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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #46 - "Fool's Errand"

Status
Not open for further replies.
C

Cyan

Banned
Theme - "Fool's Errand"

Word Limit: 2000

Submission Deadline: Wednesday, 3/10 by 11:59 PM Pacific.

Voting begins Thursday, 3/11, and goes until Saturday, 3/13 at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Optional Secondary Objective: Alternate Endings. This requires a bit of explanation:
-Come up with three different ways that you could end your story.
-Rather than the first three things that you think of, try to come up with a list of the three strongest, most effective possible endings.
-Choose the best of the three to use as your actual ending.
-Write a few sentences about the other two endings you came up with, in spoiler tags. You can put this in a separate post, or at the bottom of your story. Either way, it doesn't count against the word limit.
-For mega-bonus awesome points, actually write up the other two endings. Still doesn't count against the word limit.

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- YOU MUST VOTE in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

Writing Challenge FAQ


The Entries:

kid ness - "Superman's Dilemma"
John Dunbar - "Fool's Gold" (Alternate endings)
ZephyrFate - "In Her Good Graces" (Alternate endings)
Aaron - "Leviathan Hunt"
Dresden - "Sweet Summer Sunset" (Alternate endings)
Irish - "Waste"
Ward - "Hey Brosef, We’re retelling it for 1997"
Tim the Wiz - "The Call"
crowphoenix - "A Rare Luck"
bakemono - "Under Old Silenus' Dome"
Ashes1396 - ''A Tale Macabre: The disappearance of Baby Elizabeth McCook'' OR ''Suffer The Little One''
Cyan - "The Four Impossible Tasks of Aristophanes" (Alternate endings)

The Results:

1st Place: Cyan - "The Four Impossible Tasks of Aristophanes"
2nd Place: Ashes1396 - ''A Tale Macabre: The disappearance of Baby Elizabeth McCook'' OR ''Suffer The Little One''
3rd Place: crowphoenix - "A Rare Luck"
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Hey! If you are a monkey (or have a dumb name), and have missed a few challenges, come back! We miss you.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Scribble said:
It's okay. I know you guys have given up on me. ;_;


:D
Click to expand...
Never!

n35ent.gif
 
I

Irish

Member
Scribble said:
It's okay. I know you guys have given up on me. ;_;


:D
Click to expand...

Never!

Seriously, these last few challenges have been way too dark. We needz teh Scribblez!

Also, we needs teh Heymonkey to bash me for my terrible grammar and the DumbNameD to submit an entry at precisely 3:00 EST.

I really like the topic and secondary objective. There's quite a few different ways to take the theme as well as there being lots of possibilities for each way.

I can't wait to totally screw this one up. There's no way I can have two somewhat decent entries in a row. (I'm never leaving this defense mechanism behind. :p )
 
A

Ashes

Banned
'It doesn't count against the word limit''
doesn't--- against... sort of negative negative...
quick question: Do you mean the alternative endings will need to be accounted for in the word limit?
or
Alternative endings should not/need not be accounted for in the word limit.

Forgive me. I'm half asleep. This is probably so simple... and common sense says the second one is correct. Plus I want to post something to bump the thread and subscribe all at once... :)
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Ashes1396 said:
'It doesn't count against the word limit''
doesn't--- against... sort of negative negative...
quick question: Do you mean the alternative endings will need to be accounted for in the word limit?
or
Alternative endings should not/need not be accounted for in the word limit.

Forgive me. I'm half asleep. This is probably so simple... and common sense says the second one is correct. Plus I want to post something to bump the thread and subscribe all at once... :)
Click to expand...
It's the latter. Alternate endings, whether in the same post or in a different post, do not need to be accounted for in the word limit.
 
I

Irish

Member
Question:

Is it possible to put a new system in place in regards to WC where if an entry has less than the limit, the remaining words go into a community pool that can be used by anyone?

I hate seeing really good entries being disqualified because they're a few hundred words over the limit and I rarely even come close to it.
 
