Puck Beaverton
Banned
I still hold a grudge for a kid in 4th grade calling me fat in gym class. Forever mad at myself for not clocking him. I'd like to think I would do it now, but I doubt it.
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Mental Health |OT2| - Light in the Darkness
- Thread starter Bagels
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I've always assumed people can just look at me and just know I'm a hopeless fucking wreck. I guess at least I'm fooling one person.
On another note, really not looking forward to the weekend. They're getting tougher and tougher. As soon as I shut my front door after coming home from work on Fridays it immediately hits me how alone I am for the next 62 hours.
Totally get what you're saying here about people not being able to not really read others all too well. Just because with my bi-polarity I had to hide a lot of depressive episodes while at work, and then when I would be manic a lot of folks just thought I was having an amazing week/day. The struggles that play out in our heads usually don't get heard unless we communicate them to other people, hence the necessity for therapy and doctors. I don't mean that in a condescending way but just stressing the importance of therapy or seeking medical attention.
Sorry to hear about the loneliness, I wish you all the best on making new friends in your area.
Kinda wrote this because I honestly needed some self-affirmation, but I've been lurking this thread for a while and wish everyone the best of luck and more... and now... I'll probably go back to lurking lol
Glad to read that you're making some serious progress even though a lot has been and continues to go wrong. It seems like you've grown some real tenacity with all of the struggles you've gone through. Also glad to hear you are consistently taking your medications. I've been consistent with my mood stabilizer & SSRI but only because I had a sibling be inconsistent with his meds which didn't turn out too well for him or my family.
I miss my sister.
That was rough to read friend. I believe I've read another post about your situation with your sister and your family a few pages ago. It's very unfortunate that everything still seems to be the same/worse with regards to your sister's mental health. That mental deterioration must be hell to witness firsthand, let alone it being a family member. I do wish your family and your sister all the best, and hopefully something can be salvaged out of that mess. Stay strong!
Loneliness is going to kill me one day.
Been on the verge of tears all day but just can't get them out.
I feel you sugar. I can handle the depression and anxiety but the loneliness is what hurts me the most. The weekends to myself with no one to hang with it becomes very glaringly apparent just how alone I am. That's something I am trying to change but it's hard to do.
I feel you sugar. I can handle the depression and anxiety but the loneliness is what hurts me the most. The weekends to myself with no one to hang with it becomes very glaringly apparent just how alone I am. That's something I am trying to change but it's hard to do.
I feel guilty since I'm not without people to chat to either, and yet it's this persistent cut in my chest. Somewhere on this page, I mentioned that I just quit my job and a girl gave me the cliché "You're going to make someone so happy one day but it won't be me" line (not the exact wording but that's the gist). Well, that night we also kissed, and it might as well have been my first considering the length of time since my last (not to mention I hadn't even hit puberty the last time I kissed a girl so I'm pretty sure there's a cutoff point there).
Anyway, now I feel like a total dick because I'm 23 and in a daze with feelings that most people first experience in their early teens. I suppose it's nice to know that maybe I'm not totally unattractive like I've always considered myself to be but at the same time, I really wish it didn't happen because it's not going to lead anywhere and there is a part of me that actually likes her in that way. I know it's just my inexperience applying more meaning to a nothing situation but I still keep thinking about it now.
Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about. This isn't the dating thread. I just have an issue with committing to my decisions because I now feel awful about quitting the job. Why must I always sabotage myself in stupid ways? I could've stuck it out, and the people genuinely made me feel good about myself.
My eyes started to well up finally typing that last part. I feel so sad.
I feel guilty since I'm not without people to chat to either, and yet it's this persistent cut in my chest. Somewhere on this page, I mentioned that I just quit my job and a girl gave me the cliché "You're going to make someone so happy one day but it won't be me" line (not the exact wording but that's the gist). Well, that night we also kissed, and it might as well have been my first considering the length of time since my last (not to mention I hadn't even hit puberty the last time I kissed a girl so I'm pretty sure there's a cutoff point there).
