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Help: I hate my job

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G

Greddleok

Member
Gaf, I am in terrible need of advice. I genuinely hate my job.
I went on a trip to do some work at my old place and just got hit with so many emotions. I noticed how much happier I was there and how much I dislike where I am now.

I wish it was as simple as quit and go somewhere else (I even got a job offer this week) but it's not.
1) I work for a relatively big cheese. If I piss him off my career prospects within my industry would tank. I need to at least keep him OK and not angry.
2) it would mean a big move and my girlfriend wouldn't be able to come with me for at least 3 years. Would probably kill the relationship.

I just don't know what to do. I've tried enjoying where I am, but the people are all just horrible. I've never worked with such back stabbing bastards, ever.
The boss is fine, but he's never there and so I have to deal with those under him who are so happy when I make a mistake and can report it to him.

I'm waiting at the airport to go back to my old job now and I feel sick to my stomach. I've not been able to sleep the past few nights because I'm dreading going back there so much. What should I do?
 
W

Wessie

Banned
Leave.

The only issue that I see is the relationship stress with your partner. Your personal health and happiness should be number one. I recently left a very well paid job for a big company because I wasn't happy. One of the best decisions of my life.

The doors of opportunity open in different ways when you chase happiness.
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
How old are you?

If you have a good relationship with your boss I would tell him you are looking to pursue other opportunities but that you don't want to put him in a tough spot by not having a replacement. You can then talk about time frames and how you can best transition your role to your eventual rrplacement. That way you and your boss can coordinate with HR to find a replacement.

If you have no relationship with your boss you need to protect yourself first. Leave when you're ready. Put your 2 weeks in and prepare for them to tell you to leave that same day.

As for the gf, if she cannot move with you then you need to decide if you see a long term future with her. If you're young and haven't dated wrong I'd say make the mkve. Oftentimes people have to make career decisions. If your job makes you miserable then she's no doubt noticed. She may be the one to leave you.
 
A

Admiral Woofington

Member
In no situation where you putting in your 2 weeks notice would someone backstab you and ruin future career prospects. Apply to other jobs, put 2 weeks notice, leave.

That is assuming you really think someone would fuck you over if you just quit. Because if not, then just quit. No job is worth your happiness
 
openrob

openrob

Member
Cisce said:
if you really want to leave, find a job before leaving and don't burn any bridges on your way out.
Click to expand...

I'm learning more and more that youj are not a slave to your employer.
Don't piss them off is a good idea, but they would throw you out in a heartbeat if they needed to.

PLay it safe but don't feel bad
 
Z

ZackieChan

Member
Admiral Woofington said:
In no situation where you putting in your 2 weeks notice would someone backstab you and ruin future career prospects. Apply to other jobs, put 2 weeks notice, leave.

That is assuming you really think someone would fuck you over if you just quit. Because if not, then just quit. No job is worth your happiness
Click to expand...

Yeah, I don't see how simply leaving a job with adequate notice would cause any adverse effects, especially when OP says he is a reasonable boss. Leave, dude - your sanity isn't worth it.
 
M

MysticDistance

Banned
Honestly, the best thing to do in this case is leave.

Before you do that, make sure you have another job lined up that you know you will be able to start on your way our of your current job. Make sure to put in a two-weeks notice as well, as you don't want to burn any bridges or potentially face a hiring issue in the future that you'll need to explain.

Don't let yourself suffer if you don't like your current job. There are always better career opportunities out there with environments that are more suitable. Just make sure you plan it out before going, as you want to ensure your finances are stable.
 
G

Greddleok

Member
It's not necessarily that I think my current boss would back stab me, just that when new employers inevitablely go to him for an up to date reference, if I leave, it won't be good. I don't intend to burn any bridges, I really don't have a problem with my boss, just everyone else.

I haven't even been there that long, only 1 year. Just 1 miserable year. It would be an early termination of the contract.
The other alternative is wait until the contract is up and move on. It's just that it's a whole 12 months away.

