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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #30 - "Traitor"

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Cyan

Banned
Theme - "Traitor"

Word Limit: 1600

Submission Deadline: Wednesday, 6/17 by 11:59 PM Pacific.

Voting begins Thursday, 6/18, and goes until Saturday, 6/20 at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Optional Secondary Objective: Fight Scene!
Include some kind of fight in your story! Fistfight, gun battle, medieval joust, Jackie Chan-style martial arts extravaganza. Whatever, just include some kind of fight.

Things to think about: 1) Choreography. Action/reaction is a pretty useful way to help the reader visualize what's happening. Malugo punches, De La Cruz's head snaps back and he falls. De La Cruz pulls his Baretta, Malugo dives for cover. 2) Attention. In a martial arts fight, Malugo might not have time to notice all the details of the environment around him--he's too busy watching the other guy, blocking, trying his own moves. But in a prolonged gun battle from cover, De La Cruz might specifically pay attention to little details--maybe the tiny sounds of movement will help him figure out what his opponent is about to do. 3) Speed. Short, clipped sentences can help convey speed. Varied sentence length can convey the constantly changing speed of the fight. 4) YMMV. Do what works for you! And have some fun with it. :)

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge FAQ

The Entries:

Aaron - "The Only Sane Man in Agretta"
Spoo - "Freeway"
nitewulf - "Shadows in the Night"
Timedog - "All You Can Eat Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis"
Tim the Wiz - "Validation Period"
Belfast - "The Author's Lament"
Ward - "Power Trip"
ronito - "Ishmael's Tale"
CygnusXS - "It was more like a gift ass."
ZephyrFate - "Love of the Few"
Cyan - "Betrayal"
hey_monkey - "When It Comes Around Again"
Scribble - "The Creation of Earth"
 
Awesome. I love writing fight scenes. As evident by the fact that all of Fortune's last piece was just one huge fight.

Ok. So it was Fortune having the mess beaten out of him. But it was still fun.

Let's see if I can do something interesting and actually make it clear what's going on this time.
 

Belfast

Member
Grats, Cyan! And good topic! Though, I'm already having trouble trying to figure out an atypical scenario for it...
 

ronito

Member
Hrmm....we're going to have a bunch of samurai duels and gun show downs and military entries.

It's going to be hard to be original in this one.
 

nitewulf

Member
heh, i did samurai duels, gunplay and de la cruz fist fights...and i wont revisit any of those scenarios. so back to the drawing board for me.
 

Cyan

Banned
bengraven said:
All right, I'm back.

But then again, the title is already a spoiler for all of these, isn't it? :lol
Damn, didn't think about that. :/

I had a hard time coming up with a theme this time. I already knew I wanted to do the fight scene secondary objective, but then every theme I came up with only suggested one scenario.
 
Cyan said:
Damn, didn't think about that. :/

I had a hard time coming up with a theme this time. I already knew I wanted to do the fight scene secondary objective, but then every theme I came up with only suggested one scenario.
"What you write isn't as important as how you write it."

That was something my first writing prof beat into the class. She used the example that a story could be about fetching a glass of water. I actually think it would have been interesting to see how each of us handled the same scenario.
 

Cyan

Banned
Yeah, well. I still like the theme. :)

And ronito, if you feel like you can't do something original with it, you can just ignore the secondary objective. I won't hold it against you; it's optional for a reason!
 

ronito

Member
Cyan said:
Yeah, well. I still like the theme. :)

And ronito, if you feel like you can't do something original with it, you can just ignore the secondary objective. I won't hold it against you; it's optional for a reason!
oh no, I'll do it. I just wanted to pre-empt half of everyone's first ideas, you know I'm like that.
 

Cyan

Banned
Ha! Shoulda known.

I definitely can't wait to see what people will come up with for fight scenes. I can't quite decide what I want to do, myself... futuristic laser-gun duel! Locke Lamora-style alleyway crossbow showdown! Phenomenal cosmic powers!

Or... just a simple fistfight.
 
Pronominal Cosmic Powers! itty-bitty living space.