Anyway, now I feel like a total dick because I'm 23 and in a daze with feelings that most people first experience in their early teens. I suppose it's nice to know that maybe I'm not totally unattractive like I've always considered myself to be but at the same time, I really wish it didn't happen because it's not going to lead anywhere and there is a part of me that actually likes her in that way. I know it's just my inexperience applying more meaning to a nothing situation but I still keep thinking about it now.
Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about. This isn't the dating thread. I just have an issue with committing to my decisions because I now feel awful about quitting the job. Why must I always sabotage myself in stupid ways? I could've stuck it out, and the people genuinely made me feel good about myself.
My eyes started to well up finally typing that last part. I feel so sad.
You're 23 you have plenty of time for things to happen. You just have to actively be trying. Don't be like me about to turn 30 having never been with anyone because I never gave myself a chance. Every one has their own time table for when they'll achieve things so don't feel bad.
I went to therapy again after 6 months of not being able to go. I was so scatter shot with my topics since I've had quite a few things happen in-between the last meeting. I feel so much better now that I got to decompress all that has been weighing me down.
J_Macgrady
Member
Been battling with anxiety throughout the day. At uni now sitting alone in a student common room, feeling overwhelmed, not really having anyone to talk to since I'm abroad and I don't know anyone yet, not really wanting to leave since "home" is an hour by train away.
Have you seen a psychiatrist about your anxiety issues?
You're 23 you have plenty of time for things to happen. You just have to actively be trying. Don't be like me about to turn 30 having never been with anyone because I never gave myself a chance. Every one has their own time table for when they'll achieve things so don't feel bad.
I went to therapy again after 6 months of not being able to go. I was so scatter shot with my topics since I've had quite a few things happen in-between the last meeting. I feel so much better now that I got to decompress all that has been weighing me down.
Glad to hear you've been able to get some things off your chest and feel a bit better.
You're right, of course. It's just tough being so completely ruled by my emotions. And the prospect of not seeing many of my former colleagues again is really bumming me out.
Either my meds need adjusting or the loneliness is combining with my depression and kicking my ass right now. I am so damned lonely it hurts me physically almost. Those that were there for me the most in getting things moving are drifting away ever so slowly & coupled with me having to cancel my trip to PAX to meet said friends and now see them post the great time together they are having on social media is just salt in the wound.
chicko1983
Member
I found a bag of weed my old housemate left behind and started smoking a it a couple of nights a week for the last month.
My mood is way better than it has been for years.
I even spoke to my mum on the phone the other day, I used to just text. And then agreed to go on a family holiday at the end of the year.
I'm not in any other medication either.
My mood is way better than it has been for years.
I even spoke to my mum on the phone the other day, I used to just text. And then agreed to go on a family holiday at the end of the year.
I'm not in any other medication either.
Have you seen a psychiatrist about your anxiety issues?
Not specifically. I received therapy at an outpatient psychiatric clinic for about 8 months that mostly focused on my depression and my personality disorders. That was the first time I received any mental health diagnoses whatsoever. That treatment ended prior to the summer last year. It was during Fall of last year that I realized that anxiety was what I really needed to tackle. I tried to go back by applying through my GP but I got declined.
I did see a counsellor last Thursday, and I've got a new appointment Thursday next week. I've looked around a bit for more in-depth focused treatment, but found nothing that isn't expensive. I think I'll use my next counselling session to ask about it and possible referrals. Until then I'll just have to endure. I'm overseas as an exchange student and I don't know anyone in the city or at uni, so I'm alone. I've looked for support groups but found nothing useful.
I'm having TERRIBLE mood swings right now.
Christ this is the fucking worst. I've gone from mellow to angry to sad today (and the whole week honestly). Fucking God I'm about to destroy something.
Scratching like crazy also.
Yeah. My mood like to swing a lot now to daily. I wish these mood swings will go away but I don't think they will every go away until I get rid of my social anxiety issues which have gotten worse over the years.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
I am so lost.
I tried my best at going back to school.
I'm just shit person
I tried my best at going back to school.
I'm just shit person
As someone who's cried so much to the point where my mouth dried out as a result. Save your tears and use them to water good seeds.Loneliness is going to kill me one day.
Been on the verge of tears all day but just can't get them out.
