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[Team Alucard]

Seriously debating dropping out of college.

I only have a year left after this semester but I really hate my major and have no faith that I'll be able to find gainful employment with my degree. Why did I not do IT, or more importantly, why did I not just move 10 minutes across the Mississippi and gone to community college in Illinois before transferring to a legitimate university (UIUC) instead of staying instate and going to this bumfuck piece of shit school that the only companies recruit from are crappy local insurance agencies where you're paid entirely in commission and have no benefits whatsoever.

 

[The_Kid]

Do you ever like, get incredibly stressed out realizing that your existance makes everyone you know worse off?

My parents marriage is falling apart, I'm causing my friend to get angry and stressed around me, and like, I'm just failing generally in life and taking up resources.

I don't want to be this way. I honestly wish I was dead sometimes. All I do is clean and stress and try to enjoy the maybe hour I have a day that isn't distracted with something. My OCD is destroying my life.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

For you arthritis, have you tried any of the modern biologics like Enbrel, Humira, etc? I have a relative who had a very large improvement on one of those. I think it stopped working after a few years, then she switched to another and was fine again, and there a bunch of difference ones.

I can't take them due to being allergic to them.

 

[driggonny]

The more introspection that I partake in the more I realize that I'm just a fuckin' weirdo.

I think my mind is simply grasping at straws at this point as to why I haven't felt right as of late.

I should go back to distracting myself with video games. Those were good times~

 

[driggonny]

It's okay to be weird

While thinking of a reply I started to cry and I don't know why. It's strange, because I can't remember the last time I cried and it only lasted for maybe half a minute. I'm pretty sure my lack of an ability to cry is because of the pills I take and I generally don't complain about it. Just thought that was strange.

I agree. I think that everyone should be as weird as they want. The logical part of me just can't understand the weirdo part and every time it gets close it doesn't like or believe what it thinks it sees.

 

[Joe]

Has anyone tried Talkspace?

It's an online/texting therapy service and it seems pretty interesting.

It costs $32 a week or $99 a month. Their target market seems to be people that are anxious about the stigma over receiving therapy in person but also people that therapy is too expensive and/or time consuming for, which would actually describe me.

Apparently you get partnered with a therapist not just assigned someone random and there's an app that acts like a chatroom where you text with the therapist. The therapist responds once a twice a day.

This seems interesting to me and I figured maybe other people might find it interesting as well. Is anyone familiar with this or a similar service?

 

[jb1234]

Especially in the last two months, it feels like my life revolves around video games. I don't care about anything else and I barely care about the games.

When I was in college and working hard, games felt more like a reward. Now that I'm retired, they're just a waste of time but so is everything else that I do. I'll get ready for bed at night and beat myself up because I didn't watch the movie I was planning on watching, preferring to endlessly refresh various internet pages just to grab onto something new that someone I'll never meet has written.

I feel like a shadow. There's only three people that I'm regularly talking to, the three I trust the most. I don't have the motivation to talk to anyone else, including family like my mom. She keeps texting, trying to reach out but I feel dead. What can I say to her that'll make any difference? Nothing so it's easier not to say anything at all. And I live in terror that those three will give up on me at any time. Everyone else has.

 

[driggonny]

Yeah I don't understand a lot of things I do or think or say. But some things are so familiar that I just keep doing them and I guess they become a part of you.

I haven't cried in a while either. I cry easy and its been about a week or two.

I think, slightly more specifically, I don't understand why I seem to want certain weird things for my life or if I even really want them at all. Not in an existential sense, but in a "who even am I" sort of way.

My ramblings aren't really making much sense, sorry. I'm having a hard time putting it into words. Suffice it to say, the things I seem to want out of life don't make any sense to me but as I am right now something feels like it's missing.

Outside of earlier, I think I've only cried maybe once since I started taking these pills a year-and-a-half ago.

Edit: Maybe I spend too much time trying to figure out why I don't feel right when the reality is that my mind is just broken.

 

[driggonny]

Sometimes I want things for silly or petty reasons. I'll want to be famous so that others who know me will be jealous or feel like they lost.

But my problem is I either don't do enough to get what I want, or I seem to work against my own wishes in some way. It's taken me several years to transfer to a university. I want to teach. I should be teaching by now, but I have made so little progress. I know its not a race, I'm still young. But it feels like I don't really want it. Maybe I just want to do nothing. Maybe it's my depression. I don't know.