The oddest thing about this one to me is trying to figure out what I want to fight with and the setting of the battle. Feels like I'm going backwards.
 

CygnusXS

will gain confidence one day
I have an idea that I think is interesting. I'm trying to decide what kind of fight I want to use. No wait, I just figured it out. Now, to find the time to actually write it down!
 

Belfast

Member
I have an idea, but I fear that it's too up its own ass to be any fun.

Edit: What I mean is that this topic tends to lend itself to the idea of preaching causes.
 

Aaron

Member
bengraven said:
All right, I'm back.

But then again, the title is already a spoiler for all of these, isn't it? :lol
Not for mine. I started with the traitor already clearly established so I don't have to waste much time before getting to the fight scene. Neither will my piece be all serious and dire, but it will feel like a portion of something larger as usual. Even with a topic like this, there's no reason you have to write something conventional.
 

Aaron

Member
The Only Sane Man in Agretta
word count: 1,598

It was only in hanging naked, chained, and upside down over the steaming pit of Coraith that Giav felt a stab regret in throwing in his lot with the Newcomers. They claimed to have sailed the stars and flashed their shiny magical devices at each opportunity, but every human in the nine diems was content to ignore them. Instead, they only heeded their patron leviathans, who commanded them in ceaseless festivals and the occasional human sacrifice, while offering nothing substantial in return.

"Stop wriggling," one of the high priests muttered under his breath, annoyed by Giav's complete lack of respect for this solemn event.

Pageantry and splendor choked the land below them, with thousands of people in long costumes struggling not to trip over themselves as they cavorted to what could only be called music in the loosest possible use of the word. If this is what their god wanted, he was blind, deaf, and more certainly dumb.

yOU hAVE dISpLEASeD mE

The words bubbled up from the lava below, infiltrating Giav's mind like a nail through a bare foot. Dawixavieth dwelt unseen below the surface, waiting for the ceremony to reach its apex before claiming this treat dangling above. Gaiv had never laid eyes on this particular deity, but he was sure it like all of them: hideous, arrogant, and enormous. There was only one possible answer to an immortal being that commanded a hundred million souls in blind obedience: "Fuck off, fishy."

Hearing the psionic roar of an enraged god was like having one's brain impaled on a thousand shards of broken glass, equal to the sight of the simmering pool of lava erupting with a mountain of flesh. Eyes it had by the dozens, each the size of small lakes, boiling in fury. Patches of tentacles sprung like clumps of hair upon its scaly skin, while massive fins of many shapes and colors could have shut the sun. Though nothing compared to the mouth that nearly split its bloated body in two, filled with rows of teeth that resembled a jagged corral reef of absolute doom.

A drop or two of flying lava and some desperate wriggling from Gaiv was all it took to snap his clinging bonds. He bit his lip to keep from screaming out of red hot pain, breaking free and scrambling up the chain just as the leviathan arose, and bit the dangling end just below him before its bulk pulled it earthward. A great fountain of lava rose in its wake, searing away the ceremonial scaffolding just as Gaiv leapt to the dubious safety of hard stone.

Guards immediately surrounded him on all sides but the one that led back into the pit where their god still raged. They were burly men with long tunics and tall hats of white, bearing mostly ceremonial spears of wood and bronze that nonetheless had their edges sharpened until they cut the light that fell upon them.

"Anyone interested in a trade?" Gaiv asked pleasantly as he crouched low with his hands splayed before him, feeling the warm breeze upon his naked skin. "Give me your clothes, and you can have the great honor of taking my place as the sacrifice."

Angry grunts were the only response as the guards closed in upon them. Gaiv's fist flashed out, leaving a crunch of cartilage and spurt of blood behind as one guard dropped his spear to clutch his now broken nose. A weapon Gaiv was quick to claim, shifting it in his hand with ease as he eyed the guards with smug hostility. Two bolder than the rest roared as they lunged towards him with the tips of their spears directed at his bare chest. They only lightly grazed Gaiv's scarred and tanned skin, however, turning as he hurled his own weapon through the open mouth of one of his attackers, and claiming another spear from his limp hands as he fell. This he twirled and smacked the butt of against the side of a guard's skull, leaving him toppling, and clearing a path of dubious freedom.