Sjögren's syndrome sucks and sometimes when I have a mental break down I want to scream or yell as loud as I can. But that becomes very difficult to do so when your throat and mouth have become so weak/dry. Getting older had a lot to do with it as well.. Have you ever thought about visiting an isolated place to yell your lungs out?
brianjones
Member
I am so lost.
I tried my best at going back to school.
I'm just shit person
right there with you
I have no idea what to do with my life or how to fix it.. it feels like it comes so easy to everyone else and I just can't figure it out
I have no good role models or people around me to give me some direction.
I need a life coach or something .. have no motivation
Puck Beaverton
Banned
I'm legit out with pals drinking in mine and prepared to hit the town but Id rather die they are having fun not me
I feel like that sometimes. It's hard living in the moment and trying to enjoy yourself without thinking of other dumb bullshit.
Right now I'm feeling extremely energetic and peppy, which should be a good thing but it doesn't. Odd. It's like I feel good, but something tells me I shouldn't be.
Find something creative to do and meditate. I was meditating last night and it was fucking bliss man. Zero worries.right there with you
I have no idea what to do with my life or how to fix it.. it feels like it comes so easy to everyone else and I just can't figure it out
I have no good role models or people around me to give me some direction.
I need a life coach or something .. have no motivation
I'm legit out with pals drinking in mine and prepared to hit the town but Id rather die they are having fun not me
i know that feel. sometimes the booze helps make me more comfortable, other times it makes me even more self conscious >_<
brianjones
Member
i know that feel. sometimes the booze helps make me more comfortable, other times it makes me even more self conscious >_<
I abused alcohol for years thinking it was this great cure for my anxiety and depression but it only exacerbated these things in the long term
im liking weed better lately but certain strains can make me paranoid
Find something creative to do and meditate. I was meditating last night and it was fucking bliss man. Zero worries.
I was thinking of trying drawing something.. just finding a picture and trying to replicate it
ill give it a whirl
not sure I have the patience for meditation
Puck Beaverton
Banned
Alcohol helps make me more open and fun to be around, but I try not to abuse it because of that. It's so tempting to just drink a bit and get into that state where I feel good.
I'm kinda glad my family has alcoholics because I look at them and go lolnope.
And yeah drawing is good. Channeling whatever negative emotions you have into something creative will make you feel so much better. You're not really getting rid of it, but instead owning it, accepting it, and using it to your advantage. Art isn't a magical cure-all, but it helps.
I'm kinda glad my family has alcoholics because I look at them and go lolnope.
And yeah drawing is good. Channeling whatever negative emotions you have into something creative will make you feel so much better. You're not really getting rid of it, but instead owning it, accepting it, and using it to your advantage. Art isn't a magical cure-all, but it helps.
Via Purifico
Banned
I've never participated in this thread before, hello fellow gaffers first timer here.
I have depression I think, my mood drops to an all time low at random moments and I have social anxiety really bad. I had to take care of my mother solo since 2008 until 2015 due to being in kidney failure I have a older sister but that's a separate story altogether.
She's still not in the best of health and I try not to complain about my problems so I don't talk about them. I try to be a support system for others but don't talk about my problems.
I've confided in people before only to be betrayed so I don't open myself too much.
I have two friends, one a fellow gaffer and one i've met in person who I talk to but I don't want to bombard them too much with my feelings. I feel stuck honestly.
I have depression I think, my mood drops to an all time low at random moments and I have social anxiety really bad. I had to take care of my mother solo since 2008 until 2015 due to being in kidney failure I have a older sister but that's a separate story altogether.
She's still not in the best of health and I try not to complain about my problems so I don't talk about them. I try to be a support system for others but don't talk about my problems.
I've confided in people before only to be betrayed so I don't open myself too much.
I have two friends, one a fellow gaffer and one i've met in person who I talk to but I don't want to bombard them too much with my feelings. I feel stuck honestly.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
I've never participated in this thread before, hello fellow gaffers first timer here.
I have depression I think, my mood drops to an all time low at random moments and I have social anxiety really bad. I had to take care of my mother solo since 2008 until 2015 due to being in kidney failure I have a older sister but that's a separate story altogether.
She's still not in the best of health and I try not to complain about my problems so I don't talk about them. I try to be a support system for others but don't talk about my problems.
