Support NeoGAF

donkey show · Mar 31, 2011

http://www.dailycomet.com/article/20110331/WIRE/110339901/1008?p=1&tc=pg&tc=ar

You just dont date at colleges, says Adams, 23, now a Fordham graduate student in urban studies.

But theres no shortage of casual sex on campus, she says - in part because Fordham, like many colleges, has significantly more women than men. Adams says that means guys have the upper hand when it comes to intimacy.

Its kind of like a competition, she says. The guys have their choice of whoever they want. So they think, Why would I date? 

The relationship game among college-age adults today is a muddle of seemingly contradictory trends. Recent studies indicate that traditional dating on campuses has taken a back seat to no-strings relationships in which bonds between young men and women are increasingly brief and sexual. (A new website to arrange these encounters that began at the University of Chicago last month now is expanding to other campuses.)

But even as casual sex - often called hookups or friends with benefits - is a dominant part of campus life, a new report by the National Center for Health Statistics indicates the percentages of men and women 18-24 who say they are virgins also are increasing.

The women wind up competing with each other for access to the men, and often, that means relationships become sexual quicker, says Regnerus, co-author of Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think About Marrying, released earlier this year. It is based on an analysis of four national studies representing a total of 25,000 young people ages 18-23 and more than 200 additional interviews.

Men dont have to work as hard as they used to, to woo a woman, he says. Ive talked to various interviewees who had never been on a date, which doesnt really make sense, given theyre pretty attractive. Its just that less seems to be required to be in the company of a woman.

The percentage of those who claim virginity appears to be increasing, according to a National Center for Health Statistics study released this month of 2006-08 data. Among 18- and 19-year-olds, about one-quarter of men and women said they hadnt had sexual contact with another person, up from 17 percent of women and 22 percent of men in 2002. Among those ages 20-24, 12 percent of women and 13 percent of men said they were virgins, up from 8 percent for both sexes in 2002.

Friends my age have not said they have chosen to be virgins, says Ashley Thompson, 23, who will receive her masters degree in public health from Ohio State University-Columbus in June.

While sexual experimentation is a part of life for many young people, Reis-Dennis, a history and literature major, says there also are many who dont want to have a throwaway sexual experience.

Personally, a lot of my friends at school have had sex, she says. As many, if not more, havent.

Haron says his circle of friends, which includes about 15 guys, some with girlfriends, all have looked at porn and are trying to stay away from it. Porn is easy, he says. I think thats why a lot of guys are drawn to that. Its so easy to get and theyre not going to be rejected, so why try with a girl?

Been married for a couple years now, so I've been way out of the loop with all these dating shenanigans, but I can remember back at UC Irvine it being like this about a decade ago when I was there. Just didn't think it was that big of a deal, especially when living in the dorms. Although I did end up in a 2 year relationship after a "hookup."

What say you college-GAF? Doing your thing or forever alone?

Stat Flow · Mar 31, 2011

I don't like being around stupid people. Most people (guys and girls) are stupid.

I also am way too lazy to put the effort into looking for someone, so I figure I'll bump into someone eventually. I'm young (19) though so I have time. I can't count for what the general populous does during their activities.

I'm not a virgin, however.

DominoKid · Mar 31, 2011

the whole 'hookup' culture kinda confuses me even though i'm an active participant.

i kinda feel like i'm being a little too focused on short-term gratification sometimes.

Flo_Evans · Mar 31, 2011

TheSeks · Mar 31, 2011

Forever alone and mostly by choice.

And I don't even go to college, despite being college aged.

Nappuccino · Mar 31, 2011

This is not my college experience at all. Everyone here is in long term relationships... very very few girls are doing the random hookup thing.

Pollux · Mar 31, 2011

Well I did the random hookup for Freshman year, and most of sophmore year, then met my current girlfriend. I dunno frat parties and random hookups get a little old after a while, and it is nice to have the consistency.

Bubbins · Mar 31, 2011

donkey show said:
but I can remember back at UC Irvine it being like this about a decade ago when I was there.

The answer presents itself...

GameplayWhore · Mar 31, 2011

That's it. Next time I reboot this stupid game, I'm going to Fordham.

samus i am · Mar 31, 2011

I broke up with my ex Dec 2010 and have done the hookup or friends with benefits thing ever since. After a while it kind of gets old and you start to want something more serious.

Ferrio · Mar 31, 2011

Lucky them, opposite where I live. Men outnumber woman by quite a bit I imagine.