I want love. I want to be loved. Last year, on this date, I started a relationship with an amazing woman. In October of last year, that relationship ended. Looking back, it would seem like I did everything I could to destroy it. She did nothing but love me, and I did nothing but push her away and hurt her. Do I really want love? Am I just not ready? Did we move too quickly and I needed space? I don't know.

Sometimes I am afraid that I just want an easy life and I am too cowardly, too lazy, to work and do what is necessary. Sometimes I think I am constantly trying to escape. I have been glued to screens for as long as I can remember. TV, movies, video games, the internet, porn and youtube. Maybe I am scared of living. These days, nearly all I do is watch youtube. A lot of the time I just rewatch the same things. I am constantly wishing that I could go back and fix things. Save money, keep from being addicted to porn, cherish my friendships, treat my ex the way she treated me. And I realize, why not start now? I can't go back, but I can change now. Its just hard to start. I've certainly always been a procrastinator.

I push everyone away. I have been doing it since I was a child and I would lie to my friend so I wouldn't have to go outside and play with him. I have never talked much to my family. Especially those outside my immediate family. They are almost strangers to me. I accuse friends of hating me, and start fights over nothing. I never responded to my ex, I always reacted, defensively and angrily. I'm rambling. I really don't like myself. I wish I could wake up changed. I don't want to hurt anyone again. I hope everyone has a nice night. Or a nice morning.

I'm sorry if something I said bothered you I can definitely relate to a lot of your feelings. Depression can make us feel like quite pathetic people. But the reality is that we are much harsher on ourselves than anyone else. I firmly believe that anyone suffering the same way as you can make themselves out to be terrible even if many see them positively. It's never too late to start over if you need to. The past sucks. None of that has to matter in the future.

I hope I didn't say anything in poor taste.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

So I finally got a job on the way, which will supplement the hours spent in my younger sister bed(while she's at college of course).

Pretty much all I got to show the past two weeks, is that if I ever meet a woman willing to settle with me, and we get the bad end of the stick and create a dick, gotta push for the first name of Patrick.

Edit: also Hulu has no chill, yes I know how much time I spend on gaf and masturbating, stop telling me to visit match.com

 

[TangerineCloud]

Breath of the Wild has helped take my mind off of things for a while, but I'm still not doing very well. During this time last week, I felt like I was well into the process of moving on, but here I am now, wishing I could be with my ex again. Shit's painful. I have two dates coming up with women who seem really into me (over text), but all I can think about is how I'd happily trade both for the chance of getting back together with my ex.

I'm hoping getting back to class and work this week will give me something else to focus on. Missing both last week and having to cancel plans with friends due to sickness really did a number on me mentally. Had way too much time to sit around and feel sad.

EDIT: On some level, I wish my ex had just told me she hated me and that there was no chance she'd ever want to be with me again. That would have been gut-wrenching, but it might have been preferable to living through this endless uncertainty and longing.

 

[Hey_Blinkin]

A fellow taker of Lamotrigine, how has it been working out for you so far? I've been on it for four weeks come tomorrow and my moods have greatly improved. You know I had read that anti-depressants can make mood swings worse but my psychiatrist prescribed me an SSRI along with Lamotrigine. Luckily I haven't really gotten any negative reaction these past four weeks on either.

It's a constant battle for me too. As much as I have improved over the past four weeks I still have my dips and rises in mood. It definitely is not as tiring as it was before, but the changes in mood are still somewhat there, just way less strong.

My appointment yesterday with my therapist went well enough. Tomorrow I have another appointment with my psychiatrist and I will be interested to hear his thoughts on my own progress this past month. I wonder if he'll start me on the medication for ADHD or wait another month before that.

It's still too early to tell. It's only been a week and I'm only on 25mg at the moment. I'm supposed to double it to 50mg after two weeks. On top of that I had a really rough time at work which led to a much more stressful week than normal.

I'm still not quite sure if I could be considered bipolar. Yes I have large mood swings from optimistic to suicidal thoughts, but they all seem triggered by my extremely low self esteem. They're not random at all. I can always point to something that led to how I'm feeling, whether it be up or down. But then again maybe that's how bipolar works.