C

ChubbyHuggs

Member
Irish said:
Question:Is it possible to put a new system in place in regards to WC where if an entry has less than the limit, the remaining words go into a community pool that can be used by anyone?

I rarely even come close to it.
Click to expand...

That would be pretty cool, seeing as I don't think I'll ever use all 2,000 words either.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Irish said:
Question:

Is it possible to put a new system in place in regards to WC where if an entry has less than the limit, the remaining words go into a community pool that can be used by anyone?

I hate seeing really good entries being disqualified because they're a few hundred words over the limit and I rarely even come close to it.
Click to expand...

you mean a thousand?

Tim the wiz was inspired to write. Which is always a good thing. He had an idea and he went with it. Pretty safe to say he knew what he was doing... :lol

I don't know why the word count is 2000 words but it seems to work fine. I guess maybe they can set a maximum limit of maybe ~3000, but its preferred if you stick to the old limit.

PS. thinking about it again, the best short stories that I've ever read are around probably around the 4000 word mark.

edit: Pps. We had 14 stories last topic. If ten of them reach a three thousand word mark, that's thirty thousands words right there. A Proper anthology to be read in two days... :(
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Irish said:
Question:

Is it possible to put a new system in place in regards to WC where if an entry has less than the limit, the remaining words go into a community pool that can be used by anyone?

I hate seeing really good entries being disqualified because they're a few hundred words over the limit and I rarely even come close to it.
Click to expand...
Hmm. I understand what you're getting at, but in a way, it already is like that. The limits have slowly gone up over time, and some people take advantage, squeezing out every word, while others come in well under the limit. The average word count for the last challenge was probably somewhere around 1300-1400, which is quite manageable for reading and critiquing.

But rather than setting that as the limit, we had a good bit higher limit, which allowed those who wanted to have a bit more breathing room. If we had an official system where there was a "word pool," we'd probably have to lower the limit again to keep it reasonable. At times, these challenges have had 20+ entries. Imagine having to read 40,000 words worth of stories just to be able to vote.

On the other hand, we did have one challenge where there was no limit, and it didn't kill us (say... where's nitewulf gotten to these days?). We can keep experimenting in the future.

Edit: Ah, I see Ashes said the same thing.

Also, I should note that things such as word limits are up to the challenge starter. People have mostly kept to our standard schedules and word limits because they've worked well for us in the past.

But if you win a challenge in future (and I wouldn't be surprised if you do sometime soon), feel free to try new things. We don't want to stagnate, after all.
 
R

ronito

Member
Irish said:
Question:

Is it possible to put a new system in place in regards to WC where if an entry has less than the limit, the remaining words go into a community pool that can be used by anyone?

I hate seeing really good entries being disqualified because they're a few hundred words over the limit and I rarely even come close to it.
Click to expand...


If you want my vote: "HELLZNO!" we're too wordy a bunch as it is.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Here's a sample of how the alternate ending thing might look:

Johnny and His Best Buddy Alf (5000)

[Johnny has spent the entire beginning of the story searching the neighborhood for his missing cat, Alf. He has knocked on doors and put up posters and whatnot, but found nothing.]

There was a short, sharp rap on the door.

Johnny jumped, then walked slowly over to the door. For some reason he couldn't explain, he was afraid. His pulse quickened.

The door swung open. A man stood there, silhouetted against the streetlight outside. He wore a hat and a trenchcoat. He was very tall. And he was holding--

"Alf?" Johnny reached out to the man, but the man didn't let go of Alf.

"I'm sorry, son," said the man. His voice was a deep, bass rumble.

"What?" Johnny noticed that Alf wasn't moving.

"He jumped out in front of my car. I--I couldn't stop in time." The man looked at the ground. "I'm sorry." He placed Alf's body in Johnny's outstretched arms, then turned and walked away.

Johnny stared at his only friend in the world. Glassy eyes looked at the ceiling. "Oh, Alf."

He lay back on the couch, Alf in his arms.

And then his mom came in and yelled at him for having a dead animal in the house.