I've confided in people before only to be betrayed so I don't open myself too much.
I have two friends, one a fellow gaffer and one i've met in person who I talk to but I don't want to bombard them too much with my feelings. I feel stuck honestly.
I relate to not really telling anyone how I feel. I'm sure it would get pretty annoying hearing how sad I feel. Like I always regurgitate, art and meditation have helped me out so much the past couple months. This thread is a nice place to let out pent up feelings without having to look someone in the face. Of course, it isn't really the solution we should be using for some real change, but it feels good, so fuck it.
Via Purifico
Banned
I relate to not really telling anyone how I feel. I'm sure it would get pretty annoying hearing how sad I feel. Like I always regurgitate, art and meditation have helped me out so much the past couple months. This thread is a nice place to let out pent up feelings without having to look someone in the face. Of course, it isn't really the solution we should be using for some real change, but it feels good, so fuck it.
The bottom part of your post I relate to so much cause I know it's not good for the long run but the feel good factor is what keeps us doing it. I try to listen to relaxing music or play a videogame but nothing seems to stick for long.
I've never participated in this thread before, hello fellow gaffers first timer here.
I have depression I think, my mood drops to an all time low at random moments and I have social anxiety really bad. I had to take care of my mother solo since 2008 until 2015 due to being in kidney failure I have a older sister but that's a separate story altogether.
She's still not in the best of health and I try not to complain about my problems so I don't talk about them. I try to be a support system for others but don't talk about my problems.
I've confided in people before only to be betrayed so I don't open myself too much.
I have two friends, one a fellow gaffer and one i've met in person who I talk to but I don't want to bombard them too much with my feelings. I feel stuck honestly.
I can relate. Over the years I have isolated myself down to one friend who I keep in contact with. I try to keep him out of my "crazy loop" and use him as an escape from my depression and the reality of my situation. Its gotten harder and harder to hide that and lately when I check in with him its like "Oh life is shitty because this happened, and this is happening and now I have this, etc etc" and I feel bad dumping my shit on him. Makes me feel like a blackhole that sucks the life and positivity out of everyone I talk to or in the presence of. Which when you suffer from depression and anxiety is just another thing to add on to that guilt pile. Such a vicious circle. It's important to have a support system you can trust. Having a therapist to dump all my crazy on has helped immensely over the last couple years so if you aren't seeing anyone you might want to check into that. It can be very helpful if you need that outlet and its also good to get fresh non-bias perspective on some things.
Group therapy also helped me through some really tough times. In fact I have an appointment with the group I was going to next week to see about signing up for some sessions. I have some rough months coming up and have had several setbacks. When I get the constant thoughts of "why am I even bothering with being here" its the signs of needing extra help. Also my psych doctor telling me to go back is probably a big sign to.
Find something creative to do and meditate. I was meditating last night and it was fucking bliss man. Zero worries.
I know it's something I could just Google, but do you have any recommendations on where to start with meditation? Like, do I literally just find an isolated place and do my best to completely shut off everything?
I met up with two former colleagues for a brief drink today. They had to leave pretty soon after but I stayed and had another on my own, it was actually quite nice being alone with a pint. I convinced another friend to meet me for more drinks in a drunken buzz and immediately regretted it once he had joined me. Felt bad dragging him out then as I just instantly became morbid and left quite early.
I think I just need to take a week or two to get over these post-work blues then hopefully drum up the courage to get back on the saddle.
Via Purifico
Banned
I can relate. Over the years I have isolated myself down to one friend who I keep in contact with. I try to keep him out of my "crazy loop" and use him as an escape from my depression and the reality of my situation. Its gotten harder and harder to hide that and lately when I check in with him its like "Oh life is shitty because this happened, and this is happening and now I have this, etc etc" and I feel bad dumping my shit on him. Makes me feel like a blackhole that sucks the life and positivity out of everyone I talk to or in the presence of. Which when you suffer from depression and anxiety is just another thing to add on to that guilt pile. Such a vicious circle. It's important to have a support system you can trust. Having a therapist to dump all my crazy on has helped immensely over the last couple years so if you aren't seeing anyone you might want to check into that. It can be very helpful if you need that outlet and its also good to get fresh non-bias perspective on some things.