The sacred city of Coraith had been constructed on the side of a volcano, raising towers of jagged black rock, and paving the ambling streets with fortunately smoother stone. It was a place of soaring structures and wild pavilions occupied by the throngs of the faithful that crowded its streets both day and night. These masses melted before Gaiv as if he bore the plague, leaving him alone and with no sign of cover when the voices of the priests screeched and the globs of sacred fire rained down from above.

A sheer wall of humanity blocked his escape. Gaiv couldn't go forward, so he turned back and rushed towards the priests and their attendants as the fire arced over his bowed head. Holy men fled from his murderous grin and devilish fire in his eyes. He lunged for them like an animal, but the fire casters closed in around him, fearfully waving torches to keep this demon at bay. One suddenly dove in close trying to sear his face, but Gaiv only released a great breath that sent the fickle flames back towards its master, setting his robes alight. Another lashed out with a haymaker that smashed against the jaw of this unbeliever, only for Gaiv's bare foot to stomp on his sandals, leaving him staggering back just as the butt of a spear caught him in the stomach, sending him to kiss stone.

"Bravery like this is wasted on monsters," Gaiv spat in disdain as the others peered back at him apprehensively, but still held their ground to protect both priests and altar.

That's what got Gaiv into this mess. The Newcomers had plied him with shiny gadgets, hoping he could convince other humans to join their cuase. He had come to the land of Agretta to talk up the benefits of scientific enlightenment, so the authorities had declared him a traitor to his race, and strung him up to die. Somehow, it didn't seem fair, but Gaiv was willing to let go. He tossed his spear to the ground, and told this collection of nervous young men, "No one needs to die. I'll just be on my way."

The assembled clergy seemed to accept this as a reasonable attitude, taking a few steps away, and thus allowing Gaiv to head down the stone stairs back in the direction of the crowd, which was already parting to allow him to pass. Though he paused for only a moment as he glanced back at these assembled holy people on high, who peered back at him in mild confusion just before they were all incinerated by a burst of lava from below, not even leaving bones as it melted the very stones where it fell.

Dawixavieth arose from the bubbling pit, pulling its great bulk along with surprising swiftness with its many tentacles, all of its many eyes focused on one sole human. Gaiv bolted for the horizon, but more tentacles lashed out like enormous whips, seizing the rising towers, and pulling them down to block his path, not caring of all the humans that were crushed beneath. So Gaiv was forced to turn back to face this leviathan sliding on its belly towards him with its back ridges seeming like an entire mountainside on the move, drawing ever closer.

nONE mAY dEfY mY rULE.

It was of those rare moments when Gaiv felt speechless and utterly screwed. This wasn't the first god he had given the finger, but it was the least sympathetic and definitely the largest. He was too busy wondering what he had done to deserve this fate to notice a strange shining disk flitter and wobble through the air until it hovered directly overhead, casting him in shadow. Gaiv only had time enough to open his mouth in dumbfounded surprise when an enormous beam of pulsing green light emerged from the disk and struck the crawling leviathan directly on the snout. The gigantic creature howled in fury as it was sent hurtling back into an abyss of lava with an earth-shaking splash.

"What in gornak was that thing?" inquired the exasperated figure that leapt down from the saucer to stand at Gaiv's still naked side. It was a Newcomer. The four foot high, four arms, and armored shell set in flexible sections on his back gave him away. Clad in a tan jumpsuit bearing the flower insignia of his race, he raised his thick black goggles to regard the devastation around him.

Gaiv recognized this one by the color of his snout. "One of the leviathans I've been telling you about, Carrot."

"I had no idea they would be that big," Carrot admitted, named as all Newcomers were after things humans found familiar in a misguided attempt to win their favor. Then he sneezed, which served their race as a shrug. "It went down easily enough."

In the next moment, a long tentacle lashed out from the pit, striking his saucer, and sending it spinning out of control beyond the horizon. Then more tentacles appeared, following a rumble and strain as a gigantic form once again hauled itself to the surface. The people still daring to stand around them all screamed as they clutched their heads, while Gaiv suddenly suffered a massive headache from an outside source.

