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Found out that my ex is miserable. Am I wrong for enjoying this?

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D

daizydoesit

Banned
Soooooo today I found out that my ex bf is utterly miserable. Once a relationship is done I don't much care for hearing about the ex. It does me no good so I don't listen to the bullshit. However, today I let my friend talk away, as that's what she likes to do. Apparently he's drinking himself into a hole, doesn't leave his place, has hardly any friends and is basically living like a drunken hermit.

After hearing about this I instantly felt like I should feel sorry for him, but that emotion wasn't happening. I felt extremely happy about his misery. That's awful to say, but the way our relationship ended makes me feel like this is karma's way of giving him what he deserves.


Am I wrong for smiling at his misfortune or justified because he's a piece of crap?
 
i_am_ben

i_am_ben

running_here_and_there
Obvious question that you want someone to ask:

Why did you break up and how did it end badly?
 
D

Dot Matrix

Member
My wife laughed when she found out her ex is now on the sex offenders register. Can't imagine he's too happy these days. Make of that what you will.
 
R

Raxus

Member
Just the natural progression of a breakup.

7411765048-1371309212-t.jpg


Fuck him. Just go on with your life and enjoy yourself.
 
M

MikeOfTheLivingDead

Grapetastic!
You're kind of a jerk, but there's hope since there's a piece of you that recognizes it's not healthy for you to enjoy someone else's misery even if you think they did you wrong.
 
M

MC Safety

Member
The Germans have a word for that: Schadenfreude.

Reveling in someone else's misery is common, but dumb. One of the best things you can ever do for yourself as an adult is to learn to let go of the past.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
daizydoesit said:
Soooooo today I found out that my ex bf is utterly miserable. Once a relationship is done I don't much care for hearing about the ex. It does me no good so I don't listen to the bullshit. However, today I let my friend talk away, as that's what she likes to do. Apparently he's drinking himself into a hole, doesn't leave his place, has hardly any friends and is basically living like a drunken hermit

After hearing about this I instantly felt like I should feel sorry for him, but that emotion wasn't happening. I felt extremely happy about his misery. That's awful to say, but the way our relationship ended makes me feel like this is karma's way of giving him what he deserves.


Am I wrong for smiling at his misfortune or justified because he's a piece of crap?
Click to expand...

I don't know. Sounds pretty bad. But I don't know why he's a piece of crap and deserves misery.

Misery tends not to be a nice feeling. If he were a she, and they were an ex, I'd want to help out.
 
D

Doctoglethorpe

Member
First, yes its wrong to wish misery upon another person. Duh. Good and bad are subjective but that case is about as clear cut as it gets.

Second, it sounds like your making an assumption by even thinking he is miserable. Maybe hes just enjoying drinking and being alone peacefully, and those around him only assume he's miserable in that situation because they believe they would be themselves. He could be in nirvana for all you know.
 
F

Freaky Fred

Banned
lol at people calling OP an asshole.

If his misfortune just made you smile, it's not a big deal, everyone likes to see people get "what's coming to them". (whether they deserve it or not)

If you're actually relishing the fact that his life is going down the tubes, then that's a little excessive and you might be having trouble letting go of the past.
 
Jedeye Sniv

Jedeye Sniv

Banned
I think there are levels, a bit of misery is not so bad but feeling happy because they're genuinely fucking their life up is a bit harsh.

But then again, I think it's hilarious when people get busted posting fake self pics on the internet so I guess that makes me an arsehole too.
 
D

daizydoesit

Banned
i_am_ben said:
Obvious question that you want someone to ask:

Why did you break up and how did it end badly?
Click to expand...

He was in love with someone else throughout our whole relationship and told me that I was just a space filler. And he had been with her the last 6 months of our relationship. I would've been cool with him breaking up with me sooner to be with her, hurt at first but I would have appreciated the honesty instead of him doing what he did.

ConradCervantes said:
Yeah, I'd say celebrating someone that you used to care about spiraling towards alcoholism is the mark of an asshole.
Click to expand...

He did it to himself

daniels said:
Hardly any friends and alcohol abuse :( You should help him out of his predicament.
Click to expand...

And he put himself in this predicament
 
davepoobond

davepoobond

you can't put a price on sparks
daizydoesit said:
He was in love with someone else throughout our whole relationship and told me that I was just a space filler. And he had been with her the last 6 months of our relationship. I would've been cool with him breaking up with me sooner to be with her, hurt at first but I would have appreciated the honesty instead of him doing what he did.



He did it to himself



And he put himself in this predicament
Click to expand...


No sympathy for him but I don't think it's necessarily a good thing for YOU to feel like you are happy someone is miserable. Just don't think about it and move on. You can take satisfaction in knowing he got what was coming to him but I don't know what there is to be happy about, necessarily.
 
