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[Azelover]

Ok so, let me explain my situation first. My sister and I inherited my mom's house since she passed. It's a big house so we decided to live together.

Problem is, my sister has Borderline Personality Disorder.. AND she is Bipolar. AND she doesn't accept treatment.

So basically she has her little meltdowns and I'm having to take it. It's very very difficult.

Anybody else going through something similar?

 

[M1chl]

Yep, I think I already expressed enough on this site, about various mental health issues, my alcohol induced liver transplant and so on. To sum it up, you are like a turtle living without shell, you are never in peace, everything bothers you and in any sign of even smallest conflict, you dodge it with excuse or lie. Sometimes the consciousness is unbearable what you are doing and you simple gets a meltdown. You feel immense guilt, because your self reflection is running constantly and you know you did wrong...

It took me more than 30 years to understand what my problem is and I am on theraphy, which helped me a lot. But the underlying issue is still there and there is no good medicine for it, without some massive side effect. So I am on Pregabalin and Nicotine pouches, strange combo, but Nicotine dulls everything, everything feels less serious, things and situation don't hurt as much, you are not getting swings and so on. Nicotine in my case (something like a Zin, but from different brand) stabilize me, because without it and I emotional trainwreck. Pregabalin is massive pain reliever, mood enhancer and head closer. Open head is terrible. I don't know how to explain, but normally my head is too open, I see feel everything and that cause those things you said your sister has....and I need to have a job and normal life, so this combo sort of enables me to have normal life.

I can't speak for being bi-polar on the top of that, because if someone would told me that, I would be like ...well good luck with that... in different terms, it must be horrible.


I am only writting this for the perceive greater good, not even my family, GF knows what exactly I am dealing with. And I feel like I intend to keep it that way, given the information on the internet available, I am scared that they would feel like they are in very bad company.

 

[AJUMP23]

Read a few post here and you will know who has some personalities issues.


But someone having meltdowns my be a lack of maturity and not a disorder.

 

[SlimySnake]

OP, you are fucked. Just be glad shes just your sister. The man she marries is going to end up in jail.

 

[Ownage]

Ex wife has BPD. She was a nightmare in every sense to live with. I ended up in therapy for years to untangle the cerebral mindfuck messes she caused myself and other people.

Avoid anyone with BPD, no exceptions.

 

[Thaedolus]

Honestly, if it’s a true case of what you’re describing…it’s extremely difficult for them to get help. I had to deal with someone who was a total malignant narcissist, and part of that disease is being unable to accept that you have a problem. I often suffer from imposter syndrome, but some people are just the complete opposite, and they lash out when they’re told they’re wrong or feel any other sort of slight against their massive but eternally fragile ego.

If that’s what you’re dealing with…brotha get away from it. I love my sister too, but she has some of those traits and I gotta remember to keep her at arms length sometimes.

 

[AV]

Sell the house and split the proceeds. You're only going to end up doing it later anyway unless you want to live with your sister for the rest of your lives. Bite the bullet and just get it done.

 

[German Hops]

I have too many mental disorders to count on one hand.

It's the price of living in a world where you're the utmost sexy.

 

[Vyse]

Sell the house and split the proceeds. You're only going to end up doing it later anyway unless you want to live with your sister for the rest of your lives. Bite the bullet and just get it done.

What I was going to suggest.

 

[Bitmap Frogs]

Ok so, let me explain my situation first. My sister and I inherited my mom's house since she passed. It's a big house so we decided to live together.

Problem is, my sister has Borderline Personality Disorder.. AND she is Bipolar. AND she doesn't accept treatment.

So basically she has her little meltdowns and I'm having to take it. It's very very difficult.

Anybody else going through something similar?

I had some remote family dealing with a similar situation (also a sister).

Best of luck Azelover.

 

[Majima Everywhere System]

If you have means, bail. If you do not have means, find her a mate that has a house.

Bingo!

