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[Kraftwerk]

This thread made me think of this.

TL;DR Gaffer has feelings for someone that is married and has children.

Say he - gaffer - goes ahead and tell her about his feelings, and something ignites in her and she reveals her feelings to him too. She leaves her husband and now these two are together.

Decades later..

They are still together, happily married with children. Her ex-husband also found someone else and he is also happily married.

Both couples hold no grudges, and the children are not traumatized.

Still, is he in the wrong? Is this not right? I can't decide on a definitive answer.

One could say it will depend on variables too.

I stated that everyone is 'O.K' and happy, but if even one of the children, or the ex-husband become depressed due to it, would it then become wrong? If no children are involved, would it be even less wrong?

 

[Htown]

Don't do it.

 

[Messypandas]

Don't do it.

do what? read the o.p?

 

[Raxus]

This falls into a grey area in relationships. I would write more on it but it would just lead to one thing after another.

Just to keep things short there are too many factors to consider in a long term relationship and ending it can be a very poor short term decision or a very wise long term decision for all those involved. It depends on the person, the people involved (both in and out of the relationship), compromises, etc.

 

[Vermillion]

No cheating, doesn't matter.

 

[iNvid02]

its a grey area for sure

are there any statistics on how successful these types of relationships are?

 

[PoweredBySoy]

If you're unhappy you get a fucking divorce.

Once a cheat always a cheat.

 

[Claude]

I guess it depends on what you consider right and wrong.

Imo, it would be wrong of one of the children were to be traumatized for life.

 

[Izick]

Put yourself in the other guy's/girl's shoes that's being cheating on. How would you feel then?

 

[Mr. Fix]

I stated that everyone is 'O.K' and happy, but if even one of the children, or the ex-husband become depressed due to it, would it then become wrong? If no children are involved, would it be even less wrong?

Why risk it, right?

 

[DragonSworne]

Why would you get into a relationship with someone who has kids and isn't willing to divorce but might cheat?

 

[Opiate]

This is probabilistic morality at its finest.

Let's say I perform an irresponsible action that has a 90% chance of killing someone. If I "luck out" and end up not killing anyone after all (i.e. I land in the 10%), does that retroactively make my choice okay?

I would argue that it doesn't, but this depends on how deterministic and Machiavellian you are.

 

[Omegasquash]

Different strokes for different folks. I'm of the school of thought that says you work shit out with the one you're with and come to a decision about the existing commitment first. Letting an outside influence interfere isn't fair to the other party.

 

[Raxus]

Put yourself in the other guy's/girl's shoes that's being cheating on. How would you feel then?

That is unfair. We would also have to put ourselves in their relationship which we would then assume was perfect. It is a leading question.

 

[Vermillion]

The OP never says that they're cheating, guys.

 

[ghostmind]

Adultery (especially when children are involved) should be a criminal offense, which it is (or worse) in many areas of the world.

 

[dskillzhtown]

This falls into a grey area in relationships. I would write more on it but it would just lead to one thing after another.

Just to keep things short there are too many factors to consider in a long term relationship and ending it can be a very poor short term decision or a very wise long term decision for all those involved. It depends on the person, the people involved (both in and out of the relationship), compromises, etc.

I want to echo this post. I have seen all kinds of variables in "home wrecking" or a long-term relationship falling apart after a 3rd party is introduced. Sometimes people get with the wrong person, sometimes they thing "This is a s good as it gets until they meet someone else who shows them how good life could be. My brother-in-law was married not especially happy, but then met a girl at work. She wowed him, he left his wife for the co-worker and 10 years later they are going stronger than ever with a son. I don't think anyone would fault him for finding his true love.

Of course there is always the flip side of cheating on your mate, they find out and then both your mate and your fling leave you.

I am not advocating anything, just saying that life is too short to be miserable in a relationship. If you find happiness, you might as well take it. The flip side is that you may be losing "Okay" stability for a "Great" fling. I know there are going to be a ton of absolute statements in this thread as there always are, but life is full of grey area. I definitely wouldn't cast judgement on a battered wife finding comfort in another man.

