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From virgin into an open relationship in 2 weeks, need some guidance

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P

Philippo

Member
I feel like this post:
Tobe said:
EviLore said:
What's your level of experience, Tobe?
Click to expand...

Shit evilore damn level of exp on this kinda things? To put it blunty I just came out of pallet town and I got matched against the elite 4 (in this case 12, 8 chicks and 4 other guys)
Click to expand...

Hi Gaf, i already recently told some bits of the story via Dating-Age thread, but i wanted to tell it from start, and in all honesty actually writing down the whole thing can help me clear my mind.

Basically, there's this girl from my college class, incredibly attractive, hot, fun, with lots of personality and very popular as well (which initially made me a little bit anxious). We've been barely friends for some months, then started texting. Tried to set up a date but due to a misunderstanding we both thought the other one wasn't interested.

Anyway, in the end found out it wan't true, so a couple of weeks ago i tried to set up a new date, which ended up being super cute, but nothing concrete happened.
Then last saturday we met once again, me i was super anxious because we both left the 21st for our respective homes for the holidays and won't see each other for 3 weeks so i wanted to do something like kissing her to see if this was actually going somewhere.
The day started horribly because she told me she'd only have 1 hour at best for me because after she had job and a christmas party with her collegues (and there i planned ice skating ugh...) so i was already bummed out.
But then things started snowballing super-fast: she didn't need to work any more, so we went to a nice bar, drink something, then unexpectedly she ended up kissing me.
Walked her towards the party, then 10min after she calls me and says they blewed her off, and asked if we could spend some more time together. Spend some more time making out, then i say "wanna come home and watch a movie", but just as a joke, and she actually says yes. I go into full panic mode because fuck it's happening and i'm still a virgin and i haven't planned this at all!. Then we hit home, put a movie on (THE FUCKING PHANTOM MENACE) and the sex comes.
Congrats on me i guess, even if i think it was awkward and just bad (may also need additional advices on this lol).

So until this it sounds normal, amazing even, but of course there's a downside:

When we kissed, tells me she recently (don't know how recently though) came out of a painful year long relationship with a heroin-addict guy that as a last nail on the coffin cheated on her, and how for now she wants something lighter, in fact she's also seeing someone else (dind't gave me any other details, and i frankly don't want to know).
Asks me if i'm okay with this, and that if i'm seeing someone else she's not bothered.
I said yes, for a variety of reasons:
-even if i'm most definitely looking for something serious, or at least monogamous, it's not like i have a Ted Mosby Syndrome with an engagement ring in my closet for every occasion, i can very much settle for something lighter
-everything can happen: we build this relationship together and maybe she decides to only be with me, or maybe dump me for the other guy; i get sick of this unstable thing, or maybe i simply call it off for some other things; i mean, the possibilities of how this can end are endless
-even if i am bothered by this, we just started something, it really is too soon to have any kind of claim on the matter
-i mean she slept with me so soon no way i'm dropping this now lmao

I am glad she told me this as soon as she thought necessary, so just after our first kiss, makes her sound like someone honest instead of a potential cheater. And when the day after i wrote her to take her easy about all of this she thanked me for being understandable.

Of course i can externally look as calm and undestandable as you want, but it's much harder than i thought. Like, everytime she's talking with someone else one some social network, or just saying to me she can't see me because she's busy, how can i not think as if she's with this other guy doing things? Plus, while i'd love to keep constant contact with her because unsurprisingly i'm already invested, i have to play the "keep yourself silent for a while, let her search you" bullshit, which i'm ok with to an extent, but i even have to double on this because we're supposedly doing this as a light thing, if i start treating this as a normal relationship she might very well find herself pressed.

So i really don't know, she's really special and worht the fight if you ask me, but on the same time i don't know if i'm able to play this game of really restraining myself, i mean it's a pretty thin situation considering where i was just two weeks ago.
I mean i'm already having mood swings, from super hopeful to just horny af to already defeated, and it has just been a few days lol

TL;DR she took my virginity, she's seeing someone else, i'm 50% okay with this but don't know how to handle it, need advice
plus sex tips
Anyone had similar experiences? Any tips, wise words?
 
M

MartyStu

Member
My man, congrats on the sex.

Now go forth and have sex with the millions of other girls out there who do not come with baggage.
 
P

Prologue

Member
Pyrrhus said:
Advice? Run. You're in over your head, kid.
Click to expand...

.


And worth the fight? Special? You barely know her. You were a virgin, go find a more stable relationship. Before you become too bitter to enjoy the real thing when it comes and you ruin that.
 
F

FZZ

Banned
When we kissed, tells me she recently (don't know how recently though) came out of a painful year long relationship with a heroin-addict guy that as a last nail on the coffin cheated on her, and how for now she wants something lighter, in fact she's also seeing someone else (dind't gave me any other details, and i frankly don't want to know).
Click to expand...

Breh she's using use as a fuck toy/rebound, get some self respect. Starting off your first relationship as an open one (I'm assuming this is your first) isn't a good idea.

But if you're still okay with all that because the you think the pussy is worth it, then all I can say is keep on fucking. Practice makes perfect, that's really the best answer. Also try kegels.
 
S

Soriku

Junior Member
-Don't expect something long term.

-But keep eating da booty like groceries for as long as you can until you find someone else.
 
