I've been seeing two girls but the time has come to let one of them go because things are starting to get serious with both of them. Neither of them is aware of the other. I'm not technically doing anything wrong (more on this later), but I got into this situation very fast and I've decided to stop things now before anyone gets really hurt. I know who I'd rather be with, but I just want your thoughts on the matter to see if there are other things I should consider.
Many months ago, my ex ended our 5-year relationship. We were having a lot of problems and she said she just wasn't in love with me anymore. It was devastating, but we still cared a lot about each and decided to stay good friends and we took a few months apart to heal. During this time, I met someone else. She was awesome, but I was reeling from the break-up and finishing up my residency so I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment.
After I finished my residency, my ex and I started hanging out again. We quickly became intimate and resumed our relationship where we left off. However, things were different, as our relationship had gotten much better and we had both matured quite a bit being apart. Everything seemed to be going well until I asked her if she wanted to get back together. She said she wanted to, but that there was something I needed to know:
She had slept with someone else while we were broken up.
I know she didn't do anything wrong and it's not cheating, but man did that shit hurt. I fucking cried, seriously. I was very hurt. She cried too and she said it didn't mean anything and that she was hurt and she didn't think we would ever be back together again. She said she regrets it and she's hoping it doesn't ruin us. I told her I needed time. She said she understood and was willing to give me time to do whatever I needed to get over it (but she doesn't want to know unless I fall in love with someone else).
So I started seeing the other girl, primarily because I felt like I should sleep with someone else too and basically say fuck you to my ex. Except that the new girl is just really fucking awesome and I actually like her. We have a lot in common and we get along well together. We're NOT exclusive yet.
So that's how I ended up in this big fucking mess. My ex doesn't really know, but she suspects it and she's terrified. The other girl has no idea. I'm seeing both at the same time. This has been going on for a month and a half now and it needs to stop.
I've weighed the pros and cons and I think I should get back with my ex. See below:
Ex Pros:
1. We love each other.
2. We have a 5 year relationship.
3. We've been able to fix a lot of our problems.
4. She knew it would hurt, but she was honest with me. She has always been honest, I think.
5. We're both ready to settle down with each other.
Ex Cons:
1. I'll need to really get over her sleeping with some other dude.
2. We may still have some of the same problems we had.
3. Her family doesn't know me very well (mainly her dad, since he travels a lot)
Getting back together with the other girl presents the following:
Pros:
1. We get along well and it seems we have much more in common
2. She's more "cerebral" like me than my ex, if that makes sense
3. Her family and ours know each other well
Cons:
1. I don't know what this girl will be like 5 years down the road
2. She's young (younger than my ex), and I'm not sure she's ready to settle down like I am
3. She's just starting her way through medical school
4. She's very mature, but I think she's inexperienced in relationships
5. I'm not sure how well I can trust her
Everything else is the same for both in terms of looks, independence, maturity etc.
So what do you think GAF? Do you guys think getting back with my ex is the best idea?
Edit: I should clarify that I don't think what I did here is right. I don't think I should have gotten with the other girl out of spite. It was wrong and petty and what my gf did when we were broken up is none of my business. I was just really hurt by this and I made a bad decision that has put me in this fucked up place. I'm not trying to rationalize what I did.
Many months ago, my ex ended our 5-year relationship. We were having a lot of problems and she said she just wasn't in love with me anymore. It was devastating, but we still cared a lot about each and decided to stay good friends and we took a few months apart to heal. During this time, I met someone else. She was awesome, but I was reeling from the break-up and finishing up my residency so I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment.
After I finished my residency, my ex and I started hanging out again. We quickly became intimate and resumed our relationship where we left off. However, things were different, as our relationship had gotten much better and we had both matured quite a bit being apart. Everything seemed to be going well until I asked her if she wanted to get back together. She said she wanted to, but that there was something I needed to know:
She had slept with someone else while we were broken up.
I know she didn't do anything wrong and it's not cheating, but man did that shit hurt. I fucking cried, seriously. I was very hurt. She cried too and she said it didn't mean anything and that she was hurt and she didn't think we would ever be back together again. She said she regrets it and she's hoping it doesn't ruin us. I told her I needed time. She said she understood and was willing to give me time to do whatever I needed to get over it (but she doesn't want to know unless I fall in love with someone else).
So I started seeing the other girl, primarily because I felt like I should sleep with someone else too and basically say fuck you to my ex. Except that the new girl is just really fucking awesome and I actually like her. We have a lot in common and we get along well together. We're NOT exclusive yet.
So that's how I ended up in this big fucking mess. My ex doesn't really know, but she suspects it and she's terrified. The other girl has no idea. I'm seeing both at the same time. This has been going on for a month and a half now and it needs to stop.
I've weighed the pros and cons and I think I should get back with my ex. See below:
Ex Pros:
1. We love each other.
2. We have a 5 year relationship.
3. We've been able to fix a lot of our problems.
4. She knew it would hurt, but she was honest with me. She has always been honest, I think.
5. We're both ready to settle down with each other.
Ex Cons:
1. I'll need to really get over her sleeping with some other dude.
2. We may still have some of the same problems we had.
3. Her family doesn't know me very well (mainly her dad, since he travels a lot)
Getting back together with the other girl presents the following:
Pros:
1. We get along well and it seems we have much more in common
2. She's more "cerebral" like me than my ex, if that makes sense
3. Her family and ours know each other well
Cons:
1. I don't know what this girl will be like 5 years down the road
2. She's young (younger than my ex), and I'm not sure she's ready to settle down like I am
3. She's just starting her way through medical school
4. She's very mature, but I think she's inexperienced in relationships
5. I'm not sure how well I can trust her
Everything else is the same for both in terms of looks, independence, maturity etc.
So what do you think GAF? Do you guys think getting back with my ex is the best idea?
Edit: I should clarify that I don't think what I did here is right. I don't think I should have gotten with the other girl out of spite. It was wrong and petty and what my gf did when we were broken up is none of my business. I was just really hurt by this and I made a bad decision that has put me in this fucked up place. I'm not trying to rationalize what I did.