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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #51 - "Separate (but equal)"

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H

hey_monkey

Banned
Theme - "Separate (but equal)"

(wanted to continue riffing on the original themes, but didn't want to do it directly)

Word Limit: 1800

Submission Deadline: Wednesday, 5/19 by 11:59 PM Pacific.

Voting begins Thursday, 5/20, and goes until Saturday, 5/22 at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Optional Secondary Objective: Multiple POVs. Inspired by the final, lengthy story in Jhumpa Lahiri's Unaccustomed Earth, a story that features two protagonists and several narrative styles.

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- YOU MUST VOTE in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

Writing Challenge FAQ

Here are the entries! Thanks to Ashes for compiling.

Ashes1396 said:
Irish: Silence Begets Violence
Alfarif: A Tally for Two
Ashes1396: A thoroughly modern childhood or Failing the National Exams for Primary School children
Tim the Wiz: Chosen
John Dunbar: Boneyard Blues
Cyan: Divergence
AnkitT: Last year
ronito: Holly
RevenantKioku: X and Y
Dresden: If only it was a romance novel.
hey_monkey: Five Things
Tangent: Global Warming
Yeef: In Heaven and Earth
Click to expand...
 
R

ronito

Member
Congrats again mono!

It's gonna be hard as hell to come up with something original for this challenge. i have a feeling civil rights are going to be heavy.
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
John Dunbar said:
i was looking forward to an opportunity to write erotic metal gear solid fanfiction. :(
Click to expand...

If you take it the mutual masturbation route, you still can! THERE'S STILL TIME

ronito said:
Congrats again mono!

It's gonna be hard as hell to come up with something original for this challenge. i have a feeling civil rights are going to be heavy.
Click to expand...

thankee... and I vote writing about civil rights for sexually abused donkeys.
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
Carried over from the last thread:

hey_monkey said:
Posting the new one now, I think. Sorry, Tim the Gumshoe Wizard. I think I got away from the possibly fanfictiony idea I had. Blame Jhumpa Lahiri; I just re-read a story of hers and it inspired me.
Click to expand...

When your competition is a Pulitzer Prize winning author, I guess the loss is to be expected. (That Firefly fanfiction will have to wait another challenge.) But since you're not doing it, I'd like to know what that "possibly fanfictiony idea" was.

hey_monkey said:
wait, snaps, that whole story is online TIM IS AWESOME
Click to expand...

Yes, it is, and, yes, I like to think I am. ;) The story in question, by the way, is The Best Monkey by Daniel Abraham, and it convinced me to read his excellent fantasy series (The Long Price Quartet) and the recent collaborations he's done with George R.R. Martin of A Song of Ice and Fire fame.
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
I am straight up obsessed with Lahiri. I think I would follow her around and sprinkle flowers in her path or something. There was no hope once I decided to re-read that story.

But the idea was "established," with a secondary objective from fanfiction. You'll just have to win and do it, man.
 
M

Mike Works

Member
John Dunbar said:
i was looking forward to an opportunity to write erotic metal gear solid fanfiction. :(
Click to expand...
do you really not see how this subject lends itself toward snake/liquid gay slashfic?

edit: haha i can't believe i was beaten on that
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
hey_monkey said:
I am straight up obsessed with Lahiri. I think I would follow her around and sprinkle flowers in her path or something. There was no hope once I decided to re-read that story.
Click to expand...

Most of the authors I feel that strongly about are dead. Out of the living: Michael Chabon? Cormac McCarthy? Matthew Stover? Yeah.

hey_monkey said:
But the idea was "established," with a secondary objective from fanfiction. You'll just have to win and do it, man.
Click to expand...

Ah, I see. Probably the best way to do it. If the fanfic isn't good enough to stand up against original stories, it's probably not worth doing.

John Dunbar said:
liquid/solid, separate but equal!
Click to expand...

:lol
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
I would definitely freak out if I saw the ghosts of many dead authors. It would be like Elvis and Beatlemania and cocaine all scrambled up or something. But! I saw Michael Chabon at AWP. You can touch me for a dollar.

I also met Dan Chaon, whom I adore (and George Saunders!!), and my friends were making fun of me because I was bouncing around on my toes like a child and when he finally turned to me, all I could say was: OH MY GOD DAN CHAON I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT YOU ARE SO AWESOME OKAY I'M GONNA RUN AWAY NOW.

Not my finest moment. I did better with Saunders.

