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[Lupingosei]

Sorry for the clickbait like title, but I think on of the problems of today and a big part of what lead to the climate of tribalism of today is the idea of absolute happiness.

This idea that you MUST have a happy life. No, you will not have that. You may have a good life and you will have moments of happiness, but you will also know sadness, anger, regret and all other feelings. And most of the time your life will just be ok. That is not a terrible thing, it only means everything is good and but of course not great.

This obsession with happiness is what leads us to the idea of safe places or closed communities, where you are only surrounded by people who are agreeing with you. If that not works, well there is this opium epidemic which also a part of this pursuit of happiness, to feel no ill and no pain. But sorry, that is part of your life. Sometimes it does suck and sometimes you are fighting with your partner, sometimes your children are annoying little pricks. But that is not always the case.

And sorry, just giving up is not a solution. Life is not Twitter where you can block everybody who you are agreeing with. You can not use chemicals to make you happier or to make your children nicer and just giving up on your partner as soon as it gets difficult is no way to become happier. There is no instant gratification in life, sometimes you will have to work for things you want.

Which leads to something else. You can not be everything. I am for example only average or bad in most sports, also I am a bad singer and you don’t want to see me dance. Also, I am a little lazy. So, several fields work are closed for me. Which is not bad, I have other options, so do other people. Not all your dreams can come true, but some will. And most of us will not have a career, but only a job. We will have to trade life time for money. You can have a good job, you may not like but also not hate. Most people can not get their dream job, but that is not terrible. A good job is worth a lot already.

You can not plan your life. There will be surprises, good ones, and bad ones. But that is not a bad thing. A surprise is so much better if you did not see it coming and we can learn from a bad experience. You will not get everything you want, sometimes people will not behave like you want it. You will have to accept that and not throw a tantrum like a small child or victimize yourself or move into an even more gated community.

Life is good, not always but sometimes and I think that is worth a lot. And yes this includes, that most of us sometimes will just work to pay the bills and taxes and you can not get everything you want. I know that sucks, but that is part of life as well.

 

[Rookje]

It is only a recent phenomenon in western culture that everyone has an expectation of saccharine happiness, likely because we live in a period of decadence. While still too many people still die of afflictions like cancer, car crashes, poor nutrition and so on, most of our ills are psychological not physiological. With no real hardships growing up, our youth is lacking real grit in their lives to give them perspective on the real pain and suffering of humanity. Today's hardships are defined as bad cell signals or lack of stock of your favorite La Croix flavor, when in the past they were real things like plagues, wars, actual social injustice and so on.

And when compounded with our ever growing secular culture, people are left alone to search for meaning. In the past the masses looked to philosophers to guide them. In ancient Greece, gymnasiums weren't just a place where you did bicep curls and reach new squat PRs but it was also a place where you engaged in deep learning through philosophy and literature. And it was in these gymnasiums where ancient philosophers coined the concept of eudaimonia as a replacement for happiness as the goal of life. Eudaimonia is essentially "fulfillment." The Greeks knew that a good life can not realistically be defined as one that is simply a happy one, but one with all manners of challenges and painful moments that hopefully at the end of it, we will look back and know that it was worth it, that we are fulfilled, that we have reached "eudaimonia."

 

[koosa]

Happiness lies in your mind, you can live seemingly average life, yet still enjoy the hell out of every moment if you achieve a proper state of mind. You cant buy happiness whether it's a new car, some collectable item within your hobby or anything else, you're already happy, you just might not realise it. Be grateful for what you have and at the same time try to improve a little every day with small steps and grow as a human being, but do not compare your life to the others, only compare with your old self to see the progress you've made, and thank yourself for it. Gratefulness has a healing power. I know all this is easier said than done, but this philosophy helped me greatly, i no longer seek happiness in material things, i enjoy spending time with my family and friends, i take my time and im more patient and peaceful in general. It's cool to have nice things but treat it only as a small enchancement not the source of your well-being. And about the job, look at the positives, maybe you dont work your dream job, but a decent enough to pay bills, look for the small things that give you satisfaction, almost every job has a good side.

Rookje> yup, eudaimonia > hedonism. Do not fight those less cheerful moments in life, embrace them and learn from them

 

[mrkgoo]

At the same time, happy can be what you make of it. Focus on what does make you happy, and not on what doesn't and it will feel like a happy life.

 

[MC Safety]

I've repeated this multiple times, but comedian Denis Leary is right. Happiness is not a goal or a destination. It's not something you accomplish, and it's not a permanent state.

Happiness comes in small doses.

 

[McCheese]

Happiness is the natural state of mind, achieved by removing whatever makes you unhappy. Folks trying to attain it, often by buying things, are going in the wrong direction.

