances are that they're looking to get some*. Now the level of how much they want it differs from guy to guy, but all of them will say yes if you ask them for sex*

*Unless they are gay that is
 
Hive said:
How old are u, btw?
Click to expand...

26. I've never been through the whole dating scene though because I ended up with the first guy who showed any (serious) interest in me for 7+ years.
 
The reason it's so difficult for a heterosexual guy and girl to be simply friends is that when you get close enough, some form of attraction ultimately develops, either one-way or both ways. Guys and girls can easily be casual friends, but close friends is considerably more difficult without romantic and/or sexual feelings becoming involved somehow, whether they keep it to themselves or not. It's just human nature.

As far as your question, based on the limited info, I'd have to agree that the guy was likely flirting. We don't tend to get all touchy-feely like that unless we dig the chick.
 
I mean put it this way. I have imagined my cock inside of every girl here that I work with. Well the good loooking ones. :lol
 
My best friend is a pretty hot girl, and im happy the way things are, but im not gonna lie you, if I feel like it some day and I see the opportunity, ill take the relationship to the next level.

Im not saying that men and woman cant been friends, its just that we see this as the natural progression of things.
 
the difference between a guy being friendly and a guy looking to get some is a matter of sexual orientation. sorry to break it you!
 
There is no difference usually.

They might not have it as a priority, but they certainly wouldn't say no. It's just how we roll.
 
lil smoke said:
I mean put it this way. I have imagined my cock inside of every girl here that I work with. Well the good loooking ones. :lol
Click to expand...

this is why GAF is the worst place to ask these kinds of questions, Zoe..

Guys like "lil smoke" can make it harder to know who to trust, but there are still plenty of down-to-earth people out there who's intentions are good~

My recommendation is to join a group, fellowship, or club, and meet some really nice people there who can eventually introduce you to other nice people. Sorry if i'm oversimplifying this! ^o^
 
No Means Nomad said:
He's betting on multiple horses.

And for people who can't see girls as more than friends, let me tell you it's time to move away from the mindset of being a thirteen year old.
Click to expand...
Nailed it. Now it's time for you to step up that female game. Put your hand on his knee, grab his arm when he goes to talk to the other girl, etc. Back and forth, baby. Back and forth. Give and take.
 
lil smoke said:
I mean put it this way. I have imagined my cock inside of every girl here that I work with. Well the good loooking ones. :lol
Click to expand...

I was just promoted to a manager and I'm sending the young attractive girls off my team for that very reason. No need to sabotage myself.
 
every guy wants some, unless he is already getting some, and even in those cases he still is looking for more

I am the nice guy that doesnt pressure women into sex, and thats why I dont ever get any, but I guess I am ok with that...... riiiiight
 
btkadams said:
the difference between a guy being friendly and a guy looking to get some is a matter of sexual orientation. sorry to break it you!
Click to expand...


This is it. I don't have many female friends for this very reason. What is the point? The more I spend time around them, the more I am going to want to hit it. To avoid possible rejection and/or losing a friend, I keep the female friends I have at a distance. No calling to see how they are doing, I might hit them on messenger, but going out regularly, no thanks.
 
Fatghost said:
Guys can totally be friends with girls...as long as the girls are ugly.
Click to expand...

This is pretty much true. If you are friends with a woman and you get along really well and she is hot why would you not pursue that?

I'm going through a situation that completely tests every ounce of the friendship zone and it is scary. Let's just say I have a neighbor, our kids are best friends, and we have become really close. Nothing has happen and never will but we get along really well and she is smoking hot. It is a situation I didn't want to be in but now am forced to deal with.

I can't stop thinking about her. Jesus, I love my wife so much too. This is hell.

:(
 
I used to think guys and gals could be just friends, as my best friend in the world is a cute girl that I feel absolutely no physical attraction for. But recently, I've changed my mind and decided I'm a freak of nature.
 
santouras said:
http://www.laddertheory.com/

is almost always true
Click to expand...

I actually jumped ladders and dated the girl for two years. I am a hero amongst my peers.

Also, every guy is looking to get some. There are lines I will not cross though, i.e if she is cheating on someone that I don't think is a jerk, has an STD or she is going through some emotional trauma.
 
Hive said:
this is why GAF is the worst place to ask these kinds of questions, Zoe..

Guys like "lil smoke" can make it harder to know who to trust, but there are still plenty of down-to-earth people out there who's intentions are good~

My recommendation is to join a group, fellowship, or club, and meet some really nice people there who can eventually introduce you to other nice people. Sorry if i'm oversimplifying this! ^o^
Click to expand...
You want the truth? Come to me. :D
 
Cooter said:
This is pretty much too. If you are friends with a woman and you get along really well and she is hot why would you not pursue that?

I'm going through a situation that completely tests every ounce of the friendship zone and it is scary. Let's just say I have a neighbor, our kids are best friends, and we have become really close. Nothing has happen and never will but we get along really well and she is smoking hot. It is a situation I didn't want to be in but now am forced to deal with.

I can't stop thinking about her. Jesus, I love my wife so much too. This is hell.

:(
Click to expand...

killing her is your only option.
 
It all comes down to how attractive the girl is. Two attractive members of the opposite sex can't be friends, period. Simply does not happen. Either they are fucking, or one of them isn't interested in the other and eventually they both find someone else.
 
