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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #149 - "Faux Pas"

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Tangent

Member
Theme - Faux Pas

Word Limit: 2,000

Submission Deadline: Friday, August 8th, by 11:59 PM Pacific.

Voting begins Saturday, August 8th, and goes until Monday, August 11th at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Grace Periods: Each of the above deadlines will be followed by a 6-hour grace period. Submissions made after the end of the grace period will be ineligible, and votes cast after the end of the grace period will not be counted. Remember that these are grace periods, not extensions of the deadline--you should still submit your work or cast your vote by the deadline set above.

Optional Secondary Objective: Convergence

I’m not sure if “convergence” is in fact the word I'm looking for! But try to have details or fragments from the first part of your story tie up at the end. If you are familiar with the 90s show, “Seinfeld,” I think they sometimes used this technique. I also think the 2004 film, “Crash,” used this technique. I've also been told that Steven Erikson's "Malazan Book of the Fallen" series uses this technique.

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the theme as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge FAQ
Previous Challenge Threads and Themes
 
To save some time, from Wikipedia:

A 'faux pas' is a socially awkward or tactless act, especially one that violates accepted social norms, standard customs, or the rules of etiquette.[1]

The expression 'faux pas' comes from French, where it means "false step", "misstep" (in a physical as well as a figurative sense). It has been used in English for over 300 years. Synonyms in English include gaffe and (social) blunder. In popular 21st century American culture, 'faux pas' also means a mistake (e.g. an anachronism) in a movie.


I swear I'll try to participate this time, not wuss out like in the past 2 challenges >.<

I think I'll weave this story using the characters from my adventure thread (which I haven't updated in a week, busy with university stuffs) :/
 

Charade

Member
Oh, great secondary. I'm a sucker for interweaving storylines and such (I think that's what you're getting at)
 

Cyan

Banned
All right, as mentioned in the previous thread, I would like to try an experimental GAF Writing Hangout!

We'll figure out a time that works for a decent number of us, I will set up a Google+ Hangout, and we will all show up, chat for a bit, and do some writing. I'm figuring we might go for about two hours, with some breaks for chatting and resting our typing fingers, but we can see what works. The format will be similar to what Mary talks about here, albeit with shorter writing periods.

I believe you can join a Google+ Hangout without a camera or microphone, and just chat in the chat area, so there should be no equipment requirements (and no need to show your face if you prefer not to). I'm not sure if there's a limit on the number of participants, but it's probably not low enough that it'll be a problem.

Anyone who is interested, please visit the following link (quote to see): . Enter your username and check off which times you will be available. I've listed three 2 hour blocks on Saturday and Sunday, all in Pacific time (doodle limits you to three options per day). If none of these times work for you but there are other times that do, which you think might also work for other people, feel free to suggest in this thread and we'll see if there's strong support for something different.

Fun!
 

Mike M

Nick N
Do we have a minimum quota to sign up to go through with it? I'm all for subjecting unsuspecting victims to my thoughts in real time even if there's only a few of us.
 

Cyan

Banned
Do we have a minimum quota to sign up to go through with it? I'm all for subjecting unsuspecting victims to my thoughts in real time even if there's only a few of us.

Looks like we should be able to get at least three of us. I feel like that right there is enough!
 
Casual Hamburgers

Get this: People enjoy eating hamburgers. I am not joking whatsoever. I confirmed this myself after finding an article on my aunt’s political blog titled “President Uses Muslim Golf Clubs P.S. People enjoy eating hamburgers.”

Boy oh boy do I love burgers. Everyone loves burgers. Animals love burgers. I went over to the zoo yesterday and brought all of the animals a barrel of burgers. I could easily tell by their chomping sounds/snout dilation that it was a resounding success.

So you can imagine my horror (insert player piano falling over sound here) when one of my best friends got in a pickle regarding the subject of hamburgers. I want everyone to know that last sentence was not meant to be a joke and that this is a 100% Angus Beef serious matter.