 

[Graven]

I've repeated this multiple times, but comedian Denis Leary is right. Happiness is not a goal or a destination. It's not something you accomplish, and it's not a permanent state.

Happiness comes in small doses.

Indeed, and even if everything i always wished for in this material realm came my way and everything went right in my life from this day and foward, it still would be impossible for me to be completely happy due to the state of things alone. Wars, starvation, injustice and all the suffering many are going through are reason enough to bring me down even if i'm not experimenting any of that myself.

However, i do believe it's possible to maintain peace of mind, if you do things right, even if you are not overjoyed all the time, you can at least keep a clean conscience about yourself, that's more than enough for me. I'm not there yet, but i sure wish i can be someday.

 

[MEsoJD]

Keyword: "expectation"

 

[strange headache]

The danger of modern liberty is that, absorbed in the enjoyment of our private independence, and in the pursuit of our particular interests, we should surrender our right to share in political power too easily. The holders of authority are only too anxious to encourage us to do so. They are so ready to spare us all sort of troubles, except those of obeying and paying! They will say to us: what, in the end, is the aim of your efforts, the motive of your labors, the object of all your hopes? Is it not happiness?

Well, leave this happiness to us and we shall give it to you. No, Sirs, we must not leave it to them. No matter how touching such a tender commitment may be, let us ask the authorities to keep within their limits. Let them confine themselves to being just. We shall assume the responsibility of being happy for ourselves.

Moreover, Gentlemen, is it so evident that happiness, of whatever kind, is the only aim of mankind? If it were so, our course would be narrow indeed, and our destination far from elevated. There is not one single one of us who, if he wished to abase himself, restrain his moral faculties, lower his desires, abjure activity, glory, deep and generous emotions, could not demean himself and be happy. No, Sirs, I bear witness to the better part of our nature, that noble disquiet which pursues and torments us, that desire to broaden our knowledge and develop our faculties. It is not to happiness alone, it is to self-development that our destiny calls us; and political liberty is the most powerful, the most effective means of self-development that heaven has given us.

- Benjamin Constant: The Liberty of Ancients Compared with that of Moderns, 1816​

 

[KevinKeene]

All the people around you that you love will die eventually. Those older probably before you. That fact by itself means that life is misery in the waiting. Happiness is what's in-between.

 

[Droxcy]

You'll never be 100% happy, life always has something to push your way. That's why it's easier to not focus on happiness, just focus on you and do the best you can day to day that's my philosophy.

 

[LaughingStock]

Happiness is not a river. It's a drop.

 

[betrayal]

It's not your circumstances you live in, it's about your decisions. If you don't appreciate and really understand this, than good luck searching for happiness or maybe even the meaning of life. Everyone on this earth can be happy. They just need to decide to be it...and act.

Happiness in one word is called progress. No matter what, if you always try to improve, you will be happy. It's not about big changes. The small ones, that come in needle size are absolutely important, because over time they will add up. If you want to be happy (or better said: live a fulfilled life), then start improving in different areas of your life. It's not about making big money, being famous or whatever. If you always try to improve yourself, you will be happy. It's a law of nature and it really is inevitable. It will also gives you a mental strength to cope with any events in your life, that are out of your control.

If you take this to heart, after years you will feel it. You will feel that happiness aka living a fulfilled life doesn't come in small doses or only come in drops. It is indeed a river, made of decisions, actions and ultimately a state of mind that does not get influenced from the outside or any circumstances that happen around you.

 

[synchronicity]

I like the parable of the farmer:

*************************

Once upon a time, there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years.

One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically, “you must be so sad.”

“We’ll see,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it two other wild horses.

“How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed! “Not only did your horse return, but you received two more. What great fortune you have!”

“We’ll see,” answered the farmer.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. “Now your son cannot help you with your farming,” they said. “What terrible luck you have!”

“We’ll see,” replied the old farmer.

The following week, military officials came to the village to conscript young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. “Such great news. You must be so happy!”

The man smiled to himself and said once again.

“We’ll see,”

*******************

The problem we cause for ourselves is labeling things/events/people as "good" or "bad". We try to push away the "bad" and pull towards us the "good". But that straining to make things a certain way is ultimately a resistance to what "IS". And in rejection of what is, there is no peace. To learn to detach and become an observer, accepting all that comes without judgment or resistance is liberation. Happiness is then seen as just a cyclical state that comes and goes, like everything else. No reason to be bothered by its presence or absence.

 

[AngularSaxophone]

IMO, while there are some crappy things that happen in life that are out of our control, I think we unknowingly inflict a lot of misery upon ourselves by living as the world would deem “normal”.

 

[lachesis]

Well, my mother (a moderate Buddhist) once told me that life is like a holding onto a cliff - and happiness is the tiny dew drop from a flower that grows on the cliff where you are hanging onto. I agree with that. Can't be happy all the time - otherwise it wouldn't be a happiness at all. It would just be a mundane ordinary life.

