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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #82 - "Courage"

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Cyan

Banned
Theme - "Courage"

Word Limit: 2100

Submission Deadline: Wednesday, September 7th by 11:59 PM PST.

Voting begins Thursday, September 8th, and goes until Sunday, September 11th at 11:59 PM PST.

Optional Secondary Objective: Weirdtopia

Set your story in a... Weeeeeeeirdtopia. *echoes slowly fade as dramatic music rises* (details in next post)


Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- YOU MUST VOTE in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge FAQ


The Entries:

bakemono - "Parlour of Illusions"
Aaron - "The City Doesn't Stop for Love"
Ward - "Watch Out, It's Dark In There"
John Dunbar - "All the Mornings of Life"
Elfforkusu - "Lesson One"
Tangent - “Play Panacea" or "Juggling Juggernaut”
AnkitT - "The joke's on them"
Ashes1396 - "Hangman"
Cyan - "Inside"
 

Cyan

Banned
What the hell is a weirdtopia?

Let's talk briefly about -topias in fiction. They're generally used to examine some aspect of the world--politics, economics, social mores--in a different light. Utopias are ideal worlds, "look at how amazing things could be!" Dystopias are horrible nightmare worlds, "look at how awful things could get!"

Weirdtopias are worlds that cause us to be, like the unfrozen caveman lawyer, confused and maybe a little frightened. "Look at how... wait, what?"

If a utopia makes you go "cool!" and a dystopia makes you go "ugh!", a weirdtopia makes you go "huh?"

So how do we build a weirdtopia?

Choose an aspect of the world. Come up with a utopia and dystopia for that aspect. Then choose something totally different and non-obvious, but which might still arguably result in a better world for the residents. If your brain is telling you "Yeah... I dunno," you're probably doing it right!


Let's do a few examples!

Public understanding of science:
-Utopia: Most people have the equivalent of an undergrad degree in something; everyone reads the popular science books (and they're good books); everyone over the age of nine understands evolutionary theory and Newtonian physics; scientists who make major contributions are publicly adulated like rock stars.
-Dystopia: Science is considered boring and possibly treasonous; public discourse elevates crackpot theories; most research is banned.
-Weirdtopia: Science is kept secret to avoid spoiling the surprises; no public discussion but intense private pursuit; cooperative ventures surrounded by fearsome initiation rituals because that's what it takes for people to feel like they've actually learned a Secret of the Universe and be satisfied; someone you meet may only know extremely basic science, but they'll have personally done revolutionary-level work in it, just like you. Too bad you can't compare notes.​
(example from here.)

Corporations as people:
-Utopia: Corporations are people. As in, collections of people working together. They have no rights outside what the individuals within them have: they can't make political contributions, they have no right to sue, etc. They are chartered by the state and the state can take away that charter at any time, for any reason.
-Dystopia: Corporations are people. Superpeople, even. They can contribute as much as they want to elections and political causes, they can vote (and their votes count for more) and they can even run for office. As a result, mega-corporations run everything.
-Weirdtopia: People are corporations. You can sell shares in yourself; in fact you probably have to just to get through college. Stockholders can vote on what you should do with your life, so you'd better make sure you remain the majority owner. Also, if you shout at your boss your stock is going to take a dive.​
(example from empty vessel's dream and worst nightmare, and the novel The Unincorporated Man. Which is a brilliant concept but a dreadful book.)

And a pile of unfinished examples to start you thinking:
Less Wrong said:
Economic...

* Utopia: The world is flat and ultra-efficient. Prices fall as standards of living rise, thanks to economies of scale. Anyone can easily start their own business and most people do. Everything is done in the right place by the right person under Ricardo's Law of Comparative Advantage. Shocks are efficiently absorbed by the risk capital that insured them.
* Dystopia: Lots of trade barriers and subsidies; corporations exploit the regulatory systems to create new barriers to entry; dysfunctional financial systems with poor incentives and lots of unproductive investments; rampant agent failures and systemic vulnerabilities; standards of living flat or dropping.
* Weirdtopia: _____

Sexual...

* Utopia: Sexual mores straight out of a Spider Robinson novel: Sexual jealousy has been eliminated; no one is embarrassed about what turns them on; universal tolerance and respect; everyone is bisexual, poly, and a switch; total equality between the sexes; no one would look askance on sex in public any more than eating in public, so long as the participants cleaned up after themselves.
* Dystopia: 10% of women have never had an orgasm. States adopt laws to ban gay marriage. Prostitution illegal.
* Weirdtopia: _____

Governmental...

* Utopia: Non-initiation of violence is the chief rule. Remaining public issues are settled by democracy: Well reasoned public debate in which all sides get a free voice, followed by direct or representative majority vote. Smoothly interfunctioning Privately Produced Law, which coordinate to enforce a very few global rules like "no slavery".
* Dystopia: Tyranny of a single individual or oligarchy. Politicians with effective locks on power thanks to corrupted electronic voting systems, voter intimidation, voting systems designed to create coordination problems. Business of government is unpleasant and not very competitive; hard to move from one region to another.
* Weirdtopia: _____

Technological...

* Utopia: All Kurzweilian prophecies come true simultaneously. Every pot contains a chicken, a nanomedical package, a personal spaceship, a superdupercomputer, amazing video games, and a pet AI to help you use it all, plus a pony. Everything is designed by Apple.
* Dystopia: Those damned fools in the government banned everything more complicated than a lawnmower, and we couldn't use our lawnmowers after Peak Oil hit.
* Weirdtopia: _____

Cognitive...

