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What's the most you've ever injured yourself while drunk or fucked up?

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Bowflex

The fact that anyone supports Hillary boggles my mind... I have tested between 130-160 on IQ tests
I was down in Houston partying with my friend Kelly. Probably 19 or so. Anyways I drink an entire handle of jack by myself and I'm on like 60mg of adderall, tweaking my shit off, and i see this party going on in some condos across the street so i rally every one together to come with me bust this party and we get there and its gated (obviously) so everyone else says fuck it, but I'm like, dead set on checkin' this shit out, so I jump the fence. I end up not being able to find out which building it was but i see this propane tank and decide to steal it and try to blow it up.

So Im climbing over this 15ft gate with one hand, propane tank in the other, and I hear "what the FUCK" and i turn around and see some guy running towards me, and I slip and my foot gets caught between the bars and I plunge down on the other side of the fence, all my weight on my wrist. Propane tank smashes into the ground and explodes. There's a fucking bone sticking out of my wrist. I get back to my friends house and later that night attempt to 'set my wrist' by punching it as hard as i can. I dont remember any of that last part at all, but someone videotaped it and I saw it the next day. Wrist was broken in 3 separate place and is still broken to this day.

Sometimes you do stupid shit when you're young.
 
Bowflex said:
I was down in Houston partying with my friend Kelly. Probably 19 or so. Anyways I drink an entire handle of jack by myself and I'm on like 60mg of adderall, tweaking my shit off, and i see this party going on in some condos across the street so i rally every one together to come with me bust this party and we get there and its gated (obviously) so everyone else says fuck it, but I'm like, dead set on checkin' this shit out, so I jump the fence. I end up not being able to find out which building it was but i see this propane tank and decide to steal it and try to blow it up.

So Im climbing over this 15ft gate with one hand, propane tank in the other, and I hear "what the FUCK" and i turn around and see some guy running towards me, and I slip and my foot gets caught between the bars and I plunge down on the other side of the fence, all my weight on my wrist. Propane tank smashes into the ground and explodes. There's a fucking bone sticking out of my wrist. I get back to my friends house and later that night attempt to 'set my wrist' by punching it as hard as i can. I dont remember any of that last part at all, but someone videotaped it and I saw it the next day. Wrist was broken in 3 separate place and is still broken to this day.

Sometimes you do stupid shit when you're young.
Click to expand...


I don't have a story, I just wanna say hahahahahahahah that's some funny shit!
 
Bowflex said:
I was down in Houston partying with my friend Kelly. Probably 19 or so. Anyways I drink an entire handle of jack by myself and I'm on like 60mg of adderall, tweaking my shit off, and i see this party going on in some condos across the street so i rally every one together to come with me bust this party and we get there and its gated (obviously) so everyone else says fuck it, but I'm like, dead set on checkin' this shit out, so I jump the fence. I end up not being able to find out which building it was but i see this propane tank and decide to steal it and try to blow it up.

So Im climbing over this 15ft gate with one hand, propane tank in the other, and I hear "what the FUCK" and i turn around and see some guy running towards me, and I slip and my foot gets caught between the bars and I plunge down on the other side of the fence, all my weight on my wrist. Propane tank smashes into the ground and explodes. There's a fucking bone sticking out of my wrist. I get back to my friends house and later that night attempt to 'set my wrist' by punching it as hard as i can. I dont remember any of that last part at all, but someone videotaped it and I saw it the next day. Wrist was broken in 3 separate place and is still broken to this day.

Sometimes you do stupid shit when you're young.
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/thread
 
Once I got mad and kicked a sign for some club or something that was posted in the ground at my college campus. I split my big toe nail, sock got all bloody and it hurt to walk for about a week.

That's literally the only time I've hurt myself drunk though.

Edit: actually I just remembered, one time a few friends and I used poster putty to stick some beer cans to a wall and then punched them to crush them and I kind of bloodied my knuckles a bit. I don't know if that counts though since it was on purpose.
 
Wait, holy fuck...

You wanted to blow up a gate with a propane tank, so you hopped a fence with a tank in hand, slipped, and tank blew up along with your wrist breaking.

8XZpe.gif


The biggest inebriated accident I've ever had was probably alcohol poisoning. Stupid ass drinking. Night ended with me vomiting up blood, waking up at 7 PM the next day, and hurling until 10 at night. My friend then drove me to Target, where I hurled in the parking lot and the pharmacy section.