Pollux · Mar 31, 2011

samus i am said:

I broke up with my ex Dec 2010 and have done the hookup or friends with benefits thing ever since. After a while it kind of gets old and you start to want something more serious.

Click to expand...

Glad I'm not the only one that thought the parties and hookups got old.

TurboLibre · Mar 31, 2011

I wonder if the increase of the hookup culture is causing the increase in virgins. Not everyone is down with sleeping around, and it really seems like if you don't immediately try to get the girl in the sack she will move onto someone who will. Just look at the girl-age thread, if you're not nailing her by the third date they act like you don't have a chance anymore and are automatically "friendzoned".

Maybe it's true though, I donno.

ZealousD · Mar 31, 2011

I think the growth of internet porn and the growing culture of focusing on college education are the main drivers of this trend. At least the virgin part. The hookup culture is just because traditional ideas about sex are breaking down.

Plasmid · Mar 31, 2011

samus i am said:
I broke up with my ex Dec 2010 and have done the hookup or friends with benefits thing ever since. After a while it kind of gets old and you start to want something more serious.

Same here, although my last real relationship ended in December 2009 i've had around 4 other girls throughout, now i'm bored of hookups and actually want to connect with someone.

Although hooking up is still something i'd do, this report doesn't really shock me considering this is how my junior and senior high school years were.

Tenks · Mar 31, 2011

There are probably quite a few reasons for it. Girls are much more apt to give it up early so there really is no reason to commit unless you're the type of guy who wants commitment. We are simply offered choices now for our sexual pleasure. We can either roll the dice daily to have sex with different partners or go the consistency route. Prior to this era (save maybe the hippie rebellion) no other generation was offered this kind of choice.

Also like they said; internet porn.

Luscious LeftFoot · Mar 31, 2011

Nappuccino said:
This is not my college experience at all. Everyone here is in long term relationships... very very few girls are doing the random hookup thing.

I'd hazard a guess, the majority just aren't announcing it.

Tenks · Mar 31, 2011

Tkawsome said:
I wonder if the increase of the hookup culture is causing the increase in virgins. Not everyone is down with sleeping around, and it really seems like if you don't immediately try to get the girl in the sack she will move onto someone who will. Just look at the girl-age thread, if you're not nailing her by the third date they act like you don't have a chance anymore and are automatically "friendzoned".

Maybe it's true though, I donno.

........

The advice in girl-age has obviously gone over your head. The issue is it is very difficult to come off as a sexual person unless you're nailing her. There are ways around it, and you can tell her you don't want to have sex right now, but you better well be making out with her. You get friendzoned if you're seen as an asexual slug; not exactly actively nailing her.

ZealousD · Mar 31, 2011

Tenks said:
Also like they said; internet porn.

I think it's kinda funny that those that are against pornography like to claim that it turns people into sexual deviants or something.

But if anything, I think it's contributing to the declining birth rates in many industrialized nations, especially Japan.

donkey show · Mar 31, 2011

Bubbins said:
The answer presents itself...

Well, we didn't have campus websites that promoted hookups like in the article back then.

Vicetrailia · Mar 31, 2011

It was true for me in college, all that I was thinking about was hooking up. Why date?

Even when I got into relationships, it started with a hookup versus traditional. Now out of college I date.

Barrage · Mar 31, 2011

Those numbers match the famous paradox-that 80% of women are interested in 20% of men.

Even in organizations at my school with a higher-than-average amount of sexual activity, ala Fraternities, you'd be surprised how many guys are virgins.

samus i am · Mar 31, 2011

Plasmid said:
Same here, although my last real relationship ended in December 2009 i've had around 4 other girls throughout, now i'm bored of hookups and actually want to connect with someone.

Although hooking up is still something i'd do, this report doesn't really shock me considering this is how my junior and senior high school years were.

Yep, I'm in the same boat. I meant to write 2009.

stuminus3 · Mar 31, 2011

ZealousD said:
The hookup culture is just because traditional ideas about sex are breaking down.

That's what every generation thinks. It's not really true.

Back in my day, we used to just rape and pillage. I'm old though.

ahoyhoy · Mar 31, 2011

ZealousD said:
I think it's kinda funny that those that are against pornography like to claim that it turns people into sexual deviants or something.

But if anything, I think it's contributing to the declining birth rates in many industrialized nations, especially Japan.

I think it's a double edged sword. On the one hand, it prevents a certain class from trying their damndest to get sexual gratification on demand. On the other hand, I think it promotes a "use it and move on" concept of sex ingrained by watching hours and hours of slutty guy on girl/girl on girl action.