* Utopia: Brain-computer implants for everyone! You can do whatever you like with them, it's all voluntary and the dangerous buttons are clearly labeled. There are AIs around that are way more powerful than you; but they don't hurt you unless you ask to be hurt, sign an informed consent release form and click "Yes" three times.
* Dystopia: The first self-improving AI was poorly designed, everyone's dead and the universe is being turned into paperclips. Or the augmented humans hate the normals. Or augmentations make you go nuts. Or the darned government banned everything again, and people are still getting Alzheimers due to lack of stem-cell research.
* Weirdtopia: _____
Feel free to discuss notions for weirdtopias in the thread.

Also, one last note: it's hard to set up a world in 2000 words without infodumping. I'm gonna say don't worry too much about avoiding infodumping. It's a useful skill, but not what this particular secondary objective is about.
 

AnkitT

Member
I'm in for sure this time. I've got a whole depressive angst thing going, from which I can draw the secondary.
 

Cyan

Banned
Hey folks. Just got a note from our boy Zeph, turns out he's banned all the way to mid-November. :/

In the meantime, he wants us to know that his book will be available in physical form sometime in the next few weeks. He also requests that if we do read it, whether we like or dislike it, we do him a favor and write a quick Amazon review.
 

starsky

Member
There were many terms he had tried to pass himself under. Merchant, trader, businessman. But in the end he was still what he was and there was no two ways about it. Alli was a hustler.

To his pride, his business and his working girls were famous for their goods, and he was rising up in the world. Alli and his DreamGirls. It was a good time to be hustling.

The 'Parlour of Illusions', his base of operations, was sailing the smooth and silent night sky with its sails fully unfurled that night. It was an aging thing by now and was hardly ship-shape, but it was still a beautiful sight to behold. Tiers of gold-rimmed portholes, winking as they caught light, dotted its colossal belly and the ship's tall masts brandished massive, pale, graceful wings of dreams. The sprawl of the megalopolitan city glittered underneath its soundless voyage, twinkling and pulsing with electric life.

Though by tonight’s accounts, it seemed that everything was going to change, and rapidly so. The tide was a-turning and Alli was caught in the middle. This was nothing new. Though he knew better than to drag his foot around, Alli never did manage not to procrastinate. He struggled with making decisions, always worrying about the other paths, the many futures that could-have-been.

Tammy, one of his girls came to him earlier tonight, with a pair of furrowed brows. She was one of his middling goods, but she had her wits about her- most of the time.

“He’s not like the others, boss. He’s curious, be askin’ funny ones.”

“They are all funny, Tammy-girl. It’s what done to them when they were still unborn.”

Tammy sat on the couch and gathered her petite legs to her. “That’s not it, boss. He dreams still

Alli perked up. Now, that is a cause for worry. No one that still possessed the ability to dream on their own would have come to his Parlour of Illusions. Only the dreamless ones paid to visit. The ones that had been genetically engineered not to need sleep any longer, ever more. The ones whose dreams have been robbed away from. The new-humans.

“He pretendin’ he was dreamin’ with me, but he fell asleep on his own, boss. It was silly as.”

Alli checked his monitors, manipulating the cameras in Tammy’s room, and found the sleeping figure. He sat back, frowning.

“Tammy, get Helen here. I think we have ourselves a problem.”



“Right. I’m gunna wake him up now. OK?”

Alli nodded and Helen slapped the slumbering man's face hard. He woke up with a start, putting his arms about his head and yelping loudly.

“I’m the good one! I’m the good one!”

Alli and his DreamGirls frowned. The man peered from behind the crook of his arm and sheepishly lowered his guard.

“Hi.”

“Don’t ‘Hi.’ me. Who are you? What do you want? Obviously you can sleep on your own just fine. Why are you here in my business?” Alli fired off his questions.

The man scratched his head shyly. He was just a boy, really. Not yet twenty, from the looks of him. Trying hard with the soul patch and failing hard.

“Aww, shucks. Did I fall asleep? I wasn’t supposed to. The thing is, I stayed up last night, cuz Yorrick went ape-shit on me.”

Alli twitched. “Yorrick the Spinner?”

The boy brightened up. “Ah! You know him! Are you friends?”

“NO.”

Alli was sweating. Yorrick was one of the top programmers this side of the globe. Why would he send an agent to his business? Unless…

“Did he finally crack it? He is writing a program to replace the girls, isn’t he?!”

The boy was grinning at Helen. “So, hi there, pretty face. I’m Gull, what’s your name?”

“Pain. Lots of.”

Gull giggled. “That’s not a very nice name for an angel like you.”

“Hey, scum! Pay attention. I asked you a question!” Alli raised his voice shrilly.

“Oh, sorry, guv. Yeah, he’s making some thingamajig. A big machine! You lie down and you get hooked up and you order whichever dream you wants. Awesome, huh?” Gull smiled, stretching out on the bed languorously.

“Shit. Shit.” Alli groaned. That would put him out of business. Customers came to dream the dreams of his girls, but they could not order specific stories or dreams. You got whatever the brains came up with. Random shit. But genuine.

Helen cocked her head. “So, you’re here collecting?”

“That’s right, baby-doll. I was supposed to. But I stayed up real late last night, on the account that something in the programming was glitching, and bad. And Yorr had me helping with the hardwares. Man, it was a pain.”

Alli took Gull by his scrawny shoulders and shook him. “So, it’s not ready? It’s still malfunctioning?”

The boy nodded, recoiling from Alli's face. “Yeah. Maybe a few more months? We still need to collect all the dreams. The thing can’t cook up its own. But once we have a big enough library, we can just shuffle and collate forever. Just put different bits out of different dreams together. They never make sense anyway, right?”

“Shut up! Shut up! I need to think.”

Gull leapt up from the bed, and smiling, made for the door. “Alrighty, then! It’s been fun!”