Alternate ending #1:

There was a short, sharp rap on the door.

Johnny jumped, then walked slowly over to the door. He peered through the peephole.

"Alf!" He swung the door wide, and reached out to the man standing there.

"I want a reward," said the man. He sneered and twirled his mustache.

"What?"

"For finding your cat. I want a reward."

"I don't have any money."

"Is that so? Then I don't have your cat." The man suddenly moved his hands apart and then clapped them together. Alf was gone.

Johnny stared at the place where Alf had been.

"You killed Alf, you son of a bitch!" Johnny punched the man as hard as he could in the face, and the man went down, hitting his head on the corner of a concrete step as he fell.

Johnny looked down, suddenly scared, but there was nothing he could do. The man was dead.

Then the cops came and arrested Johnny, and he spent the rest of his life in prison.

At night, he could hear a piteous mewing coming from the walls.


Alternate ending #2:

The door swung open.
A man-shaped figure stood there, silhouetted against the streetlight outside. It was six feet tall, wore an orange bandana, and carried what looked like a pair of nunchuks. And it had cat ears.

"Alf?"

"This is all your fault," said the creature, in a mewing, spitting hiss.

It swung the nunchuks at Johnny's head, killing him instantly.

And that's why you should never play with nunchuks, kids.

Note: this ending would have had different foreshadowing earlier in the piece, involving the neighborhood kids talking about mutants in the sewers and weird green ooze.

If your alternate ending would have required changes earlier in the text, feel free to note that.
 
A

Aaron

Member
Irish said:
Question:

Is it possible to put a new system in place in regards to WC where if an entry has less than the limit, the remaining words go into a community pool that can be used by anyone?

I hate seeing really good entries being disqualified because they're a few hundred words over the limit and I rarely even come close to it.
Click to expand...
Honestly, I find the 2000 word limit too generous. I'd curb it back down to 1,500 myself. Learning to self edit and work within limits is just as useful as proper grammar and such.
 
I

Irish

Member
I suppose you've got a point there. I've seen quite a few reworkings to get under the limit that ended up being much better than the original story posted.

I haven't come up with an idea for this yet and that's pretty unusual. Normally, several ideas instantly pop up in my head after I see the theme and secondary objective (none of which I can execute properly), however, that doesn't seem to be the case here. I have a feeling I'm going to be working this piece out bit by bit, which is highly unusual and is something I've never done before.
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
Ashes1396 said:
PS. thinking about it again, the best short stories that I've ever read are around probably around the 4000 word mark.
Click to expand...

That's a good point. My favourite short stories are predominately in the 2000 to 5000 word range. Of course, I'm not denying the constructive merit of working toward <2000 word stories, but I think the main reason we're not going in the bigger word limit direction is because of size and time issues. A fortnightly thread filled with somewhere around a dozen 5000 word stories would likely be overly time-consuming to read, as well as write, on that schedule. Maybe it could work if the challenges were expanded to become monthly, but otherwise, it would be tough to sustain.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Tim the Wiz said:
That's a good point. My favourite short stories are predominately in the 2000 to 5000 word range. Of course, I'm not denying the constructive merit of working toward <2000 word stories, but I think the main reason we're not going in the bigger word limit direction is because of size and time issues. A fortnightly thread filled with somewhere around a dozen 5000 word stories would likely be overly time-consuming to read, as well as write, on that schedule. Maybe it could work if the challenges were expanded to become monthly, but otherwise, it would be tough to sustain.
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It's a dilemma. Since I don't have time for writing outside of the challenges these days, I find I'm now in the habit of writing 2000-word or shorter stories. Which is really quite short when it comes to published stories. It would be nice to have a chance to do something longer.

But on the other hand, too many long stories would crater reading and voting.

Maybe the solution is to keep the limits where they are now (1400-2000) most of the time, and occasionally change things up with a challenge that has a higher word limit or no limit.
 