"I think you've made it truly angry," Gaiv remarked between clenched teeth before he broke and ran for a nearby opening in the mountain of rumble. Rolling up into a protective ball, Carrot was quick to follow.
 
I think I've got an idea. It's probably not going to be very good, and may open some old wounds. But hey, it might be worth at least trying.
 

Belfast

Member
Anyone checked out this site: http://www.ficly.com ?

Not sure what to make of it, myself. I don't know if I'm *that* comfortable letting other people write off my stories, mostly because I think their prose has a good possibility for reading like shit.

Might be an OK place for some exposure and for further practice, though.
 

ronito

Member
Hrmm... I might sit this one out.

My idea is way too silly to take seriously. But not silly enough to stand on its own.
 

Cyan

Banned
Belfast said:
Anyone checked out this site: http://www.ficly.com ?

Not sure what to make of it, myself. I don't know if I'm *that* comfortable letting other people write off my stories, mostly because I think their prose has a good possibility for reading like shit.

Might be an OK place for some exposure and for further practice, though.
Interesting concept, but I don't know how useful it would be for someone trying to get better.

ronito said:
Hrmm... I might sit this one out.

My idea is way too silly to take seriously. But not silly enough to stand on its own.
But those are the best!
 

CygnusXS

will gain confidence one day
I'm going to start writing mine tonight. I think I'll be able to have some (non-verbose) fun with my concept.
 

Spoo

Member
Freeway
Word Count: 1002

Captain Roland James Donald was feeling old. He looked the part. The gray hairs on his head and speckled, unkempt beard attested to a tired man. Only 43 years old, he had seen more than most. The war had raged on for so very long and, as it did, so did he -- since he was old enough he had been a spoke in the wheel of what was left of humanity's fight to survive.

And what was left wasn't much. Mankind had long ago dissipated into the wilderness of stars, searching for a new home out in the cold complexity of space. Earth -- now just a
memory etched deeply on magnetic plates -- held barely a fraction of the troubles the human race had found waiting for them in the heavens.

The Claw.

They were named for the claw-like formations they were seen using during the First Encounter. There was no attempt made to understand or learn about them. They attacked without warning. They attacked the day Roland was born and, 43 years later, they continued to attack.

Soon there would be nothing left to attack.

Regardless, Captain Roland James Donald, as old as he was, would not stop fighting.
He had moved from the military stationed at Planet 302 to become Captain of the "Freeway" -- a Planet-Class unit. It was far too dangerous to keep civilians stationed on planets, with so little left. It never took long for the Claw to appear in the skies, so the rationale was always to keep moving. Captain Roland James Donald did. The Freeway was good at moving, giving people a home, and not much else.

It was a good ship for an old man.

So it came to pass that Captain Donald, while staring down into the blinking red
message on his terminal, forgot his age. Without hesitation he flipped a switch and the message was echoed out to the screen for all his bridge crew to see.

They were all good men and women -- some young, some old, all friends to the Captain for many years. But here and now they were like scared children, near the brink of tears. The fear was tangible if not audible.

The click of a transceiver broke the silence, and the Captain spoke. There was no fear in his voice.

"Men and women of Freeway -- ", he paused for a moment and closed his eyes. "I have just received an urgent message from our fleet at Planet 302. All P-Class units are ordered to jump to planet 302 for immediate engagement with the Claw."

More silence. Those aboard the Freeway knew exactly what such an order meant. The brutal, endless war would end, and the last of humanity with it. P-Class units were mobile homes, not vessels of war. If the fleet had requested P-Class units, it meant that this was the last stand against the Claw. There was nothing else left to use to defend against the enemy forces.

Captain Roland James Donald stood up from his chair -- all eyes were on him, now. Some were welling up with tears, but most burned the color of bravery; it seemed as if each and every member of the Captain's bridge crew were ready to make the jump. They were ready to die with the rest of their kind.

"My friends, --" said the Captain. "We will not heed the call."