 

[ConfusingJazz]

Don't cheat. Fix your shit first.

 

[kehs]

If you have any moral fiber, being a home wrecker is a fire that stays lit in the depths of your very soul and burns for a long time.

 

[BadAss2961]

Adultery (especially when children are involved) should be a criminal offense, which it is (or worse) in many areas of the world.

Nah, there's enough people in jail already.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

Don't cheat. Fix your shit first.

done here.

 

[bjb]

If you have any moral fiber, being a home wrecker is a fire that stays lit in the depths of your very soul and burns for a long time.

Curious do you know from personal experience?

 

[ghostmind]

Nah, there's enough people in jail already.

There are other effective deterrents than jail time.

 

[Skellig Gra]

I don't buy that it wouldn't have some sort of effect on the children. Also its never ok to cheat. Just get a divorce.

 

[Izick]

That is unfair. We would also have to put ourselves in their relationship which we would then assume was perfect. It is a leading question.

How? Just think about how the person getting cheaton-on is getting completely fucked up. Why can't this other person just break up with them all together first? It's probably not going to be easy, but it's a hell of a lot better than just sneaking behind their back and just destroying the relationship from the inside out without them even knowing. It's bullshit.

 

[Koomaster]

I'm fine with breaking people up; but not helping them cheat on their partner (not that you said this happened but everyone is commenting on it so thought I would throw my 2cent in as well).

If the other person choses to leave their partner for you, then obviously they aren't as happy a couple as they appeared. Follow your heart.

People talking about kids and whatnot is ridiculous. Much better for your parents to be divorced yet in other loving relationships or single than stay together and fight all the time. That is much more traumatizing for a child.

 

[Takuan]

It's morally wrong, but generally, the relationship isn't doing so well if one of the members is prompted to cheat.

 

[Omegasquash]

It's morally wrong, but generally, the relationship isn't doing so well if one of the members is prompted to cheat.

Well said.

 

[LuchaShaq]

Unless I'm friends with the boyfriend/husband I did not give a shit during my single/alcoholic /manwhore days and honestly I've found women who are attached to be more attractive to me during that time (enjoyed the chase/success more than the actual sex) and found them to be shockingly receptive on average.

Woman wants to cheat I don't really care who it's with. Me turning down a married chick at the club isn't going to make her go home and realize her relationship doesn't suck anymore, or that she is no longer a cheater.




Luckily after hooking up with a girl who was attached to another girl we hit it off beyond sex and I no longer drink/sleep around etc two years later couldn't be happier.



I have never cheated but that's because I have blanket policy of immediately ending a relationship the first instant I'm even tempted to cheat.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Much better for your parents to be divorced yet in other loving relationships or single than stay together and fight all the time. That is much more traumatizing for a child.

The OP never mentioned fighting though. Its just the person wanted a hotter slice of pie.

 

[ThisWreckage]

The easiest women to pick up are married women. That will tell you everything you need to know about marriage. Homes can't be wrecked if they're already in ruin.

 

[Joel Was Right]

The ethics of this shouldn't be judged through hindsight. Examples of home-wreckers tend to often, well, wreck families.

 

[DarkKyo]

Adultery (especially when children are involved) should be a criminal offense, which it is (or worse) in many areas of the world.

Oh give me a break.

You want to outlaw lying? Matters like these are personal, the state should not be involved.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Oh give me a break.

You want to outlaw lying? Matters like these are personal, the state should not be involved.

While it is extreme and I would never advocate it, maybe it would give people pause before entering in to a marriage they never should have in the first place.

 

[Angry Fork]

I don't buy into this home wrecker shit. People are responsible for their own decisions in this circumstance it's not 1 person's fault. If you're a guy on the outside and you and a married woman develop feelings they should go for it, but she should tell her husband obviously and split up/divorce. Same goes the other way around if the guy is the married one.

As for the child issue it shouldn't be our role to pass judgment on them and say 'you shouldn't do this because of your kids'. That's their decision to make and if they want to split up their family by cheating doing behind the scenes stuff etc. then it is what it is. They should deal with that on their own.