C

chapel

Banned
Maybe with group consensus, whoever is creating the next (not necessarily *the* next one) challenge could increase the word count limit and the time frame. So for double the limit, give like 3-5 extra days for writing and voting. Just an idea.

I like the secondary challenge, though I am having trouble finding inspiration for the main topic.
 
I

Irish

Member
Man, I can't really think of a good idea for this one at all, which is definitely not a good thing. My "presentation" abilities are normally horrendous, but it looks like I'm going to have to work on them for this challenge because my basic plot probably won't be that great.
 
A

Aaron

Member
The point of these challenges isn't to produce polished stories. It's for practice, and maybe producing something that you can later turn into a polished work. Like I said before, 2000 already feels like too much. If you push past that, I know I'll personally stop reading and commenting. I think the number of submissions will also drop. My idea for this challenge could easily go past 10,000 words, but I'm not going to force other people to read all that.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Yeah, best leave it to the challenge setter. Every once in a while might not be so bad, I guess. But it could really backfire.

on topic. I like the secondary objective more than the main theme. It'll be really interesting if the majority of people prefer an alternative ending. :D And voting is going to be really interesting.
1, xxyy by xxyya
2, xsdet by asdfiu Would have been first but I didn't really like the chosen ending. It would have been first if you had picked the second. heck even the third one was better. :lol
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Aaron said:
The point of these challenges isn't to produce polished stories. It's for practice, and maybe producing something that you can later turn into a polished work. Like I said before, 2000 already feels like too much. If you push past that, I know I'll personally stop reading and commenting. I think the number of submissions will also drop. My idea for this challenge could easily go past 10,000 words, but I'm not going to force other people to read all that.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I totally understand. And I'm with you--I don't really have the time to read a bunch of lengthy stories. It can be difficult to find time to read, critique, and vote as it is.

I also agree that the challenges are about practice. What I was getting at earlier is that practicing <2000-word stories all the time will make you a <2000-word story writer. Which is why it might be nice to occasionally (no more than every few months, I would think) have a higher limit.

Of course, people can always write longer stories on their own time. If my writing right now is limited to these challenges, it's nobody's fault but mine.

Anyway, given that there's some strong opposition, I'm not going to push this. We can always revisit the subject at a later date.
 
I

Irish

Member
I only write for these challenges. I know, I'm bad. :(

I think I may start writing without any particular idea and see what happens. (I'm not even sure that's possible.)
 
C

chapel

Banned
Maybe create a second challenge with a much larger timeframe. Like on the verge of months. It might be hard to keep active, but as long as a few people keep active in the thread, people will see it.

You could also limit the larger format challenges to so many participants, so that judging and critiquing doesn't become too laborious. Could also have more elaborate challenge objectives, but be more open in theme.
 
A

Aaron

Member
Cyan said:
I also agree that the challenges are about practice. What I was getting at earlier is that practicing <2000-word stories all the time will make you a <2000-word story writer. Which is why it might be nice to occasionally (no more than every few months, I would think) have a higher limit.
Click to expand...
Personally, this isn't true for me at all. The things I write outside of these challenges tend to be very long. I think it's all in how you approach these challenges, and how you use them for practice. Mostly, I use them for conveying complex ideas in few words so the result isn't a bunch of meandering text that doesn't go anywhere. I think that's helpful even if you're writing a novel.
 
R

ronito

Member
Cyan said:
I also agree that the challenges are about practice. What I was getting at earlier is that practicing <2000-word stories all the time will make you a <2000-word story writer. Which is why it might be nice to occasionally (no more than every few months, I would think) have a higher limit.
Click to expand...
I'm with Aaron on this one. If you look at most of my feedback it's almost always either two things. 1. Cliche. 2. Too wordy.

As I'm working on the second draft of my novel I use these to try to be as efficient as possible in telling a good story or moment. I fail most of the time but I do find that helps a lot while writing larger works if you break out chapters into bite sized chunks and look at it with a critical eye you'll tend to find the same stuff there that you do here.
 
