ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO.
NOW, YOU FOLKS KNOW I LOVE CANADIAN BACON. ANYTIME I TAKE A BITE, I FEEL MORE CANADIAN, EH. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE MORE? NOT COMMUNISM, EH.
ANYHOW. WHAT'S THIS DOOHICKEY CONTROLLER THINGAMABOB ON SID'S HEAD, EH? YOU SAYIN' HE AIN'T PUTTIN' EFFORT IN HIS GAME? BOY, THAT JUST AIN'T RIGHT.
LET'S BREAK IT DOWN, EH:
SID WAS EXPECTIN' MALKIN TO PLAY SOME DEFENCE, EH. IF THERE'S ONE THING SID IS GUILTY OF, FOLKS, IT'S TRUSTIN' A NO-GOOD RUSSIAN, EH. WATCH MALKIN PUT EFFORT INTO A FRUITLESS ENDEAVOR, EH. NOW WATCH AS SID IS OBSERVIN' HIM. THAT'S LEADERSHIP, FOLKS. YOU LOOK AT YOUR PLAYERS AN' YOU LET 'EM SPREAD THEIR WINGS, EH. MALKIN'S A RUSSIAN, SO HE AIN'T GOT WINGS TO SPREAD. GOTTA RELY ON US CANADIANS TO DO THE WORK, EH. LESSON LEARNED FOR SID, LET ME TELL YOU.
NOW, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT GOOF OVECHKIN, EH:
LOOK AT THAT. NO EFFORT, EH. HE'S THE CAPTAIN AN' HE AIN'T PUTTIN' ANY EFFORT. THAT'S DISGUSTIN', LET ME TELL YOU FOLKS. ANOTHER MISTAKE IS NAMIN' HIM CAPTAIN, EH. RUSSIANS CAN'T BE CAPTAINS! THAT'S AGAINST THEIR COMMUNIST MANIFESTO, EH. READ IT UP - ACTUALLY, DON'T EVEN. THAT AIN'T RIGHT, EH. UNLIKE SID, OVECHKIN'S A NO-GOOD, LAZY, VISOR WEARIN' RUSSIAN.
LET ME TELL YOU KIDS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM WASHIN' MY HANDS, WHEN I SAW OVECHKIN WALK IN THE BATHROOM. BEIN' A REAL EMBARRASSMENT, HE LEFT THE DOOR OPEN. ANYHOW, HE GOT IN, SAT DOWN, AN' STARTED TEARIN' OFF PAGES FROM THE CANADIAN CHARTER OF RIGHTS AN' FREEDOM, EH. HE WAS LAUGHIN' WHILE DOIN' IT, TOO, EH. THEN I SAW HIM GRAB THE CANADIAN FLAG AN' STARTED WIPIN' HIMSELF WITH IT. BOY, I WAS SO STEAMED, LET ME TELL YOU. SID WALKED IN THE BATHROOM, GOT IN A STALL, EH, LEFT THE DOOR OPEN ('CAUSE THAT'S WHAT GOOD CANADIAN KIDS DO, EH), AN' SAT THERE WRITIN' THE CHARTER ON TOILET PAPER ALL FROM MEMORY. HE STARTED SINGIN' THE NATIONAL ANTHEM WHILE FINISHIN' UP. OVECHKIN WAS SO EMBARRASSED, HE RAN OFF WITHOUT EVEN WASHIN' HIS HANDS AN' BACK TO MOTHER RUSSIA, EH. PROBABLY APOLOGIZIN' TO STALIN FOR EMBARRASSIN' HIMSELF, EH. I STARTED TEARIN' UP, I WAS SO PROUD, EH. YOU KNOW WHO SID REMINDED ME OF? BOBBY ORR. GOD LOVE 'EM.