Couldn't drink water for a day, my body would reject it. No food for three days. Never went to the hospital, we college kids are too fucking poor to pay for hospital visits.
 
Fell asleep on a lilo on a drunken surfing weekend at a small island. Woke up sunburned enough to spend a couple of days in hospital.

Could have been worse if I'd rolled off the lilo. That was some stupid shit.
 
End of semesters, Tuesday night after my last final exam...

I decided to try some parkour with a small parking garage. Went to jump over the railing down the side of the building and all I did was fall on my right hip and cut my hand open.

Went through months of physio and anti-inflammatory medication to get my lower back to being normal.
 
You've set the bar high, OP, but since you asked...

Worst was probably at a pool party. I was having a great time going around and chucking lame asses (both sexes) that showed up to a pool party just to look pretty and not hop in the fucking pool.

Unfortunately, I was so fucked up that I was sliding around all over the cement pool deck, wrestling and chucking people into the pool, that I did not realize I was shearing the flesh off my shins until one of the girls pointed at my legs in horror, and I looked down to see something out of a Hellraiser film where my legs should have been.

I was barely sober enough to realize that the only smart thing to do was to continue to drink, because once my buzz wore off, it was going to hurt like fuck.

Next day, indeed it did! But on the positive side, my shins were smooth as a baby's bottom once the skin grew back!
 
Well I can't beat the OP's story, but I'll share. Ten years ago or so while I was still in school.

I had spent the day at the lake drinking with friends. I was already pretty drunk and we went to some guy's house who I didn't know. Somehow I thought I was outside, urinating behind a tree. But in actuality I had just stood up in the middle of the guy's living room and pissed on his floor. I guess everyone there yelled at me so I zipped up, but kept pissing in my jeans, and sat down.

I was too drunk to move so the guy is yelling at me for pissing on his floor and couch while spraying me, the floor, and his couch with stain remover. My pants were soaked with piss and stain remover. I really only have fragmented memories of the evening, but woke up the next morning in the garage, still in my wet jeans.

Whatever was in the stain cleaner gave me a rash on my junk and ass for a week. I actually missed a day of school b/c walking hurt so bad. I basically sat in my house with with no pants on and Neosporin all over my nether regions
 
Yours beats mine...

but not too long ago, I woke up with a scar on my face, and asked everyone that was at the party if they knew how it happened.

Apparently I headbutted a cigaratte.
 
squicken said:
Well I can't beat the OP's story, but I'll share. Ten years ago or so while I was still in school.

I had spent the day at the lake drinking with friends. I was already pretty drunk and we went to some guy's house who I didn't know. Somehow I thought I was outside, urinating behind a tree. But in actuality I had just stood up in the middle of the guy's living room and pissed on his floor. I guess everyone there yelled at me so I zipped up, but kept pissing in my jeans, and sat down.

I was too drunk to move so the guy is yelling at me for pissing on his floor and couch while spraying me, the floor, and his couch with stain remover. My pants were soaked with piss and stain remover. I really only have fragmented memories of the evening, but woke up the next morning in the garage, still in my wet jeans.

Whatever was in the stain cleaner gave me a rash on my junk and ass for a week. I actually missed a day of school b/c walking hurt so bad. I basically sat in my house with with no pants on and Neosporin all over my nether regions
Click to expand...

That's a great fucking story, actually.

Wait...do bar fights count? My bar fight is a lame story, but definitely resulted in substantially more serious injury to myself.
 
Flavius said:
Wait...do bar fights count? My bar fight is a lame story, but definitely resulted in substantially more serious injury to myself.
Click to expand...

I figure as long as your injury results from drinking, it's fair game for the thread
 
One time I took a few Codeines I had left over from my wisdom teeth extraction, went outside to have a cigarette, and on my way back to my room I blacked out and my face landed in my family dog's water dish.

More emotional damage than physical really.
 
Well, we were drinking everclear punch. Some good shit, 8 bottles of everclear, buncha redline, and enough pink lemonade that it literally did not taste like alcohol. So we know someone's gonna get fucked up. Little did we know that it would be me....