C

crowphoenix

Banned
If you want my opinion, I'm all for keeping the challenges short. I've found that I have improved more in trying to keep my sentences concise and simple than I ever have in trying to tell my grandiose stories.
 
I

Irish

Member
Yeah! I finally came up with a dozen basic ideas (all based off a single image I saw) that I can mold into a story.

Actually, I'm one of those people who prefer to keep things as short as possible without making it feel empty. Hell, I can barely keep my sub-1,000 word stories coherent, let alone a bigger piece.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
First off, I thought it sad that the theme pretty much gives away the gist of the story. But I realized that actually it doesn't have to. All stories are journeys of some kind. And writing without direction is typically not very good. So what I did was this. I've decided to make my story a mystery. Keeping one step ahead of the reader is proving fun.... And with the alternative endings, it could well be a brilliant theme. So Cyan's got my support on this one. :)

I've been reading short ghost/horror stories recently; I'm being inspired not so much by the stories but by how they are put together. There are some very imaginative ways to put a story together. I like time lapse segments... so don't be surprised if that's how my story ends up as being.

Above all, I'm trying to make this an enjoyable read.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Ashes1396 said:
First off, I thought it sad that the theme pretty much gives away the gist of the story. But I realized that actually it doesn't have to.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I don't think it needs to. For one thing, there are plenty of possible interpretations. And for another, the theme is supposed to be a starting point, something to find inspiration or ideas from. It's not meant to circumscribe what you can write about.

I did a theme a while back that really did basically give things away, especially combined with the secondary objective. Since then I've tried to be a little more careful.

Still, it's a tough balance to find--you want a theme that is interesting and evocative, without being too specific. "Stormy Weather," for example, found a pretty good balance. This one might err a bit on the specific side, but hopefully should give people some fun ideas.

kid ness said:
This is my new favorite part of GAF. Look forward to sitting down and writing this story.
Click to expand...
Right on. And welcome.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Well I'm done. I have some important work to do apart from this, (Heavy Rain/BBC2) so if I can find some spare time for a few edit runs, I will probably be first out the gate this time. Maybe Sunday. (I'm on gmt in case people didn't know).
I've come up with quite a few endings. But luckily there are three clear front runners, and I think I've already decided which fits best. It may not necessarily be the most popular choice but its the most fitting.
 
K

kid ness

Member
Cyan said:
Right on. And welcome.
Click to expand...
Thanks man.

I love how this theme can be interpreted in so many ways. That being said, my entry is a rap about the misfortunes of Superman.

Superman's Dilemma
I could walk on water when I'm feeling kinda down
Reach my hand, top my head, and fondle my crown
I could wax my curls or get someone to do it for me
I wish that Lois would come back from her trip to the deli

She's been gone with the baby for a month and a half
I'm getting lonely and I want somebody to cuddle
I got a new tattoo “LL” (Lois Lane) on my calf
As I sit here confused, alone, and befuddled

Sometimes I get a phone call from a man
who insists that he'll kill me from another land
“I'm like, Lex, come on, just leave me alone!
I'm in my snuggie and I don't want to answer the phone”

I try match.com to seek some affection
My profile has no matches, despite its perfection
One day I get a message from a girl named Galoffee
She asks if on the 6th I wanna get some coffee
I'm like, “sure babe, I could use some caffeine,
My eyes getting sleepy and my muscles too lean”

Upon meeting with her, I look down at my cup,
and just as quickly, I turn my head back up
This ain't coffee, it's just a lotta sweet n' low!
And below it, I see, that familiar neon glow!

Ah, Kryptonite! Lex you jerk!
You might not think so but your plan won't work!
Because despite this large quantity of kryptonite
"Ahhhhgh.. ahhh.. dhheaha.."
(Superman dies)
 
C

Cyan

Banned
kid ness said:
Because despite this large quantity of kryptonite
"Ahhhhgh.. ahhh.. dhheaha.."
(Superman dies)
Click to expand...
:lol

Alternate ending suggestions:
Wesley Willis kicks Superman's ass.
 
