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Plus-Size Woman Has Sex Every Day for a Year to Improve Self-Esteem and Relationship

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B

bjb

Banned
IJ4SpGg.jpg.pagespeed.ce.r12iR00C3J.jpg


Searched and didn't see anything. Mock if old.

The fact is, I am horrible at intimacy. I come from a family of non-huggers and I sometimes hate my body, so yeah, recipe for Temple Grandin hug machine. My husband is gorgeous and very, very sexy, but the issues we were having in the sack were all me. I could not shut my insecurity off, and sex quickly became a really anxiety-inducing experience that went one of two ways.

1. I avoided it, because it was hot and stressful hiding my body under two comforters and a snowsuit in the dark and instead ran a diversion play. I have cramps. I have too many deadlines. Gigi is too scared to sleep alone let's bring her in the bed with us. Yeah, I used a 4-year-old as the most adorable cock-block ever. You can't be in sex mode after reading three Fancy Nancy books, you just can't.

2. I tried to explain to him why I was self conscious, and then he asked why him telling me how pretty I was wasn't enough for me to get over it, and I felt like a horrible, horrible asshole.

So after a lot of crying and shrimp curry, I came up with the plan to have sex every day for a year, barring any medical problems or logistical issues, and he seemed to be pretty okay with it. I wish it could say it was a profound decision, but the truth is, I was getting worried he was losing interest because I acted uninterested out of insecurity, and he was getting nervous about me saying things like, how awesome do separate bedrooms sound!?

(Spoiler alert: I still vote separate bedrooms, but he's a snorer and sleep chewer who is vehemently against the color mint and my need for body pillows.)

We figured if we focused on intimacy, eventually it'd rekindle all the things we spent sevenish post-birth years back burner'ing out of sheer exhaustion and raging insecurity. This is the same way I got over my fear of eating oysters and driving in the snow. You just make yourself do it until you don't notice it feels like mucus or like you don't know how to control a motor vehicle. You make yourself do it until it becomes a place of comfort and safety. You make yourself do it until suddenly, you love it.

Now I can't speak for Andy, except to say he had a really good time, but for me, a year of sex became less about getting my sex on, and more about getting my brain to stop being an asshole when I took all my clothes off.

It started off pretty rough. I felt like I was always preparing for sex; Whore's Bath & Sink Shaving Badge #5: UNLOCKED. It got to the end of the day, and as I hunched over the sink washing my face, praying for cold sheets and sleep, I'd realize I still had the whole love-making thing to do, and it was like, awesome, another daily chore.

But then it stopped being a chore, and became the moment of the day where I was most at peace. Where I could have an actual conversation with my husband and know he was listening to me and not secretly watching television or elbow deep in Lego assembly.

I told a few friends, and they reacted pretty much the same way, oh I could never do that. And I totally get it, but I actually learned a lot about myself between the sheets.

It's not you, it's me. Stop being weird about it.

So I disliked my stomach. My thighs. How I looked laying flat on my back. A myriad of irrational things, really, and I'd have the same conversation with Andy about it, telling him I'm self conscious and I just don't feel sexy, and then he'd spend 10 minutes telling me how gorgeous I am, and then another 30 minutes pouting and being hurt that it wasn't enough to make me change my mind. So on top of feeling insecure, I felt like a jerk. That needed to stop. I needed to explain to him that him seeing me that way is great, but unless I saw it too, it didn't count. I mean, at least if he expected me to be an active participant and not just a hole laying on the mattress. It took a lot of talking to make him realize that me not feeling sexy was not an attack on him, and him being hurt about it only made me feel worse. I wanted to enjoy sex, too. And the key for me being able to enjoy it is feeling confident and gorgeous, and that was a me journey, not a him journey, though having a cheerleader on the sidelines was a plus.

We quickly learned, confident Brittany sex is way better.
Click to expand...

Source

Brittany appears on NBC's Today Show to talk about her decision and blogging about it

Thoughts?
 