Dammit, I must stop thread-camping. What does it say about me that I want to spend part of my relaxing Mothers' Day chilling on the interwebz? :lol
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
A dollar? You can have over 9000! As for the Don Chaon thing... :lol The same thing happened to me when I met a football player I admired as a kid; all I could do in his presence was recite his records and relate how awesome he was to his face. He just nodded his head as if to say: Yeah, I know, I'm pretty awesome.

hey_monkey said:
Dammit, I must stop thread-camping. What does it say about me that I want to spend part of my relaxing Mothers' Day chilling on the interwebz? :lol
Click to expand...

Your poor kid(s). I'm half considering taking back that classy comment. :p
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
My poor kid is snoozing. He's worn out from being so crazy awesome. And it's my day off! I get flowers and folded pieces of paper and stuff. And there was a free lunch. I can't complain.
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
Free lunch is always good. I completely forgot about Mother's Day, though. The only thing special involved was expensive chocolate, but I'll make up for it today.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Tim the Wiz said:
Yes, it is, and, yes, I like to think I am. ;) The story in question, by the way, is The Best Monkey by Daniel Abraham
Click to expand...
Haha, I started to read that story and got this weird sense of deja vu, then I realized I'd read it before. Didn't realize this guy had written that series; I'll have to give it another shot.

hey_monkey said:
I hope I did it right. >.> Make corrections if I screwed anything up, please!
Click to expand...
You done fine. Happy Mother's Day!
 
I

Irish

Member
Congratulations and Happy Mother's Day, hey_monkey!

Wow, we can start doing a secondary challenge for the lower-tier writers such as myself? :p (Where was my pity third place vote, Mike? :lol )

Well, I already have several ideas for this challenge, but they're way too similar to what I normally write, so I probably won't use them. I want to try my hand at something different for once.

Ashes1396 said:
This story was of your usual ilk.
Click to expand...

Ashes makes a good point here, so I really need to start making each of my pieces more unique. I tend to recycle my protags, settings, and details. It's all too samey.
 
Y

Yeef

Member
There's been an idea rumbling around in my head (unrelated to these challenges). I think I can make it work with this one.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Here in Britain, we've got head teachers all over the country mass abandoning the standard SATs exams for children this week. Looks like I'm going to be writing with that in mind. And what with mother's day talk, I might as well develop on an older story I had thought out.
The POV portion is interesting. hmm. I mightn't incorporate that into my story this week. We'll see I guess.
 
K

kid ness

Member
hey_monkey said:
I am straight up obsessed with Lahiri. I think I would follow her around and sprinkle flowers in her path or something. There was no hope once I decided to re-read that story.
Click to expand...
The Namesake was so good. And I believe that the movie served it justice.
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
Agreed on both counts. She's so detailed with everything in her writing that you really feel it, and Kal Penn did a good job. I tend to think he's pretty underrated.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Ooh, just got an idea I really like. Hope nobody else is doing it. :p

It's about a writer/storyteller, in a world with two suns, struggling to think of what to write while simultaneously battling his addiction to donkey foal porn.
 
I

Irish

Member
What the hell, man? I sent you that PM because I was afraid I would be ousted from the community, not so you could steal it.

In all seriousness though, I have no idea how not to write how I normally do. I just can't think of any other way to do it. I'm also debating on which perspective to use, if not multiple ones.
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
Cyan said:
Ooh, just got an idea I really like. Hope nobody else is doing it. :p

It's about a writer/storyteller, in a world with two suns, struggling to think of what to write while simultaneously battling his addiction to donkey foal porn.
Click to expand...

My avatar says it all. Juliet is not amused by your antics.

good thing I am!
 
R

ronito

Member
Cyan said:
Ooh, just got an idea I really like. Hope nobody else is doing it. :p

It's about a writer/storyteller, in a world with two suns, struggling to think of what to write while simultaneously battling his addiction to donkey foal porn.
Click to expand...
And in the end he dies!...in a tavern.
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
Cyan said:
Ooh, just got an idea I really like. Hope nobody else is doing it. :p

It's about a writer/storyteller, in a world with two suns, struggling to think of what to write while simultaneously battling his addiction to donkey foal porn.
Click to expand...

:lol
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Mike Works said:
Cyan, you never explained to me what the gremlins were/represented in your previous story
Click to expand...
Yeah--to be honest, I didn't want to disappoint you. :p

Are the gremlins really there? Maybe... or maybe it was just the kid projecting his family's troubles onto an external source. Maybe he didn't want to have to face the truth that his family was tearing itself apart, and so he latched onto the weak excuse (not even an excuse, really) that his father made after pawning his video game system, and started believing in gremlins.

