Support NeoGAF

[213372bu]

Why Guys Get Turned on When You Orgasm — and Why That's a Bad Thing

Of course guys manage to make YOUR orgasm about themselves.

It's not enough that men are already having more orgasms than women. To make matters worse, a new study published in the Journal of Sex Research found — aside from deriving pleasure from their own orgasms, obviously — men also derive a specific sort of masculine pleasure from making female partners orgasm. The researchers in the study, Sara Chadwick and Sari van Anders, refer to this incredibly predictable phenomenon as a "masculinity achievement." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I imagine a "masculinity achievement" looks something like Super Mario punching a coin out of one of those floating boxes in the video game.

The study gathered 810 men to read a story where they had to imagine an "attractive woman" either did or did not orgasm during sex with them. Each man was then asked to rate their sexual esteem and the extent to which they'd feel "masculine" after experiencing the scenario. The results are what you'd expect: Men felt more masculine and felt high self esteem when they imagined a woman orgasmed during sex with them. "These results suggest that women's orgasms do function — at least in part — as a masculinity achievement for men," researchers wrote.

The researchers draw a fairly frightening conclusion from the research findings. When women's orgasms begin to serve as a masculinity achievement for male partners, the orgasms cease to be about women's liberation or sexual pleasure. They just become another opportunity for men to flex, or "shore up their sense of masculinity."

More at the sauce.

Prevent taking pleasure in making your partner cum if old.

Edit: The original study/article for those curious

 

[Kayhan]

April 1 came early this year.

And so did she.

 

[TronLight]

The researchers draw a fairly frightening conclusion from the research findings. When women's orgasms begin to serve as a masculinity achievement for male partners, the orgasms cease to be about women's liberation or sexual pleasure. They just become another opportunity for men to flex, or "shore up their sense of masculinity."

Sounds like a win-win situation?

 

[pelicansurf]

This is one of the dumbest thing I've ever read. I like making girls orgasm and I feel proud of it sometimes, but it's all for her sake. Hmmmmm.

 

[Toxi]

Making other people feel good in general is a sense of achievement for most people. Doesn't mean you should stop trying to do it.

 

[Veezy]

That's a huge relief. I been trying to tell her for months that she didn't like riding my face like a fucking animal. Now we can final go back to me prematurely cumming in my pants when we make out.

Thank you, Cosmo.

 

[LabouredSubterfuge]

Actually I feel great shame and dissatisfaction when I make my fiancee cum. Sometimes I cry.

Check mate Cosmo.

 

[Billy_Pilgrim]

They're onto us.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Hannah Smothers....ayee

 

[Manmademan]

well this is...stupid.

 

[Brakke]

Cosmo magazine, your #1 trusted source for true things about sex. A very important publication for those looking for frank, circumspect discussion around issues of sexuality.

 

[Slaythe]

Sounds like a win-win situation?

That.

Plus the opposite is true too, in a healthy relationship, making your partner satisfied is a source of your own satisfaction.

 

[Palmer_v1]

Doesn't this apply to basically everything?

We're inherently self-centered, which is why it's a damn good thing that helping others also makes us feel better about ourselves in some way.

 

[Hephaestus]

So when I dont make my wife cum its a win for women?

Thankyou cosmo!

 

[Stinkles]

This seems like a desperate reach for a problem that doesn't exist. I'm not dismissing the idea that dudes could be vain about it - but "frightening conclusion?" is this satire?

 

[Blood Diamonds]

what about lesbian women then?

 

[Poor GRIMES]

Okay but did any of ya'll actually read the article?

It states that there's nothing wrong with giving a woman an orgasm, the results of heightened masculinity are problematic because there's a deep seated cultural belief that without men, women cannot orgasm. My lesbian friends always get asked how they make each other orgasm, this is absolutely a problem wherein men try to form stupid conclusions about "owning" female orgasms as their own.

 

[Toxi]

Hannah Smothers....ayee

I’m a sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.com. I’m not very serious.

Oh.