 

[MaestroMike]

I buy a bunch of Haagen daz and Reese’s peanut butter cups and peanut butter related products and stuff with chocolate and egg sandwiches and egg products and stuff with garlic like hummus usually keeps some of the family members from squawking at each other

 

[Thaedolus]

I buy a bunch of Haagen daz and Reese’s peanut butter cups and peanut butter related products and stuff with chocolate and egg sandwiches and egg products and stuff with garlic like hummus usually keeps some of the family members from squawking at each other

Was this one of those posts where you keep hitting the middle predictive text button over and over to see what happens?

 

[cash_longfellow]

Ok so, let me explain my situation first. My sister and I inherited my mom's house since she passed. It's a big house so we decided to live together.

Problem is, my sister has Borderline Personality Disorder.. AND she is Bipolar. AND she doesn't accept treatment.

So basically she has her little meltdowns and I'm having to take it. It's very very difficult.

Anybody else going through something similar?

There isn’t such thing as a “little meltdown” with BPD. I have worked in the mental health field for a very very long time. Even not having someone so close to me with either of the diagnoses you mentioned, can be trying for sure, especially BPD. Most of my time has been spent working on DBT teams which deal primarily with borderline personality disorder. Has she been formally diagnosed? Is she her own guardian? If she has been diagnosed, there is a possibility of petitioning her…that’s of course assuming her meltdowns are actually more than “little” that you expressed.

To add, I’m in no position, nor would I try to give medical or mental health advice. Just trying to help guide you to a possible direction you might be able to take so you can be comfortable in your living situation. We all deserve that. And also, my condolences about your mom.

 

[cash_longfellow]

Was this one of those posts where you keep hitting the middle predictive text button over and over to see what happens?

Sure as shit hope so.

 

[cash_longfellow]

Sell the house and split the proceeds. You're only going to end up doing it later anyway unless you want to live with your sister for the rest of your lives. Bite the bullet and just get it done.

Good luck convincing someone who is in self-sabotage mode (if they have BPD AND have bi-polar manic episodes) that they should sell the house, especially when they won’t even agree to treatment at all.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

So in your own words, what exactly is BPD? How would you describe it?

 

[IntentionalPun]

Hi, my name is Bob, I’ve had bi-polar and BPD for 45 years, 43 of those only “self medicated.” Do plenty of tbd “self” part but now I’m actually medicated and doing better, or at least not as poorly.

I’ve find some crazy shit, feel a indescribable compulsion to just throw grenades at my life.

Somehow have excelled at my career the entire time, but I’m just exhausted by my brain.

 

[EviLore]

Ok so, let me explain my situation first. My sister and I inherited my mom's house since she passed. It's a big house so we decided to live together.

Problem is, my sister has Borderline Personality Disorder.. AND she is Bipolar. AND she doesn't accept treatment.

RIP Azelover

 

[IlGialloMondadori]

Ex wife has BPD. She was a nightmare in every sense to live with. I ended up in therapy for years to untangle the cerebral mindfuck messes she caused myself and other people.

Avoid anyone with BPD, no exceptions.

Truth, my man. I dated someone with BPD (which I didn't know at the time), ages and ages ago, but it was such an absolute fucking nightmare it took me years to recover. I didn't date anyone for like 8 years after. I'd hook up, but I'd be clear, yo, I don't trust myself and my judgement (because I dated someone who was absolutely insane) and I'd rather be alone forever than be in that situation again - you okay with some casual hookups, that's cool, if not, also cool. Took me a long time to trust my own judgement again. I should have got therapy, for sure. I'm cool now, but damn. Completely off her fuckin head. Shit like, oh you have a uni midterm and you’re studying? I thought you loved me and we were going to hang out? I’d have to turn off all the phones because she’d call for literal hours on end even when I’d explain over and over I have to study, test is tomorrow. She’d drive over anyway and bang on the door non-stop screaming, etc. just a fucking insane bitch.

Save yourself and keep yourself away from BPD.

 

[SF Kosmo]

Borderline is one of the most frustrating and treatment resistant personality disorders, alongside narcissistic personality disorder.