C

crowphoenix

Banned
Man, my mind is a blank right now for ideas and has been since early February. I have several ideas as to why, and none of it is anything I can change in the next couple days. Any suggestions, guys? Cause this is starting to get dejecting.

Also, Aaron, do you have any suggestions for how I reign in my dialogue heavy style?
 
D

Dresden

Member
Saw this thread and wanted to give it a try! I finished the story just now, about 1,500 words and I plan to let it sit until Tuesday, where I'll read it over and make corrections as needed. Looking forward to the action.
 
J

John Dunbar

correct about everything
Fool's Gold
(1148 words)

Everyone knows what it's like to feel like a fool. But when you've been expected to be a fool your entire life, it's only a matter of time before you snap. For the Jester, that time had come. Anything born out of necessity is bound to be accompanied by contempt and bitterness, especially if that something requires one to totter around the room with one's pants around the ankles for the amusement of others. The Jester was an exceedingly bitter man.

The castle was bustling before the summer festival. All nobility had gathered for a feast, and were now seated at an enormous U-shaped table in the largest hall in the country. The King's golden chair was naturally at the tip. Behind the King the royal taster was ready to try everything before it being served to his master. The royal taster also happened to be the chef's son.

Next to the King was seated his daughter, the apple of his eye. The Princess was a comely creature, indeed. Her white gown and black hair gave her an ephemeral air, as such grace seemed out of place in such a grim world. Only her small snub nose could be considered a flaw, but that imperfection only served as a spice to add flavour to her beauty.

The Jester was ready to begin his merry masquerade. With his costume and painted face he performed his act, the jokes, the juggling, the pirouettes. Although some of the jokes seemed offensive to the guests, quick glance at the King, who seemed to be enjoying himself, assured them it was appropriate to laugh.

A loud bell rang, and massive red curtains were pulled open. The servants were rolling out a colossal barrel of imported wine. It took a regiment of them to heave it upright. A ladder was brought, so the royal taster could climb on top of it. He used an axe to break open the top, dipped in a cup and drank it. When everyone were satisfied, and only slightly disappointed, that he was still alive, a large tap was attached to the barrel.

Suddenly the Jester ran towards the Princess, jumped on the table in front of her, and gave a jocular tap on her nose, something she was very self-conscious about.

"Well, aren't thou cute as a button!" the Jester declared.

The Princess blushed crimson. The weak-chinned King was not amused. No one was allowed to lay hands on his daughter. Only a nigh imperceptible sign was needed to send forth his guards, anxious to take the Jester for a trip to the dungeon. The new rack they had ordered had just arrived, and they were dying to try it out. Of course, they would have to catch him first.

The Jester ran on the table, now surrounded by guards. After kicking a few plates at the advancing sentries, he jumped towards the large barrel, climbed the ladder and stood poised on top of it, as if on a castle tower. The barrel was encircled and the besieging army awaited the fool's next move.

"Don't let him hurt the wine!" the King wailed.

Surprisingly, the Jester merely glanced at the large clock hung on the wall, and surrendered. Before being taken to the dungeon, he would be awarded a special seat for the festivities.

In the middle of the room a large iron cage was lowered from the ceiling, big enough for a man to stand in. The Jester was hoisted up in it, while the guards piled a stack of wood on the floor, directly under it. He could do nothing but watch the crowd proceed with their banquet.

After the interruption the King was again ready to serve his wine. Although miserly as a rule, he was always generous when an opportunity for vainglory presented itself. Everyone in the room, including the royal taster, the guards and the servants were served a glass of the precious liquid. Nobody in the room knew was the wine any good or not, least of all the King, but his court of sycophants were ready to fawn over anything. After all, it was expensive and imported.

When everyone were nice and drunk, some entertainment was required. The King ordered his men to set the pile of wood alight. A guard moved forward, staggered and collapsed. This was followed by the metallic sound of every guard with their armour crashing on the floor.

The King stood up.

The King went back down again.