 

[Breads]

Not today, cosmo...

 

[Extollere]

Edit. Didn't read lol

 

[pa22word]

The next time I feel tired I'll just tell the SO I'm feeling like I need to reflect by suppressing my toxic masculinity and leaving them with blue balls, thanks cosmo

 

[Veezy]

So when I dont make my wife cum its a win for women?

Thankyou cosmo!

That's what I'm talking about. Two pumps and I'm done. Gotta get back to HZD before that Souls DLC drops.

 

[Toxi]

This is what I get for not actually reading the article beforehand.

"These men, therefore, were more likely to view women's orgasms as a notch on the bedpost of their manliness," Chadwick and van Anders wrote in the statement. They end their note with an encouragement for men to think of orgasms less as achievements to be unlocked, and truly view them for what they are: tiny little pleasure explosions that should be enjoyed — frequently — by female partners.

 

[.....]

Some sound logic right there. I guess the real aim of sex is to leave everyone unsatisfied.

 

[213372bu]

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2017.1283484 - The original study/article for those not sure.

Added to the OP.

 

[Poor GRIMES]

This is what I get for not actually reading the article beforehand.

Yup!

 

[Hephaestus]

That's what I'm talking about. Two pumps and I'm done. Gotta get back to HZD before that Souls DLC drops.

2 pumps? psst your part of the Patriarchy, she might have felt something.

 

[Magilla]

haha. I made a woman orgasm! Feminism is dead..?

 

[marrec]

Well this is a thing.

They end their note with an encouragement for men to think of orgasms less as achievements to be unlocked, and truly view them for what they are: tiny little pleasure explosions that should be enjoyed — frequently — by female partners.

Okay researchers I just talked to all us men and we agreed we'll stop.

 

[Mr_Moogle]

It's a good cycle. Woman has orgasm. Man gets harder. Woman cums even more.

What's the problem here?

 

[Stinkles]

That's what I'm talking about. Two pumps and I'm done. Gotta get back to HZD before that Souls DLC drops.

Stealth brag.

 

[MotionBlue]

Okay but did any of ya'll actually read the article?

It states that there's nothing wrong with giving a woman an orgasm, the results of heightened masculinity are problematic because there's a deep seated cultural belief that without men, women cannot orgasm. My lesbian friends always get asked how they make each other orgasm, this is absolutely a problem wherein men try to form stupid conclusions about "owning" female orgasms as their own.

WTF, this is the first time I've ever heard this.

 

[Kinitari]

Making other people feel good makes you feel good because humans are inherently selfish. If someone's selfishness is congruent with your happiness, marry them.

Edit, also:

https://youtu.be/Y4kwk5jV2nU
(The Onion, so just assume it's nsfw)

 

[marrec]

Hey Men, want some more sexual anxiety on top of everything else? Now when you feel pleasure cause your partner orgasmed, you have to worry if you're feeling that pleasure wrong.

 

[Michael F. Assbender]

Wait, so you can't simultaneously be happy for someone else reaching that big goal while also feeling just a tiny bit of pride for playing a part in getting them there?

You hear that, parents of graduates? Fuck your selfishness! This had nothing to do with you and your massive fucking egos! For shame.

 

[LiveFromKyoto]

I think this may be the point of demarcation beyond which feminist outrage devours its own tail.

 

[Chaos2Frozen]

Hey Men, want some more sexual anxiety on top of everything else? Now when you feel pleasure cause your partner orgasmed, you have to worry if you're feeling that pleasure wrong.

 

[Poor GRIMES]

WTF, this is the first time I've ever heard this.

I've heard a lot of straight men say they can "turn" a lesbian straight because of their "skills at making women orgasm." This is a thing. It exists. Maybe not in the liberal spaces that you or many others partake in, but it's there.

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

Do women enjoy making their partner orgasm?

 

[Brakke]

This is what I get for not actually reading the article beforehand.

Article isn't negative or shame-y after all -- it's just totally vapid!

 

[TickleMeElbow]

Okay but did any of ya'll actually read the article?