While in the U.K. I have been working on finding a back up. Had my old boss offer me something off the record, and a previous collaborator has offered to write a grant with me and name me as the person she wants to work with. Both are extremely attractive opportunities but then the girl friend thing comes in. She'd feel like I was abandoning her and I genuinely believe or relationship can focus a long way. So I don't want to jeopardise it.
 
K

Kerensky

Banned
Greddleok said:
Gaf, I am in terrible need of advice. I genuinely hate my job.
I went on a trip to do some work at my old place and just got hit with so many emotions. I noticed how much happier I was there and how much I dislike where I am now.

I wish it was as simple as quit and go somewhere else (I even got a job offer this week) but it's not.
1) I work for a relatively big cheese. If I piss him off my career prospects within my industry would tank. I need to at least keep him OK and not angry.
2) it would mean a big move and my girlfriend wouldn't be able to come with me for at least 3 years. Would probably kill the relationship.

I just don't know what to do. I've tried enjoying where I am, but the people are all just horrible. I've never worked with such back stabbing bastards, ever.
The boss is fine, but he's never there and so I have to deal with those under him who are so happy when I make a mistake and can report it to him.

I'm waiting at the airport to go back to my old job now and I feel sick to my stomach. I've not been able to sleep the past few nights because I'm dreading going back there so much. What should I do?
Click to expand...

Have you considered having a word with your boss to find out what really irks you to keep working?

Any competent manager would be worried on how to create an efficient workplace with content employees. If they stop having something to look forward to, they will stop looking forward.
 
B

bosseye

Member
What are the issues with your job, precisely? You say it's the people, but what about them, who do they do that makes you miserable? Identify the issues, identify your part in them (if any), then see what if anything can be done to mitigate or eliminate them. And once identified, is it worth speaking with your boss and explaining how you feel? Realistically what could be done to change things in the time you have left on your contract.

If the contract is only for one more year you may be able to stick it out and move on after you're done, but ultimately your health and happiness ought to come first and if it's really that bad then just find something else. If your girlfriend can't stick with you over it then you guys weren't meant to be anyway.

Good luck.
 
S

Sgt. Kabukiman

Banned
You should leave. Being in a shitty work environment can be so fucking toxic... Every time it happened to me it felt so good when I left, even though I had to make sacrifices to accomodate the change. I can't really help you figure out the situation with your girlfriend but regarding your career prospects, you will be able to rebound, trust me.
 
P

PerfectFlaw

Member
I'd quit my job for something as little as my boss snubbing me and not pouring me coffee, much less being unhappy. Time to quit.

Is your gf in school or something? I'm curious as to what situation she's in that can't be changed for 3 years.
 
G

Greddleok

Member
Auto-Reply said:
Doesn't sound like you hate your job as you want to stay in the same industry?
Click to expand...

Absolutely, I love the industry. I want to continue doing what I'm doing, just in a better, more friendly environment.

bosseye said:
What are the issues with your job, precisely? You say it's the people, but what about them, who do they do that makes you miserable? Identify the issues, identify your part in them (if any), then see what if anything can be done to mitigate or eliminate them. And once identified, is it worth speaking with your boss and explaining how you feel? Realistically what could be done to change things in the time you have left on your contract.

If the contract is only for one more year you may be able to stick it out and move on after you're done, but ultimately your health and happiness ought to come first and if it's really that bad then just find something else. If your girlfriend can't stick with you over it then you guys weren't meant to be anyway.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

The issues are that everyone wants everyone else to fail. There's no positive interactions between most of the staff, except for a small clique who have been working there for 10+ years. I came in, and many of the senior staff were extremely threatened by me - I'm younger than them and came in with a lot of things that needed to be changed and updated.
Example of them making my life hard is: me swapping a cleaning rota with someone when I was on holiday. I did the week we swapped, then she didn't do the week I was supposed to. So I get back from holiday and it's all my fault. It was a deliberate attempt to undermine me and make me look bad.