 

[TangerineCloud]

I am constantly wishing to be back with my ex. Its been nearly five months and I have made almost no progress. I find myself thinking how whatever I am doing at the time, would be better if she were there too. I am not making any attempts yet, but just thinking of other women helps me to not think of her. So I hope your dates go well. Good luck.

Thanks, I'll do my best. I've also found that thinking of and pursuing other women can help take my mind off her, but I guess I've been feeling so low lately that the effect hasn't been as strong as it usually is.

Five months with no progress, though. That sounds pretty rough. I guess I've had a bit more success with feeling like I've been moving on, but I can definitely relate to feeling like whatever you're doing would be more enjoyable with your ex there. If you don't mind me asking, why aren't you pursuing other women yet? Just not ready?

My ex has told me there is no hope of us being together again, and yet I still feel like there is some chance somehow. At least she says she doesn't hate me. I just don't know if thats the truth. And I haven't been doing the best distracting myself. In February, after a month of no contact, I emailed her and called her. Its been a week and change since that. Just recently I typed a very long message to maybe send someday but I deleted it. I can't move on if I keep doing that. I hope you can distract yourself and I hope the dates go well.

Hah, you sound a lot like me. My ex and I almost had a month of no-contact that ended last week. Luckily I was able to restrain myself from contacting her, though (lord knows I've had the urges). Did your ex respond to you at all?

(P.S. You replied to one of my earlier posts as well. I appreciate the support!)

 

[driggonny]

I'm just the worst. Pathetic. I'm not worth the trouble. I wish my mind would just shut up.

Edit: Well, I'm feeling better even after a terrible night's sleep. I don't know what I'm doing, but I honestly never do~

 

[Zoidberg Jesus]

Is anyone here familiar with "Neurostar" TMS therapy? I saw a commercial for it at my psychiatrist's office, and he said I might be a good candidate for it to replace my anti depressant.

My background: I was diagnosed with Aspergers at about 9 years old, and in recent years I have been dealing with depression and anxiety. Currently, I have it under control for the most part by taking 60mg of Prozac a day, but I get side effects (possible energy loss and weight gain, can't achieve orgasm, numbness in genitals). I have tried several medications over the past 12 years, but I have always had those side effects while on medication. I also currently take 15mg of Abilify and 50mg of Vyvanse. My doctor believes the Prozac is the cause of my sexual dysfunction, and the other two drugs shouldn't affect that.

 

[BossRush]

I thought working out would give me endorphins and help with my
Mood and mindset so I started swimming

It's not helping.

 

[Durrzerker]

I thought working out would give me endorphins and help with my
Mood and mindset so I started swimming

It's not helping.

If you have the resources available I highly recommend trying weightlifting instead. Swimming is great but resistance training and lifting weights can provide a greater visceral appeal. At least it did for me

 

[TangerineCloud]

I replied to your other posts because I know how you feel! I like to see that you are doing better at times and you are trying to move on. It inspires me to try the same.

We're gonna be all right, man. Someday. I wish you the best. Maybe you can even just try dating for fun without aiming for a relationship. That's kinda what I'm doing. The two "friend" dates I've been on since my break-up have really elevated my mood and confidence quite a bit.

EDIT (re: the bolded part): That was actually quite touching to read. As much as I've been trying to push myself forward through the pain, I'll admit that I often question if all my effort is really worth anything. I try to savor each little bit of progress, but I can't help but wonder if I'm assigning an undeserved degree of significance to my victories in order to make myself feel better about the strong lingering feelings I have for my ex. I'm just insecure and lacking in self-confidence, so it's very meaningful to me that someone else can find some nugget of hope or inspiration from what I'm going through. It makes me feel more confident about the path I've chosen. So thank you.

 

[BossRush]

If you have the resources available I highly recommend trying weightlifting instead. Swimming is great but resistance training and lifting weights can provide a greater visceral appeal. At least it did for me

Would it help me lose weight too? I'm morbidly obese and can't lift to save my life

 

[Durrzerker]

Would it help me lose weight too? I'm morbidly obese and can't lift to save my life

It'll help you slim down and get into better shape! Your waistline will shrink relatively quickly. As human beings, we're built to run; it's great cardio health, but it makes us lose weight slowly because we're built around swimming and running. Resistance training is lesseasy for us and has more significant of an impact.