It states that there's nothing wrong with giving a woman an orgasm, the results of heightened masculinity are problematic because there's a deep seated cultural belief that without men, women cannot orgasm. My lesbian friends always get asked how they make each other orgasm, this is absolutely a problem wherein men try to form stupid conclusions about "owning" female orgasms as their own.

Yeah some women can't orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation with a vibrator or something, and some dudes get super offended like "What?!?!?! My dick isn't good enough?!?!?!".

 

[marrec]

I think this may be the point of demarcation beyond which feminist outrage devours its own tail.

Let's not shit ourselves, it's one writer for Cosmo using one unreplicated study to shame hypothetical men.

 

[Vicetrailia]

I can see that.

I've also had women get upset at me for not cuming during sex or via oral. Everyone wants to please at a base. But of course the situation usually isn't equal.

 

[AyaisMUsikWhore]

Ok.....😩😐😒😑. so here's the thing...

If he ain't happy that he made me explode, then why the fuck are we dating then? Because that would be extremely creepy if he didn't...I mean does the author of this think piece think that having no orgasm is better? I'm lost?

 

[Septimus Prime]

They end their note with an encouragement for men to think of orgasms less as achievements to be unlocked

Trophies are better anyway.

 

[Michael F. Assbender]

I've heard a lot of straight men say they can "turn" a lesbian straight because of their "skills at making women orgasm." This is a thing. It exists. Maybe not in the liberal spaces that you or many others partake in, but it's there.

Okay. The stupid among us also believe the world is flat. Do we now start printing articles tailored to chastising those idiots too?

 

[excelsiorlef]

Let's be clear — there's nothing wrong with feeling good about making your partner feel good (in this case, orgasming). It's nice to bring pleasure to your partner! But the researchers point out a sexist flaw in the masculinity boost thing.

"Despite increasing focus on women's orgasms, research indicated that the increased attention to women's orgasms may also serve men's sexuality, complicating conceptualizations of women's orgasms as women-centric," researchers wrote.

In a separate statement from Chadwick and van Anders, they explained why it's a bad thing for men to gain masculinity points for bringing female partners to orgasm. "One reason is that it might pressure some heterosexual men to feel like they have to 'give' women orgasms, as if orgasm is something men pulled out of a hat and presented to women," they wrote. "This ties into cultural ideas of women as passive recipients of whatever men give them."

They also mention another sexist orgasm trope: women feeling pressured to fake orgasms in order to appease a male partner, or in their words, "to protect men's feelings." For women who have sex with male partners, the pressure to orgasm is a relatable feeling. Hence all the faking that we know is going down in hetero bedrooms all over the country.

The researchers draw a fairly frightening conclusion from the research findings. When women's orgasms begin to serve as a masculinity achievement for male partners, the orgasms cease to be about women's liberation or sexual pleasure. They just become another opportunity for men to flex, or "shore up their sense of masculinity."

"These men, therefore, were more likely to view women's orgasms as a notch on the bedpost of their manliness," Chadwick and van Anders wrote in the statement. They end their note with an encouragement for men to think of orgasms less as achievements to be unlocked, and truly view them for what they are: tiny little pleasure explosions that should be enjoyed — frequently — by female partners.

This is a much more nuanced concept than the knee jerk reactions here..

There's a difference between taking pleasure in a woman achieving an orgasm during sex with you because you genuinely like that she feels good and taking pleasure in a woman achieving an orgasm because it makes you feel more like a man.

 

[Magilla]

Let's not shit ourselves, it's one writer for Cosmo using one unreplicated study to shame hypothetical men.

Dude, I would love to be a hypothetical man. I suck at being a real man.

 

[marrec]

Yeah, whatever, man. Trophies are better anyway.

See this is why Nintendo is the true Feminist console, no achievements or trophies.

 

[Ric Flair]

I love it when my partner orgasms because I love her, I didn't know wanting to make your SO feel immense pleasure was an exclusively male dominance thing.