The Cowboy

The Cowboy

Member
I think she's pretty hot (I do like a redhead), if doing this made her feel better about herself then good for her.
 
J

JDSN

Banned
I kinda understand where the logic of her experiment comes for, sex is one of the most important profound experiences that a person can experience and if it defines you find confidence through it then that's great.

StickSoldier said:
That's good and all, but why didn't she just try to lose the weight if the way she looked bothered her?
Click to expand...

Except the problem was never about weight.
 
R

RurouniZel

Asks questions so Ezalc doesn't have to
Good on her to take control of her life. And good on her husband for helping her through her confidence issues.
 
M

Mesoian

Member
That...sounds terrible honestly.

And in the end it sounds like it wasn't her ingrained fear of intimacy that was the problem but the fact that her relationship was in tatters, and this act forced open the channels of communication between her and her husband, which in turn made her feel more desired, respected and worthy. Didn't need 360 days of driving yourself up the wall for that to happen, it should have been that way from the start.

It sounds like she's incredibly lucky this worked.
 
S

studyguy

Member
Sex every day seems like a chore.
I mean if you can... great, but shit man. Going nearly 7 years with my girl and sometimes it's like eh...
There are times when I go at it while not being super in the mood because, people have their needs and OH NO I'M NAKED AND SO IS SHE, MIGHT AS WELL /s
But man... I would hate to HAVE to do it every day.
 
D

DY_nasty

NeoGAF's official "was this shooting justified" consultant
I tried to explain to him why I was self conscious, and then he asked why him telling me how pretty I was wasn't enough for me to get over it, and I felt like a horrible, horrible asshole.
Click to expand...

Been in this man's shoes before. I fucking hate that conversation with a passion. Props to him, but I simply cannot put up with self-confidence issues like that.
 
S

StickSoldier

Member
JDSN said:
I kinda understand where the logic of her experiment comes for, sex is one of the most important profound experiences that a person can experience and if it defines you find confidence through it then that's great.



Except the problem was never about weight.
Click to expand...

Maybe I'm not reading it right. It seems that the way her body looked was causing a lot of her anxiety to have sex? And I mean she even said this "So I disliked my stomach. My thighs. How I looked laying flat on my back." That's a pretty clear indication that she wasn't happy with her body isn't it?
 
The Cowboy

The Cowboy

Member
DY_nasty said:
Been in this man's shoes before. I fucking hate that conversation with a passion. Props to him, but I simply cannot put up with self-confidence issues like that.
Click to expand...

Been there as well, fortunately (and unfortunately) it worked out for her.

My ex had major issues with her self esteem and thought she was pretty ugly when in fact she was pretty dam hot . After a long while she managed to feel better about herself and then in the end realised she was way to good for me and left.

Me now = forever alone.
 
J

JDSN

Banned
StickSoldier said:
Maybe I'm not reading it right. It seems that the way her body looked was causing a lot of her anxiety to have sex? And I mean she even said this "So I disliked my stomach. My thighs. How I looked laying flat on my back." That's a pretty clear indication that she wasn't happy with her body isn't it?
Click to expand...

Well, yeah, but the body still looks the same and she apparently doesnt mind, so I figure the issue had to be in her head.
 
M

Mesoian

Member
studyguy said:
Sex every day seems like a chore.
I mean if you can... great, but shit man. Going nearly 7 years with my girl and sometimes it's like eh...
There are times when I go at it while not being super in the mood because, people have their needs and OH NO I'M NAKED AND SO IS SHE, MIGHT AS WELL /s
But man... I would hate to HAVE to do it every day.
Click to expand...

I can't think of anything outside of fighting that could take the romance out of a relationship then using daily sex as a therapy aid.

I know it's not just body issues, it's not just body issues, IT'S NOT JUST BODY ISSUES, but were I in the husband's shoes, I would have grabbed her by the wrist, took her to the local gym and said, "we're going to work out together." A scheduled activity that brings the two closer together and, if not slacked upon, allows her to become less self conscious about her body, her to become more attractive to him and vice versa.

