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When Men Cry

W

Widdle Puppy

Banned
FrontalMonk said:
Yeah, I can feel tears well up, but I have a real hard time crying. Pretty sure the last time I cried was at my mother-in-law's funeral, and even then I kept it together until I held her hand.
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same

I have this reaction where I can feel this like tension in my brain which keeps me from letting it out. I'll start to yawn. It's hard to explain but it feels like an emotional blockage built up from years holding back crying in fear of judgement.
 
D

Daingurse

Member
The Futurist said:
I also never said there was anything wrong with crying.

What I said was there is something wrong with breaking down constantly after watching movies.
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Ain't nothing wrong with having an emotional response to a movie, dude. Sounds like you're the one with a hang-up here. Why the fuck do you even care? I cried during Wonder Woman because the shit was hype, lol.
 
P

Prophaniti

Banned
ChrisD said:
Your first post read that even the act of seeing someone cry makes you uncomfortable, in which case, how would you even know what the problem is? Do you approach anyone crying and ask them if they are doing so because of a.) a break-up, b.) cancer, or c.) a death, followed immediately by the action of then walking away knowing if they have a "reasonable" cause for crying or not?
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What!? No I'm not going to approach them. I just always assume something really traumatic happened and that's why. It's not like I'm actively out to get crying people. Of course I would assume they had a good reason. Still makes me uncomfortable but that's my shit.
I know people who just cry for no good reason in public and it grosses me out.

Snkfanatic said:
What exactly are you trying to prove here?
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Not trying to prove anything. The question was about crying. I talked about how it makes me super uncomfortable.
 
T

The Futurist

Member
Daingurse said:
Ain't nothing wrong with having an emotional response to a movie, dude. Sounds like you're the one with a hang-up here. Why the fuck do you even care? I cried during Wonder Woman because the shit was hype, lol.
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Weird.

I walked out of Wonder Woman wanting to jump off a building and wreck something.
 
E

EVOL 100%

Member
Prophaniti said:
If you're actually suffering I don't care. If your "suffering" is regular life then you need to act like an adult and stop crying.

Edit cause I forgot: crying and sadness is absolutely something you can postpone. If you're such a wreck you have to break down every time you have an emotion you should probably seek some kind of counseling.
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No, you getting that upset about people expressing emotions in a completely harmless and natural way to the point of feeling extreme discomfort and disgust is a sign of some deep seated problems.

Seriously, get help.
 
C

cryptic

Member
A thing most people overlook it seems is that men are supposed to be able to handle every problem the world can throw at them.
Men are supposed to be the symbol of unbeatable humanity, at least that's what media and those around me raised me to think.
I think when men cry, it is less an individual thing, but more a show of the weakness of humanity in general.
When I saw my father cry for the first time, I was so frightened to think there were problems he couldn't handle.
In that instant he became someone else, a brush with hopelessness.
When a woman, I think men see it as more individual, more a problem we can solve, of someone we can help, and they take such offense when they're not allowed to help.
People don't want to face their powerlessness in the day to day.
 
A

akira28

Member
kirblar said:
That's how it worked for me (and for someone else in the thread) and I've seen trans men express similar experiences about their transition to male hormones. It obviously won't be the same experience for everyone, but it was definitely that for me. I cried all the time as a kid, but as an adult, it's occasionally a few tears at a sad scene, and the last time anything broke me down was when my cat died unexpectedly years back. I'm not actively repressing the crying - it turned off on its own.
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i have my doubts. and it seems to reinforce the idea that physically mature adult males have a physiological reason for not crying instead of a psychological one.
 
P

Prophaniti

Banned
EVOL 100% said:
No, you getting that upset about people expressing emotions in a completely harmless and natural way to the point of feeling extreme discomfort and disgust is a sign of some deep seated problems.

Seriously, get help.
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Disgusted was the wrong word. Way past the point for an edit now though.

Edit: or not.
 
M

Mammoth Jones

Member
Depends on the reason.

I was definitely raised not to cry unless absolutely required (death, dying, wedding, birth of a child etc) but crying just cause I'm frustrated would be looked down on.

Used to cry a great deal when I was younger (teenager) now I rarely cry. It's been years. My aunts funeral :( Just don't feel the need.

I personally don't look down on crying. But I don't look down on not crying either.
 