Helen caught the back of his shirt's collar. “Not so fast.”

Alli sat down and opened his small bottle of vodka. There was not very much left in it.

The boy's news was going to change the trade. Everything was going belly-up, if Yorrick was allowed to finish his Dream Machine. He downed the liquid courage and then he looked at Helen. She was his best girl. A swift dreamer and a deadly fighter. He nodded at her, minutely.

Helen took over.

“Alright, darling. We will strike a deal, you and I.”

Gull looked her over and sneered. “So, I am not so bad after all, eh, my sweet-owww.”

“You’re going to lead me to this Dream Machine of Yorrick, and ...we are going to feed it.”

“No, no, no. He’d kill me!” Gull protested.

Helen smiled and leant forward. “Not if I protect you, princess. You’re going to work for Alli from now on. You’re going to be one of us.”

Gull watched her and his eyes fell to her breasts involuntarily.

“They can be friendly. At times.” Helen said.

Gull twitched a grin.



Maybe all they did was buy time. Eventually someone out there would come up with another machine. But what Alli needed was time. Helen had sabotaged Yorrick’s beast for the time being and they could tread this fine line for now. They could save up. They could find a fledgling programmer and finance their own Dream Machine, to be populated by the girls’ goods. They could sit and think and plan.

The Parlour of Illusion continued to sail smoothly on its soundless voyage as it travelled the seas of stars. The future was still but a dream.
 

Cyan

Banned
And we're off to a roaring start!

All right, let's have another weirdtopia example.

Government/voting:
-Utopia: Perfect democracy. Everyone votes in all elections, and everyone is completely informed and has a thoroughly reasoned opinion on every possible decision. Babies kiss politicians.
-Dystopia: Nobody votes, because everyone is crushed under the jackboot-heel of total dictatorship. The dictator's rule is absolute; he makes every decision. He kicks babies.
-Weirdtopia: The executive branch is a single person chosen by double-blind lottery, so that no one knows who it is. A wholly-automated system reads the mind of the person chosen, sees what her choice would be for any given decision, and implements it. If she ever figures out that she's the executive, the system randomizes and picks a new executive. Babies don't enter into it.​
(adapted from a comment here)

I'd love to try doing something with this, though I can't quite see the shape of the story.

I should mention that if any of these examples catch your eye, by all means feel free to adopt one. ;)
 

Cyan

Banned
ronito said:
Congrats hobbes. As you know I'll have to sit out for a bit. Great topic btw.
Thanks dude! Wish you could join in; I think this is gonna be fun.

But what can you do.
 

Cyan

Banned
I'm going to try to do one of these a day. Here's another one.

Consciousness:
-Utopia: Subjectivity is universal. Everyone has conscious experiences (or qualia), just like you! Thanks to mind-reading technology, we are able to share those experiences.
-Dystopia: Solipsism. Your mind is the only one experiencing anything--everyone else is a behaviorist black box. When you die, there will be no one left to experience anything, effectively ending the universe.
-Weirdtopia: There are p-zombies out there. Some people have conscious experiences, others don't--and there's no way to tell the difference. And we're not talking slow, shambling p-zombies. They're fast, they're smart, they're RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

"Miiiiiiiiinds."​

This might actually be true. We have no way of knowing!
 

Aaron

Member
The City Doesn't Stop for Love
word count: 2,056

"She's the girl for me."

Billy leaned back with a satisfied grin, even as the high winds rustled his short blond hair. He was the star athlete of 42's basketball team, while still getting decent grades. Probably end up as a plumber like his old man. Or would have before this whole nonsense started.

After catching me and the other boys climbing the tree clusters in the local air filtration cube, my dad terrorized me with the notion, 'One day you'll notice girls, really notice them, and everything will change.' The old man was right sooner than he thought. I still thought girls were loopy, always giggling and acting funny, but my best friend had got snared by one he had never said a word to.

"You don't even know her name, you loon," I told him with a shove to the side as he kept looking off in the distance. "Besides, she lives on Kansas, and this is Nebraska. You see her once a season through the telescope you stole from Mister Greely, and sigh like a floozy in a Cary Grant picture. How are you supposed to ask her to the hop?"

"Love will find a way."

Kansas was already receding. The lower portion was a mass of wheels, legs, and other giant appendages as it drove, stomped, and pulled its way along. It munched up the green fields as it went to help feed the million folks kept in the towering clump of steel and glass on its back. From a distance, it wobbled a heck of a lot more than it felt. There was a bit of sway as good old Nebraska chomped its way through its own designated fields, but that was just part of everyday life in the United Cities of America.

I dragged Billy through the airlock before the cops caught us again. Working on Nebraska's outer shell was for jailbirds, wearing these breathers and bulky overalls as they scrubbed away layers of aer before it ate through our hull. We shucked them off and washed up before slipping out past the old guard, and back onto Washington Way.

It was the meteors that brought the poison. I could see it caked in the corners of the high windows, spilling their light over the miles of concrete blocks that made up our home district. Looks like purple dust, but it'll chew through anything that keeps still too long. Breathe it in and it'll eat up your insides, which is why me and Billy always chugged plenty of water afterwards. We had been sneaking out for more than a year now, and hadn't caught more than cold yet. Not until Billy got bitten by the love bug.

He was still mooning about his dream girl in class the next day.

"The year is 1500. The aer is spreading into Italy. It's already devastated the Middle East, and the land of the mighty Romans is awash with refugees," Mister Greely spoke low and ominous, though it could have just been his gravely voice, always ending with a cough. "The greatest thinkers of the age strive for a solution to this plague, but it is an artist who saves humankind. Leonardo Da Vinci designs and constructs the first mobile city. Though it is made of wood and stone, and can only hold a hundred people, this rolling miracle is what saves us from extinction."