If you look at weight you might be disappointed; muscle is more dense than fact, so it's not uncommon to GAIN weight when weightlifting. But watch your waistline and see how much better you feel!

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Can I just say that SMTIV is fucking incredible and really makes me feel super good. Especially the music. It's been a wonderful escape.

 

[BossRush]

It'll help you slim down and get into better shape! Your waistline will shrink relatively quickly. As human beings, we're built to run; it's great cardio health, but it makes us lose weight slowly because we're built around swimming and running. Resistance training is lesseasy for us and has more significant of an impact.

If you look at weight you might be disappointed; muscle is more dense than fact, so it's not uncommon to GAIN weight when weightlifting. But watch your waistline and see how much better you feel!

I'm gonna focus on getting a consistent swim schedule first and then add weights

 

[cryptic]

I've realized from the last girl I was with, with the patience she showed me, and the kindness, I simply can't be in a relationship.
When I realized that, my motivation to continue slowly started to go.
I still care for her quite s bit,and I could contact her, as most importantly she was a good friend, probably my last one,but the feeling was never mutual.
I've been looking for new people like her, if only to start as friends, but my anxiety/depression is such I can't even get out of bed except for work.
I have bills to pay I can't even focus on.
I think I really want to...
I just have had a really rough life of isolation.

 

[BossRush]

I don't feel good. I'm having trouble responding to people or caring about what's being said. I can laugh at things and feel happy but it vanishes almost instantly. I'm constantly wondering what would happen if I died.

 

[Kwixotik]

I just moved to a new town for two months to complete an internship. I'm four hours away from anyone I know and in a state I've never spent much time in.

Any tips for making friends in a completely new place?

 

[RoyaleDuke]

I feel so guilty wanting to play games when I should be expediting my work on my novel.

I'm getting bronchitis again which totally fucking sucks since that means 3 weeks of coughing and general misery on top of what I already feel.

My shoulder is pretty screwed up and needs to be scoped again, and possibly re-repaired which will mean being pretty much useless for the better part of a year after surgery.

I guess I shouldn't beat myself up about progress when I'm feeling sick or trying to make myself feel anything other than miserable and empty.

 

[driggonny]

I seriously will not survive tomorrow if I don't get enough sleep tonight. The last couple nights I only slept maybe an hour at a time. For some reason I was constantly waking up as if it was morning. :/

 

[Puck Beaverton]

Been having an awful 48 hours right now. I feel no motivation to do anything, even stuff I actually enjoy doing. I thought that maybe I should exercise but I heard doing back to back long sessions isn't good for your body, so I'm sitting here listening to music and staring at my computer screen.

I feel so guilty wanting to play games when I should be expediting my work on my novel.

You should do whatever you actually want to do. Forcing something, even if it may be necessary, is probably just going to lead to you still feeling shitty.

I seriously will not survive tomorrow if I don't get enough sleep tonight. The last couple nights I only slept maybe an hour at a time. For some reason I was constantly waking up as if it was morning. :/

I too have been having sleep issues, and it sucks because I feel tired but I just can't fall asleep. Fun times.

 

[JDHarbs]

I decided to go for a walk today. It was nice, but I never thought it would be so draining. My energy and strength is so low after barely eating and getting out of bed over the last 6 months.

 

[arigato]

I seriously will not survive tomorrow if I don't get enough sleep tonight. The last couple nights I only slept maybe an hour at a time. For some reason I was constantly waking up as if it was morning. :/

I can relate with the sleeping issues. Feels as if I haven't gotten any sleep in months..
A cold fresh coconut sounds so refreshing.

 

[neojubei]

So i went to see Logan with my friend and his boyfriend and there in the theater it hits me again. i'm never going to be with anyone i'll always be alone. Part of me wanted to tell my friend after we come back from japan i am going to die but i didnt want to bring down the mood.

 

[wordballoons]

So i went to see Logan with my friend and his boyfriend and there in the theater it hits me again. i'm never going to be with anyone i'll always be alone. Part of me wanted to tell my friend after we come back from japan i am going to die but i didnt want to bring down the mood.

Dude, my best friend is currently fucking my most recent ex. Appreciate that someone is taking you to Japan with them and clearly cares about you. It isn't anything to take for granted. You can make changes and make things better, especially with regard to matters as malleable as personal appearance. I'm sure you look much better than you feel you do, and I certainly know how that goes, but just accept that everything takes time. Sometimes you just have to embrace that life currently blows and push forward to a better future.