Murmuring.

"Our war is over," he continued. "... and we have lost. This call is an exercise in futility,
fueled by a pride the men, women and children of this ship -- that humanity alone -- cannot afford." The Captain bent his head down and stared hard into the nearly reflective steel floor below. He couldn't see gray hairs. "We are no war vessel. We are a home. If we die here, we die for only the satisfaction of the Claw." The old man's lifted his head back up and stared out at his crew. "I won't let us die here."

A younger man stood up from his post. His name was Kyle Shepard -- The Captain had always thought of him as both a good soldier and a good friend.

"Captain," said the boy, "I -- I can't respect your decision! Running away at our last hour isn't just treasonous... it's cowardice. If our leaders say jump, we jump. It's always been this way. I'll be damned if we're just going to run away from the Claw. They --"

The Captain interrupted the younger man by placing his arm on the kid's shoulder. "Kyle," he started, "You're a good man, but you know we can't make the jump this time. By now, every P-Class ship has jumped to planet 302 and have been torn to shreds. It's likely that the only people left alive now are those on this very ship, and I'm going to keep it that way. Now sit down."

The boy had sweat dripping down his face. It was clear before he even went for his sidearm that talk wasn't going to change his opinion, and he would attempt to force his way. By the time his hand met his side arm's sheath, the Captain's open palm had planted firmly on the kid's ribcage. The resulting crack was audible enough for many to hear, and Kyle fell to the ground. Calmly and with an air of sadness the Captain knelt down next to Kyle and snatched his weapon away -- sliding the clip out just as quickly. Kyle was letting out screams and tears. A nearby medical officer carried the damaged crewman away.

"Call me a bastard. Call me a traitor. I don't care. But we're staying alive. All of us."

Nobody argued.

Captain Roland James Donald felt younger now than ever in his 43 years. Now, more than ever, he had to keep going.

The Freeway kept moving. Far away from planet 302, far away from the Claw, through the biting cold of space.
 

nitewulf

Member
Shadows in the Night

Miroslav Ivanovich shot his boss in the heart. Twice.

The office door locked itself automatically.

Rushing footsteps approached the 40th floor office of Alexander Kuryakin, just-deceased Deputy Director of Sector 8, Internal Security Intelligence of the Soviet Empire.

In a smooth, continuous motion, Ivanovich shot out the water front floor-to-ceiling windows, fired his carbon-silicon rappel at the heavy wooden desk, and jumped.

The rope uncoiled from the miniscule hand held rappelling device, Ivanovich braked as he dropped almost 400 feet, near ground level, stopping with a sudden jerk. He used his momentum to jump off the wall into a diving roll, landing in front of the Executive Entrance.

The lone guard didn’t have time to react. Ivanovich slapped the Kalashnikov M1-Laser away and smashed the man’s nose with his elbow. He took the gun, shot out the legs of the two approaching guards with some low power shots, chucked the weapon disgustedly and ran towards the river.

Zara Petrova, immaculate in her evening riding gear, nursed an intense headache as she walked into ISI headquarters. She needed a double shot of vodka, but it had to wait.

The Director General drawled as he chewed through a sandalwood flavored toothpick.

“Ivanovich must have gotten burnt out. It happens sometimes, specially with the young, talented ones. He identified his direct boss as the cause of all his problems and killed him.”

“It can’t be that simple sir, Ivanovich has been our best field agent in the recent years. He loved Kuryakin like a father.”

“Perhaps. But I have no choice. His status has been changed to “Traitor”. He is to be executed on sight, effective immediately. You.” The old man paused and looked intently at the chewed up toothpick, “Find out what you can, and comes to that, kill him.”

Zara Petrova stood alone at the end of the dim hallway. Now she had two headaches.

Ivanovich slid down the gravel covered riverbank. He stood motionless, observing the dock, hoping to steal a boat. Suddenly, a gunboat approached in total silence.

He ran away from the dock, always in the shadows. At a busy intersection he blended into the city crowd. He had to leave St. Petersburg as soon as possible. He needed fake papers. He needed to run into an old friend.