I couldn't help snickering, though I knew the story and had seen the replicas of Da Vinci's original sketches. The idea they could make a roamer out of the plants that purified our air was nuts to me. Those branches snapped off in my hands when I was just a boy, but Grim Greely took a dim view of questioning the Savior. So I covered my doubt by asking, "Aren't there unmoving cities deep underground, and under the sea where the aer can't reach?"

"There might be... a few. We have records of such projects, but there's been no radio contact in a long time. I think it's best to assume they were complete failures," the old teacher dismissed these as fanciful notions that doomed their dreamers. "There was even one effort to make a flying city in the upper atmosphere, above the clouds of aer, but it crashed down to earth. Anyway, back to Italy! In 1510, the second mobile...."

I looked over to Billy, surprised to find he was listening closely to the lecture. I could see by the glimmer in his blue eyes that a scheme was forming. My stomach sank in anticipation.

Living in the same apartment block, I joined up with Billy the next morning and he led the way as usual, but it wasn't towards the concrete cluster that held our school and other government works. He made a bee line to the district limits, and the massive elevators wide as a street. Cargo was being loaded there, to take what was made in our district and bring it where it was needed. Billy crept along, finding us a good hiding spot among the towering crates.

Not really worried about missing a day of school, I whispered as the engines hummed, "Where are we headed?"

"District 27. Remember the canvas factory we snuck into some years back? Those big reams of fabric in all different colors...," Billy trailed off as he looked up at the ceiling, seeing more than metal. It was obvious I couldn't though, so he added, "Greely talking about a flying city yesterday reminded me... the Savior didn't just make a mobile city. He designed flying machines."

"Like the lifter?" I asked. There was about a half dozen on Nebraska's top floor, with long and thin blades that blurred when they spun around, pulling the big machine into the air. They used to haul cargo from city to city, but lately they just collected dust. We have everything in Nebraska now, and don't need to trade in shoddy goods from another city. I know Billy thought different, so I warned him, "You'll never get a joyride in one of those things. Takes a dozen men to operate a lifter."

"Bah, that's not real flying. Not like a bird," Billy said with a dismissive wave as the elevator stopped with a clunk, and we slunk off again, preparing for our latest daring daylight robbery.

"There haven't been birds for a long time. The aer killed them all," I pointed out sadly. I had seen pictures of earlier times, with birds filling the sky and animals roaming around on the ground. Now it was nothing but plants and insects out there. The only animals left were the ones we kept in cages for what they could give us.

I didn't mention that in the whole history of flying machines the aer always chewed them up and spat them to the ground. Even the heavily shielded lifters needed parts replaced after every trip. Billy wouldn't turn back now, so I stuck by his side as we pinched canvas, steel rods, and whatever else we could attach to the contraption that was building up in his brain. The result was an odd amalgam of the lifters and a bird with its wings fixed in flight. The power source was a pedal backup rig that hadn't been used since the coal digging days before Nebraska went nuclear.

Summer was coming and we both were on the cusp of being kicked out of school for the crimes they managed to catch us on. My ears rang from the chewing out my parents gave me. Billy had to be the same, but he didn't care. He was only marking the days until the shining bulk of Kansas appeared on the horizon.

Getting his rig out on the surface of Nebraska was the hardest part. We had to sneak out at dawn, taking it apart and bringing it out in pieces to put the damned thing back together in the near dark. I didn't think it had a chance in heck of flying before, but now I knew this mess of invention was a rat trap waiting for a victim.

"You really going to risk your life for a girl? Even if you do get over there... what if she already has a fella?!" I shouted to him through the breather and over the high winds that were screaming so near the summit of Nebraska. Kansas was roaming near. Soon the two cities would be as close as they were ever going to be.

"If she had a fella, she wouldn't be waiting on the outside for one!" Billy hollered in bold confidence as he tossed me his precious telescope. He wasn't going to need it anymore no matter what happened. Seating himself in his mad contraption, he strapped his feet to the peddles, adjusted his stolen welder's goggles, and said the last thing he'd ever say to me, "Wish me luck, Steve."

"Don't stop for nothing, Billy!" I cried out, feeling tears starting as he launched himself from the side of the only home we had ever known. Pigheaded and stubborn, but he had been my best friend.

The wings creaked and the spinning blades bobbed, but somehow the crazy rig held together as the wind took it like a basketball and hurled from the three point line. I raised the telescope to catch Billy's expression, wondering if the fool was finally feeling a little worried about not having anything beneath him, when something swooping out from Kansas caught my eye.

It was black like a crow in a picture book, climbing and falling through the air on an erratic path, unlike the straight but shaking journey Billy had embarked on. Then it came close enough to Nebraska that I realized it was another flying machine, and even stranger was the girl strapped to it. Billy's girl. I never saw her myself, but he had described her often enough. Dark brown hair flowing like wood grain. Blue eyes bright as a clear sky. She was dressed in a school uniform, complete with dark blue skirt flowing in the wind, revealing a hint of her pale knees.

At her current speed, she was going to smash right into the steel shell of good Nebraska. So I scrambled down the bolted ladders, slipping with gloved hands, forgetting to fear taking a tumble myself. In a panic, I dropped the telescope, watching it turn end over end towards the ground far, far below, and that's when Billy's girl's crazy contraption slammed right into me.

It was on instinct that a grabbed a firm hold of her, feeling the wind pulling and tugging at her flyer as we tumbled down the side of the city. She was trying her damndest to grapple Nebraska, while the wind was trying to toss her back into the sky. So I pulled out a sharp scraper from these borrowed overalls, and cut into the cables that kept her strapped in. That little give was enough for the wind to snap those lines and yank her flying machine away, leaving us both clinging to the city for dear life.