PM if you need anyone to talk to, I'm not always on here but I'll get back as soon as I can. Don't give up, dude.

 

[SugarDave]

So yesterday was my last day in work. Not looking forward to this next week or so where I feel like shit not seeing the people I really liked everyday, I can only hope everyone makes the effort to keep in touch (same goes for myself).

Everyone kept saying how great of a person I was and I still can't accept a compliment to save my life. It's so tiring being convinced I'm unlovable. I got the "You're the perfect guy, why couldn't you be taller?" line from this girl I actually kind of like as well, and I can't decide if that stung like fuck or if it's hilarious.

Don't really know where to take my life next. I'm probably going to end up stuck in a rut again.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

christ I had a terrible nervous breakdown earlier today and now feel oddly tranquil.

Like I still feel kinda shitty, but I also feel more stress-free than I have in a while.

 

[neojubei]

Dude, my best friend is currently fucking my most recent ex. Appreciate that someone is taking you to Japan with them and clearly cares about you. It isn't anything to take for granted. You can make changes and make things better, especially with regard to matters as malleable as personal appearance. I'm sure you look much better than you feel you do, and I certainly know how that goes, but just accept that everything takes time. Sometimes you just have to embrace that life currently blows and push forward to a better future.

PM if you need anyone to talk to, I'm not always on here but I'll get back as soon as I can. Don't give up, dude.

i've already given up. if i live to next year everything will still be the same. im ok with dying pample did it, so can i. the realization im going to be this old ugly and alone makes me ok with. least i can end that suffering.

 

[Kwixotik]

.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Even though my instructor extended the due date last week for my servers and client project in C programming. I had 3 weeks to work on this project, and still haven't finished it. It's due tomorrow, this is really frustrating for me. Makes me hate coding even more because nothing works out for me even though I understand what I have to do. It's pretty pathetic because I had the time and I asked for help. But in the end it's incomplete. Sucks when you're not passionate, it's one of the reasons why I'm hesitant to look for internships and go to job fairs. I lack passion and motivation. Sucks to be me.

 

[half a moon]

Got an interview tomorrow. Hopefully i get it so I can buy a doggo. I need that unconditional puppy love.

 

[Shadax the wizard]

So I'm intrigued to try 5-htp and l-tyrosine and wanted to ask if anyone can share their experience with these supplements? Have you noticed any changes and did it help with getting better sleep? I'm planning to take 1000 mg of tyrosine in the morning and 100 mg 5-htp in the evening as they seemingly need to be balanced 10:1.

 

[SugarDave]

Fucking hell, I'm in that phase I've experienced before where I fully regret leaving my job. I just know the next thing that comes along will probably end up being better but the people won't be half as amazing as they were at this place.

I was only at the place for a little over three months, if this is how attached I get to people I've known for that long then I don't even want to imagine how I'd feel if a romantic relationship I was truly invested in ended.

I already miss the people and feel so sad. Why does being alive have to be so fucking hard?

 

[Puck Beaverton]

I'm having TERRIBLE mood swings right now.

Christ this is the fucking worst. I've gone from mellow to angry to sad today (and the whole week honestly). Fucking God I'm about to destroy something.

Scratching like crazy also.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

Denied me disability with no hope of getting an appeal or a lawyer to take my case.

Thanks God for letting humanity create such a fucked up form of government and thanks for being a fucking dickhead and giving me all these goddamn diseases that no one believes I have.

I see fucking doors to nowhere, shadows, goddamnit.

I'm in so much pain half the time if I am not on painkillers or high on weed I can't even fucking function.

I fell down today because I was exhausted and burned my face and chest with hot tea.

It's been wonderful really.

God, you fucking prick.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

you could always try humor

we either suffer through life or laugh at it. I think that's a quote from someone. Probably butchered it.

 

[Hey_Blinkin]

Apparently I'm really good at hiding the circus in my head. I've posted about my issues here many times. 35 year old male, never been in a relationship, struggling with depression, anxiety, adhd, and borderline suicidal self esteem. 95% of my thoughts are about being unattractive, unwanted, alone, etc. It dominates my mind from waking up to going to bed.