Zara ordered immediate surveillance and monitoring of all outbound public transportation. She issued an alert to monitor all known informants and agents within the city. She delegated a team of analysts to comb over Kuryakin’s files and communications. Finally, she set out to speak to Kuryakin’s wife.

Ivanovich got off near Nevskiy Prospekt, he walked away from the main boulevard into an alley. He winded his way through alleys towards a beautifully gas-lit street lined with stores. He stopped near the mouth of the alley and lit a cigarette. He gazed at a corner cafe across the street. Mikhail Sorokin sat at his usual table, evening paper in hand. His jacket rested casually on the table. Do not approach. Area under surveillance.

Ivanovich backtracked, moving away from the zone of surveillance. He climbed up a low brick wall into an empty lot. Across it he walked into another alley. He decided to reach the main road and hail a cab.

At the end of the alley, a tall figure blocked his path. Without looking back, Ivanovich knew what was coming. The man in front edged closer.

“The order is shoot to kill comrade, but I figure kicking the shit out of you would be good practice. Hear you’re the best, after all.”

From behind, two shadows approached nearer. They enclosed him in a tight triangle. Close quarters tactics, do not allow free movement.

Nano-devices in their blood streams activated in unison, their shadows moved with predatory instincts. Something twitched at his back, Ivanovich crouched and threw the rushing man overhead, turning around tightly, he swept his leg hoping to take out the other man. But the second agent at his back was quicker, he leapt up and came down with a hard right punch, Ivanovich barely contained the thrust of the hit, he blocked but he was pushed back, losing balance. The first man kicked him from behind savagely. Ivanovich writhed in pain for a split second, then turned his mind away, the pain was a dull scream of agony, far, far away. Mercurial, he stepped forward and jabbed the man in front of him. One. Two. He slid left at the blink of an eye, and as expected, the first man came into the void with another hard kick in the air. Then it was a matter of experience over hot blooded youth. Ivanovich moved back in and swung a hard right uppercut at the flailing kicker, following with a hard left hook, breaking his sternum. He pushed the man to the floor and swung his elbow swiftly back at the second man, pivoted on a dime, stepped back and brought the man’s face down on his upward knee.

The third man moved in closer and hit him with a brutal punch on his left kidney. Ivanovich screamed, the pain was too much to contain. Drunk on enhanced neural chemistry, movements augmented by nano devices, they edged closer and grappled. The man was fast, they exchanged two hard right hooks. The man closed in and unleashed a flurry of swift jabs, battering Ivanovich’s ribcage. Ivanovich swayed back, back, almost falling, allowing his attacker to come forward a bit. He sidestepped and in one continuous motion used all his remaining strength to crush the man against the wall. The man’s nose broke apart with a sickening crunch, blood dripped down the mildewed wall. Ivanovich whispered into his ear, “Arrogance isn’t a part of this game, cadet. Next time, for a kill order, shoot to kill.”

Ivanovich staggered away, his chest felt like someone took a cheese shredder and went to work on it.

Somewhere nearby, a phone clicked on.

“I know you’re there Ivanovich. I need you to come in. I know why you killed Kuryakin.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Because I ordered the hit-squad not to kill you. The hunt has been called off, you’re clear to come in.”

“Palace Square, in front of the Alexander Column. Half an hour. Don’t bother with a sniper squad, you’ll only be killing tourists.”

The Palace Square was filled with tourists. Ivanovich walked slowly, always covering himself among tourists, towards the Alexander Column in the middle of the square. Zara Petrova stood right in front of it. Tall, statuesque and stunning. She wore a red leather trench-coat. She was rubbing her hands to keep warm. Her breath condensed into flickering mists under the soft lights of the column.

Near the column, he walked very close to Zara, he caressed her cheek with his left hand, they stood cheek to cheek as he whispered in her ear.

“Don’t move, I have you covered.”

“Don’t ever change Vanya.” She whispered back.

“Just get to it Zara.”

