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Anyone else here a happy loner?

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ckohler

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So I just returned from a family get-together at my parent's house. I would call my relationship with my family including my father and step-mother as being good however it is not close. So, out of the blue (in a rather uncommon move) my Dad asks if I've tried using any dating sites. He proceeds to tell me how my step-mom is worried about my being sad and/or lonely especially now that my older brother has a new girlfriend. In case you think it matters, I'm in my thirties. These kinds of interrogations are one of the reasons I kinda regret family get-togethers.

So, basically I tell him that I'm an introvert and that I'm perfectly happy living a solitary life. That my life is simple and easy and laid-back. That I can come-and-go whenever I want, do anything I want and often watch as my friends and relatives struggle with difficult relationships. I relish the loner lifestyle.

However, leaving only made me feel crappy that my own parents think I might be lonely, sad or worse weird for not having a girlfriend. Is it so wrong to be a loner? I mean, I've done it for over 10 years now and I have no regrets. I love my life but for some reason people still worry about me. Is anyone else in a similar situation? How do you deal with parents, relatives or friends who worry about your happiness simply because you choose to live alone? I'm now kinda bummed that they see me this way and yet I'm not interested in hooking up with a girl just to make them feel better. I'm a happy loner, I wish they could understand. :(
 
Sometimes. If I want someone specifically then it bothers me to not have someone, but so long as I've not met anyone I desire, I'm perfectly content.

But I'm a lot younger than you, so it's difficult to say how I'll feel by your age...
 
I don't mind being a loner, most of the the time. Been single for 7 years or so but the best part about it is the extra money you save for yourself. You also don't have to deal with the drama that can come with a relationship. But sometimes you just need someone to get close to, and your guy friends can't fill that void. Plus I miss spooning sometimes.
 
If you're truly happy, then I wouldn't worry about it.

I sort of feel the same way sometimes. I like going out with friends, and I like women, but I don't go crazy if I spend quiet nights alone watching a movie or listening to music.
 
atkbob said:
I do what I want bitch, I don't give a fuck
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ham-sandwich.jpg
 
What's your relationship history?

It's possible for a few people to truly be content as a loner, but be aware that some supposedly content people are just in denial. Are you absolutely sure you've transcended desires that have been evolutionarily ingrained over many millenia?
 
Not quite the same, but often times I will enter into a relationship and find myself excited about, only to realize quickly after I really like being on my own. Generally this is followed by me sabotaging the relationship and going back to being alone. Seems messed up, but it keeps me happy enough until I fool myself into thinking I should try again (combination of societal pressure plus personal wants for that kind of thing).

It's tricky, and I'd be hard pressed to guess where I'll be in terms of this down the line.
 
I'm a loner and not sad but not happy either in the sense that i would love to meet someone.

My mom called the other day to ask if i've been thinking about marriage. I LOL'ed. She probably doesn't know her son doesn't have it like his dad her ex husband who still pulls in hot chicks all the time :lol :lol :lol

She's only met my first ever real girlfriend but that was a lifetime ago. She knows damn well i've been alone for years. She's probably worried
 
I used to be really introverted, but ever since I've been in college, I've found myself being a lot more interactive and cheery if you will. I still prefer having my own time every now and than, but hanging out isn't so bad either.
 
Other than wanting a good girlfriend but not going out of my way for it, I am generally not discontent being a loner.
 
Chairman Yang said:
What's your relationship history?
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I've had a couple of girlfriends in my life but nothing serious. Mostly just mild flings/infatuations. I'm not the least bit surprised my parents think I might be lonley. I've never really "brought a girl home". However, that doesn't change the fact that the one thing I'm absolutely certain of is that I'm not interested in a relationship and haven't been for years. Maybe that makes me strange, I don't know, but it's the truth. I'm happily single, if there is such a thing.
 
It's possible for a few people to truly be content as a loner, but be aware that some supposedly content people are just in denial. Are you absolutely sure you've transcended desires that have been evolutionarily ingrained over many millenia?
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I don't think I'm in denial. The idea of changing my laid-back lifestyle for a more complicated one (regardless of benefits a girlfriend would bring) simply doesn't appeal to me. Things are pretty good the way they are. Changing my life feels like a mistake to me.
 