The fact we have a cleaning rota irritates me anyway, but that's another issue...
Another example is I have the responsibility to write correspondents. I'm in another country and I don't speak the language sufficiently to write in a professional way, so I get another member of staff to translate (as the boss suggested). She purposefully drags her heels. I sent a single sentence to her to translate and it takes her two weeks. Then she feigns ignorance in meetings about ever receiving the work.

I'm also used to flexible hours. It's standard in my industry. I will work 9-4 one day, then 7-10 another. I often come into work on weekends. The times I leave work "early" always make it to the boss. The times I'm staying late or coming in on weekends don't seem to matter, despite them drastically outweighing the number of times I go early.

I've avoiding mentioning specifics because I'm trying not to whine about it. The culture there is horrible, and that's enough for me to dislike it.

ZackieChan said:
Oh, is this a contract job?
Somehow missed that
Click to expand...

ZackieChan said:
I'm not seeing why quitting with proper notice would mean that you get terrible references?
Click to expand...

It's a contract job. I wasn't clear on that. 2 years minimum, with extensions up to 5 years. Then I'd require a new contract after. I may not get terrible references, but my area is small, and everyone knows everyone. One person saying that I'm not the best candidate because I left before finishing my project could kill it for me.
My plan once I realised I hated it was to finish the two years then leave. Do my minimum and get out. It's just this trip back to my old job has really made everything come to the front. Everything was better where I came from, despite having its problems, they were nothing in comparison, and I now feel very petty complaining about them at the time.

PerfectFlaw said:
Is your gf in school or something? I'm curious as to what situation she's in that can't be changed for 3 years.
Click to expand...

Yup, she's doing a 4 year PhD. One year down...3 to go.
 
n64coder

n64coder

Member
I would finish the contract and I would also try to figure out a way to work better with the existing staff. Try to hang out more with them. Understand and get to know them better. I think that would make the situation better. It sounds like you are more of an individual contributor than a team player.

I've had people that I found difficult to work with but I would make an effort to find an approach to work successfully with them. So instead of coming and going on your own terms/hours, try working more closely with your colleagues.
 
B

bosseye

Member
Sounds toxic OP. If you enjoy the work I'd be tempted to push right back at any and all attempts to undermine you; fuck those guys making you look bad because of their incompetence and insecurities.

Copy your boss in on any correspondence with them. Hard to claim they've not received instruction from you when multiple people were recipients and time/date is easily established. Any changes in standard routines, eg swapping cleaning rotas, copy your boss in. Make sure other people are aware of what plans are then no one can claim ignorance.

Fuck them. I'd get angry. Make me look like a chump would you? I'd push right back, I will not be forced out of a job that I can do and I mostly enjoy. Do your work to a high standard, document everything/cover you arse and don't be their fucking doormat. Man, I'm angry now ha ha.
 
N

NewGame

Banned
Try to get a private moment with your boss and explain what you told us here. Whatever your problem is it sounds like a symptom of a larger problem with the establishment, if your boss is worth his salt he'll understand and if he's not worth working for he'll disagree and think the onus of 'enjoying the job' is entirely your responsibility (tip: it's not)

Be earnest and upfront with him, relate why your other job made you feel better.
 
R

RMI

Banned
I think you should talk to your boss. It sounds like he is hands off about the culture in his office, but it has gone off the rails and become toxic.
 
Drama Zed Nod

Drama Zed Nod

Member
Hi Greddleok

I've been in situations like this my self and the thing that i always find the hardest to deal with is the overwhelming number of variables in making a BIG decision.

Holding it all my mind ends up making me feel like i'm not fully considering things or making a bad decision which in turn ends up making me feel worse and trapped.

Making a big decision is always hard for me because i don't want to live with regret so i use a little method, which might sound really stupid, but i'd love if you tried it.