And maybe, when he goes and gets his father's rifle from the shed, he'll go down into the cellar and shoot at the ground, trying to shut up those damned gremlins. Or maybe he'll take that rifle, go into his parents' bedroom, and...
 
M

Mike Works

Member
hmm, i got most of that when reading the story, but didn't see him shooting his parents. story would've been better if he found a mouse in the shed.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Mike Works said:
hmm, i got most of that when reading the story, but didn't see him shooting his parents. story would've been better if he found a mouse in the shed.
Click to expand...
Chewing on his bud?

But he couldn't see the mouse--it was the things unseen!
 
Y

Yeef

Member
hey_monkey said:
I need one of those blushy smiley faces here.
Click to expand...
%5Ew%5E.gif
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Had a loud but interesting discussion yesterday about the role of some minorities in stories and films. :)
The trend seems to be that you can't have, say a Muslim, or a gay person, without them having that part of them defining them or the script requiring them as such. Some of you may have worked out that the root of that came about from a discussion about a controversial new movie released over here called four lions. And I'll admit I seem to be of that crowd without having actually realized that.
I suppose in the next story I guess I'll have the above parts just incidentally and see what happens.
I mean there's no real reason why you can't just have a gay jewish ice cream man without making a statement really. These are fellow people who are just normal parts of our society and I think we ought set it out as such I guess.
 
A

Aaron

Member
I find that when writing a story, a character's gender, race, and sexual orientation are dictated by whatever the logic of the story requires. For example, I decided that a woman's male bodyguard was gay. It made sense to me that she would hire a gay man since she has problems with her male fans. He's not flamboyant in any way, and there's nothing more than a few vague references to this, but it was still a decision dictated by the story than any sort of effort for diversity on my part.
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
There should be some randomization in the construction of characters to reflect the inherent diversity of human life on this planet - filtered, certainly, by specific environment and the direction of the story and the likely history of the characters. Of course, the story comes first, but it should be possible to have a character who happens to be of a minority gender, race, or sexual orientation just because they happen to be that and not the generic white male "norm". I'm not saying stop writing non-minority characters or anything; just that the option is always there to have different kinds of people there, because, hell, that tends to reflect the reality of our world. Like the story I wrote a few weeks back: the woman the congressional staffer was lusting over drove the story because she was hawt, and she also happened to be black - in the same way she could have been a sultry white red-head. Being a minority needn't overwhelmingly define the character unless the story actually calls for it.

Basically, I'm of the Ursula K. Le Guin-Earthsea school of thought when it comes to the depiction of race and stuff - it doesn't have to be the major defining characteristic. The Wire and what it did with characters like Omar is another good example. The guy was homosexual, and you heard his enemies using homophobic remarks in reference to him, but it was always forced on the edge of fear and the man himself didn't comport himself to the tune of the stereotypes that generally bleed out about gay men. It didn't consume the character: it was merely a part of the whole.

However, I don't want to suggest that race or gender or sexual orientation is akin to a character wearing a type of clothing or having purple hair. I don't want to suggest it's just another line of description. It's obviously more than that, but again, it doesn't have to consume the character. We are defined first as people - for Omar, that would be as a droll thief of drug pushers, who lost one of the great loves of his life and doesn't have much else to lose - and our race, sexuality, etc. is part of that, but it doesn't wholly define us.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Lionel Mandrake said:
Okay, I'm really going to submit something this time... Even though I said I was in the last thread.
Click to expand...
Not as long as you're drinking tap water, you won't. You know what they put in tap water, don't you Mandrake?
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
Lionel Mandrake said:
Okay, I'm really going to submit something this time... Even though I said I was in the last thread.
Click to expand...


I used to say this a lot. I feel your pain. But this time YOU WILL DO IT.
 
I

Irish

Member
hey_monkey said:
So what? The point is to write!
Click to expand...

Write comments, right? That's actually my favorite part to when I decide I'm going to go a little more in-depth. :( Writing the story itself can be too challenging at times.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Could it be? I'm actually getting my story written early this time?

Well, it still needs work, so I don't know if it'll actually go up early or not, but it's at least mostly complete.

Did pretty poorly on a practice exam today (taking the CFA level III in a few weeks), so I'm going to need to do a lot more studying this coming week... won't have much time for writing. Odd sort of motivation for getting my story done early, but there you are.
 
I

Irish

Member
Crazy... I've completely laid out a story, but I can't figure out how to put it to words. I've been trying to write this damned thing since Monday with no luck.
 
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