Billy had landed on Kansas. It was probably a rough landing, but straining my eyes I could see him standing up and looking around his new home as it roamed off towards the horizon. While his girl was here, warm and gentle in my arms. She looked up at me, not as a stranger but as someone waiting for her at the end of a long road. She pressed her dirty forehead to mine, and coughed as she said, "I'm not... in Kansas anymore, am I?"

"Nope... Dorothy," I answered, awkward at first, but with the sly grin of someone getting used to holding her close.

"Dorothy, sure," she replied with a chuckle, having obviously seen that picture even if it didn't paint her mobile city in a positive light. Still had a happy ending. "Who does that make you then?"

"Me? I'm the cowardly lion," I told her honestly. I was never as brave and bold as Billy. I would have never risked my life for a girl I had never met, but after meeting her there didn't seem like anything in the world I wouldn't do for her. "The wizard has just skipped town."
 

starsky

Member
Loved that, Aaron. Wonderful ride.

Also, "It was on instinct that a grabbed a firm hold of her, " <---- Maybe an 'I' instead of the first 'a'?
 

Cyan

Banned
Hooray, return of Aaron!

Ok, let's do another one.

Bathrooms:
Utopia: 10-ply toilet paper, soft as an angel's kiss.
Dystopia: Pages from an old phone book.
Weirdtopia: Three seashells.
Demolition Man
 

Cyan

Banned
Tim the Wiz said:
Haha, Demolition Man is the ultimate Weirdtopia.
You gonna write something this time around, my man? You know you want to...


Chocolate:
Utopia: Chocolate whenever you want. Free chocolate! Healthy chocolate! Super-tasty, free, healthy chocolate!
Dystopia: Chocolate is illegal. Organized crime springs up around illegal chocolate production and sales.
Weirdtopia: The chocolate standard becomes the norm for monetary policy. Fort Knox is full of chocolate, banks hoard piles of chocolate, survivalists have chocolate bars hidden under their floorboards, next to the ammunition. Glenn Beck flogs chocolate on his radio show, chocolate futures are purchased as an inflation hedge, and the price of chocolate on the commodities markets is considered a key economic indicator.

Too bad you can't ever eat it.​

Chocolate chocolate chocolate. Has it stopped seeming like a word yet? :p
 

Yeef

Member
I don't know if I'll have time to join in, but if I can I'll probably ignore the secondary. As awesome as it is I'm in more of a serious mood and I don't think I could possibly do a serious weirdtopia. There's too much potential in the humor for me to ignore it.

Cyan said:
Hooray, return of Aaron!

Ok, let's do another one.

Bathrooms:
Utopia: 10-ply toilet paper, soft as an angel's kiss.
Dystopia: Pages from an old phone book.
Weirdtopia: Three seashells.
Demolition Man
Deus Ex: HR had a reference to this, which I thought was amusing.

Also, "You really licked his ass. He's finally matched his meet."
 

Cyan

Banned
Yeef said:
I don't know if I'll have time to join in, but if I can I'll probably ignore the secondary. As awesome as it is I'm in more of a serious mood and I don't think I could possibly do a serious weirdtopia. There's too much potential in the humor for me to ignore it.
I think a serious weirdtopia is definitely doable. I've been giving kind of silly examples, because they are what spring most easily to mind (and are fun!), but the one I'm running with is actually semi-serious.

But hey, totally cool if you want to ignore the secondary. It's optional! And I'd love to see a story from you with or without it. :)
 

Irish

Member
Hm... I don't recognize this Yeef fellow... might he be someone who just completely abandoned everyone? I don't know... :p
 

Yeef

Member
Irish said:
Hm... I don't recognize this Yeef fellow... might he be someone who just completely abandoned everyone? I don't know... :p
I'm always watching, even if you don't realize it.
 

bengraven

Member
Cyan said:
Hey folks. Just got a note from our boy Zeph, turns out he's banned all the way to mid-November. :/

In the meantime, he wants us to know that his book will be available in physical form sometime in the next few weeks. He also requests that if we do read it, whether we like or dislike it, we do him a favor and write a quick Amazon review.

Let him know I just bought the Kindle edition and he owes me $3 if it's not as good as his NGCWC standards.
 

Cyan

Banned
Beauty:
Utopia: Free body mods for all. Everyone is beautiful! Unless they don't want to be. Anything goes!
Dystopia: Beautiful people rule the world. If you're born beautiful, you get to join the overclass in sky cities. If you're ugly, you live in the slums.
Weirdtopia: Since beauty in people distracts from other, more relevant information about them (and can cause discrimination), humanity collectively decides to modify human brains and disable the part that sees human beauty. Faces are recognizable, but they're just kinda there--no judgment attached about the way they look.​

("Liking What You See" by Ted Chiang)
 

Ashes

Banned
Cyan said:
Beauty:
Utopia: Free body mods for all. Everyone is beautiful! Unless they don't want to be. Anything goes!
Dystopia: Beautiful people rule the world. If you're born beautiful, you get to join the overclass in sky cities. If you're ugly, you live in the slums.
Weirdtopia: Since beauty in people distracts from other, more relevant information about them (and can cause discrimination), humanity collectively decides to modify human brains and disable the part that sees human beauty. Faces are recognizable, but they're just kinda there--no judgment attached about the way they look.​

("Liking What You See" by Ted Chiang)


Kinda like- but not the same as-perhaps even inspired:

HARRISON BERGERON: by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
 

kehs

Banned
Elfforkusu said:
You should tweak it to incorporate a meta-story about your indecision in whether or not to post it.