Group therapy also helped me through some really tough times. In fact I have an appointment with the group I was going to next week to see about signing up for some sessions. I have some rough months coming up and have had several setbacks. When I get the constant thoughts of "why am I even bothering with being here" its the signs of needing extra help. Also my psych doctor telling me to go back is probably a big sign to.
I really appreciate this post. I might look into group therapy but my social anxiety might try to prevent me from doing it cause I tend to worry what others think.
I should do it though probably.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
I know it's something I could just Google, but do you have any recommendations on where to start with meditation? Like, do I literally just find an isolated place and do my best to completely shut off everything?
I used an app on my phone called Headspace that helped me out. Basically you do breathing exercises in a quite place, counting your breath and just focusing on your sense of touch and smell. You try not to let other thoughts come in, but it almost always happens, so you just kinda let it pass you? You don't try to angrily force it out, but you're not dwelling on it either. You let it cruise through and leave your mind.
The first time I did it I found it incredibly refreshing. It may not be for everyone, but it really helps to calm me down when I start getting anxious.
I used an app on my phone called Headspace that helped me out. Basically you do breathing exercises in a quite place, counting your breath and just focusing on your sense of touch and smell. You try not to let other thoughts come in, but it almost always happens, so you just kinda let it pass you? You don't try to angrily force it out, but you're not dwelling on it either. You let it cruise through and leave your mind.
The first time I did it I found it incredibly refreshing. It may not be for everyone, but it really helps to calm me down when I start getting anxious.
I'll take a look at the app, thanks. It sounds kind of nice, can't hurt to give it a whirl.
I think I really need to start strongly considering getting diagnosed, medicated and/or seeing a psychiatrist. It's obvious that I do suffer from some form of mental illness, but I've never been diagnosed.
A few months ago, I always scoffed that I would/could never consider suicide no matter how depressed I got. But the past few weeks said "here, let's see how far you can go" and I'm about there. It's been in my thoughts more and more. Only the fact that it would destroy my mom is keeping me from going through with it.
A few months ago, I always scoffed that I would/could never consider suicide no matter how depressed I got. But the past few weeks said "here, let's see how far you can go" and I'm about there. It's been in my thoughts more and more. Only the fact that it would destroy my mom is keeping me from going through with it.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
I've been told to focus on the positive, but I have an awesome ability to twist those positives into negatives. It's awesome!How does someone fix having no self esteem or confidence?
I think I really need to start strongly considering getting diagnosed, medicated and/or seeing a psychiatrist. It's obvious that I do suffer from some form of mental illness, but I've never been diagnosed.
A few months ago, I always scoffed that I would/could never consider suicide no matter how depressed I got. But the past few weeks said "here, let's see how far you can go" and I'm about there. It's been in my thoughts more and more. Only the fact that it would destroy my mom is keeping me from going through with it.
Yeah you should absolutely see someone if you're even half serious about suicide.
Oh, for fuck's sake! I'm so fed up repeating this cycle where I feel like I'm rising out of a slump just a little only to immediately find myself back in it minutes later, except this time seemingly deeper.
I don't think I'd ever do it but killing myself has never seemed more appealing than it has these last few days. I feel so lost. I know it'll be a different experience for everyone but what do psychiatrists actually do when you see them? I might need to see a doctor tomorrow because I feel totally ill-equipped to live.
I don't know what to do.
I don't think I'd ever do it but killing myself has never seemed more appealing than it has these last few days. I feel so lost. I know it'll be a different experience for everyone but what do psychiatrists actually do when you see them? I might need to see a doctor tomorrow because I feel totally ill-equipped to live.
I don't know what to do.
brianjones
Member
psychiatrists prescribe the meds
you can talk to them to an extent but its not the same as a therapist
my psychiatrist couldn't wait to get me out of his office honestly.. it never seemed like I was there more than 15 minutes
you can talk to them to an extent but its not the same as a therapist
my psychiatrist couldn't wait to get me out of his office honestly.. it never seemed like I was there more than 15 minutes
psychiatrists prescribe the meds
you can talk to them to an extent but its not the same as a therapist
my psychiatrist couldn't wait to get me out of his office honestly.. it never seemed like I was there more than 15 minutes
It's really irritating, it's like a fast food restaurant they are so overbooked and it's so impersonal. I have went through so many different meds and I know it's because he's not taking any time to dive into my issues. It's just trial and error and hoping something works but I hate meds and have other issues so playing games like this bothers me. The thing I like about group therapy was they had a psych doctor come in once a week to manage your meds but they actually had meetings with our therapists so it was much more personal. There was still a bit of trial and error, that's unavoidable with these meds, but you didn't feel like you were on an assembly line.