I will say that borderline people tend to pick a particular person to focus their crazy on, usually a significant other. In BPD groups they call it their FP (favorite person). The whole core dysfunction of BPD is basically a fear of abandonment and they will spend half their time trying to to test people's limits of tolerance to them and then when they go to far, trying to lure them back in with love and affection and manipulative bullshit.

I fell into this trap with a BPD girl once. I was in a pretty low place at the time and she was smoking hot. But within a very short time it turns into this roller coaster of abuse and love bombing, and you get conditioned to fight through it. It's like riding a rodeo bull, you're just trying to hang on and you're not really thinking of if you'd be better off letting go.

They're incredibly resistant to getting better, at least the more severe cases. The last time I feel for the cycle, she had told me she was seeing a therapist and getting meds, and trying to get better and it turned out she was just driving her car around for 90 minutes and pretending to go, because she liked her crazy and was only concerned with telling me what she had to so that I wouldn't leave. She knew and accepted her diagnosis but didn't want to change. The break up was a nightmare, I had to move and change my number and get a new job.

Someone I know got involved with a woman a while back and I very quickly recognized the pattern and predicted exactly what was going to happen in the relationship and then watched it all play out over the next year. They're really predictable in their drama and bullshit.

Side note: Both of these women I mentioned worked in the mental health field. And that made not one bit of difference, because any effort to "get help" was just a performance.

 

[SF Kosmo]

But someone having meltdowns my be a lack of maturity and not a disorder.

One of the sub-types of BPD is "petulant BPD" and this is pretty consistent with that.

 

[BlackTron]

My sister is like this and sucked the life out of my family. She sabotaged her own life and blames everybody else. All we could do is keep bailing her out at our expense to keep her from being on the street (and trying to maintain a relationship with her 9 year old daughter so she would not be completely taken away).

She met a guy while she was committed in the hospital (been there many times) and has been at his house for a few months, but is dropping signs that she doesn't really want to be there. She won't even reveal to us the address or what she is doing but will call for "support". She is distraught over getting to see her daughter more often and despises her ex. He isn't required to release the kid at all and has basically been nice for years trying to give her an opportunity to get better while limiting the liability of his kid -if I wasn't there to supervise it would never happen. She doesn't see that as nice, it's evil to her. She is so insane she filed a motion to get 50/50 in her current circumstances. Now she is mad that she stepped in dog shit and we won't support her with an attorney. We already dropped 6 grand on an attorney the issue is that she refuses to co-parent. She wants a solution where her ex is blamed for everything and she doesn't need to be held accountable for any planning because that would be "pressure" on her.

I don't really know what to do because it's been like 4 years of this and we drained everything to try to "get her through it" but if anything she has just gotten even worse and redoubled her sabotaging. Meanwhile she still calls me to bitch that no one ever helped or supported her and we planned all this to happen.

It would ruin my life to live with her long term but if I have to, thinking about this future is like over 50% of why I'm planning to buy a house eventually so I can at least put her in a room and be at the opposite end of it. I mean if it ends up that or my sister is on the street, fuck me.

 

[Azelover]

Yep, I think I already expressed enough on this site, about various mental health issues, my alcohol induced liver transplant and so on. To sum it up, you are like a turtle living without shell, you are never in peace, everything bothers you and in any sign of even smallest conflict, you dodge it with excuse or lie. Sometimes the consciousness is unbearable what you are doing and you simple gets a meltdown. You feel immense guilt, because your self reflection is running constantly and you know you did wrong...

It took me more than 30 years to understand what my problem is and I am on theraphy, which helped me a lot. But the underlying issue is still there and there is no good medicine for it, without some massive side effect. So I am on Pregabalin and Nicotine pouches, strange combo, but Nicotine dulls everything, everything feels less serious, things and situation don't hurt as much, you are not getting swings and so on. Nicotine in my case (something like a Zin, but from different brand) stabilize me, because without it and I emotional trainwreck. Pregabalin is massive pain reliever, mood enhancer and head closer. Open head is terrible. I don't know how to explain, but normally my head is too open, I see feel everything and that cause those things you said your sister has....and I need to have a job and normal life, so this combo sort of enables me to have normal life.

