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VICE - Pizza is a sandwich

X

XiaNaphryz

LATIN, MATRIPEDICABUS, DO YOU SPEAK IT
https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/pizza-is-a-sandwich

Pizza is a sandwich. Pizza is the world's most popular hot open-faced sandwich.

It's a scandalous idea for a scandalous time. But there is a method behind this mad declaration and I truly believe that if you follow the chain of reasoning you will liberate your mind from all false consciousness.
Click to expand...

Jeb Lund's groundbreaking 2014 meditation on sandwich ontology in The Guardian has already established that a hot dog is unquestionably a sandwich—as is a taco, and all wraps. Likewise, the following chart making the rounds on social media highlights a rough map of sandwich schools of thought, which is useful as a starting place for discussion.
Click to expand...

TXVNrvw.jpg


But we are not here to play games. We are here to establish a scientific method of sandwich classification. And, just as Marx observed in the introduction to the Grundrisse that "human anatomy holds the key to the anatomy of the ape," so too I believe that pizza holds the key to the taxonomy of the sandwich.

After three consecutive days of heated group deliberation on Twitter, it is possible to outline the basic principles of sandwich-ness. We must start at the beginning. What is a sandwich? At its most fundamental, a sandwich must have a bread base. Separate slices of bread, bread that has been cut down the middle but not separated, and wraps are all acceptable.

Sandwiches should also be primarily savoury. Sweet ingredients may be used, but the flavour profile of the sandwich should ultimately be predominantly savoury. Similarly, a sandwich must function as a meal. The ideal sandwich should be a nutritionally complete assemblage of complex carbs, vegetables, protein, and fat, but obviously this is not mandatory. But it rules out dessert sandwiches, so while ice cream sandwiches, pop tarts, and the like pay homage to the essential genius of the sandwich form, they are novelties—not true sandwiches. So-called "Radical Sandwich Anarchy" is culinary nihilism.

So far, so good. There is an obvious and perhaps ultimately intractable disagreement between partisans of the open-faced sandwich and reactionaries who would disqualify them for inclusion as true sandwiches. Obviously the ideal sandwich is one that can be eaten solely with hands but I don't think utensils, as distasteful as they are, necessarily disqualify something as a sandwich (e.g. the hot turkey sandwich, in either its closed or open-faced varieties). This dispute can only be settled on the streets.

As a believer that open-faced sandwiches are sandwiches, the logical conclusion is that pizza fits all of the basic sandwich criteria outlined above.
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E

EmCeeGramr

Member
The thesis here is that a pizza is an open faced sandwich, which makes it a sandwich.

This is flawed because open faced "sandwiches," much like deep dish "pizzas," are examples of mimicry in the food kingdom. Like a snake or butterfly that pretends to be its deadlier distant kin, these foods merely adopt similar morphologies to more popular foods.


In fact, one could argue that the open faced sandwich genus is the only type of food that is not a sandwich. You could divide foods into two taxons: Sandwichae and Pseudosandwichae.


Hoisted by your own petard, Vice.
 
L

lord

Member
I like this, tostadas are sanwiches too. I guess the ceviche tostada is a structural rebel on neutral ingredients. Or is the differentiator is the corn vs wheat of the base part. Interesting.

Shrimp-Ceviche-Tostada-3.jpg
Click to expand...
 
B

Beartruck

Member
EmCeeGramr said:
The thesis here is that a pizza is an open faced sandwich, which makes it a sandwich.

This is flawed because open faced "sandwiches," much like deep dish "pizzas," are examples of mimicry in the food kingdom. Like a snake or butterfly that pretends to be its deadlier distant kin, these foods merely adopt similar morphologies to more popular foods.


In fact, one could argue that the open faced sandwich genus is the only type of food that is not a sandwich. You could divide foods into two taxons: Sandwichae and Pseudosandwichae.


Hoisted by your own petard, Vice.
Click to expand...
I got as far as you dissin deep dish and went blind from rage.
 
P

Princess Viola

Member
I'm convinced at this point that people are just trolling when it comes to sandwiches.

Either that or some dude got REALLY mad when a sandwich shop wouldn't make him a pizza.
 
H

Htown

STOP SHITTING ON MY MOTHER'S HEADSTONE
open-face sandwiches aren't even sandwiches, let alone pizza

even if you allow open-face sandwiches, pizza doesn't count. A sandwich is created when you take separate, previously cooked/prepared ingredients and put them on bread. A pizza crust is baked at the same time and place as the rest of the pizza.

You might as well say that a pie is a sandwich
 
F

Fantastapotamus

Wrong about commas, wrong about everything
Fuck off.
This meme is old and was never funny.
Surprised they could resist and didn't mention pineapple.

Edit:
EXCEPT they have a link to an even stupider article about corn being "the real enemy".
Just fuck off with this shit.
 
E

Einchy

semen stains the mountaintops
Not a fan of this X is a sandwich food meme.

Pineapple pizza is the superior facetious food war meme.
 
B

border

Member
By this line of reasoning, lasagna is a sandwich. Shit, you could go so far as to say that lasagna is a hamburger.

Oh, and I guess Apple pie would be a sandwich too. Or pretty much any other pie that has a crust.
 
M

Moose Biscuits

It would be extreamly painful...
border said:
By this line of reasoning, lasagna is a sandwich. Shit, you could go so far as to say that lasagna is a hamburger.

Oh, and I guess Apple pie would be a sandwich too. Or pretty much any other pie that has a crust.
Click to expand...

Lasagna is just a 'go 'za without the crust.
 
X

XiaNaphryz

LATIN, MATRIPEDICABUS, DO YOU SPEAK IT
border said:
By this line of reasoning, lasagna is a sandwich. Shit, you could go so far as to say that lasagna is a hamburger.

Oh, and I guess Apple pie would be a sandwich too. Or pretty much any other pie that has a crust.
Click to expand...

If you're a Radical Sandwich Anarchist, yes.

Fight the power!
 
Q

QuiteWhittle

Member
Is there a version of the chart for soups? As a member of the "breakfast cereal in milk is soup" faction, I'd like to know I stand.
 
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