Psychodynamic Therapy is going okay. Starting to get to that emotional stuff though. So it's a coin flip how I feel when I get out. Last week I laid in bed for 2 days I was so depressed.
Tomorrow is going to suck since I have in the morning and a funeral in the afternoon. It's stressing me out so bad as if I come out of this in a bad way going to the funeral is going to fuck me up times ten.
Tomorrow is going to suck since I have in the morning and a funeral in the afternoon. It's stressing me out so bad as if I come out of this in a bad way going to the funeral is going to fuck me up times ten.
Hi guys, just wanted to share for a bit since I don't really have someone to talk to these days.
Job is going bad, I think I might get fired anytime soon. I live with the mother of my 5yo son. Things have been going from bad to worse with her for a while. I've been contributing to it of course, I feel really tired of some of her shit. I also think my wife is cheating on me. I think I'm very depressed and I've not noticed it(of course). I've had ideas about hacking her phone and doing other stupid shit but in the end, the relationship is at its last legs. Everyday it's a struggle to get out of bed, get shit done, and do stuff I shouldn't have to struggle with, but here I am. Only my son gives me strength but nowadays it's just bursts of it and not joy and bliss as it was before. I've been having very depressing thoughts too.
Hopefully you guys are doing better, I just started to go to a therapist, still not feeling it tho.
Job is going bad, I think I might get fired anytime soon. I live with the mother of my 5yo son. Things have been going from bad to worse with her for a while. I've been contributing to it of course, I feel really tired of some of her shit. I also think my wife is cheating on me. I think I'm very depressed and I've not noticed it(of course). I've had ideas about hacking her phone and doing other stupid shit but in the end, the relationship is at its last legs. Everyday it's a struggle to get out of bed, get shit done, and do stuff I shouldn't have to struggle with, but here I am. Only my son gives me strength but nowadays it's just bursts of it and not joy and bliss as it was before. I've been having very depressing thoughts too.
Hopefully you guys are doing better, I just started to go to a therapist, still not feeling it tho.
Missed work due to feeling completely and utterly depressed since yesterday evening. I don't even know what triggered it. I went from feeling okay to fine this whole week and all of a sudden I just feel so down.
I know I struggle with depressive feelings quite a bit but it's never been as bad as my first episode when I was in middle school. I mean yeah I do have suicidal thoughts but those tend to be separate from the depressive feelings.
Since yesterday, I just feel utterly down. Like even smiling doesn't feel natural. Like I'm going through the motion. I just could not go to work like this today.
I don't even feel as guilty or anxious as I would normally feel for missing work. I just feel weighed down.
I keep postponing looking for a therapist. I know I need to find one but I just don't.
I know I struggle with depressive feelings quite a bit but it's never been as bad as my first episode when I was in middle school. I mean yeah I do have suicidal thoughts but those tend to be separate from the depressive feelings.
Since yesterday, I just feel utterly down. Like even smiling doesn't feel natural. Like I'm going through the motion. I just could not go to work like this today.
I don't even feel as guilty or anxious as I would normally feel for missing work. I just feel weighed down.
I keep postponing looking for a therapist. I know I need to find one but I just don't.
Via Purifico
Banned
Virtual hugs to all those in here who needs it. It's not much but just letting you know you matter.
I guess it's stupid to say but I really wish I didn't have this disease
I just wish I was normal I don't understand why this happened to me
Everything will be alright Safs. We all have our struggles that we are either born with or later (unfortunately) obtain. We just have to do the best job we can on combating whatever disease (s) we face. I know you mentioned you have OCD so I can't really empathize with that specifically but please know I'm rooting for you to get a handle on it. Do whatever is necessary to keep finding something that works for you. Both in terms of medication and other possible forms of therapy or outlets for your disorder.