F

FourMyle

Member
daizydoesit said:
He was in love with someone else throughout our whole relationship and told me that I was just a space filler. And he had been with her the last 6 months of our relationship. I would've been cool with him breaking up with me sooner to be with her, hurt at first but I would have appreciated the honesty instead of him doing what he did.
Click to expand...

okay you're in the clear. you're not an asshole for feeling happy.
 
F

FlutterPuffs

Member
Well no, it's perfectly fine.

You're only human op. It is only a problem if revel in it and flaunt your happiness at his misery in front of him.
 
D

daniels

Member
daizydoesit said:
He was in love with someone else throughout our whole relationship and told me that I was just a space filler. And he had been with her the last 6 months of our relationship. I would've been cool with him breaking up with me sooner to be with her, hurt at first but I would have appreciated the honesty instead of him doing what he did.
Click to expand...

Oh now it makes more sense :) just dont gloat to long its still not an attractive quality to have.
 
D

Dot Matrix

Member
It could mean anything from you being a sadistic asshole enjoying the downward spiral of another human being, to you still harbouring some residual bitterness from a failed relationship. Without a wider scope of your behaviour, it is impossible for anyone here to make a call which is correct.

Personally, I’d guess you just aren’t totally over him. If I was told my ex was an alcoholic I’d have the same response as if I was told she’d won the lottery; I’d shrug my shoulders and say “meh”.
 
F

Freaky Fred

Banned
daizydoesit said:
Now, I'm happy that I'm single.
Click to expand...

That's all that should matter to you

Whether he's happy or miserable shouldn't matter at all, but I can certainly understand getting a little enjoyment from hearing of his misfortune.

I felt the same way about an ex-gf. I found out she was having legal troubles shortly after we split up and it made me a little happy to hear. I've completely stopped caring now though and you should too eventually.
 
M

Mondy

Banned
Having this sort of attitude reflects very badly on you, OP. I can sort of see why he never fell in love with you.
 
Q

Qasiel

Member
I don't know the details of the breakup but actually feeling enjoyment from someone destroying themselves is a bit of a dick move. Still, I guess it can't be helped.

Hopefully in time after you've got over this person (because it sounds like you haven't otherwise you wouldn't care how this person is doing at all), Schadenfreude will turn into indifference.
 
A

aygomyownroad

Member
To the OP.

Enjoy that your in a better place. "you don't know what you've got until it's Gone" rings true from him and its better you are not wasting your time with someone who treated you so badly.

Go forth enjoy yourself and don't waste the energy thinking about him and his misfortune
 
N

Nephtis

Member
daizydoesit said:
That thread was before he gave me the gory details of what exactly had been going on. Then, I felt guilty for moving on. Now, I'm happy that I'm single.
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Yeah, I just saw the other details on the breakup. I still think it's a bit of a dick move to relish in someone's suffering, but emotions are a hell of a thing, and it's pretty damn hard to be rational about it, so I can at least understand where you're coming from with it.

I hope he learns his lesson and puts his life together though, just as I hope you will be able to truly get over him and find someone that will love and cherish you.
 
J

Jasup

Member
Well for one, you can't really control your feelings. You can't tell yourself to feel angry, sorry, sad or glad about things so you can't be right or wrong about it. And it's perfectly normal for people to feel some joy if they see people who wronged them getting some form of comeuppance.

Right or wrong isn't judged by how we feel but how we act.
 
P

peanutbutterlatte

Member
Meh, it's exactly what I'd do. I don't think you're necessarily a bad person, if he was an asshole to you, it's only right that you'd get some satisfaction from seeing him in a rut. Don't pay too much attention to "Lawful Good" GAF. Human experience is rarely so straightforward. Don't stand outside the guys house and point/laugh or anything, but you feel what you feel.
 
H

~~Hasan~~

Junior Member
it really depends on how did u 2 break up. if he cheated on you and you broke up because of that, then yeah i would probably be happy about it as well. its like some sort of god revenge or whatever u want to call it.

i would be happy that he is suffering to the point he is regretting what he did to you. but not suffering in a bad way like say " kill him self " or " cut him self" because that is just bad.

emotional suffering,,, like how he did to you probably feels good. but that doesn't mean you are a bad person.

also, since you still hear about him. or lets say you care about him to the point you are ok to hear about him, makes me think you still have a feeling for him. even if you don't want to show it or admit it
 
T

tiny raptor

Member
Doctoglethorpe said:
First, yes its wrong to wish misery upon another person. Duh. Good and bad are subjective but that case is about as clear cut as it gets.

Second, it sounds like your making an assumption by even thinking he is miserable. Maybe hes just enjoying drinking and being alone peacefully, and those around him only assume he's miserable in that situation because they believe they would be themselves. He could be in nirvana for all you know.
Click to expand...

QFT
 
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