To the OP, on some level you should feel bad because you're not obeying nature's directive to procreate. Since you don't, other people are concerned for you. Of course, it's all up to you... Overpopulation and all that.
 
ckohler said:
I don't think I'm in denial. The idea of changing my laid-back lifestyle for a more complicated one (regardless of benefits a girlfriend would bring) simply doesn't appeal to me. Things are pretty good the way they are. Changing my life feels like a mistake to me.
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If you found the female version of you, would it still make things more complicated?
 
I'm a loner. I'm not introverted or anything and i used to have a intense social life. It's more or less a concious decission not to get too much emotionaly involved with other people because i always was so depressed in my teens and twens when i lost contact to friends or broke up with girlfriends etc. Being a loner doesn't make me happy but it makes me a much more emotionaly stable person.
 
To each his own, if you're happy with yourself you can be happy alone. I think you should just introduce some meaningless sex into your life and you will probably be completely content.
 
I'm not necessarily a loner at all, in fact you'd probably guess I was gregarious, but I LOVE traveling alone. I love doing things at my pace (absurdly fast) and doing stuff other people won't (exploring the grounds of the Imperial Palace at 4am) and mocking tourists even though I'm one and relaxing on a long flight with a Bloody Mary and email/projects to catch up on at my own pace.
 
Steppenwolf said:
I'm a loner. I'm not introverted or anything and i used to have a intense social life. It's more or less a concious decission not to get too much emotionaly involved with other people because i always was so depressed in my teens and twens when i lost contact to friends or broke up with girlfriends etc. Being a loner doesn't make me happy but it makes me a much more emotionaly stable person.
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This man nails it for my own personal situation.
 
I have a low desire to be social. When I'm in a relationship that's more than enough social activity for me and I tend to ignore my other friends. This results in many unfortunate issues.
 
+1

I'm nearing my mid 30s. I've got plenty of friends and ladyfriends in the wings, and they get their due attention. However, I'm quite content rollin' solo to events as necessary. It came down to a few things, most important was that I realized that I did not want to rely on anyone for support, nor do I want anyone to rely on me for support. It works out well.
 
ckohler said:
*snip*
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Interesting. I'm in a similar situation, though like someone else said, I'm content, but not over the moon about it. I'm *generally* happy on my own, but there are times I'd like to socialize and date more (it's just not consistent so i generally lack motivation/opportunity).

Since I'm a similar age to you it has been going on long enough that my parents are resigned to it.
 
Cronox said:
If you found the female version of you, would it still make things more complicated?
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Yes, that goes without saying. When you're with someone, you life isn't just about you anymore, it's about you and them together. There are always going to be compromises. No doubt the benefits of a relationship can outweigh the things you must give up. When I think about this, the benefits don't seem worth it to me. Maybe I am being naive. Hard to say. I do know this: I'm happy with my life regardless of any missing benefits.
 
I'm a "grass is always greener" kind of guy. When I'm alone, I feel like I should be out doing stuff but when I'm out doing stuff, I feel like I need to get back to being alone to finish whatever it is I was doing.

Of course seeing as all my friends are either working 18 hours a day or are in school, I don't really have much of a choice. Hopefully things will change if/when I decide to go for my Masters.
 
Human's are instinctively social animals, being a loner might be fine with you now but you'll regret it when you're in your 50/60s and you're really alone.
 
I like being alone quite a bit. I couldn't stand being one of those people who are out and about every single day. That said, I do get kinda lonely from time to time. :\
 
Theyre just worried you might die alone. They think that you must find someone now to create an "unbreakable bond" between you and your partner so she/he grow up to take care of you.
 
I had a guy I barely knew at work call me up at 7 in the morning because his car had stalled and he didn't know anyone else to call... I thought that was sad. Having people you can trust and rely on is important, man.

But to each his own.
 