Okay. The following is an actual account of when I visited my friend Cliff after a quick stop at the mall for a light blue jeans/polo shirt tucked in with no belt combo for my dad to coach little league in.

“AHHHHHHHHH Dr. Smacky! Welcome to my hamburger joint!” Cliff said.

I should point out to you that I’m Dr. Smacky and I was in a hamburger joint. That’s pronounced “hamboigah” you mugs and muggles. THAT WAS A HARRY POTTER REFERENCE AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT I WILL GET ANONYMOUS TO HACK YOUR XBOX!!!”

“Cliff, I’m Dr. Smacky and I would like to order one of your hamburgers please.”

“Well,” Cliff said.

Four hours later Cliff said, “WE HAVE HAMBURGERS!” He actually squawked it. Okay, I have to calm down and use synonyms here before I lose control of this story/yarn.

Cliff squawked, “We have hamburgers BWAAAAAKKKKKKK!”

“Oh okay that’s good. Well, I’ll take one of those hamburgers.”

“There’s only one problem,” Cliff said. “The cook that makes the hamburgers went home sick and I don’t know what hamburgers are or how to make them at all.”

At this point I became suspicious. Not only was Cliff wearing a t-shirt that says, “I make hamburgers all the time and know exactly how to make hamburgers,” but his full name is Cliff H. Hamburgermaker (The ‘H’ stands for Hamburgermaker.)

This guy’s name is Cliff Hamburgermaker Hamburgermaker.

“Cliff, let me level with you here,” I said. I put one foot up on a chair to make it look like really casual. This wasn’t casual enough so I took off my jacket and threw it over my shoulder. We both checked the internet to make sure I was casual enough before I started talking again. It turns out, I wasn't even close to the scientifically agreed best level of casual. I started sweating and decided to take a chance with my current level of casual which at this point was around the “cool uncle trying to forget the fact that he has a severe gambling problem by playing badminton at a graduation party” level.

“We both know that you know how to make hamburgers,” I said. “So do you mind telling me what this is really about?”

“Well doc,” Cliff said. “The problem is that I just don’t think I’m any good at the hamburger business anymore.”

Okay, I’m really steamed at the fact that he called me “doc.” He knew I was struggling with being casual and that was just showboating his casual demeanor.

“Don’t panic,” I said. “Everyone forgets how to make hamburgers at some point. We just have to figure out what’s causing you to…”

“WELL I UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” Cliff yelled.

“…what’s causing you to forget the process of making a hamburger.”

“Maybe I’m just not cut out for the hamburger racket,” Cliff said.

“Cliff, I…you know I was having trouble being casual before and you keep using these words that are really casual,” I said. “I really want to help you but…I mean why can’t you just say ‘hamburger business?’

“That does it,” Cliff said. “I’m going to quit making hamburgers."

I felt really bad for Cliff because I’ve known him since college when we were both in the same dorm or something else that sounds like college.

“Here’s what I think you should do Cliff ‘ol boy,” I said while swishing around a mouthful of cabernet/Kiwi Propel. “Why don’t you take this piece of paper and write down everything you know about hamburgers?”

I should have noted at the beginning of this story that I will be making references to alcohol and should not be read by anyone under 21 and pregnant mothers which is HALF OF MY FACEBOOK NEWSFEED AND I’M NOT INTERESTED IN HOW YOUR 3-YEAR-OLD POOPED AT RED ROBIN!!!

Cliff sat down and started writing while I left on a business trip/tusk extraction.

A few months later I kicked the door down to Cliff’s office and grabbed the results of his burger report with my mouth. Here’s what he wrote:

1) Hamburgers.
2) You eat hamburgers.
3) (I couldn’t read what he wrote on this line except for the word Rollerbladin’ with a backwards ‘R’)
4) One time I jammed a hamburger into the breast pocket of a groomsman.
5) “You can shelter in the storm or dance in the rain.”