S

Skux

Member
Nope. Do not wait around for her to make up her mind. Right now you are just being used. If you want a relationship more than she does it will fuck with you unless you manage to have no feelings for this girl (which you already do).
 
N

Ninja Scooter

Member
If you can be honest with yourself about what you want and where you see this going i'd say go for it. But no offense, I'd be doubtful that someone so young and inexperienced can handle this without catching feelings and having this end up with an update thread where you are stalking her.
 
M

moorecore

Neo Member
First off, congratulations! Take it as a big confidence boost and get out there and meet some other girls perhaps in a better situation. While this girl isn't necessarily a bad person, there's a load of baggage laid out from the offset here and it is probably best that you dont get emotionally invested.
 
T

The Enchanter

Neo Member
It just sounds like she wants to keep it casual, so be wary of holding on for something more.

It can be hard if you have feelings for her but it seems like you want different things in a relationship at the moment. And that's perfectly OK. At the moment you're in danger of getting hurt though.

All the best.
 
N

Noaloha

Member
How much of that open-heart post can you explain to her in person? She was straight-up with you, try to be straight-up with her.
 
R

Ricky Ricardo

Member
There are so many red flags here, good grief.

Painful past relationship: check
Rush into intimacy: check
Seeing another man (men): check
Trust already on shaky ground: check
Emotional attachment: check

This is already halfway in the grave OP

You need to step back, all the way back and seriously consider if this is how you want things to go. It sounds like you've been a quick hit and you're being played like a fiddle.

Do NOT see her again until you truly come to grips with your feelings. Stop stalking her on social media, cut that out now.

If you aren't down for an open relationship, tell her honestly how you feel and if you don't get the response you're looking for, bail the hell out.

These complex relationships almost never end well. I JUST got out of one. Make this as painless as possible OP. You will suffer, there's a massive chance of that.
 
Seraph_Nicholas

Seraph_Nicholas

Member
This relationship is going NOWHERE, and that's fine. Have a lot of sex, be safe, and stay friends with her when you move on to someone who shares your goals.
 
K

Kyne

Member
you seem new to this so I'll be blunt:

  • you're definitely a rebound guy.
  • if the sex wasn't that good and she's in rebound mode, you can bet she's fucking other dudes and right now the most important dude to her is the one who fucks the best.
  • this is a really bad way to start a relationship, especially your first real sexual one.
  • speaking of starting a relationship, you haven't started a relationship.
  • let me reiterate, you are not in a relationship

a lot of times GAF is wrong about shit like this.

this is not one of those times.
 
I

ISWThunder

Member
Act like this is the tutorial to a new game. You're learning the ropes and there's no fear of fucking up because the real game hasn't even started.

Rarely does your first relationship turn out well. Have fun, be a good partner and remember, it's college. Use her popularity to expand your social circle and when it ends, you'll be in a much better position than when it started. And if it turns into mutual love, then even better.
 
D

DeathoftheEndless

Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
Philippo said:
for now she wants something lighter, in fact she's also seeing someone else (didn't gave me any other details, and i frankly don't want to know).
Click to expand...

You can do the friends with benefits thing, but you should not hope for a serious relationship with this girl.
 
P

Pau

Member
If what you eventually want is a monogamous relationship, be proactive about it. Doesn't mean you have to stop seeing this girl in the meantime (just be honest about it) but don't put yourself in a situation where you're wishing this relationship was something more despite what you two agreed on.

Ideally you don't have to feel like a relationship is a game by trying to be distant and cool. There will be some level of wondering if you're being too clingy or whatever but if you want to talk to someone, talk to them. If they don't want to talk to you at the same rate, you can find someone who does.
 
G

gdt

Member
This is gonna be reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal hard for you. You are gonna start really digging her only cause she's fucking you.




Just keep fucking her. When she breaks your heart it'll be a good experience too.
 
N

Not

Banned
Ricky Ricardo said:
There are so many red flags here, good grief.

Painful past relationship: check
Rush into intimacy: check
Seeing another man: check
Trust already on shaky ground: check
Emotional attachment: check

This is already halfway in the grave OP

You need to step back, all the way back and seriously consider if this is how you want things to go. It sounds like you've been a quick hit and you're being played like a fiddle.

Do NOT see her again until you truly come to grips with your feelings. Stop stalking her on social media, cut that out now.

If you aren't down for an open relationship, tell her honestly how you feel and if you don't get the response you're looking for, bail the hell out.

These complex relationships almost never end well. I JUST got out of one. Make this as painless as possible OP. You will suffer, there's a massive chance of that.
Click to expand...

Damn
 
L

LegendofDragoonLives

Member
This sounds like one of those where you have sex for your first time and instantly fall for her after. Continue to have sex with her until you get really good in bed.. orr ehh better than you are now :p. This is a good opportunity for you.

Phyranion said:
Don't listen to GAF. They give the worst advice, especially when it comes to relationships.
Click to expand...
I agree with this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
 
Dice//

Dice//

Banned
Use it as a chance to 'get gud' sexually and remain in an open relationship yourself. She seems like she needs space and has a lot of stuff to work out herself (like everyone else is saying, don't fall in love, if you already are, give yourself space from her), just kinda chill with her and keep your own options open.

You spend your time obsessed with one person you may miss the others who are looking at you.
 
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