Darklor01

Darklor01

Might need to stop sniffing glue
If anything, it should be seen as a sign that something has rocked a man to his core. In my experience, this is not seen where I live in the U.S. as a sign of weakness. It's a very subjective thing though.
 
T

TickleMeElbow

Member
I get your point, but on the other hand is it weird that I don't go around comforting random people on the street who are crying?

I wouldn't do that if it was a man or woman.

I mean if I was crying I wouldn't want some random person trying to get all up in my shit.
 
R

Replicant

Member
I think it's high time that society have serious discussion over masculinity, feminity, and redefining those traits in ways that are less toxic and exclusionary.
 
SolidSnakeUS

SolidSnakeUS

Member
I will say, ever since my mother passed away over 4.5 years ago, I've become way more susceptible to crying. I guess more sensitive to a few things. Death does some crazy things to you.
 
U

Username1198

Member
TickleMeElbow said:
I get your point, but on the other hand is it weird that I don't go around comforting random people on the street who are crying?

I wouldn't do that if it was a man or woman.

I mean if I was crying I wouldn't want some random person trying to get all up in my shit.
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I get your point, but still, a quick "are you ok " shouldn't feel weird.

If the person doesn't want any help, I'm sure they will say "yea I'm fine." and you can just move on.

Edit: I totally get why some people wouldn't ask.
 
L

Linkark07

Banned
jwk94 said:
Man, I saw some really nice women's high tops the other day. Things felt really good to wear, but I needed a size up because they were too tight. They stopped making the size I needed -_-

Someone needs to destroy the stigma against men shopping for clothes. I'm so, so tired of looking at the same styles in 90% of stores. Meanwhile, women have so much stuff to choose from. I'm jealous as hell.
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Same here. One of the reasons I don't like men clothes too much is that they are basically the same. Shirt, jeans and shoes. Same fucking style of clothes almost everyday.

But, even if that changes in developed countries, backward countries like Latin Americans will take centuries before they might even accept that.

Back on OT, that reminds back in High School, I cried almost all the morning. At least my classmates didn't mock me. And yes, I still tear up easily. But since men shouldn't cry, I usually try to hide it.
 
M

Messofanego

Banned
I work in mental health, so come across crying men. I offer my support, lend an ear to what the issue is, pat their back and tell them it's fine to let it out. I haven't come across a crying man in public, but I hope I would do the same.

I'd rather a man cry their eyes out and get it out of their system as emotional catharsis instead of bottle it all up inside to never share your emotions with others and potentially contribute to the very high male suicide rate.

hide-your-smiling-faces-poster.jpeg

Hide Your Smiling Faces is a great film about this.
 
?

____

Member
Mammoth Jones said:
Depends on the reason.

I was definitely raised not to cry unless absolutely required (death, dying, wedding, birth of a child etc) but crying just cause I'm frustrated would be looked down on.

Used to cry a great deal when I was younger (teenager) now I rarely cry. It's been years. My aunts funeral :( Just don't feel the need.

I personally don't look down on crying. But I don't look down on not crying either.
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Yep, this is how I feel. I cried a lot as a kid for stupid attention-seeking reasons in school, but honestly haven't cried since middle school. I'm 30 now, and can only imagine the next time I'll cry is if/when my mother or siblings pass away.

Can't say I -understand- why people cry for what some would consider minuscule things like movies, "someone said something I didn't like", having a bad day, etc., male OR female. But I do understand and respect that everyone's different.
 
J

johancruijff

Banned
i cry everytime i'm hungover

over the most dumb shit, like a documentary or sport news

i don't even sob, just eyes pouring water

weird stuff
 
kamineko

kamineko

Does his best thinking in the flying car
the stigma is part of a larger phenomenon known as "toxic masculinity"

see if you can find other examples in this thread

collect them all
 
L

Lumpy Onion

Member
The older I get the more I seem to tear-up watching movies/shows or hearing a song. In a way I'm not crying over the movie itself but using it as a kind of cathartic moment to release my own grief I have bottled up. I've lost some people very close to me to tragedy over the years but was ever able to muster up a tear for them. It's odd how emotions work sometimes.

I mentioned this to a close friend and he said that crying was weak and he actually said that I was "hurting the male species". That sounds completely insane to me.
 