“Kuryakin was smuggling information out to our rogue little republic up north. Our analysts came to that conclusion. We always suspected someone high up was doing it, just didn’t know who. Anyway, I went to inform his wife, but she wasn’t home. And then reports started coming in about a squad picking her up for transport. She’s vanished.”

“So?”

“So no one admits anything, but I’m certain a mercenary squad transported her out to safety. Kuryakin must have had a deal made in case of his death. He knew the net was closing around him. Everything fits.”

“Rubbish. You forget I spent the last two years near the eastern border. For the border patrol and agents, sometimes looking the other way is what puts enough food on the table. Things are no different here. You think everyone here is a true patriot? Our little rogue republic up north, when were they ever a threat to us? We know they have their little spy games within our borders, we have always known that.”

“I agree. Don’t be naïve though Vanya. They sell information to our friends across the ocean.”

“What of that? So the American Empire knows we have 1500 missiles pointed at them to go-off instead of 1000? As if we don’t know similar information about them?”

“We are going around in circles Vanya. Kuryakin was a traitor and would have become an embarrassment to ISI. You executed him as a patriotic officer of the empire. You did the right thing. Your status has been changed to “Active” and you will come in for briefing Monday. Then you’ll take a long vacation.”

“That’s not why I killed him Zara. He suspected there was an internal investigation on some of the senior officers and he confided in me. He knew he was going to be arrested sooner or later. I knew he was going to be made an example of, if arrested. Sure he traded state secrets, but who doesn’t these days?”

Zara stiffened under Ivanovich’s grip.

“That’s not your call to make Vanya!”

“Shut up. I killed him because he had terminal cancer. He wouldn’t have survived the trial. I couldn’t let him go through it. So arrest me comrade Petrova. I am not a patriot, neither am I a good agent.”

There was a coldness between them now. Without a hint of emotion she whispered through her teeth.

“You have shown great patriotism by executing a traitor and risking your life. You will come in for a briefing on Monday. You will get back to work as an agent of ISI, Comrade Ivanovich.”

She stepped back, turned and walked away slowly, shrouded within the night mist.
 
So, how's it going everyone?

Got an idea yet, Scribble? C'mon, I'm waiting for one from you.

Life's been a bit rough as of late so most of my writing time has either been taken up by family issues or me just staring at a blank screen unable to focus. And focus is something I'm going to need if I want this story to work at all.
 

ronito

Member
I really don't care much for my entry so far, again that whole too silly bit. Debating whether i should even finish it just to have something, anything.
 

Spoo

Member
lol, I pretty much just posted what I had because I have jury duty on wednesday and thursday of this week. I probably should've taken advantage of the extra 600 or so words I had available to me, but when the core of my ideas gets on paper, so to speak, I don't like pushing words out for the sake of verbosity.
 

bengraven

Member
I can't come up with an ending. I'm trying hard to not make the same mistake I did last time when we did the "Game" topic.
 
Spoo said:
lol, I pretty much just posted what I had because I have jury duty on wednesday and thursday of this week. I probably should've taken advantage of the extra 600 or so words I had available to me, but when the core of my ideas gets on paper, so to speak, I don't like pushing words out for the sake of verbosity.
Yeah, I can agree with that. I'm way too wordy. Writing like that is fun, but not so much when it actually comes time to read it.
 

Spoo

Member
crowphoenix said:
Yeah, I can agree with that. I'm way too wordy. Writing like that is fun, but not so much when it actually comes time to read it.

Well, it's just that many of my favorite authors (which I definately 'take' liberally from), never delved too far into the English language to get their points across. Verbosity, for me, is the antithesis of quality writing, unless verbosity is absolutely required to paint a portrait of the scene in question. An example might be H.P. Lovecraft or something -- the guy could write a sentance which took up a page -- but it never seemed like too much.
 
I'm with Ronito on this one. I'm really not feeling mine. I wanted to start it Thursday, but things happened that didn't allow that. And now I'm trying to get something out that will be handled far more childishly than it should. Still, I missed the last one, so I'm not missing this one.
 
I had what seemed like a good idea, but it didn't work out, so I'm working on something else and not particularly pleased with it. Eh, oh well. This one did get me thinking.
 
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