I’m not exactly sure of the following I have besides my coworkers and personal friends, but if you’ve been following me and my work, you might know that over the last six months or so, my opinion of the more socially aware and progressive side of games criticism has been ever so slightly decreasing, which, especially now, is keeping me up on certain nights. Their cause is just, forever will be, but their strategies, their persuasiveness and their pure talent for their work has been degrading. Not just at a rather alarming pace, but in a rather alarming manner. What scares me most, however, is how I seem to be the only one who wants to bring this up, which is also the sort of thing that keeps me up at night? Am I telling the truth? Am I just losing my marbles? Am I telling the truth and is the idea no one believes me causing me to lose my marbles?
Some context: although I said six months, I think the origin of my discontent began earlier than that, when Alistair Pinsoff was fired from Destructoid when he revealed…well, you know the story. I was actually pretty much on Chloe’s side during the whole thing. Alistair did, in fact, break her word and her trust, a critical error in judgment of any journalist. But the fact that Chloe’s fundraiser indulged in misleading conduct was swept under the rug. Now, I’m not dense; I know why she did so, and I’m completely okay with that. But I resent that most everyone who had something to say on the matter wanted to sweep it under the rug. That was the seed of my feelings.
The seed sprouting was the Indiegogo campaign for Re/Action, an online magazine that brought almost every single socially conscious and focused games writer under their wing in hopes of creating a new form of payment for writers and a far safer and more inclusive area for writers too. It was here that Samantha Allen’s letter to games media was found, to give you an idea of what they were shooting for. Even though I donated, I had doubts about the integrity of the project, especially that letter to games media (which went nowhere; a recurring theme). And my fears about the fundraiser itself were well-founded; the first week saw huge returns, easily covering a quarter of the costs. The rest of that monthly period? Nothing. The fundraiser was a complete failure, and as a result, Mattie Brice, the project curator, lost her morale. This should have been a wake-up call, that the community social awareness had fostered still wasn’t big, open or accommodating enough to have a community instantly respond to your needs. It wasn’t just that the fundraiser failed, it was the very nature of it I had hoped people would learn from. But would they? Well, I wouldn’t be typing this right now if I could give a positive answer.
I have many gripes, but the overarching peeve I have is with the attitude of overt pride and self-righteousness that the people involved are expressing. Again, the goal is just. I can’t echo this enough. But I’m not going to pretend everything they did this year had a measurable effect. Or even most things. We managed to get rid of Pinsoff, but it was ages before Kuchera was let go, and that was not the intended goal: Penny Arcade is the monolith of malignant behaviour we’re trying to get rid of. We got rid of the trophy in God of War Ascension, but due to the controversy, Dragon’s Crown sold well over expectations, becoming a sleeper hit. For as much as everyone involved wants to say things are getting better, I still hear and see so much bile and hate towards the disenfranchised that it’s getting dangerously myopic to keep pretending. Some of those sleepless nights, I try to think to actions taken that have had a positive effect that is even half as good as #1ReasonWhy was…and I come up blank.
It’s perhaps fitting that it came to a head on New Year’s Day, when I saw this article retweeted by Maddy Myers, who called it “brilliant”. I read it, and…my mind snapped. And then I started typing this.
The core concept of the article is how we need more female game journalists to round out the GOTY lists appearing at the moment. And if the article had begun and ended there, who would have disagreed? But no, it went on to truly champion Tomb Raider 2013 as “historically important”, and directly insinuated Giant Bomb, who disqualified it early on QTE shenanigans or something similar, as being…well, inept to create a proper GOTY list and being shallow men. It was abrasive and insulting, but worse than that, it was stupid.
That in itself is another sticking point with me. Now, I’m not particularly prideful of my gender, sex or race, so when “straight white men” were being singled out for their privilege earlier in the year, I stood up to be counted for two of those three (one is inapplicable to my situation), and I hoped everyone else did. It wasn’t a matter of the disenfranchised hating them on that basis, but merely acknowledging that they had a far better batting average, which is why we need to give those that don’t just that little bit more credit by default. I, myself, am very impressed when people who have the world against them triumph against all odds. So, I was fine with that, and I was fine with all the hubbub about the word “cisgender”. I know why people want to call me that and group me with it, and it’s within their rights. ‘Cos I don’t give a fuck. And I still don’t, but…
It’s turning from a legitimate debate point to bring up in regards to social stature and turning into a misleading catch-all crutch for people to use, from relevant to irrelevant, from valid to ad hominem. I’m of the belief that, outside of transgender issues (because dysmorphia just seems like a state of mind I, and every other cis person, could never emulate or imagine), there’s no category of definition that completely locks someone off from discussion or attribution. I would be fine if this weren’t the case, if not for the fact that I see more and moreso pointing someone out as straight, white or male and using that to completely shut down the conversation. If you have to keep saying that any of these is a huge factor, it’s probably not true, or at the very least, it’s going to make you appear like you’re a desperate liar.
At this point, it feels like we’re trying to take down the barriers of the patriarchy, the social structures that overly privilege the majority and what have you by banging those metaphorical walls with our heads. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing multiple times and expecting different results, then it feels like the entire spectrum of socially aware game critics took a field trip to Innsmouth and decided to stay there mumbling “I’ah I’ah” all day long. Me?
Even though I’m heavily involved in games criticism, I’m going to wipe the slate clean. Unfollow even the major players on Twitter. Stop actively listening to them. They can win me back. But the fact they even HAVE to win me is depressing.
I echo once more: the fight is worth it. That’s also something that drives me mad and causes my internal conflict: most people who disagree with social justice articles do so for very petty, even idiotic, reasons. I empathise with none of them. But…those articles are getting so much worse and so much more circlejerky! But…the fight is definitely worth it! But…we haven’t made any tangible progress! But…most everyone who opposes them do so for the wrong reasons and are a lot more contemptible! But…but…
I realise this article in particular may not be that great either. It lacks craft, and as such, persuasive power, perhaps making me a hypocrite. But I can’t say nothing anymore. I can’t pretend I’m happy with the state of affairs. I’m sorry.