It was about my other meta submissions actually. heh.
 
i didn't want to necessarily start a whole new thread for this so i'll post it here. what does everyone use to get into the mood to write? i write analytical pieces on graphic design as it pertains to gaming and despite the fact that i love both topics of discussion and basically get to choose whatever i write about, i find it extremely difficult to get started.

i think about writing when i'm not and i oftentimes get flashes of phrases, sentences, even paragraphs that i feel would go well in my next piece but these rarely prove fuel enough to get me to sit down and actually start. i just sort of file them in my brain for whenever i finally get into the mood.

the kicker is once i start and get into a groove its hard for me to stop. oftentimes i have gone way past a sensible bedtime to utilize my focus lest i spend another several days (even weeks) struggling with even committing a single sentence to existence.

what are some tips you might provide for me to get my brain to "turn-over" so to speak? i'll get a whim to start writing, sit down at the computer, open up an empty document and then...totally distract myself for hours on end. i know a lot of this is self-discipline and focus, i just wonder if anyone has some insight into being more diligent about getting my thoughts out of my head and onto "paper".
 
Rabbitwork said:
i think about writing when i'm not and i oftentimes get flashes of phrases, sentences, even paragraphs that i feel would go well in my next piece but these rarely prove fuel enough to get me to sit down and actually start. i just sort of file them in my brain for whenever i finally get into the mood.

First off: Write that shit down! Right now it seems like gibberish, but then one day you'll have a great idea, you'll look through your treasure trove of notes and things will mesh together perfectly.

The rest, well, so far as I can tell, it's a dull answer of will and determination to get rid of distractions and make use of those spells of focus in regular sessions.

Also, there's a Writing Workshop thread. Just sayin', Cyan is liable to do anything. Anything!
 

Ashes

Banned
Tim's right. A lot of inspired thoughts come in handy on a rainy day.

I think the cure to laziness is pure hard work. Putting a shift in as you say. It's easier to do, if you really like doing something. And easier still, if you make it a habit. And add a social element and it all clicks in together.

Take part in the writing threads; win or lose, you'll have a great writing outlet, make writing a weekly habit, make reading a weekly habit, and we get some decent stories and poems round these parts to top it off.
 

Tangent

Member
Ashes1396 said:
Tim's right. A lot of inspired thoughts come in handy on a rainy day.

I think the cure to laziness is pure hard work. Putting a shift in as you say. It's easier to do, if you really like doing something. And easier still, if you make it a habit. And add a social element and it all clicks in together.

Take part in the writing threads; win or lose, you'll have a great writing outlet, make writing a weekly habit, make reading a weekly habit, and we get some decent stories and poems round these parts to top it off.

I couldn't agree more. The one thing I found though was that I was really into novel writing, and then Cyan told me about this forum. And I thought, "Man, short stories are gonna be hard. Developing so much in such little space and all." Now I've got the opposite problem: "Gosh, that idea sounded OK two seconds ago, but honestly, I can't go on and on about it in a whole novel." (Not to say that short stories seem easy now either. But I certainly had a perspective shift.)


Tim the Wiz said:
Also, there's a Writing Workshop thread. Just sayin', Cyan is liable to do anything. Anything!

Whoa this is cool!
 

Cyan

Banned
Tangent said:
I couldn't agree more. The one thing I found though was that I was really into novel writing, and then Cyan told me about this forum. And I thought, "Man, short stories are gonna be hard. Developing so much in such little space and all." Now I've got the opposite problem: "Gosh, that idea sounded OK two seconds ago, but honestly, I can't go on and on about it in a whole novel." (Not to say that short stories seem easy now either. But I certainly had a perspective shift.)
Hehe, I have the exact same problem. Maybe we should try coming up with enough ideas for like a dozen short stories, and then mixing them all together for a novel plot! (wait, this sounds like a terrible idea...)

Lotteries:
Utopia: Lottery tickets are free, so every lottery has a positive expected value! Sure, you're not likely to win, but that's part of the fun!
Dystopia: Once a year, people are selected at random via a lottery system to be removed from the village.
Weirdtopia: Participation is mandatory, but the lottery is run in secret. You don't know the prizes, you don't know the anti-prizes, you just know that the lottery is constantly running and bizarre good or bad things could happen to you at any moment. There's no opting out, and there's nothing you can do about it.​

("The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson, "The Lottery in Babylon" by Borges)
 

Ashes

Banned
Tangent said:
I couldn't agree more. The one thing I found though was that I was really into novel writing, and then Cyan told me about this forum. And I thought, "Man, short stories are gonna be hard. Developing so much in such little space and all." Now I've got the opposite problem: "Gosh, that idea sounded OK two seconds ago, but honestly, I can't go on and on about it in a whole novel." (Not to say that short stories seem easy now either. But I certainly had a perspective shift.)




Whoa this is cool!

Hmm... Perspective shifts. I totally get where you are coming from; even if I do go about my business in an entirely different way. Here's my spin on your efforts thus far. I like your stories because of the world you created. Tangent's world, if you will. I don't want to call it style, because that feels inaccurate. It's hard to explain. It's like a literary garden built with your perspective.

No real point in my stating that, just an observation.

Hey Irish... Long time no see...
 

Irish

Member
Yes, it has been quite a while. I want to write, but I'm just too bogged down with six classes and work. Should clear up a bit in October when I finish two of the classes.
 

Ashes

Banned
Irish said:
Yes, it has been quite a while. I want to write, but I'm just too bogged down with six classes and work. Should clear up a bit in October when I finish two of the classes.

Good luck with everything mate. Poetry thread exists still, stay over when you have some free time...
 