It's morally wrong, but generally, the relationship isn't doing so well if one of the members is prompted to cheat.

This too.

Adultery (especially when children are involved) should be a criminal offense, which it is (or worse) in many areas of the world.

No. The state should not be able to tell someone they have to remain in a relationship with someone else or face punishment. Whether married or not that's completely ridiculous.

 

[kehs]

.

 

[Felix Lighter]

The outcome of the decision doesn't suddenly make the behavior morally right, in my opinion. It just means there were no negative consequences this time.

 

[alphaNoid]

There is nobody I despise more on this planet than cheaters and home wreckers. Every last one of them, lame excuses, stupid bravado and all.

 

[Omegasquash]

While it is extreme and I would never advocate it, maybe it would give people pause before entering in to a marriage they never should have in the first place.

Not at all. People grow apart with work, kids, life...life continues to move on and the bonds that exist in a marriage may not always be right. Threatening jail time is absolutely wrong.

If two people want to be together, they'll figure it out. It's not for anyone else to decide but them.

 

[DarkKyo]

While it is extreme and I would never advocate it, maybe it would give people pause before entering in to a marriage they never should have in the first place.

Yes because we all know that capital punishment deters murders.

 

[ghostmind]

Oh give me a break.

You want to outlaw lying? Matters like these are personal, the state should not be involved.

Lying and adultery are two very different things.

It is a lack of consequence, and a degredation of personal moral fibre and accountability, that makes so easy, and so common in Western cultures these days.

Adultery is the ultimate selfish act when children are involved.

The state should be involved, because without them, who is looking out for the best interests of the child?

I never said divorce should be outlawed. If the couple wants to split (and I hope that they have tried counselling for the sake of their kids) then so be it. After that they can go and fuck around.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Not at all. People grow apart with work, kids, life...life continues to move on and the bonds that exist in a marriage may not always be right. Threatening jail time is absolutely wrong.

If two people want to be together, they'll figure it out. It's not for anyone else to decide but them.

Sure those are reasons for divorce as well, but tons and tons of people rush in to marriage just because of some bizarre societal pressure at least in America anyway.

 

[rCIZZLE]

If she would rather be with the gaffer then 2/3 of the people are more happy than they otherwise would have been.

 

[ghostmind]

There is nobody I despise more on this planet than cheaters and home wreckers. Every last one of them, lame excuses, stupid bravado and all.

Exactly. Adulterers are among the biggest scum of society, and those that make excuses for them, or help them out, are not much better.

 

[cartoon_soldier]

It is still wrong.

 

[Omegasquash]

Lying and adultery are two very different things.

Yup.

It is a lack of consequence, and a degredation of personal moral fibre and accountability, that makes so easy, and so common in Western cultures these days.

Adultery is the ultimate selfish act when children are involved.

What does fucking someone else on the side have to do with kids? It's about the spouses.

The state should be involved, because without them, who is looking out for the best interests of the child?

I never said divorce should be outlawed. If the couple wants to split (and I hope that they have tried counselling for the sake of their kids) then so be it. After that they can go and fuck around.

You assume that a two parent household is best for children. By that account, should we also hold traveling salesmen and members of the military accountable? Howzabout a parent that has a damn demanding job, or works loads of overtime to pay for school?

I'm not advocating adultery here. It's a shit thing to do. But getting the state involved in personal affairs and assuming that a parent isn't thinking about a child in every situation is wrong, period.

 

[marrec]

So I'm sort of a semi-Homewrecker.

I won't tell that story here though.

 

[xxracerxx]

So I'm sort of a semi-Homewrecker.

I won't tell that story here though.

That is like saying just the tip around here. Why even share that in the first place?

 

[kehs]

That is like saying just the tip around here. Why even share that in the first place?

Maybe he only put the tip in?

 

[marrec]

That is like saying just the tip around here. Why even share that in the first place?

Thread made me all nostalgic for how I got together with my current SO is all.

Call me the Sandra Lee of Wreckin' Homes.