Konka said:
Human's are instinctively social animals, being a loner might be fine with you now but you'll regret it when you're in your 50/60s and you're really alone.
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I think you're oversimplifying the situation. I'm not completely alone. I have a few friends I spend my time with. I simply don't have a significant other. I think there is a big difference. My question is this: if I can be happy living alone while having friends and relatives available to me, and I'm not overly social and haven't been for over a decade, then is it wrong to remain that way? Society seems to think so but I feel like I've proven the point. If it was as simple as you make it sound, I would be surely be unhappy by now. Instead, I'm very happy. Honest. If anything about my lifestyle makes me unhappy is that people look at me strangely.
 
I wouldn't call myself a loner, but I seem to enjoy doing things by myself more often than a lot of my friends. I like to eat by myself fairly regularly, I don't think its weird to see a movie by myself, etc. That said, I party/go to social events/whatever pretty often and have a pretty addictive personality, or so it would seem. I just think I'm more comfortable doing things on my lonesome than most people are.
 
I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

/humor defense-mechanism
 
Dresden said:
I had a guy I barely knew at work call me up at 7 in the morning because his car had stalled and he didn't know anyone else to call... I thought that was sad. Having people you can trust and rely on is important, man.

But to each his own.
Click to expand...

Sometimes making new friends ain't easy. The people you thought you knew often turn out to be a>>holes who only think of themselves.
 
ckohler said:
I think you're oversimplifying the situation. I'm not completely alone. I have a few friends I spend my time with. I simply don't have a significant other. I think there is a big difference. My question is this: if I can be happy living alone while having friends and relatives available to me, and I'm not overly social and haven't been for over a decade, then is it wrong to remain that way? Society seems to think so but I feel like I've proven the point. If it was as simple as you make it sound, I would be surely be unhappy by now. Instead, I'm very happy. Honest. If anything about my lifestyle makes me unhappy is that people look at me strangely.
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Well then why do you care? It's not like you need to make an impression on these people, you don't even need them.
 
ckohler said:
I think you're oversimplifying the situation. I'm not completely alone. I have a few friends I spend my time with. I simply don't have a significant other. I think there is a big difference. My question is this: if I can be happy living alone while having friends and relatives available to me, and I'm not overly social and haven't been for over a decade, then is it wrong to remain that way? Society seems to think so but I feel like I've proven the point. If it was as simple as you make it sound, I would be surely be unhappy by now. Instead, I'm very happy. Honest. If anything about my lifestyle makes me unhappy is that people look at me strangely.
Click to expand...

Well what I'm saying is that the older you get the harder and harder it becomes to meet women and especially friends. Will you still have those few friends in 20 years? And as terrible as it sounds when your parents and older relatives die off will you have somebody you can say you love?

I think the idea of spending my life without trying to find love is an empty life because I can't imagine how say watching a movie would be better by myself than with a woman I love.
 
Cronox said:
To the OP, on some level you should feel bad because you're not obeying nature's directive to procreate. Since you don't, other people are concerned for you. Of course, it's all up to you... Overpopulation and all that.
Click to expand...

Fuck procreation.

I just want to get my nut on.

Which I do just fine.

Lord knows how many C.H.U.D. babies I've spawned because of that regular habit. :lol

Sometimes I get a feeling that I could / should find someone to spend my days with; but then I'm reminded of how intolerant of other people I am and call it a day. Additionally I view myself as too mentally unstable to be a suitable pairing for someone. Not to sound like Debbie Downer, just calling it like I see it. No pity party required.

Loner GAF don't unite! REPRESENT! :P
 
slit said:
Well then why do you care? It's not like you need to make an impression on these people, you don't even need them.
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They're my family, I care about them, and I visit them many times throughout the year. I can't simply avoid them; it would totally bum them out if I did. I care about them too much to do that even if they knew I loved them just the same.
 
I'm satisfied with being a loner. It's other elements in life that make me unhappy (politics etc.). I don't have a wide circle of friends, but I do have a very trusted close group of friends - I just prefer not to see them too often because it would start to get on my nerves.
 
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