I can't speak for being bi-polar on the top of that, because if someone would told me that, I would be like ...well good luck with that... in different terms, it must be horrible.


I am only writting this for the perceive greater good, not even my family, GF knows what exactly I am dealing with. And I feel like I intend to keep it that way, given the information on the internet available, I am scared that they would feel like they are in very bad company.

Thank you so much. It is hard on me but it's so much harder on the person that has the problem. I just wish I could help her. Best I can do is listen, I can't even reply when she starts. Because there is no correct answer. I suggested calling her old psychiatrist and it only made things worse.

Even through all her pain and suffering, she does not want to get better. She is an adult woman, I can't force her to do anything. And even if I could, I'd be afraid of what it would do to our relationship.

I just wish I could help.

 

[Azelover]

There isn’t such thing as a “little meltdown” with BPD. I have worked in the mental health field for a very very long time. Even not having someone so close to me with either of the diagnoses you mentioned, can be trying for sure, especially BPD. Most of my time has been spent working on DBT teams which deal primarily with borderline personality disorder. Has she been formally diagnosed? Is she her own guardian? If she has been diagnosed, there is a possibility of petitioning her…that’s of course assuming her meltdowns are actually more than “little” that you expressed.

To add, I’m in no position, nor would I try to give medical or mental health advice. Just trying to help guide you to a possible direction you might be able to take so you can be comfortable in your living situation. We all deserve that. And also, my condolences about your mom.

She is not physical. And yes, she is diagnosed. And she was hospitalised in a psychiatric hospital twice, after suicide attempts. The meltdowns are severe but nothing that would justify taking her by force. She has had a few moments where she was doing a lot better. The death of my mother humbled her for a bit. I said little meltdowns because I have seen worse. But yeah she is just verbal, there is nothing terribly urgent. It's just difficult.

 

[sharp weiner]

This board is filled with personality disorders. We are the folks that everybody else hates. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

 

[cash_longfellow]

She is not physical. And yes, she is diagnosed. And she was hospitalised in a psychiatric hospital twice, after suicide attempts. The meltdowns are severe but nothing that would justify taking her by force. She has had a few moments where she was doing a lot better. The death of my mother humbled her for a bit. I said little meltdowns because I have seen worse. But yeah she is just verbal, there is nothing terribly urgent. It's just difficult.

It definitely sounds difficult. I hope that works out for you. Don’t forget to take care of your own well-being!

 

[John Bilbo]

I think my mother might have BPD. I had to cut her out of my life personally. I've witnessed some weird shit... and some of that shit almost cost me my life.

It's weird, but I feel guilty not staying in contact even after years of therapy.

 

[SF Kosmo]

She is not physical. And yes, she is diagnosed. And she was hospitalised in a psychiatric hospital twice, after suicide attempts. The meltdowns are severe but nothing that would justify taking her by force. She has had a few moments where she was doing a lot better. The death of my mother humbled her for a bit. I said little meltdowns because I have seen worse. But yeah she is just verbal, there is nothing terribly urgent. It's just difficult.

The suicide attempts are very common with BPD, but while they're sometimes serious they're also often histrionic. My ex told me about a past (not at all serious) suicide attempt she had and described it as "the best thing she ever did" because she got so much love and attention and her boyfriend felt so bad and everyone hated him.

She also told me she threatened a previous ex with false rape allegations when he tried to break up with her. That story was one of the reasons why I didn't have sex with her for the last few weeks before we broke up for good.

 

[SlimySnake]

It would ruin my life to live with her long term but if I have to, thinking about this future is like over 50% of why I'm planning to buy a house eventually so I can at least put her in a room and be at the opposite end of it. I mean if it ends up that or my sister is on the street, fuck me.

This is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Dont do this. live your life. Dont put her in a room in your house. She will not stay in that room.

just let her be. She needs to make and pay for her own choices. She wont end up on the streets and if she does then you admit her into a mental institution but do not invite her into you home.