Tenks · Mar 31, 2011

ZealousD said:
I think it's kinda funny that those that are against pornography like to claim that it turns people into sexual deviants or something.

But if anything, I think it's contributing to the declining birth rates in many industrialized nations, especially Japan.

I think the only people really against porn are old farts who have no idea what they are talking about. The accessibility of porn is, like you said, resulting in fewer births and an increase in virginity because it is always there. The chick on screen will never have a headache, she'll never tell you about her day, she'll never yell at you about your clothes ... she is there to serve only one purpose.

From my own anecdotal evidence when I was deep, deep in video game addiction towards the latter part of high school and college I would actually force myself not to beat off simply so I would have a sex drive to actively talk to females. If I did my usual beat off 1-2 times a day I had zero desire to put myself out there.

demon · Mar 31, 2011

I went to college and feel like I missed out on college. sigh.

ZealousD · Mar 31, 2011

stuminus3 said:
That's what every generation thinks. It's not really true.

It seems like pre-marital sex is on the rise to me. Or at the very least, people are more accepting of it. Oral and anal sex are seen as more normal. People are using contraceptives more. That kind of thing.

I guess I'm pulling all of that out of my ass, though. Do we have statistics?

Master Milk · Mar 31, 2011

But even as casual sex - often called hookups or friends with benefits - is a dominant part of campus life, a new report by the National Center for Health Statistics indicates the percentages of men and women 18-24 who say they are virgins also are increasing.

Barrage said:
Those numbers match the famous paradox-that 80% of women are interested in 20% of men.

Even in organizations at my school with a higher-than-average amount of sexual activity, ala Fraternities, you'd be surprised how many guys are virgins.

Hah, I immediately thought of the rule of 80/20 when I read this, too. Really, it's not surprising at all.

siddx · Mar 31, 2011

I haven't dated in years. I meet someone, we have sex, and then keep hooking up until we either realize we hate each other and go our separate ways, or like each other enough to spend time hanging out when we aren't fucking. I haven't "courted" a girl since high school.

Goro Majima · Mar 31, 2011

Funny thing about college is that my method for women is that I would generally ask them out on a proper date if I was interested. It was really interesting because a lot of women are obsessed with the hollywood idea of things "just happening". Fortunately there were a number of women who were still all about the idea of actually dating. Married one of them so it works!

Vincent Alexander · Mar 31, 2011

demon said:
I went to college and feel like I missed out on college. sigh.

As long as you didn't treat your college life like a giant party that costs tens of thousands, then you did just fine.

Dreams-Visions · Mar 31, 2011

It's purely about the circle you choose to run with.

FairyD · Mar 31, 2011

demon said:
I went to college and feel like I missed out on college. sigh.

Same here.

donkey show · Mar 31, 2011

FairyD said:
Same here.

Did you graduate? If yes, then you did good.

Neki · Mar 31, 2011

Vincent Alexander said:
As long as you didn't treat your college life like a giant party that costs tens of thousands, then you did just fine.

hey at least they had fun, all I have to show will be this art degree.

well computer science degree in a year or so, but an art degree would be loooool

Barrage · Mar 31, 2011

demon said:
I went to college and feel like I missed out on college. sigh.

This is fully possible.

I remember enrolled in a small, 50-Person Program in College, bored on a Saturday Night and wondering how NO ONE in the program was either throwing a party, or knew where one was.

I switched to a bigger school, became more social, and...well, i'm in a better situation now.

I know you're probably long-done school and into a career, but i'm just saying that's a very common experience.

ViralMarketingDrone · Mar 31, 2011

That's just our dumb short-sighted generation. Instant gratification over everything and in 40 years we're gonna have a whole bunch of emotionally damaged lonely old people lining up at the shrink's office.

clav · Mar 31, 2011

demon said:
I went to college and feel like I missed out on college. sigh.

^

Curse you engineering and your time-consuming problem sets and lab work.

TurboLibre · Mar 31, 2011

Tenks said:
The advice in girl-age has obviously gone over your head. The issue is it is very difficult to come off as a sexual person unless you're nailing her. There are ways around it, and you can tell her you don't want to have sex right now, but you better well be making out with her. You get friendzoned if you're seen as an asexual slug; not exactly actively nailing her.

I was exaggerating a bit.

