Hey fellow Gaffers,
I have a quick tale I've wanted to tell you all. Over the last two years, I've been kind of torn apart from life.
In June 2011, my sister, Tanya committed suicide. It's interesting to see all the discussion of death and dying and suicide lately on NeoGaf, but I'm not here to make an ethics or judgement call. My parents and I did our best to offer her the love, support and resources to combat her clinical depression, but in the end it was too much. As the grieving party, it was devastating. I lost an older sister who illuminated and inspirited my way in life. Somebody who I always looked up to for being bold and fearlessly taking on great journeys in life. She was super popular, but gave a lot of quality time to everybody she struck up friendship with in her travels around the globe. She made it look easy, but I'm sure everybody says that when they lose a loved one.
I had to spend a lot of time examining myself through the guilt and grief, and dealing with my own harsh thoughts and demons from my struggles trying to gain a foothold in the entertainment industry. But Tanya always supported me, and I was forced to consider why she was always so proud of me.
I spent a lot of time forgiving myself, learning to be patient with myself, and most importantly, to cherish myself. I'm abridging it for this post, but it was a long journey, and one filled with excruciating emotional pain. But the wonderful thing is, once I decided to stand up for myself, loving and supporting people began to file into my life.
I met my girlfriend, Krissy Valdez, when I was sixteen. I went to the same highschool with her in Chicago, but was sent to boardingschool soon after. I met up again with her here in LA last summer at the age of 26. It was awesome. We hit it off. I'd always had a crush on her from afar but never gotten to know her. I was so glad I got a chance to; we shared an amazing bond over a short time.
Last November, my girlfriend Krissy passed away after battling a severe infection of pneumonia. In the end, the doctors couldn’t do anything to save her. I’m still processing the loss. I lived in awe of her fierce spirit and huge heart. She was impossibly kind, beautiful, and strong. I imagined spending a long, long time with her. She once told me that I ”...kept giving without taking.’ That means a great deal to me, and I’ll always remember that everything you ever need to take, you can draw from within. If you can do that, you’ll always have something to give.
When Tanya died, she left me a savings account with $25,000. As I dealt with her loss, I made it my focus to honor Tanya as best I could by producing ‘The Forge,’ a short film to raise awareness for suicide prevention. I can't pretend to empathize with exactly what my sister was going through, but this is my best attempt to identify. Hopefully, the film can offer a little refuge from the difficult times we all experience, the feeling like you’re at your wits’ end, like life is violently bearing down on you.
Watch HERE
In the meantime, I’ll try and leave you with this; never give up on yourself, and learn to always forgive yourself. Even if you can’t see the value you possess, it’s there. It totally is. Learn to cherish yourself, truly respect yourself. Love yourself and follow your heart. Your heart will give you a plan. Follow that plan and you can’t lose. Just swing for the fences. Go for the big coup. Positive change often comes excruciatingly slow, and the world is always filled with danger and peril; but always remember you have what it takes to get through the day. I found out I did, and no matter what circumstances or challenges come my way, I know I got the goods to fight back. We all do. I'm going to find a way to faithfully honor Krissy Valdez, and when I do, I'll see you all again!
Edit: Mashable.com did a really fantastic writeup on the team and project and I'd be honored if you all had a look and shared the article. It highlights this story, but more importantly gives insight to the clinical side of depression and suicide. It's really great to have the information and resources that go along with the message of the film.
Read article HERE
PS all gaffers, please feel free to share, if you please!
I have a quick tale I've wanted to tell you all. Over the last two years, I've been kind of torn apart from life.
In June 2011, my sister, Tanya committed suicide. It's interesting to see all the discussion of death and dying and suicide lately on NeoGaf, but I'm not here to make an ethics or judgement call. My parents and I did our best to offer her the love, support and resources to combat her clinical depression, but in the end it was too much. As the grieving party, it was devastating. I lost an older sister who illuminated and inspirited my way in life. Somebody who I always looked up to for being bold and fearlessly taking on great journeys in life. She was super popular, but gave a lot of quality time to everybody she struck up friendship with in her travels around the globe. She made it look easy, but I'm sure everybody says that when they lose a loved one.
I had to spend a lot of time examining myself through the guilt and grief, and dealing with my own harsh thoughts and demons from my struggles trying to gain a foothold in the entertainment industry. But Tanya always supported me, and I was forced to consider why she was always so proud of me.
I spent a lot of time forgiving myself, learning to be patient with myself, and most importantly, to cherish myself. I'm abridging it for this post, but it was a long journey, and one filled with excruciating emotional pain. But the wonderful thing is, once I decided to stand up for myself, loving and supporting people began to file into my life.
I met my girlfriend, Krissy Valdez, when I was sixteen. I went to the same highschool with her in Chicago, but was sent to boardingschool soon after. I met up again with her here in LA last summer at the age of 26. It was awesome. We hit it off. I'd always had a crush on her from afar but never gotten to know her. I was so glad I got a chance to; we shared an amazing bond over a short time.
Last November, my girlfriend Krissy passed away after battling a severe infection of pneumonia. In the end, the doctors couldn’t do anything to save her. I’m still processing the loss. I lived in awe of her fierce spirit and huge heart. She was impossibly kind, beautiful, and strong. I imagined spending a long, long time with her. She once told me that I ”...kept giving without taking.’ That means a great deal to me, and I’ll always remember that everything you ever need to take, you can draw from within. If you can do that, you’ll always have something to give.
When Tanya died, she left me a savings account with $25,000. As I dealt with her loss, I made it my focus to honor Tanya as best I could by producing ‘The Forge,’ a short film to raise awareness for suicide prevention. I can't pretend to empathize with exactly what my sister was going through, but this is my best attempt to identify. Hopefully, the film can offer a little refuge from the difficult times we all experience, the feeling like you’re at your wits’ end, like life is violently bearing down on you.
Watch HERE
In the meantime, I’ll try and leave you with this; never give up on yourself, and learn to always forgive yourself. Even if you can’t see the value you possess, it’s there. It totally is. Learn to cherish yourself, truly respect yourself. Love yourself and follow your heart. Your heart will give you a plan. Follow that plan and you can’t lose. Just swing for the fences. Go for the big coup. Positive change often comes excruciatingly slow, and the world is always filled with danger and peril; but always remember you have what it takes to get through the day. I found out I did, and no matter what circumstances or challenges come my way, I know I got the goods to fight back. We all do. I'm going to find a way to faithfully honor Krissy Valdez, and when I do, I'll see you all again!
Edit: Mashable.com did a really fantastic writeup on the team and project and I'd be honored if you all had a look and shared the article. It highlights this story, but more importantly gives insight to the clinical side of depression and suicide. It's really great to have the information and resources that go along with the message of the film.
Read article HERE
PS all gaffers, please feel free to share, if you please!