So angry, all the time. I feel like I'm getting swallowed up by bitterness and rage.
I used to hold a LOT of anger/irritation inside of me. The mood stabilizer seems to have really stabilized my temper. When I say angry I mean giving middle fingers to drivers on the road, punching people who nowhere near deserved it, telling my mother to "fuck off", throwing my brother into a wall, etc. etc. There was really no control I had over myself when I'd boil over and rage, and it feels quite odd to be rid of it. I suppose that could return but at the moment I'm hopeful it won't.
What I mean to say is that my rage was largely illogical & highly impulsive, with no real ability of me to know when I'd burst open or hurt someone. How is your rage in your day to day life? Might it be worth looking into a mood stabilizer for yourself or other form of medication?
Speaking of myself these days I do just feel a bit odd. Like I said since already since starting my Lamictal my mood swings have gotten much more stable. I just feel, for once, sort of "normal" in terms of my mood and not flying into fits of rage every other day/week. My family continues to see an improvement in me as well, so that's a bit gratifying to hear. The medications have not really improved my ability to focus much though, but I hope the longer I'm on the Lamictal & SSRI my focus improves more. It's still hard to say if I truly do have ADHD or if it was my mood swings that didn't let me focus for prolonged periods of time. I'm in no real rush to find out though as just having my mood stable is a god send so far. And the SSRI has really lifted my anxiety too.
Today my brother brought over two of his friends. One of them is going through a mini crisis of sorts. She was recently hospitalized (I'm not sure why) but it was a situation where she needed to be hospitalized for her own good. There is a reluctance on her part to turn to medication even though she has now been diagnosed as bi-polar. Even though she has weeks where she gets no sleep, and then inevitably crashes, she is still on the fence. I can sympathize with her not wanting to get on medication but I did tell her how much it has helped me, so I do hope she gives it a try one day.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
As much as I want to move out, I'm terrified of what will actually happen if I do.
For example, I'm currently having my weekly mental breakdown and I'm tempted to throw my fucking TV through the window. The only thing stopping me is having to explain to my parents why I threw a TV through a window.
I will not do it, but maaaaaaan would I feel better if I did. I wish I had my guitar with me, that would calm me down I think.
For example, I'm currently having my weekly mental breakdown and I'm tempted to throw my fucking TV through the window. The only thing stopping me is having to explain to my parents why I threw a TV through a window.
I will not do it, but maaaaaaan would I feel better if I did. I wish I had my guitar with me, that would calm me down I think.
J_Macgrady
Member
I guess it's stupid to say but I really wish I didn't have this disease
I just wish I was normal I don't understand why this happened to me
I felt like that during and after the major depressive episode. I used to be paranoid about having a "normal structured" brain, but I found that accepting yourself to the fullest is really the only way to go. It takes time so I understand.
For a long time, I dreaded taking my medicine, I have only even not taken it once on accident, but I used to hate the fact I have to. I've since accepted that it really helps me. So that took a few years. It took a couple for me to start liking my therapist and not hating to see him. I will try to be patient as I learn to accept who I am.
Yeah patience is definitely a virtue when it comes to coping with a mental illness. Especially upon an initial diagnosis people can have very emotional reactions and not want to have to deal with any medication, heck even many years after their initial diagnosis. Personally, the act of taking medication angered me, but having read about the benefit it brought others (including witnessing the benefit it brought my sibling) I took the dive and happy I did. Just disappointed I hadn't done it sooner actually, or at least tried it sooner.
Solid Sora
Member
I'm 22,and I was just struck by the realization that life is really short.
I'm a middle eastern who lived all of his life in middle east, and believe me when I say that it's not fun, to put it slightly. Living in place where everything is strictly forbidden by religion or society, a place where being different's punishment ranges from society refusal to straight up death. I always felt that I'm wasting my youth years here and immigration has always been a part of my plans. A part that I've always focused on achieving.
Here's the thing though, by the moment I'll be finally aboard, studying master, I'll be 23-24.
By the moment I'll finish my studies, I'll be 25-26.