Ward

Member
title: Watch Out, It's Dark in There
words: 1,556 (including everything in the margins)

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Tangent

Member
Ashes1396 said:
Hmm... Perspective shifts. I totally get where you are coming from; even if I do go about my business in an entirely different way. Here's my spin on your efforts thus far. I like your stories because of the world you created. Tangent's world, if you will. I don't want to call it style, because that feels inaccurate. It's hard to explain. It's like a literary garden built with your perspective.

No real point in my stating that, just an observation.

Hey Irish... Long time no see...

Wow this is extremely flattering. I better write this down somewhere when I'm in a writing dystopia with intense writer's block and self-hatred! Thanks man.

Agreed: good to see you Irish...
 

Cyan

Banned
Internet forums:
Utopia: There are no internet forums.
Dystopia: There are lots of forums and no moderation.
Weirdtopia: Internet forums are the only place for serious political discussion that has real-world results. You can be taken seriously as an opinion-maker even as an anonymous forum poster with no credentials. If you're a masterful enough troll with an alt account, you can become president of the world.​

Ender's Game
 

John Dunbar

correct about everything
All the Mornings of Life
(2,100 words)

Just another late August morning dawned on the capital as Mr. Thompson gazed out of the living room window, contemplating the quiet and immaculate streets as a military aircraft hummed high above the city. The plane was was trailed by a crimson banner that read in large black letters: ‘Children Are The Future’.

His wife was setting the table in the adjoining dining room when the doorbell rang. Mrs. Thompson froze in her morning routine and gave her husband a worried look: he only let out a sorrowful sigh, tinged with relief; no matter how injurious the news one is expecting, the termination of anticipation can offer some bittersweet comfort.

Mr. Thomson went to the door and opened it just enough to see the diminutive figure of the visitor in a suit, his jovial head behind the golden pince-nez donning a bowler hat. In his hand was a leather briefcase.

“Good morning,” the visitor said with a smile. “This is the Thompson residence, I believe, yes? Do I have the pleasure of conversing with the master of the house? I am Mr. Underwood, from the Reproduction Bureau.”

Mr. Thompson gave a resigned nod, and opened the door. Returning the solemn gesture with a more vivacious bow, Mr. Underwood let himself in, and as he approached the dining room, he stopped to admire every piece of furniture on his way. “Yes, yes, very nice,” he spoke softly as he ran his fingers through the counters and the mirror frames.

“Ah, and this must be Mrs. Thompson,” Mr. Underwood said as he reached the door to the dining room. “What a delightful vision on such a delightful morning!”

Mrs. Thompson gave a questioning look at her husband over Mr. Underwood’s shoulder.

“Lydia, this is Mr. Underwood,” he said. “From the Reproduction Bureau.”

“And now that we are all acquainted with each other,” said Mr. Underwood, placing his briefcase on the table, snapping open the latches. “I could not help but noticing that there are no cradles or the blessed wailing of an infant to bring joy to your spacious home.”

“We don’t have any kids.”

“Indeed,” continued Mr. Underwood, now holding a thick folder. “According to our files, you have been married for three years, is that correct?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Good, good. And it says here you are both young and, hmph, virile, young people. No medical problems have arisen recently, I hope? Because I can assure you, we have doctors at the Bureau who are more than willing to confirm any, no doubt reliable, diagnosis you may have obtained from elsewhere, such as the hospital where Mrs. Thompson works at.”

“There are no medical problem.”

“Oh dear, oh dear,” Mr. Underwood mumbled seemingly to himself as he leafed through the folder. “I’m afraid that based on your youthful, hmph, contributions, you have six months left on your lease. If within that time we do not receive some fertile news, regarding the miracle of life, we have no choice but to give your current lodgings to a more, hmph, suitable tenants, and find you alternative housing in Bakersville.”

At this last word the Thompsons were visibly disconcerted, and Mr. Underwood looked pleased for achieving the desired effect.

“Now, I understand why people of your, hmph, intelligence, might be reluctant to fulfil your civic duty, as is often the case with the more idealistic members of our society,” Mr. Underwood continued, preparing for a grand finale. “But unfortunately we have ever stricter quotas to keep up with, and we have been more than lenient with you. The 184th Amendment clearly states that life begins at 18 years of age, and before that all children are the property of the parents, and, by extension, the state. How would our society function if these precious creatures did not run our factories, their nimble hands not retrieve the precious stones from our mines, and their invisible and silent crews, notwithstanding the occasional rattle of chains, not keep our cities spotless at night while all good citizens enjoy their rest, safe in the knowledge that no person will ever be subjected to demeaning menial labour?”

The Thompsons looked at each other, knowing they themselves must have experienced Mr. Underwood’s evocative description of an average childhood, but they could not remember any of it: at 18 all newly acknowledged human beings were sent to non-invasive reprogramming, which created an idyllic but fictional web of memories of summer mornings by the sea and wintry evenings by the fireside to replace the coal-infested nightmares of the mines and the rumble of conveyor belts of the factories.

“Regrettably I must now talk numbers,” Mr. Underwood interrupted their shared reverie of things no longer part of their consciousness. “I have been authorised by the Bureau to inform you you must produce at least three offsprings within the next five years to retain your current habitation. And to fully make you realize the gravity of the situation, I have arranged for Mrs. Thompson to be assigned as a doctor with the Food Corps to Bakersville. I have already sent word for your hospital not to expect you, Mrs. Thompson, and you will be picked up from your home at 6AM every morning starting from now on. Bakersville is in dire need of medical personnel, although they have done very little to earn such a privilege, if you do not mind me opining on the matter. This experience will certainly be beneficial to hasten your resolution, and if it comes to that, and we all hope it will not, to get you acquainted with your new home.”