 

[BlackTron]

This is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Dont do this. live your life. Dont put her in a room in your house. She will not stay in that room.

just let her be. She needs to make and pay for her own choices. She wont end up on the streets and if she does then you admit her into a mental institution but do not invite her into you home.

That's kinda where we are now. Just letting her make mistakes and not trying to shield her from herself anymore.

I'm sure she wouldn't stay in that room all the time of course, but the space would help immensely compared to an apartment.

I agree with you that I shouldn't really be in this position but I can't get it out of my head that I should at least be prepared to execute the option. It is not really an excuse for her (because I had the same one) but I'm the only one who knows what her entire childhood was really like.

 

[Mistake]

I'm sure I have something. My current gf is patient enough to offer me perspective though, and I think it's helped

 

[SlimySnake]

I agree with you that I shouldn't really be in this position but I can't get it out of my head that I should at least be prepared to execute the option. It is not really an excuse for her (because I had the same one) but I'm the only one who knows what her entire childhood was really like.

This is classic borderline lol She is making you feel guilty for her problems that her own doing. This is how most guys end up staying too long in relationships with BPD girlfriends because they are made to think they can A) fix her B) they are responsible for her. She's your sister so its different in your case but trust me when i say that it is not your duty to take care of her. She will ruin the lives of your kids, wife and everyone around her.

BPD should be taught in schools tbh. So many guys dont realize what they are getting into because its kept tight lipped. Anyone who talks about it is labeled a misogynist or an asshole. This affects a large percentage of women. Ive heard that it could be as high as 25% but they were mostly talking about BPD traits and how up to 25% of women can exhibit multiple BPD traits. Not enough to be diagnosed BPD officially but to the guy having to put up with these traits, it makes no difference whatsoever.

I really wish people talked about it more because it would help guys see the red flags, and other guys speak and warn others about their experiences. It would also get these women the help they need. Maybe even realize that hey they are the problem though part of the BPD diagnosis is their inability to realize they are the problem so that might never happen. Still, there needs to be a public service announcement of some kind to spread awareness of this disorder.

 

[BlackTron]

This is classic borderline lol She is making you feel guilty for her problems that her own doing. This is how most guys end up staying too long in relationships with BPD girlfriends because they are made to think they can A) fix her B) they are responsible for her. She's your sister so its different in your case but trust me when i say that it is not your duty to take care of her. She will ruin the lives of your kids, wife and everyone around her.

BPD should be taught in schools tbh. So many guys dont realize what they are getting into because its kept tight lipped. Anyone who talks about it is labeled a misogynist or an asshole. This affects a large percentage of women. Ive heard that it could be as high as 25% but they were mostly talking about BPD traits and how up to 25% of women can exhibit multiple BPD traits. Not enough to be diagnosed BPD officially but to the guy having to put up with these traits, it makes no difference whatsoever.

I really wish people talked about it more because it would help guys see the red flags, and other guys speak and warn others about their experiences. It would also get these women the help they need. Maybe even realize that hey they are the problem though part of the BPD diagnosis is their inability to realize they are the problem so that might never happen. Still, there needs to be a public service announcement of some kind to spread awareness of this disorder.

Yeah man I'm extremely sensitive to BPD traits. Not that I have some sort of outward reaction, but feel constantly triggered/annoyed by behavior in others I'm interacting with. TBH I'd say I'm self-aware of being TOO sensitive due to overexposure. When I see a BPD trait I REALLY turn my nose up and GTFO. No tolerance anymore

My sister is extremely transparent when trying to manipulate or get her way. At this point I just throw it back in her face with plain reality and she just hangs up or runs away crying and screaming. Of course she tries to make me feel guilty. I don't care. My concerns about what to do with her over the long haul aren't related to that, it's simply being family.

 

[BlackTron]

The suicide attempts are very common with BPD, but while they're sometimes serious they're also often histrionic. My ex told me about a past (not at all serious) suicide attempt she had and described it as "the best thing she ever did" because she got so much love and attention and her boyfriend felt so bad and everyone hated him.

She also told me she threatened a previous ex with false rape allegations when he tried to break up with her. That story was one of the reasons why I didn't have sex with her for the last few weeks before we broke up for good.