But yeah man...she's very lucky.
 
D

def sim

Member
I'm glad she was able to get over her insecurities. Her troubles sound deep rooted and what she did to fix them is bold.

Also, good for Andy.
 
S

StickSoldier

Member
JDSN said:
Well, yeah, but the body still looks the same and she apparently doesnt mind, so I figure the issue had to be in her head.
Click to expand...

Sure, that makes sense. But I mean that's a big reason that people work out anyways, because they are insecure about their body or to be more confident I guess you could say. I don't know, I mean it's cool that she got over her anxiety, just seems to me that the underlying problem could have definitely been the weight issue.

Or I might be completely fucking wrong, who knows. Regardless, good for her. Anxiety is a bitch.
 
R

Ryu751

Banned
Good for her. Me and my girl at least lay in bed every night naked together. That intimate time is really important to stay close.
 
F

FoxSpirit

Junior Member
JDSN said:
Well, yeah, but the body still looks the same and she apparently doesnt mind, so I figure the issue had to be in her head.
Click to expand...
Honestly, in that right pic she looks pretty smokin'.
And it's almost always a self-confidence issue. I have seen girls and women have body issues when by average standards they looked they looked really great. Nothing like Super Model media assault to drive the point home that "you are not pretty because you don't look like that". And I'm a person that completely isn't into the model look.

Talk about distorting body expectations. I suffered the male version of it... damn action hero & top athlete look.
 
A

AbortedWalrusFetus

Member
shinobi602 said:
Even on her period? Yo come on
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Eh, I dunno. My wife takes the BC with no breaks so doesn't get her period. Actually, I should say didn't, but the insurance company bitched about paying for the extra pack or two a year that amounted to, and now she has to go off once every three months and gets it again.

She likes to taunt me by asking for sex on those days.
 
A

Angelus Errare

Banned
AbortedWalrusFetus said:
Eh, I dunno. My wife takes the BC with no breaks so doesn't get her period. Actually, I should say didn't, but the insurance company bitched about paying for the extra pack or two a year that amounted to, and now she has to go off once every three months and gets it again.

She likes to taunt me by asking for sex on those days.
Click to expand...

Totally read BC as black cock and was like...pretty sure that doesn't stop a period.
 
G

GhaleonEB

Member
So after a lot of crying and shrimp curry, I came up with the plan to have sex every day for a year, barring any medical problems or logistical issues, and he seemed to be pretty okay with it.
Click to expand...
Well, yeah.
 
J

JDSN

Banned
StickSoldier said:
Sure, that makes sense. But I mean that's a big reason that people work out anyways, because they are insecure about their body or to be more confident I guess you could say. I don't know, I mean it's cool that she got over her anxiety, just seems to me that the underlying problem could have definitely been the weight issue.
Click to expand...

Oh yeah sure, it would have been a good conclusion with her being fit, I dont agree with the second part tho, sure she could just be fooling herself or making up excuses for still being fat, but if she came to terms with her anxiety and accepted herself then its cool too.

Also, anxiety might be one of the triggers of her condition, so that's another weight of her shoulders, pun partially intended.
 
G

gwarm01

Member
DY_nasty said:
Been in this man's shoes before. I fucking hate that conversation with a passion. Props to him, but I simply cannot put up with self-confidence issues like that.
Click to expand...

Yeah. She words it in a way that makes him seem like the bad guy for making her feel bad, but the situation is just as hurtful from the man's side. It can make you feel like something is wrong with you, or that you aren't good enough, when your partner shows active disinterest in physical intimacy.
 
F

Fudgepuppy

Banned
If she held a regular diet that year, she would drop weight like a motherfucker.

Not that I think she should, but if she wanted to, it would be a good way of killing two birds with one stone.

Gotta say though, she's pretty.
 
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