The married couple both wished to protest these orders, but understood the futility of such an endeavour.

“And now I must bid you adieu,” Mr. Underwood said. “It has been a pleasure.” At the door he stopped and turned back to his hosts, and loudly declared “Children are the future.” He did not depart until the phrase was echoed by the couple, albeit with much less gusto.

*

The next morning Lydia Thompson found herself in the back of a truck with an assortment of officers. The vehicle was a part of a convoy heading for the outskirts of the city, and now reached a gate of a large walled-off section, the top of the barrier garnished with barbed wire. Above the gate in letters twisted from iron read ‘Bakersville,’ colloquially knows as ‘The Barrren Ghetto.’

Soon inside the gates of the ghetto the asphalt began to crack, and steadily gave way for a path of gravel and pebbles, over which the trucks now rattled. Through a small slit in the tarp a sunbeam streamed in behind Lydia as a single blade of dust and light. She placed her eye to the opening. Had she not known any better, she would have thought she had fallen asleep, and transported to another country, so incompressible near the beautiful capital was the sight of the derelict shanties and the emaciated faces that peeked at the trucks from the folds of their rags. The sad figures she saw had the defeated air of the outcasts of society who could feel the reverberations of the march of progress all around them, but not within them.

“Don’t worry about that, doc,” she heard the voice of the sergeant assigned to be her guide. “You’ll learn to ignore them soon enough.”

Some of the trucks parted from the convoy, and came to a halt in a small square where a host of those ragged figures had gathered. As crates were unloaded from the trucks, the sergeant took a megaphone:

“Attention, childless of Sector Four, the day’s rations are here! Form a line, and for heaven’s sake, try to be civilised for once in your life!”

While the silent line formed for their daily bread, a pickup truck drove up to the sergeant and Lydia, the cargo area of it consisting of an empty iron cage. From the bars hung a sign with a picture of a boy’s face with plumb cheeks in a beaming smile, over which arched the words ‘No Child Left Behind.’

“I see the wagon’s still empty,” the sergeant said to the enormous child catcher with a face of a boxer who had lost one too many fights who now alighted from the truck.

“Aye,” answered the child catcher, giving a look at Lydia as he spoke. “None of us has got any of ‘em buggers in months. Methinks Bakersville is sorted out for good.”

At this moment some commotion arose in the bread line, and the sergeant again took his instrument:

“No more bread for today! Those left without get a slip to get past the line tomorrow! Now back to your holes!”

“That bread’s baked by the property of good citizens,” muttered the child catcher. “Me myself have given ‘em two of me own, I have, I have...”

A man then ran from an alley that led to a maze of worn-down cottages, and rushed to the trucks.

“Please, I need help!”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s my... neighbour. She’s sick! She can’t move!”

“All sick people are to report here at our arrival,” said the sergeant offciously. “Tell her to come here tomorrow.”

“But she can’t move!”

The sergeant turned away, making it clear the conversation was over.

“I’ll go,” said Lydia.

“We’re leaving in fifteen minutes,” said the sergeant. “I’m not going to waste more time here. When have you heard of an adult who does a full day’s work?”

“I was told to come here to help the sick, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Oh, doctors,” sighed the sergeant. “Rottingham,” he said to the child catcher. “Can you drive her for a while, seeing as your quarry has become rather scarce? You’ll catch us at the gate.”

Rottingham scanned Lydia from head to toes, and smacking his lips agreed to play ‘showfur’. The distressed man had to settle for a seat in the cage as Lydia sat in the front with Rottingham, who only twice mistook her thigh as the gear stick.

After a short drive they reached a small hut, and the young man went in. Lydia told Rottingham to wait for her, and then followed the man, who, she now saw, was quite young. She saw him go to a cadaverous body of a woman in rags lying on some blankets, the only sign of life the gentle heaving with every weak breath. In that shanty with broken windows and chilly air even in August sunshine, Lydia knew right away she would not live past winter there.

A faint cough from behind a broken door at the back of the room diverted Lydia for a moment, and while the young man was busy hovering over the sick woman, she opened it. Behind she saw two thin children, dressed like everyone in Bakersville. For a moment she was in awe: she had never seen children older than toddlers before. They were all taken before they could learn how to speak.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” the young man said. “Just help her.”

She quickly closed the door as she heard Rottingham’s footsteps at the door.

“I can’t ne’er get used to how 'em rats live,” he said, noticing Lydia flat against the door. “What’s behind there?”

“Nothing, I was just looking for something for her to eat.”

“You know these here folks ain’t got no food. Move over, missy.”

Rottingham pushed Lydia aside, and went deeper in the house. At the door the young man tried to stop him, but was knocked down with a single punch. Rottingham then exclaimed his surprise as he grabbed tiny wrists with each colossal fist.

“Thought it was all empty ‘ere, but two at once!”

“Please, just leave them alone,” Lydia begged.

“Huh, why? To leave ‘em ‘ere to starve with the mommy?”

Lydia looked at the sick woman, and then the children in Rottingham’s vice-grips. The children looked in horror at their mother.

“But...” Lydia began, but Rottingham interposed: “If we take the youngins, she might get out of ‘ere.”

The children desperately demanded to be taken to save their mother. Lydia could not say anything, and Rottingham led his spoils past her. She stared in silence from the door at the giant who loaded the children into the cage.

“Don’t worry, missy,” said Rottingham. “They won’t be hungry no more.”
 

John Dunbar

correct about everything
Not really sure about that one. Struggled with the ending, but I guess that can happen when you start writing from a premise without actually having a story in mind.

I also went for weirdtopia, but I think I didn't do a very good job with it and it became more of a dystopia. I don't know what words mean real good.
 
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