Jamesfrom818 said:
killing her is your only option.
Click to expand...

Shit, I'd take a bullet for her.

It sucks so much. Her husband is like one of the nicest guys I know and my wife is one of the best people I have ever met. I have a connection with my neighbor that I have never felt before and the guilt is killing me.
 
Cooter said:
Shit, I'd take a bullet for her.

It sucks so much. Her husband is like one of the nicest guys I know and my wife is one of the best people I have ever met. I have a connection with my neighbor that I have never felt before and the guilt is killing me.
Click to expand...

marmoset_swing.jpg


Only option
 
Hive said:
this is why GAF is the worst place to ask these kinds of questions, Zoe..

Guys like "lil smoke" can make it harder to know who to trust, but there are still plenty of down-to-earth people out there who's intentions are good~

My recommendation is to join a group, fellowship, or club, and meet some really nice people there who can eventually introduce you to other nice people. Sorry if i'm oversimplifying this! ^o^
Click to expand...


No gaf is actually right in this case. There are down to earth people with good intentions who also have friends they are attracted to. :-/ Nice people in groups, fellowships and clubs are the same as well. No one is even saying not to hang out with guys, just that it's likely they are attracted to her if they are putting in any kind of effort. Even if they aren't it's possible. :P
 
Cooter said:
Shit, I'd take a bullet for her.

It sucks so much. Her husband is like one of the nicest guys I know and my wife is one of the best people I have ever met. I have a connection with my neighbor that I have never felt before and the guilt is killing me.
Click to expand...

Stay away from her, and keep your meetings to a single "Hey". It may sound depressing, but your wife is the only woman you need and the only one who's feelings you should care about when it comes to a personal level.
 
Cooter said:
Shit, I'd take a bullet for her.

It sucks so much. Her husband is like one of the nicest guys I know and my wife is one of the best people I have ever met. I have a connection with my neighbor that I have never felt before and the guilt is killing me.
Click to expand...
This sounds serious. Maybe you should talk to your wife about "alternative and experimental" relationships. She might like the 'husband' too...
 
I think about it often James. Very often. I don't even know where to start without being a creepy perv. Then there is the whole convincing my wife and her husband. Sounds like a good time. She is moving in a month and a half so hopefully not seeing her will help me forget her.
 
Why is 75% of your friends male? Also just because they want to do you doesn't mean that the only reason their being nice is that they want to do you. And it is pretty funny that girls can have no ulterior motives when getting male friends.
 
GSG Flash said:
Stay away from her, and keep your meetings to a single "Hey". It may sound depressing, but your wife is the only woman you need and the only one who's feelings you should care about when it comes to a personal level.
Click to expand...
Easier said than done. Our kids are best friends and we have a gate connecting our two backyards.

You're right though. As corny as this sounds I don't know how I feel not telling someone who I think is perfect for me that she may be my soulmate. I think about just talking with her more than what I would do to her in the bedroom. That's a first for me.

EDIT: Do I need a thread? This is actually helping me by getting some of this out. Thanks guys.
 
Zeliard said:
The reason it's so difficult for a heterosexual guy and girl to be simply friends is that when you get close enough, some form of attraction ultimately develops, either one-way or both ways. Guys and girls can easily be casual friends, but close friends is considerably more difficult without romantic and/or sexual feelings becoming involved somehow, whether they keep it to themselves or not. It's just human nature.

As far as your question, based on the limited info, I'd have to agree that the guy was likely flirting. We don't tend to get all touchy-feely like that unless we dig the chick.
Click to expand...


This, basically.
 
Cooter said:
Easier said than done. Our kids are best friends and we have a gate connecting our two backyards.

You're right though. As corny as this sounds I don't know how I feel not telling someone who I think is perfect for me that she may be my soulmate. I think about just talking with her more than what I would do to her in the bedroom. That's a first for me.
Click to expand...

So, why are they moving? Kinda sucks for the kids.
 
Cooter said:
Easier said than done. Our kids are best friends and we have a gate connecting our two backyards.

You're right though. As corny as this sounds I don't know how I feel not telling someone who I think is perfect for me that she may be my soulmate. I think about just talking with her more than what I would do to her in the bedroom. That's a first for me.
Click to expand...
Shit man this IS serious! This is another thread dude.

Look. She's moving. She's not making excuses to stay around to be your secret little lover, so that says something.

Do you want to break your wife's heart and hurt your children? Maybe you should look into what's missing from your own relationship. Surely there was a time when you thought your wife was your soulmate.
 
HolyStar said:
Why is 75% of your friends male? Also just because they want to do you doesn't mean that the only reason their being nice is that they want to do you. And it is pretty funny that girls can have no ulterior motives when getting male friends.
Click to expand...

I'm on a gaming forum... obviously my interests align much more closely with guys than with girls. Usually I'm the only girl in the group, or if there are other girls, they're attached to one of the guys.
 
Jamesfrom818 said:
So, why are they moving? Kinda sucks for the kids.
Click to expand...

She has a son from her first marriage down in LA and she can't stand being away from him. It really sucks for the kids. My daughter was crying about it yesterday.
 
GSG Flash said:
Stay away from her, and keep your meetings to a single "Hey". It may sound depressing, but your wife is the only woman you need and the only one who's feelings you should care about when it comes to a personal level.
Click to expand...


How do you know his wife is the only woman he needs?
 
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