One of my friends has a super super hot girlfriend that he doesn't trust, so he wanted me to try and hook up with her. I got my buzz on after a couple cups of the punch so I go talk to her. I don't see him anywhere so I figure it's okay (and she'll come with me, because she has told other mutual friends she thinks I'm attractive). Hittin on her super hard, convince her to come to a room with me (lol, cheating whore). We walk in and get down to business.

Apparently someone saw us go in together, and told my buddy...who had downed 750mL of Jager + several cups of the punch. Oh, and it might be a good time to mention that this guy was an MMA fighter less than a year ago. Only reason he stopped was because he got into a relationship with this girl. Anyways, he barged in right as I was taking her top off, yelled "what the fuck are you doing!!" and kicked me off her, then proceeded to beat the shit out of me. My whole face was soooo swollen the next day and I pissed blood for a couple days after that. He didn't remember a thing. Consolation prizes: I saw her magnificent boobs, and gave him a black eye.

Oh and they both forgot what happened until I told them. They broke up and I've hooked up with her a couple times since, and I'm pretty sure he has too lol. Good times.
 
Bowflex said:
I was down in Houston partying with my friend Kelly. Probably 19 or so. Anyways I drink an entire handle of jack by myself and I'm on like 60mg of adderall, tweaking my shit off, and i see this party going on in some condos across the street so i rally every one together to come with me bust this party and we get there and its gated (obviously) so everyone else says fuck it, but I'm like, dead set on checkin' this shit out, so I jump the fence. I end up not being able to find out which building it was but i see this propane tank and decide to steal it and try to blow it up.

So Im climbing over this 15ft gate with one hand, propane tank in the other, and I hear "what the FUCK" and i turn around and see some guy running towards me, and I slip and my foot gets caught between the bars and I plunge down on the other side of the fence, all my weight on my wrist. Propane tank smashes into the ground and explodes. There's a fucking bone sticking out of my wrist. I get back to my friends house and later that night attempt to 'set my wrist' by punching it as hard as i can. I dont remember any of that last part at all, but someone videotaped it and I saw it the next day. Wrist was broken in 3 separate place and is still broken to this day.

Sometimes you do stupid shit when you're young.
Click to expand...

burst out laughing after the first paragraph.

so, if your foot got stuck... how did you break your wrist? and why isnt it fixed yet?
 
Have nothing to compare to the OP though the other day after a party at my mates house I woke up with a few scratches and bumps and an absolutely enormous bruise on my leg that no one (me included) had any idea how I got
 
First time I got truly shitfaced blackout drunk I was about 15 and I drank two bottles of cheap dark rum and woke up the next day covered in blood and vomit. I had sliced my finger open to the bone and bled all over everything. Nothing too bad I guess.
 
Good stuff, guys

mcrae said:
burst out laughing after the first paragraph.

so, if your foot got stuck... how did you break your wrist? and why isnt it fixed yet?
Click to expand...

Fell from the top of the gate on my wrist. I had it in a cast, but it never fully healed and I still have trouble doing push-ups or anything that puts pressure on it
 
I cut mysekf one time when I was drunk. I guess it was because my oarents were divircing so I blamed myselk about it and wanted to pay for it.


Another time I went jackass and tried to jump over some trash containers and ended hitting myself on the head, right across the ear. I couldn't walk straight for a couple of hours.

Sometimes you do stupid shit when you're young.
Click to expand...

Amen brother, fucking amen.
 
what i remember: saying hi to a girl then looking at a guy
what probably happened: i was hitting on his girlfriend
result: him sucker punching me resulting in a broken nose and blak eye


#2: saw a matress on the sidewalk on the walk home from the bar. decided to do a flip onto it. landed on it on my ass, continued rotating and faceplanted the sidewalk. luckily my teeth were fine, but i ripped apart my upper lip/bridge of my nose and everything thought it was broken
 
Friend picked me up while I was carrying two cases of beer, lifted me over his head and then dropped me upside down onto pavement. Blood came out of my left ear and I don't remember what else, went to a few parties like that. I stopped at a gas station for some food later, the guy took one look at me and gave me free hot dogs. He asked if I needed to go to the hospital but I just walked to a friend's apartment and slept it off on her porch.

Same friend hit me with his truck going about 20 mph, I flipped up onto the hood and he drove about 10 feet before slamming the brakes and launched me onto the street. Some nasty road rash but otherwise I was left intact.
 