N

NESpowerhouse

Perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man before throwing him out of a plane.
The last time I seriously cried was when I watched the scene in One Piece where they're burning the Merry and the music plays. Cried for 2 days straight. This was over 2 years ago. Haven't cried since. I'm beginning to feel like I'm incapable of feeling sad. Someone please help me.
 
P

PingPongvonLaserstein

Member
Dumb shit makes me cry pretty often. Music, movies, etc. I can't remember the last time I cried in a situation where it might be considered "appropriate", however. Like I might feel incredibly sad about a death in the family, but for whatever reason tears don't factor into my grieving process.

Actually, thinking about it now, I think I'm way more prone to happy tears than sad ones.
 
K

Knuckle Sandwich

Member
I cry a lot but it's usually at shows or movies. Something touching or inspirational with some music behind it and I'm a baby.

I watch movies that I know will do that with my sons so they know it's ok to feel and don't buy into that macho Man bullshit.
 
M

Misha

Banned
akira28 said:
i have my doubts. and it seems to reinforce the idea that physically mature adult males have a physiological reason for not crying instead of a psychological one.
Click to expand...

why not both? as a transwoman, hrt makes me feel emotional a lot more intensely but at the same time I'm way more willing to express it (and I started expressing it more before then like at movies anyway)
 
M

matrixman92

Member
it doesnt take much for me to cry. I cried for like 2 weeks after my dog died last month multiple times a day. And i cry often at sad movies, tv shows, etc...
 
G

Goofalo

Member
I joked earlier, sort of.

But the last two times I cried.

Happy cry: I worked on the Obama '08 campaign. On election night, when Ohio was called for Obama, I wept. I wept for a good long time. Then, I hooked up with another staff member that I had put off hooking up with.

Sad cry: I was recovering from cancer surgery, had a chemo pump attached to me chest, and I lost 120 lbs. I did not want to live anymore. So I curled into a ball and cried.

Crying is good. Crying is healthy. Everyone should cry.
 
C

Contica

Unconfirmed Member
I don't understand this. At all. Maybe I live in a very progressive country, or just around progressive people, but the only place I have ever encountered this mentality is online. As in people talking about it.

It's such a weird thing to me, that crying is a weakness.
 
E

Elfotografoalocado

Banned
I very rarely cry, unless I really feel like I made a terrible mistake that will hurt me or others badly.
I do hope I'm not repressing my emotions, and I usually tell people how I feel.
I guess my life is too free of worries, although it does have some stressful moments.
 
N

NESpowerhouse

Perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man before throwing him out of a plane.
matrixman92 said:
it doesnt take much for me to cry. I cried for like 2 weeks after my dog died last month multiple times a day. And i cry often at sad movies, tv shows, etc...
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That's another thing. Our dog got unexpectedly hit by a car and died this past January, and I didn't feel a hint of sadness. I just kinda felt down for the rest of the day whereas when another one of our dogs died around 6 years ago, I cried all afternoon. Nothing phases me anymore. It's extremely difficult for me to get emotional at anything anymore as opposed to during my teen years where I would tear up all the fucking time.
 
G

gun_haver

Member
I rarely cry, but I do sometimes. Often enough I don't keep count or dates. If it's to do with my own life, it's usually delayed until I process whatever is happening.

When it's out of sadness, I feel self-conscious - regardless of whether I'm alone, which I usually am - which could either just be my usual self-consciousness or some ingrained partriarchal reflex, I really don't know. I sometimes just feel sceptical of the validity of my own feelings and this tends to stop a gushing emotion in its tracks.

When it's out of happiness or some beautiful moment (this can include a film), I am just happy to have a strong emotion like that because they don't come along every day, so I try to enjoy it as much as I can.

As far as people judging men for crying, well, I don't think I even really need to say that's a stupid thing to do. I wouldn't take that opinion seriously no matter who expressed it to me, just throw that shit away. Sure some people cry too much, probably, but everyone has different reasons and a different threshold for it.

Like with most things, it's only a gender issue because a bunch of idiots are trying to make it that way. I don't even think of it along those lines.
 
J

JoJoShabadoo

Member
I was listening to a Bill Burr podcast yesterday and he said something that actually struck me as true. Basically he said the reason women are able to mature, move on, process things, etc. more easily than men is because they cry. Something upsets them, they cry, talk to their friends about it, let it all out and move on with their lives.

Meanwhile guys just act like everything is fine, don't talk about shit, then have all this pent up aggression and hostility in their system for years.

He's probably right.
 
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