If it's to personal to write it all down here, that's fine, but do it on your own.

i write out the proposition for change at the top of a piece of paper. In your case, it's "quitting my job".

I then write down absolutely everything i can think of in a Pro and Con column.

after doing that i go through each line and rate them on importance using the following scale:

5 = Critical (Something you either won't or can't budge on)

4 = Important (Something really important, with no immediate solution, but you would consider options)

3 = A concern (Something to take note on where you already have an idea of what you could do to change / better that item)

2 = Not important (Something to note, something that would be nice to have, it's icing on the cake but you can live without it)

1 = Not important (It's here because it's something to note, but these are the first to go because in the grand scheme, it's just fluff).

straight of the bat i could see a few big items for you such as:

day-to-day happiness
work / life balance
sense of achievement
motivation to do things outside of work
relationship stress / arguments with partner
working towards goals (either personal or professional)
feeling burnt out / in need of a break


then the more practical things like:

Continue in the industry / is there any other skills you have
Other job offers
amount of savings / how long can you sustain your self with no income
the quantifiable importance of a bad reference in your industry / area
would your partner / family support and help
will it effect where you stay (tenancy lease, mortgage etc)
how will it effect your hobbies and interests (things you do in your free time to make you happy)


That's really just to get you in the head space of what a list of mine would look like. Obviously yours can look anyway you want.

When I've done this whole process, i start to whittle down the list and make a plan on the highest priorities.

I would then discuss that plan with either my partner , family , friends (who ever you have) and get a few opinions.

Then you just do it. The process will help you maintain how much risk / reward there is in your decision and not make you feel helpless during a scary transition phase as you've put in the groundwork to know your own mind.

if you feel like discussing something like this wouldn't work with someone close to you (you might have personal reasons for this) i'll happily sit down with you to figure out what the core of the unhappiness is and what things you can do to change it with calculated risks.
 
S

Saladinoo

Member
Your old boss that offered you somethign off the record - could you give him a call and have a candid discussion about your worries about leaving this job? Having said that, I would leave the girlfriend part out of that conversation, make it solely about work - as for the relationship the only person you should be talking to about that is her. Best of luck!
 
T

TRUE ORDER

Member
The best thing to do is leave before it affects your health.

Hopefully you have a deal for a job before you quit.

Good luck!
 
Paracelsus

Paracelsus

Member
So either you snap and ruin your resume, or you leave on your own and you still do, or you find a way to double-cross them (see if you can report them for anything) and back off, or you actually move to a different job bullshitting it's for family reasons.
 
G

gamz

Member
As others have said Leave. I left a high paying job years ago because I hated it and didn't even have a job in-line when I left.
 
S

StayDead

Member
Find another job, leave and go to it and never look back.

You have to be happy. You spend 8 hours there 5 days a week and if it's making you miserable it's not right.
 
B

Bruce Springsteen

Member
Greddleok said:
Gaf, I am in terrible need of advice. I genuinely hate my job.
I went on a trip to do some work at my old place and just got hit with so many emotions. I noticed how much happier I was there and how much I dislike where I am now.

I wish it was as simple as quit and go somewhere else (I even got a job offer this week) but it's not.
1) I work for a relatively big cheese. If I piss him off my career prospects within my industry would tank. I need to at least keep him OK and not angry.
2) it would mean a big move and my girlfriend wouldn't be able to come with me for at least 3 years. Would probably kill the relationship.

I just don't know what to do. I've tried enjoying where I am, but the people are all just horrible. I've never worked with such back stabbing bastards, ever.
The boss is fine, but he's never there and so I have to deal with those under him who are so happy when I make a mistake and can report it to him.

I'm waiting at the airport to go back to my old job now and I feel sick to my stomach. I've not been able to sleep the past few nights because I'm dreading going back there so much. What should I do?
Click to expand...

Your girlfriend is not Worth it if you feel she is going to leave you or the relationship is going to be over if you decide to take a new job
 
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