I'll have only 14-15 years more to live a normal life before I'm a middle aged man, something I seriously dread since I don't think I'm healthy enough to age gracefully in my 40s and 50s.
I feel like I've wasted so much time, and the only reason for that was the place of my birth. Something I had no control of.
I'm not really depressed over it (I'm over other things though lol) and it might be a bit off topic, but it's something I felt the need to share.
I'm a middle eastern who lived all of his life in middle east, and believe me when I say that it's not fun, to put it slightly. Living in place where everything is strictly forbidden by religion or society, a place where being different's punishment ranges from society refusal to straight up death. I always felt that I'm wasting my youth years here and immigration has always been a part of my plans. A part that I've always focused on achieving.
Here's the thing though, by the moment I'll be finally aboard, studying master, I'll be 23-24.
By the moment I'll finish my studies, I'll be 25-26.
I'll have only 14-15 years more to live a normal life before I'm a middle aged man, something I seriously dread since I don't think I'm healthy enough to age gracefully in my 40s and 50s.
I feel like I've wasted so much time, and the only reason for that was the place of my birth. Something I had no control of.
I'm not really depressed over it (I'm over other things though lol) and it might be a bit off topic, but it's something I felt the need to share.
ProfessorMoran
Member
Married with a 2 year old, love them, have decent job (not really, pays the bills), I'm tired of life, not sure what it is, some days I'm happier just going to a bar drinking (can't most days). I hate Toronto, nobody ever assimilates, being Chinese doesn't help, I don't ever feel like I belong, I'm never going to be using fucking WeChat, talking mandarin to my phone (I can't speak Mandarin) or watching Chinese tv, I can't identify with Chinese people but that's expected of me, I can't even get transferred to midtown Toronto I because I'm yellow even though that's where I fucking live and grew up. I don't want this for my son, I don't care or want him to learn how to speak Chinese and if he wants to date a blonde or a redhead I want him to know it's ok, if he wants to play sports instead of going to those retarded abricus Montessori bullshit I need to know this is ok and that I'm not trying to fuck up his life. I hate all this Multiculturalism and globalism bullshit but there's nothing I can do about it.
WhateverItTakes
Banned
I'm 22,and I was just struck by the realization that life is really short.
I'm a middle eastern who lived all of his life in middle east, and believe me when I say that it's not fun, to put it slightly. Living in place where everything is strictly forbidden by religion or society, a place where being different's punishment ranges from society refusal to straight up death. I always felt that I'm wasting my youth years here and immigration has always been a part of my plans. A part that I've always focused on achieving.
Here's the thing though, by the moment I'll be finally aboard, studying master, I'll be 23-24.
By the moment I'll finish my studies, I'll be 25-26.
I'll have only 14-15 years more to live a normal life before I'm a middle aged man, something I seriously dread since I don't think I'm healthy enough to age gracefully in my 40s and 50s.
I feel like I've wasted so much time, and the only reason for that was the place of my birth. Something I had no control of.
I'm not really depressed over it (I'm over other things though lol) and it might be a bit off topic, but it's something I felt the need to share.
Nah not at all man. It's not about comparing how your life has gone compared to the opportunities others have had. Just think, you'll have that perspective not a lot of people have. You can use your freedom on what you really want to do, and appreciate it all the more. I know it's something someone as privileged doesn't grasp as much as I should. Plus it ain't worth to stress your middle age might not go so great, who knows what;ll happen.
Married with a 2 year old, love them, have decent job, I'm tired of life, not sure what it is, some days I'm happier just going to a bar drinking. I hate Toronto, nobody ever assimilates, being Chinese doesn't help, I don't ever feel like I belong, I'm never going to be using fucking WeChat, talking mandarin to my phone (I can't speak Mandarin) or watching Chinese tv, but that's what's expected of me, I can't even get transferred to midtown Toronto I because I'm yellow even though that's where I fucking live. I don't want this for my son, if he wants to date a blonde or a redhead I want him to know it's ok.
It sucks you feel like you're in a rut, and that you feel your race is part of the problem. Have you talked to your wife about this? Maybe you can both take up a new hobby and get a new kick from things. Hard for parents of a young child I know, but if you can make the time to get out there it might be really good for you.
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