So this guy at work just just randomly tells me he hates me. He hates how I nonchalantly float through life without a care in the world while he struggles every day to get out of bed. He's having a really rough period in his life and is blaming everyone but himself. Meanwhile here I am seeing a therapist once a week trying to stay afloat until my doctor decides I'm ready to be on medication for anxiety and depression.

The weird thing is that not only did it not bother me that he said it, it actually made me kind of feel better about myself. I've always assumed people can just look at me and just know I'm a hopeless fucking wreck. I guess at least I'm fooling one person.

On another note, really not looking forward to the weekend. They're getting tougher and tougher. As soon as I shut my front door after coming home from work on Fridays it immediately hits me how alone I am for the next 62 hours.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

yeah I always had friends tell me I'm a downer and I give off school shooter vibes (never understood that one, and it pissed me off everytime they said it).

Take it as a compliment.

 

[AwesomePossum]

So I'm gonna be homeless in a month, so that's a bummer. Almost broke down when I got the news while visiting my godfather at the nursing home. I've heard the shelter system in NYC is one of the better ones in the country... so there's that.

If this had been a month ago I would have killed myself tonight. But somehow, in only a month, I've built up enough strength and progressed enough to give me hope for a better future.

I've been sober for a month and a half which is longer then I have been in three years. I am consistently taking my antidepressants and diabetic meds which I had a tendency to stop taking every month or so. I've gotten public assistance, and an exemption from working for a year so I can continue to work on my stability.

After a decade of rehabs, suicide attempts, psychwards, extended hospital stays, nervous breakdowns, etc... I feel better despite everything around me falling apart. Who knows everything could go to shit tomorrow, ya know, but I feel good.

Kinda wrote this because I honestly needed some self-affirmation, but I've been lurking this thread for a while and wish everyone the best of luck and more... and now... I'll probably go back to lurking lol

 

[Head of Vengarl]

Such a mix of emotions when it comes to my sister. She's by far the biggest source of unhappiness in my life.

She's been through a lot: epilepsy diagnosis at 24, had to move back in with our parents, 3 brain surgeries, a cocktail of powerful medications with side effects that range from zombie-like fatigue to the most intense anxiety/confusion attacks I've ever witnessed. She is now 31, still living with mom and dad, and her mental health has seriously deteriorated over the past couple years. She is absolutely consumed with bitterness and self-pity. She acts very manic now, often talking incessantly. She also has a hair trigger temper, and when she gets set off it can be hours before my dad is able to get her to settle down. You can look at her eyes and see she is mentally unstable; in her manic/anger episodes it looks a lot like she's drunk.

The biggest problem is that she's become verbally abusive toward my mom, cussing her out/saying extremely mean things to her on a nearly daily basis now. It's gotten to the point where she will have meltdowns in public where she loudly argues with my parents, unconcerned that people are watching. It's mortifying. I hate what's happened to her; it's unfair and sad that she has to suffer like this. But I've also grown less and less sympathetic toward her because of the way she acts, especially in her treatment of my mom. It's gotten to the point where I avoid her, because her manic behavior makes me really uncomfortable and I have to walk on eggshells because of her temper. And of course I can't stand seeing the way she treats my mom. My parents put on such a brave face, but I know they are miserable. It's such a bummer. I miss my sister.

 

[Steamlord]

yeah I always had friends tell me I'm a downer and I give off school shooter vibes (never understood that one, and it pissed me off everytime they said it).

Take it as a compliment.

I got this several times in high school. They weren't even trying to be mean when they said it. Weird.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

I got this several times in high school. They weren't even trying to be mean when they said it. Weird.

I don't even know why they got that from me. Like yeah I'm depressed and have anger issues but it doesn't mean I'm going to shoot people. I also don't even think they tried to be mean, but it's like dude, hear what you're calling me.

 

[JDHarbs]

I got similar vibes from people in high school as well and it took a serious toll on my mental health at that time and sent me down the negative path I'm on today. I was a normal person if they would've just taken the time to discover that, but my demeanor wasn't exactly inviting.

Looking back now, I try not to be too hard on those people because everyone's minds are going through a transition phase at that time. Everyone gains a desire for acceptance so singling out others helps them feel better about themselves. It's shitty, but they don't exactly know any better then. It would be like holding a grudge against a childhood bully who was likely acting out because they had problems of their own.