“Cliff, I gotta hand it to you, this is one heck of a list.” I chomped down on a cigar while saying this in a fat cat from Washington manner. Those fat cats get all the money while I’m working in the paint can factory 27 HOURS A DAY AND I CAN’T AFFORD HEALTH INSURANCE/LEGO BATMAN FOR MY FIRST BORN SON!!!

“Well Dr. Smacky, I think I’m ready to make hamburgers again.”

“In that case, make mine a double!”

We laughed for a while at this joke and then shook hands 87 times in a sawing motion
 
Hey Creative Writing GAF folks. I've been around a few of your threads to get inspiration and see some good works, but up until now I haven't put forth the effort or time to submit something. Well I guess that ends today as this is my first submission in a Creative Writing thread! I hope you don't mind the title. I know it's half of the name of the theme, but the double meaning was good enough to where I wanted to stick with it.


Faux

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-iwp0f4HIcUT7XTvKbhRgLX5xfVhybpdQuXIPqR57Rs/edit?usp=sharing
 
I have a good story in mind that I've already started on, but the challenge is writing from the perspective of a character who is way smarter than I am. The struggle continues...
 
Finished my first draft last night. Looked it over again this afternoon and I think it was still too fresh for me to make any meaningful changes. I'll take another look in a week and try to do an actual 2nd draft. This is by far my favorite story I've written out of all the Creative Writing challenges.
 

Mike M

Nick N
Grimløck;123581021 said:
what's a fox pass?
Now I want to ditch what I wrote and do a story about a smooth-talking fox trying to con his way into the hen house with some sort of forged documents.
 

Mike M

Nick N
I've never done a G+ Hangout, so I have no idea how this is supposed to work. I don't have a working webcam, but I have a headset at least.
 

Nezumi

Member
I don't have a webcam neither. And the only headset I have is the one from the 360 controller which I doubt will work...
 

Tangent

Member
Darn, I won't be able to make the Sun 2 - 4 time. Unless! Unless I'm able to push back stuff I have to do in the afternoon. Otherwise, you all will have to tell me how the raging party went.

Now I want to ditch what I wrote and do a story about a smooth-talking fox trying to con his way into the hen house with some sort of forged documents.

Um, that is the COOLEST idea ever. The documents are the best part.
 

Nezumi

Member
If you have a wired controller, you can plug it into your PC and it should work.

Not a wired controller but a... thingy... that makes it possible for me to use the wireless controller with my PC. I'll make some tests tomorrow and if it doesn't work I'll just type and you all will be spared from hearing my embarrassing German accent.
 

Mike M

Nick N
Not a wired controller but a... thingy... that makes it possible for me to use the wireless controller with my PC. I'll make some tests tomorrow and if it doesn't work I'll just type and you all will be spared from hearing my embarrassing German accent.
I can subject you to my speaking terrible German in an American accent!
 

Sober

Member
Last I checked the charge + play kit (the charging cable) for the 360 controller doesn't carry data, so probably voice is out of the question if it can't even take button presses.
 

Tangent

Member
I can subject you to my speaking terrible German in an American accent!

Oooh if we have another one of these, I can try subjecting you to my speaking terrible German in an American accent! German was the language I tried to learn throughout high school.

Also, I find it hard to believe that you have an "embarrassing German accent," Nezumi. I don't think they exist!
 

Cyan

Banned
Was that hangout in pacific or easter?
Pacific. So, in about two hours. I'll put up a link in email tags a bit before 2.

Oooh if we have another one of these, I can try subjecting you to my speaking terrible German in an American accent! German was the language I tried to learn throughout high school.

Also, I find it hard to believe that you have an "embarrassing German accent," Nezumi. I don't think they exist!

Dang it Tangent, you changed availabilities on me! Ah well, next time.
 

Nezumi

Member
Oooh if we have another one of these, I can try subjecting you to my speaking terrible German in an American accent! German was the language I tried to learn throughout high school.

Also, I find it hard to believe that you have an "embarrassing German accent," Nezumi. I don't think they exist!

That's nice ^^

So, I tested it and the 360 headset and controller combo does work. So, how does the rest work. Do you need our hangout ID's, Cyan?
 
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