Anyways, that's sort of my point. You need to be trying to sleep with her from the get-go instead of allowing feelings to evolve naturally. Maybe I'm the only one, but I'm not even interested in sleeping with someone until I really get to know them, it doesn't even cross my mind. I would probably come across as an "asexual slug" the first couple of times I met them since all I care about is getting to know their interests and personality. If that makes any sense.

Dreams-Visions · Mar 31, 2011

claviertekky said:
^

Curse you engineering and your time-consuming problem sets and lab work.

Excuses.

You didn't get out because you chose to not make time to get out. I coordinated probably 40 or 50 events while maintaining as a Computer Science student at Michigan. Lived in a Frat house that featured packed-out house parties 2x/month. It's all about time management. Most people never really learn it. Everyone in my fraternity had to, though.

LosDaddie · Mar 31, 2011

Adams says that means guys have the upper hand when it comes to intimacy.

Not that I problems smanging at FSU, but damn, I don't think I ever had the upperhand. :lol

Tenks · Mar 31, 2011

Tkawsome said:
I was exaggerating a bit.

Anyways, that's sort of my point. You need to be trying to sleep with her from the get-go instead of allowing feelings to evolve naturally. Maybe I'm the only one, but I'm not even interested in sleeping with someone until I really get to know them, it doesn't even cross my mind. I would probably come across as an "asexual slug" the first couple of times I met them since all I care about is getting to know their interests and personality. If that makes any sense.

Sex is a huge part of any relationship for both parties. Deal with it.

Atramental · Mar 31, 2011

Pollux · Mar 31, 2011

ViralMarketingDrone said:

That's just our dumb short-sighted generation. Instant gratification over everything and in 40 years we're gonna have a whole bunch of emotionally damaged lonely old people lining up at the shrink's office.

Click to expand...

This.

TurboLibre · Mar 31, 2011

Tenks said:
Sex is a huge part of any relationship for both parties. Deal with it.

Never said it wasn't. I'm just saying we're in such a rush, we don't allow ourselves to get to know each other before we take the next step.

Apath · Mar 31, 2011

siddx said:
I haven't dated in years. I meet someone, we have sex, and then keep hooking up until we either realize we hate each other and go our separate ways, or like each other enough to spend time hanging out when we aren't fucking. I haven't "courted" a girl since high school.

That's what I'd do in highschool

without the sex =[

Kawl_USC · Mar 31, 2011

Atramental said:
.

Every time I drive up to Furman to visit my girlfriend (a relationship that came out of a hook up originally) I pass right by Bob Jones, and I always think of you. Place is seriously creepy.

Huff · Mar 31, 2011

At University of Florida right now. I know a lot of people dating, if you consider "dating" to saying you are exclusive but cheating on each other any chance they get. And most people I know that are virgins choose to be. There is so much drinking and casual sex (here), if you don't want to be a virgin and are one, its either because you think too highly of yourself or have too high of standards.

Etrian Oddity · Mar 31, 2011

Barrage said:
Those numbers match the famous paradox-that 80% of women are interested in 20% of men.

Even in organizations at my school with a higher-than-average amount of sexual activity, ala Fraternities, you'd be surprised how many guys are virgins.

This post is right on the money. The 80/20 rule is not an excuse thrown up by frustrated "nice guys," it's the current status quo. Girls have gotten extremely picky due to social conditioning (aka, wanting the imaginary perfect man they see on TV or in movies), and will simply not give you a second glance unless you measure up to every standard.

I'm pledging to a fraternity and have been to just about every social, and I'm still a virgin. Hell, 80% of my pledge class hasn't been laid this semester, and they're very sociable, good-looking dudes who oughta be more successful with girls.

Support NeoGAF

Less commitment and more hookups, but also more virgins: Is dating dead?

Member

He gonna cry in the car

Member

Member

Blinded by the luminous glory that is David Bowie's physical manifestation.

Member

Member

Member

Member

Member

Banned

Member

Member

Makes world leading predictions like "The sun will rise tomorrow"

Member

Member

Member

Member

Makes world leading predictions like "The sun will rise tomorrow"

Member

Member

Member

Member

Member

Unconfirmed Member

Member

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face

Makes world leading predictions like "The sun will rise tomorrow"

Member

Magnificent Eager Mighty Brilliantly Erect Registereduser

Kitty Genovese Member

Member

Member

Member

Member

Member

Member

Banned

Member

Member

Member

Banned

Member

Banned

Member

Member

Member

Member

Banned

Member

Similar threads

Less commitment and more hookups, but also more virgins: Is dating dead?