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Describe an imaginary game that would sell the least copies ever

Cronee

Member
World War II Ammo Loader.

Rapidly tap the "a" button to properly feed a belt of ammunition into the machine gun as to prevent jamming.
Should jamming occur, rapidly alternate presses on the shoulder buttons to clear the jam.
When the barrel overheats, rapidly tap the "b" button to change it but if you grab it to soon and burn your hands, you'll have rapidly tap the "x" button to blow on them.
When you run out of ammunition belts, you'll have to rapidly tap the "y" button to fetch a fresh box of belts.

A friend and myself had talked about making this a real game once. We even had a sequel planned called World War II Shit Shoveler.
 

Louis010

Banned
grass cutting simulator

Would buy.

You do realise how well goat simulator sold don't you?

"Xcom origins" Japanese style beat 'em up set in 1191, play as a crusader set during the holy wars, fight sectoids and thin men in the ancient city of Jerusalem and upgrade your weapons to eventually wield powerful plasma swords.

Obviously the game will not tie into the core games at all and will feature a full cast of forgettable characters.

History? What history?
 
Babies keep jumping out of a 4 story building. You are a firefighter with only a trampoline. Somehow you lost your ladder. You have to keep the babies from going splat.

its a real game- Bouncing Babies
 

Squishy3

Member
A game where you control 100 heroes and draw shapes using the gamepad touch screen or right stick to make weapons.

... Oh wait. :(
 

ryuken-d

Member
holy shit, this thread makes me think of all the games that exist that blow my mind as to why. tour de france? farming sim, goat sim.

I'd say David Cages new epic button pusher about a cop that gets killed and turns into a ghost and has to solve his own murder,..... oh wait, yeah.
 

iammeiam

Member
Babies keep jumping out of a 4 story building. You are a firefighter with only a trampoline. Somehow you lost your ladder. You have to keep the babies from going splat.

its a real game- Bouncing Babies

I loved this game when I was five or six.

Man those memories.

Would buy iOS port with original graphics.
 
grass cutting simulator

I would totally buy this. I have precise methods for cutting my lawn IRL so as to create perfect lines and not have to mow the same area twice.

I'm imagining a game with a randomly generated lawn with randomly generated obstacles like trees and sheds, and you have to fully cut the lawn in the least amount of "moves" and time as possible. I would play that!
 
I would totally buy this. I have precise methods for cutting my lawn IRL so as to create perfect lines and not have to mow the same area twice.

I'm imagining a game with a randomly generated lawn with randomly generated obstacles like trees and sheds, and you have to fully cut the lawn in the least amount of "moves" and time as possible. I would play that!
Hmm...the MS cloud tech demo did feature grass physics. Grass cutting simulator confirmed!
 

Raticus79

Seek victory, not fairness
Literally a walking simulator. There is no scenery, there is no score or indication of distance traveled. You hit the left and right arrow keys (or touch virtual keys) to take steps in a straight line down an endless hallway. Nothing else happens (it could just be two video clips which keep playing after you've hit the required key). The timing is completely forgiving, there's no feedback for nailing the timing and it isn't possible to walk faster by pressing the keys faster.

One big endless boring QTE.
 
Powerpoint Quest. You play the role of Iain the junior office assistant who has to sit through and endless series of meaningless powerpoint presentations given by the most monotonous speaker ever. Gameplay is a series of quicktime events prompting you to complete important tasks like drinking water to avoid coughing or making eye contact with the speaker to prove that you are paying attention.
 

Sez

Member
Most of the games people have proposed it would sell some copies. Thousands bought "Aabs Animals" that is basically a screensaver.

They key to discourage people to buying a game is a very high price and the requeriment of additional hardware.

So make a game that requires Wonderbook, Move, uDraw and Vita as second screen. Game is not playable without any of these hardware.

That will do it.
 

Auctopus

Member
A walking/lecture simulator game where you enter your favourite childhood game then Anita Sarkeesian narrates a tour around a museum where the exhibitions are sections of said game. Sarkeesian then destroys your childhood by explaining how morally bankrupt your favourite game is.

Developed by Platinum and Marketed by Bethesda for good measure.
 

mclem

Member
If you're British, and have been gaming for a reasonable length of time, you might recognise this little treat:

RwHc5Y9.jpg

(An April Fool's joke. But for good measure, they actually gave it away on a following month's covermounted cassette.)
 

braves01

Banned
Employee pension benefits plan simulator - play as corporate counsel designing a prototype benefits plan for company employee that complies with all applicable ERISA and tax code rules and regulations while still being cost effective.
 

Phades

Member
Something marketed as a deep game, but has the interaction level of a visual novel while also failing to tell a good story or a diverse one with appropriate paths leading to distinctly different results. Force the game to be required to play it online only through a 3rd party service on whichever platform sells the least, but also be single player only to just add confusion to the mess. Throw sprinkles of 1st/preview day launch failures and server issues/login authentication problems and a wide amount of press coverage stating how the game fails to perform. Include box artwork that is generally accepted as offensive and in a poor art style not representative of the actual game, while the actual game being worse somehow. Have the title employ jargon that is niche and vague while being printed in comic sans. Get the game rated M for mature or adults only, so many retailers won't stock it. Have the game have hidden gotcha moments that average folks can't figure out, then have the developer or journalists come out and berate the audience for not getting/understanding it.

I'm sure there is more that could manage to universally turn just about everyone off to something of this nature, I just can't think of it right now.

Most of the games people have proposed it would sell some copies. Thousands bought "Aabs Animals" that is basically a screensaver.

They key to discourage people to buying a game is a very high price and the requeriment of additional hardware.

So make a game that requires Wonderbook, Move, uDraw and Vita as second screen. Game is not playable without any of these hardware.

That will do it.

/\ Also this.
 
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