Head of Vengarl
Banned
First, I want to extend my sincerest gratitude to the Gaffers who took the time to offer me advice when I posted about my relationship issues in several earlier threads.
To make a long story short(er): I'm 25 and I'd been with my 24-year-old gf for 5 years, and we have lived together since last September. Our relationship began to deteriorate over the past couple months, with her admitting to me that she felt bored and "confined" — she needed more excitement and felt like she was too young to be settled down. Shit hit the fan a few weeks ago when I discovered that she and one of my best friends had become very close, and confessed (to each other) to having feelings for one another. I confronted my gf and after a long argument where I accused her of having an emotional affair behind my back, and she accused me of not trusting her and breaching her privacy (I read her texts), we decided to go on a "break."
This is where GAF told me it was already over and that I needed to run for the hills. But did I listen? No...
I took your advice at first. I came on strong and acted like it was over. But her reaction was unexpected. She backpedaled, telling me that this break was not a break-up, and that all this was about was her need to feel more independence. Here's a copy of a text she sent me, so you have an idea:
"I want to make things work. That's why I'm taking this break now. So I can stop hurting you and continue to love you like I once did."
So all she needed was a little space to get her head together, and we could work things out. I felt better, and decided that it was worth a shot if we had even a little hope of making things work. My gf assured me over and over that her and my friend were just friends. She just enjoyed hanging out with him because, unlike me, he is spontaneous and satisfied her desire for excitement. Yeah, they had crushes on each other, but I had nothing to worry about. She was adamant about this. She made me feel guilty for not fully trusting her. I know what a lot of you are already thinking: "Oh Luap, you poor dumb bastard." Well, it's so true that you never actually think it will happen to you, but...
Last night my gf admitted to me that they hooked up. I was absolutely shocked, even though I shouldn't have been. I asked her how far they went, and she said: "We didn't have sex... but it went pretty far." That's both vague and yet all the detail I need. I was fucking crestfallen. I started hyperventilating and was so upset I couldn't speak for a couple minutes. This is my first gf; she was my first kiss and is the holder of my V-card. But this just killed any remaining chance we had. Even now, when the image of my friend and my gf hooking up enters my mind, I am overcome by a rush of white hot anger coupled with gut-piercing anguish. I know my gf didn't technically cheat on me since we were on a "break." However, she had led me to believe that we were, if not still together, working on getting back together soon. So at the very best, I feel like she unfairly led me on. But at the core, I feel like I've been cheated on. It is the worst feeling. And it's made so much worse by the fact that it was with someone I considered to be a close friend for the last ~12 years.
I let my gf know in no uncertain terms that it was now over. I could not recover from this. She argued back, and actually had the gall to attempt to spin it and make me seem partially at fault. I'm generally a super laid-back and docile person (perhaps to a fault), but I was having none of her shit at this point. Even though I never raised my voice or cussed, she was caught so off balance by my assertiveness that she lashed out at me for being "mean" and got so angry you would have thought I was the one who had hooked up with someone else. I also sent my "friend" one final text, and although I did my best to take the high road and keep it composed, it was still dripping with venom. But he deserves all the ether in the world. It takes a real piece of shit to pursue and later hook up with his friend's SO.
Well at this point I'm just starting to ramble. Thanks again GAF — I learned a hard lesson on this one, but you gave me plenty of warning. Live and learn. Now the recovery phase begins...
To make a long story short(er): I'm 25 and I'd been with my 24-year-old gf for 5 years, and we have lived together since last September. Our relationship began to deteriorate over the past couple months, with her admitting to me that she felt bored and "confined" — she needed more excitement and felt like she was too young to be settled down. Shit hit the fan a few weeks ago when I discovered that she and one of my best friends had become very close, and confessed (to each other) to having feelings for one another. I confronted my gf and after a long argument where I accused her of having an emotional affair behind my back, and she accused me of not trusting her and breaching her privacy (I read her texts), we decided to go on a "break."
This is where GAF told me it was already over and that I needed to run for the hills. But did I listen? No...
I took your advice at first. I came on strong and acted like it was over. But her reaction was unexpected. She backpedaled, telling me that this break was not a break-up, and that all this was about was her need to feel more independence. Here's a copy of a text she sent me, so you have an idea:
"I want to make things work. That's why I'm taking this break now. So I can stop hurting you and continue to love you like I once did."
So all she needed was a little space to get her head together, and we could work things out. I felt better, and decided that it was worth a shot if we had even a little hope of making things work. My gf assured me over and over that her and my friend were just friends. She just enjoyed hanging out with him because, unlike me, he is spontaneous and satisfied her desire for excitement. Yeah, they had crushes on each other, but I had nothing to worry about. She was adamant about this. She made me feel guilty for not fully trusting her. I know what a lot of you are already thinking: "Oh Luap, you poor dumb bastard." Well, it's so true that you never actually think it will happen to you, but...
Last night my gf admitted to me that they hooked up. I was absolutely shocked, even though I shouldn't have been. I asked her how far they went, and she said: "We didn't have sex... but it went pretty far." That's both vague and yet all the detail I need. I was fucking crestfallen. I started hyperventilating and was so upset I couldn't speak for a couple minutes. This is my first gf; she was my first kiss and is the holder of my V-card. But this just killed any remaining chance we had. Even now, when the image of my friend and my gf hooking up enters my mind, I am overcome by a rush of white hot anger coupled with gut-piercing anguish. I know my gf didn't technically cheat on me since we were on a "break." However, she had led me to believe that we were, if not still together, working on getting back together soon. So at the very best, I feel like she unfairly led me on. But at the core, I feel like I've been cheated on. It is the worst feeling. And it's made so much worse by the fact that it was with someone I considered to be a close friend for the last ~12 years.
I let my gf know in no uncertain terms that it was now over. I could not recover from this. She argued back, and actually had the gall to attempt to spin it and make me seem partially at fault. I'm generally a super laid-back and docile person (perhaps to a fault), but I was having none of her shit at this point. Even though I never raised my voice or cussed, she was caught so off balance by my assertiveness that she lashed out at me for being "mean" and got so angry you would have thought I was the one who had hooked up with someone else. I also sent my "friend" one final text, and although I did my best to take the high road and keep it composed, it was still dripping with venom. But he deserves all the ether in the world. It takes a real piece of shit to pursue and later hook up with his friend's SO.
Well at this point I'm just starting to ramble. Thanks again GAF — I learned a hard lesson on this one, but you gave me plenty of warning. Live and learn. Now the recovery phase begins...