God damn. That reminds me of an ex that told me she was afraid I was going to start getting physical on her soon. I simply gave her a completely puzzled confused look.

Not long after she instigated an argument and during the proceedings raised her hand at me. I just looked her in the eye with another bizarrely puzzled look. No attempt to grab her hand or block or whatever. Just stood there. She ran away instead of being stupid and trying it. Yeah we didn't last much longer.

 

[Days like these...]

Ok so, let me explain my situation first. My sister and I inherited my mom's house since she passed. It's a big house so we decided to live together.

Problem is, my sister has Borderline Personality Disorder.. AND she is Bipolar. AND she doesn't accept treatment.

So basically she has her little meltdowns and I'm having to take it. It's very very difficult.

Anybody else going through something similar?

Ex wife was pwBPD and NPD. I would not wish that hell on my worst enemy. It is just mind boggling that anyone can be that cruel and self centered.

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

I will say that borderline people tend to pick a particular person to focus their crazy on, usually a significant other. In BPD groups they call it their FP (favorite person). The whole core dysfunction of BPD is basically a fear of abandonment and they will spend half their time trying to to test people's limits of tolerance to them and then when they go to far, trying to lure them back in with love and affection and manipulative bullshit.

Sounds a bit like me when I develop a crush. I now tell myself to stop socializing with women because I have only one mode when I develop feelings for someone. It's plutonic.

That said, I occasionally talk with someone who is genuinely interested in me but I'm not making any moves for some reason.

 

[Dural]

My mother in law was diagnosed with it.
Almost got divorced after 11 years of marriage because I told my wife I didn't want to vacation with her mom. She's an absolutely horrible person that I don't want to be around and don't want my kids around her, dads not much better.

 

[Diddy X]

wrong thread

 

[Days like these...]

PwBDP are super controlling, wild mood swings, hysterical crying, huge fights for anything and nothing, gaslighting, manipulative, cruel, and do not respect boundaries, they are incapable of self reflection and are perpetual victims if you have them tell it. My ex used to tell me she hated me, would mock and call me " victim" and "johnny depp" and then would scoff, 30 minutes later she would be playing vulnerable accusing me of not loving her. Total mind fuck

 

[Days like these...]

Borderline is one of the most frustrating and treatment resistant personality disorders, alongside narcissistic personality disorder.

I will say that borderline people tend to pick a particular person to focus their crazy on, usually a significant other. In BPD groups they call it their FP (favorite person). The whole core dysfunction of BPD is basically a fear of abandonment and they will spend half their time trying to to test people's limits of tolerance to them and then when they go to far, trying to lure them back in with love and affection and manipulative bullshit.

I fell into this trap with a BPD girl once. I was in a pretty low place at the time and she was smoking hot. But within a very short time it turns into this roller coaster of abuse and love bombing, and you get conditioned to fight through it. It's like riding a rodeo bull, you're just trying to hang on and you're not really thinking of if you'd be better off letting go.

They're incredibly resistant to getting better, at least the more severe cases. The last time I feel for the cycle, she had told me she was seeing a therapist and getting meds, and trying to get better and it turned out she was just driving her car around for 90 minutes and pretending to go, because she liked her crazy and was only concerned with telling me what she had to so that I wouldn't leave. She knew and accepted her diagnosis but didn't want to change. The break up was a nightmare, I had to move and change my number and get a new job.

Someone I know got involved with a woman a while back and I very quickly recognized the pattern and predicted exactly what was going to happen in the relationship and then watched it all play out over the next year. They're really predictable in their drama and bullshit.

Side note: Both of these women I mentioned worked in the mental health field. And that made not one bit of difference, because any effort to "get help" was just a performance.

One of the reasons it can't be treated is because you can't get through to them. You're just talking to layers and layers of defense mechanisms and maladaptive coping.

 

[chlorate]

One day, we’ll be able to treat BPD, maybe with chemogenetic treatments like DREADDs. Until then, avoidance of BPD people is probably prudent.

 

[EviLore]

Oh, and condolences about your mom.