One by one everyone in the room collapsed, from the King and the Princess to the royal taster and the servants, many in quite humourous positions.

People see the clown, but they don't notice him. There is a difference. The Jester's noble audience saw him, with his perpetual smile and tears. They saw his tricks and heard his jokes. But when they weren't laughing at him, he was invisible. For a certain kind of man, a little dignity can be worth more than gold. Of course, a little gold is nice, as well, but he might have settled for his role as a fool if he had felt even a bit appreciated, if he'd heard one kind word, but his aristocratic audience had treated him as no better than a disposable toy.

Nobody notices a clown. Nobody noticed the Jester when he ate alone at his small table. Nobody noticed him when he roamed the tortuous corridors of the castle. Nobody noticed him when he slowly but surely moved all the valuables from the castle to his hay cart in the stable. And nobody noticed him when he dropped sleep-inducing poison in the gigantic wine cask.

The Jester took off his jingly motley hat and rummaged through it to find a key. An exact copy of the cage key he had had made after having stolen the original from the guards, only to return it later. Through his years in the court he had become well acquainted with the King's iron cage (the pyre was a new touch) which the monarch had often used to amuse his house by humiliating an unfortunate guest who had attracted his disfavour, often over something frivolous. The Jester let himself out of the cage and found himself to be the only conscious person in the room.

And when he looked around the banqueting hall, what did he see? Rich men and women in their ermine lined capes and silk gowns with their faces buried in their feast. The same men and women who had spent years laughing at him. It was finally time to buy back his dignity. It was time to show blue blood was no safeguard against being made a fool.

It was time to pull down some pants.
 
J

John Dunbar

correct about everything
Alternate ending #1

In the end, the Jester ends up murdering the entire court, but decided this would be too gruesome for the story.

Alternate ending #2

This would have actually required most of the story to be rewritten, but it basically involves the Princess being in love with the Jester, and the Jester's plan failing, who is then saved by the Princess who helps him complete his plan because she's tired of her oppressive father and they escape together in The Jester's hay cart full of treasure and live happily ever after. I sort of liked this one the best, but had trouble writing it, so went with a more streamlined version.
 
I

Irish

Member
Hm... I just can't seem to settle on any single idea or even find one where I'm not using boring characters or overused tasks.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Long time to go yet irish... you'll do fine.

I left my story saved on my desktop. I don't normally do this, but anyway, my sister by chance happened to read it. She got a kind of delayed reaction to the ending in that she was initially okay with it, but had a nightmare about it a day later. Which is why I didn't post it here today. It's silly I know, but I'm going to tone it down a bit anyway.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
crowphoenix said:
Man, my mind is a blank right now for ideas and has been since early February. I have several ideas as to why, and none of it is anything I can change in the next couple days. Any suggestions, guys? Cause this is starting to get dejecting.
Click to expand...
Do you mean you have no ideas period, or no ideas you think are any good? If it's the latter, just write whatever's coming to mind anyway. I've had stretches where I've done that, and then decent ideas would start surfacing again. Priming the pump.

Also, Aaron, do you have any suggestions for how I reign in my dialogue heavy style?
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You don't necessarily need to rein it in, as long as you aren't ignoring other aspects of your stories.
 
A

Aaron

Member
crowphoenix said:
Also, Aaron, do you have any suggestions for how I reign in my dialogue heavy style?
Click to expand...
Basically what Cyan already said. Your dialogue is great, but you really need to beef up the other parts of your story, in the narration to give visual description, and also actions and moods of the characters so not everything needs to be expressed in dialogue.
 
D

Dresden

Member
Ashes1396 said:
Long time to go yet irish... you'll do fine.

I left my story saved on my desktop. I don't normally do this, but anyway, my sister by chance happened to read it. She got a kind of delayed reaction to the ending in that she was initially okay with it, but had a nightmare about it a day later. Which is why I didn't post it here today. It's silly I know, but I'm going to tone it down a bit anyway.
Click to expand...
I'd personally welcome a nightmare if the story was good. No one here is your sister.
 
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