Most physical pain: Woke up with a sore upper body from challenging my friend to repeated arm-wrestling contests on the floor.

Most pain to personal pride: Woke up next to the same friend in my bed... laying in a pool of his/my vomit. That was a bad day for a hangover.
 
PaddyOCanager said:
Friend picked me up while I was carrying two cases of beer, lifted me over his head and then dropped me upside down onto pavement. Blood came out of my left ear and I don't remember what else, went to a few parties like that. I stopped at a gas station for some food later, the guy took one look at me and gave me free hot dogs. He asked if I needed to go to the hospital but I just walked to a friend's apartment and slept it off on her porch.

Same friend hit me with his truck going about 20 mph, I flipped up onto the hood and he drove about 10 feet before slamming the brakes and launched me onto the street. Some nasty road rash but otherwise I was left intact.
Click to expand...

Holy FUCK!

This is NOT your friend!
 
PaddyOCanager said:
Friend picked me up while I was carrying two cases of beer, lifted me over his head and then dropped me upside down onto pavement. Blood came out of my left ear and I don't remember what else, went to a few parties like that. I stopped at a gas station for some food later, the guy took one look at me and gave me free hot dogs. He asked if I needed to go to the hospital but I just walked to a friend's apartment and slept it off on her porch.

Same friend hit me with his truck going about 20 mph, I flipped up onto the hood and he drove about 10 feet before slamming the brakes and launched me onto the street. Some nasty road rash but otherwise I was left intact.
Click to expand...

do you know what a "friend" is? i don't think you'll find anything in the definition about it being someone that tries to kill you.
 
fell down in the parking lot on some ice. Friends said I bounced right back up and I didn't feel any pain until I saw (and felt) the bruises in the morning.
 
Woke up with two fractured ribs. Me and my friend decided to beat the shit out of each other after a drunken argument and passed out.
 
Didn't eat for a few days, took several shots, face first on the ground(Blood nose, bump on the head). Basically I woke up in the bathroom in my own blood.
 
190213_1660055150215_1502254676_31371738_657068_n.jpg


9 stitches. Played that game where you spin around with a baseball bat and try to swing at an oncoming ball or beer can. On my first try I spinned really hard, lost my balance, and fell on a few bricks. According to my friends the bricks were fractured.
 
Was staying on the floor of a friend of a friend's for a night, and ended up pissing on an random table that had my phone on it. Took it to Verizon saying it broke randomly, and they said it must have been water damage. Only thing I've ever seriously injured is my pride.
 
Teh Hamburglar said:
fell down in the parking lot on some ice. Friends said I bounced right back up and I didn't feel any pain until I saw (and felt) the bruises in the morning.
Click to expand...

That's the fucking worst. You don't feel anything when you are drunk enough or well maybe you do but you don't care about it, but the next day when you wake up with bruises all over your body and a small but very sore anal fissure you can barely stand up. Especially bad if you have bled just a little in your bed and your skin is now stuck with the duvet.
 
Flavius said:
Holy FUCK!

This is NOT your friend!
Click to expand...

Lol I just spoke to him on the phone today - we've been friends for six years :)

Those are just two ridiculous incidents and it's not like he did it totally on purpose. Also given the context of some of his other behavior - like the time some girl refused to take him to taco bell, so he reached into her fish tank and ate her beta fish - it's not hard to see he has some flaws. Nobody's perfect.
 
PaddyOCanager said:
Lol I just spoke to him on the phone today - we've been friends for six years :)

Those are just two ridiculous incidents and it's not like he did it totally on purpose. Also given the context of some of his other behavior - like the time some girl refused to take him to taco bell, so he reached into her fish tank and ate her beta fish - it's not hard to see he has some flaws. Nobody's perfect.
Click to expand...

LOL what the fuck

i just assumed he did those things without intending to hurt you, but you just let that part out. like he picked you up on his shoulder and then dropped you accidentally cause of momentum or something



...nope, hes a crazy fuck
 
Drunk during a game of strip poker. Of course I had to be completely naked when I fell out of the chair, sprawled face-first on the ground, with my right eyebrow busted open. Could have been worse I guess.
 
I don't think I have injured myself while drunk/fucked up. Maybe emotionally, perhaps. Wait, there was this one time I caught on fire in a car. Never did figure out how that happened. I'm sure I was beyond fucked though.
 
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