 

[Boozeroony]

Your home should be a safe place to unwind and relax. Living with someone with BPD is the opposite. Don't.

 

[Doczu]

Thought my wife was borderline, she even went to see a shrink once our marriage was going rough. Many tests, sessions and discussions later she got "luckily" tested for ADD and NPD.
What a combo...

OP you need to distance yourself from her, even if her meltdowns aren't hard on you. Yet. Like anyone else with disorders she needs help, she needs to request it herself and medication should not be skipped. Having someone close to you cray cray is taxing.

 

[IlGialloMondadori]

I sometimes think about how one time she said she was pregnant, but was not. I had had enough by this point, like probably a year and half or madness, and just said seeyah. Like a month later, she had a new bf and was pregnant.
Not gonna put it past her to lie about birth control or poke holes in the condom or something
Sweet Jesus, my life would be different. Just so thankful every day that wasn’t me. I have awesome kids now with someone awesome.

Fuck bpd. Scares the shit out of me still.

 

[Hudo]

Sell the house and split the proceeds. You're only going to end up doing it later anyway unless you want to live with your sister for the rest of your lives. Bite the bullet and just get it done.

This is probably the best advice here.

 

[Humdinger]

I agree with others who've said that it's best to sell the house and live separately. One of the main rules with borderlines is "boundaries! boundaries! boundaries!" It's hard to have boundaries when you're living in the same house. You need your own space, and she needs to handle her own emotional shit on her own, without dumping it on you.

There's no way I'd want to live with someone who has borderline personality. It would be extremely draining.

If she can find a good therapist, that would help. I don't mean to imply that it is your responsibility to get her there. Avoid getting into a "rescuer" mode, especially with someone like this. It's a rabbit hole whose end you'll never reach. But I noticed you said you urged her to see her old psychiatrist, and she bucked. I would not send her to a psychiatrist. They will just reflexively put her on powerful, mind-altering psychiatric meds, which have a wide range of problems, most of which are hidden by the pharmaceutical industry and the psychiatric profession. This will compound her problems and turn her into a permanent "patient." I believe that psychiatry does more harm than good.

Therapy has its share of problems, too, but a good therapist (if you can find one) can really help someone with milder or more dependent forms of BPD (severe BPD is a different matter, very tough). "BPD" is kind of a basket category (as with much of the DSM personality disorders), so the people labelled with it can be dramatically different from each other, in character, behavior, and severity. I've known people with BPD who were totally unreachable, and I've known people with BPD who were good, kind people but also very troubled. The latter were able to benefit from good therapy - although that typically is a long-term process, and you need a good, experienced therapist.

 

[Days like these...]

If anyone is struggling to get out. Here are a few things that helped me

1) do not view them as 2 different people a good one and a bad one they are one and the same. Who they are at their worst is who they are.

2) When they show you who they are
believe them

3) You can't "fix" or "save" them there is no amount of love, compassion, understanding,. forgiveness, empathy that will "fix" them.

4) When they are being emotionally or verbally cruel save yourself more heartache do not appeal to their humanity for them to stop. They have none. The best you can do is try to not show any emotion. If they can't get a rise out of you the verbal and emotional abuse will subside faster.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

I cant imagine how hard it would be to live someone whose bipolar.

Only experience I had with someone acting unpredictable and mental was when I had a bunch of old coworkers over for a party and one said if they could bring her kids. I said ya. Turns out one kid is autistic, so it was the wild west. 10 minutes here he's chill, next 10 minutes he's amped up cussing (not the swearing tourettes tic way). He was like Frankenstein. We all played a card game after dinner and he played and it was freakish. One turn he's chill,, next turn he's psycho mad someone screwed him over forcing him to take cards.

Forget it. Going forward sorry old coworker. Your kids not allowed over next time. I'm trying my best to host a cool chill party for everyone with food, drinks and catching up. Last thing I need is everyone in the room getting freaked out staring at a kid going mental at the dining room table. Hey I'll be honest. I was surprised too.

And all that was across a handful of hours. And I had enough already.