 

[-Minsc-]

Happiness addiction, one of the worst out there.

 

[appaws]

Let me just say as a man who is religious, without being too specific or proselytizing....

Life is hard and full of trials. God also gives us wonderful gifts that help us through it, like caffeine, booze, and kitty cats. But in the end we can all look forward to being reunited with he who made us, and being given everything we need for perfect happiness.

 

[Kadayi]

As my grandmother used to say to me 'if you've got food on your table and a roof over your head you're doing great. Anything on top is a bonus'

 

[Razorback]

We were molded by evolution to never be truly satisfied. I hope we can engineer that bullshit out our systems in the future with genetic engineering, or just perfected designer drugs.
I don't buy that truism that we need the bad to appreciate the good. I'm not advocating for complete hedonism here, clearly there are things we value that aren't purely pleasure related, hopefully, we can redesign human experience to keep everything we find valuable and delete all the mistakes made by nature.

 

[Catphish]

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

--Westley

Also, the keys to happiness are gratitude and acceptance.

 

[wondermega]

My philosophy is that it is good to have complaints, it's good to be wanting for things. People need that, we need things to drive us, give us purpose. That is why we are here, after all. With no purpose, no needs, we are just existing, burning time, not progressing, not solving problems. Yes it's true we are destructive as we are creative, those are two sides of a coin. The energy for one can also yield the other. Such is the way nature seems to work. Therefore, we can find our happiness in our utility, our conquest.. on discovery.

 

[bitbydeath]

I’m happy, life isn’t always fair and there can be some stressful moments but I’m content with a glass half-full approach.

 

[Vicetrailia]

I don't need to feel happy all the time. I just need to have good moments and make progresss.

 

[John Day]

One thing you need to realize, is life doesn’t work on absolutes. It’s not “you are 100% happy and full or not!!”.

I mean, feelings and states of mind are complicated as it is.

 

[Gromph]

People should stop trying to be copy what books say about and happiness, and just be happy.

I'm happy, and i base this on my own life, not what people say happy is or what they think happy is.


The key here is think by yoursef.

 

[woopWOOP]

I only live once, gonna squeeze as much happiness as I can out of this stinkin' life

Just yesterday my sandwich order was a little bigger than usual for the same price. Helllllllll yeahhhhhhhh

 

[Rookje]

People should stop trying to be copy what books say about and happiness, and just be happy.

I'm happy, and i base this on my own life, not what people say happy is or what they think happy is.


The key here is think by yoursef.

Self-reflection is important, for sure.

But there is nothing wrong with reading "self-help" books. Self-help books have an unfair, destructive stigma of being only for those who are weak or broken. The self-help genre in ancient times used to be the pinnacle of literature, providing an emotional education that could perhaps improve the lives of the reader. The whole point of philosophy and the vocation of philosophers is to help deconstruct and shed light on life's most difficult and challenging questions. If anything, modern society should read more self-help books and less Harry Potter and Fifty Shades of Grey.

 

[Catphish]

Harry Potter and Fifty Shades of Grey.

Sounds like a hell of a crossover.

 

[koosa]

Self-reflection is important, for sure.

But there is nothing wrong with reading "self-help" books. Self-help books have an unfair, destructive stigma of being only for those who are weak or broken. The self-help genre in ancient times used to be the pinnacle of literature, providing an emotional education that could perhaps improve the lives of the reader. The whole point of philosophy and the vocation of philosophers is to help deconstruct and shed light on life's most difficult and challenging questions. If anything, modern society should read more self-help books and less Harry Potter and Fifty Shades of Grey.

Maybe they got bad rap because many unqualified people are trying to make money with ,,50 things to make your life better'' or ,,how to earn your 1st million'', and it turns out to be a bunch of generic truisms. There are good books about self-development, but you'll need to dig through a lot of junk to find it.

 

[Rookje]

Maybe they got bad rap because many unqualified people are trying to make money with ,,50 things to make your life better'' or ,,how to earn your 1st million'', and it turns out to be a bunch of generic truisms. There are good books about self-development, but you'll need to dig through a lot of junk to find it.

Yea, those books are just taking actual philosophy and psychology, dumbing them down for the masses. Some of them can be problematic for sure, but I think that percentage is overblown. Philosophers aren't so great at explaining ideas to the layman anyhow, its highly unlikely the average person is going to want to read Kant, Hagel, Aristotle and so on. But many of their ideas are re-packaged in the pop-philosophy genre of contemporary "self-help." Look at the recent rise in popularity of psychologist Jordan Peterson. While not a philosopher per se, he echoes Nietzsche, Jung, Orwell and others, making their ideas known to the masses in a way that feels relevant to their modern day lives.